Why'd you sing Hallelujah,

If it means nothing to you,

Why'd you sing with me at all?

Delicate - Damien Rice

Chapter 4

Our Sunday nights were the equivalent to the normal world's Friday nights. Because we were in retail, the hours Rose and I worked were incredibly inconsistent. We made it a point, however, to always take Mondays off together. Normally we'd spend Sunday nights going to the movies or a late dinner, enjoying the fact that we didn't have to be up at some ridiculous hour the next day. This Sunday, however, Rose decided we were going to a bar and that we were going to get insanely intoxicated. It wasn't something we did often, not since our college years, but it was a necessarily evil every once in a while.

"I have the solution to all of your problems, Bella," Rose said as she put her hair up in a ponytail.

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" I responded, both of us standing in front of the bathroom mirror.

"Tequila," she grinned.

I rolled my eyes, knowing this night was not going to end well for either of us.

"You said that same thing junior year, when I failed my first college exam. I don't remember the problem being solved, but I do remember spending the wee hours of the morning with my head buried in a toilet," I held the curling iron away from my skin, hoping to avoid burning myself again.

"Yeah, but while you were vomiting the entire contents of your stomach into that toilet, were you thinking about that failed exam?"

"Point taken," I laughed.

She smiled, victoriously. We both worked in silence, applying our makeup and finishing our hair. It was such a comfortable silence, neither of us feeling the need for words. Rose was the closet thing I had to a sibling, the unconditional love I felt for her was matched only by the love I felt for my parents. The only other person that I had ever felt that comfortable around was Edward-after years of being with him, I never felt self-conscious or unsure of myself. He made sure of it. He was always complimenting me, always reminding me of his love.

How funny, he had been setting me up all that time. Making me feel so secure in our relationship that I never could've possibly imagined he was just waiting for the day to crush me beyond repair. I wonder if that had been his plan from the beginning; if he had known, even from the start, that one day our differences would separate us. That even when he would reassure me that nothing would ever come between us, if he knew that one day his father's money and status would put an end to us.

"Why are we even bothering to get dressed up? It's Sunday night. We're going to be the only people, aside from the alcoholics, to be at this place," I state the obvious.

"Seriously, Bella, if I have to defend the reason as to why we don't leave the house looking like slobs one more time, I'm going to stab you with my stiletto," Rose sighed in frustration, "How do you expect to lure in a man if you go out there looking like a train wreck?"

"Rose, if a guy is with me just for the simple fact that I wear a certain dress or my hair a certain way, he's not worth it," I said, applying my lip gloss.

"You're right and I absolutely agree," she sprayed hairspray over her ponytail, "But men are idiots and looking like this guarantees that some douchebag will approach us and most likely buy us drinks. And, I don't know about you, but I'm still paying off my student loans and the coffee shop doesn't exactly bring in the dough."

"Touche," I saluted her, "Once again, you, Rosalie Hale, have shown me your mastery in the art of manipulation. How could I ever doubt you?"

"Just don't ever forget how I always take care of you," she pulled me into a hug, "Even when it comes to scoring free booze from unsuspecting males. Now, what time is Jacob picking us up?"

I looked over at the clock on the wall, above the showerhead. Rose and I had hung it up there to make sure we both knew how long we'd been in there. When you get in the shower at 4 a.m. in the dead of winter, you never want to get out of the scorching hot water. We had to install the clock to make sure neither of us stayed in there long enough to use up all the hot water, which basically insured us both ten solid minutes of shower time a piece.

"He'll be here in fifteen minutes," I grabbed the hairspray bottle, applying a solid layer over my hair, "Everyone else is meeting us there."

Ten minutes later there was knock on the door before Jacob let himself in. He was always early and was use to us always being late. We finally gave him a key so he could let himself in and watch television until we were finally ready. It took up precious primping time to walk downstairs and let him in. Plus, Jacob bitched like a woman and if I wanted to hear that, I would simply provoke Rose.

Rose was zipping up the back of my top when Jacob called out my name.

"Bells, come here!" he yelled out from the living room.

"Hold on!" I was in standard pose I always had when Rose zipped me up. Shoulders up and back.

"Jesus, seriously," she grumbled, "When did your boobs get bigger than mine? You're so disproportionate."

"Um, thanks," I said sarcastically.

"In a good way," she smacked my shoulder lightly, "Your waist is so tiny, but your boobs are so big."

"They're not that big," my cheeks turned red.

"They're a lot bigger than they use to be," she finished zipping up the top and stood back, admiring her work.

"Well, considering the fact that I use to be as flat as a board, that's not saying much," I turned to her, "I was a late bloomer, what can I say?"

"You can say thank you Mama Swan, for this most excellent rack," she reached up to squeeze my chest.

I just laughed, swatting her hands away. I was still getting use to my adult body, having been so small for so long. It was insane how much my body had changed, forming curves that I had only dreamed about having. I looked more and more like my mother everyday.

"Beeeellllaaaaa," Jacob whined.

"I'm coming, jeez," I yelled back, walking out of the bathroom and towards the living room.

He was sprawled out on our couch, wearing jeans and fitted black v-neck t-shirt. Jacob was a very attractive man; if I didn't think of him as a brother, I'm sure something would've happened between the two of us by now.

"What?" I snapped.

"Nice tits," he gazed appreciatively at my chest before turning back towards the television, "That guy who bought your painting is on the news."

I rolled my eyes at his "compliment" and went to sit next to him. I grabbed the remote, turning up the volume. Jacob had the television turned onto the local news.

". . .in an unprecedented move, Cullen & Co. has bought up Denali Enterprises in one of the most expensive mergers in history."

The TV showed Carlisle, Edward and a young blonde man standing before a camera crew, smiles plastered on their faces.

"Edward Cullen, COO and son of Carlisle Cullen, has been chosen to spearhead the merger. Edward is known for his business ventures just as much as for his personal ones. . ."

Images of Edward flow on the screen.

Edward at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's annual Costume Institute Gala, with some unrecognizable blonde on his arm.

Edward at the premiere of some movie, a movie actress on his arm.

On the cover of People, chronicling his ever-changing list of significant others.

A candid, of him and his sister Elizabeth, eating at a fancy restaurant.

I was no stranger to the fact that women everywhere were drawn to Edward Cullen. It was something I witnessed all throughout our relationship. He was always being approached, always being hit on. Even when I would be standing right next to him, it didn't seem to stop other girls from vying for his heart.

January 2005, New Years

"We don't have to go out," Edward said from his spot on my bed, "We could just stay here and. . ."

His words drifted off, leaving my imagination to run wild. He looked so incredibly sexy lying on my bed, his black dress pants and white dress shirt. I wanted to pull him over to me by his black tie and have my way with him.

"Stay here and what?" I acted clueless.

"Play Scrabble?" he grinned, running his hands through his hair.

"'Play Scrabble', huh?" I smirked, "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

Edward and I had yet to "play Scrabble", but we'd gotten fairly close to it on a number of occasions. It's not that I didn't want to, I had just never been intimate with a guy in that way before and I wanted to make sure Edward was really in this and not just out to get in my pants. Even after months of being together, I was still wary. We couldn't go to Wendy's without some girl practically shoving her number into his pocket.

"Yeah, kids and their crazy lingo," he stretched his arms over his head, stretching.

I laughed, turning back to the mirror to put my earrings in. We were going to a party that his parents were hosting at some fancy hotel downtown. Every New Years, they threw an elaborate event that practically all of Seattle's finest attended. This year, Edward had invited Rose and myself. Rose was hesitant at first, but relented once she heard the words "free booze."

I felt hands slide around my waist as Edward pulled me into his chest. He rested his chin on my bare shoulder, looking at us in the mirror. He had that grin on his face, the one that always made my stomach turn upside down on itself.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered.

I blushed, still not use to his compliments. He was always saying things like that to me, at random times when I least expected them.

"Edward," my cheeks burned.

"Look at you," he insisted, "I can't believe you chose me."

That was the thing he said the most often. Like he couldn't believe that I was dating him. Like he was somehow out of my league, when it was clearly the other way around.

I turned around in his arms, bringing my hands up to his face. I slid my fingers through his hair, something I know he loved. His eyes closed as he took in the sensation. I stood up on my tiptoes, still barefoot, and placed my lips over his. His tongue immediately slid into my mouth, as he tasted me. His arms went around my back, pushing me into him. Like he couldn't get close enough to me. Our bodies were flush together and I could feel his arousal as the kiss deepened. He lifted me off my feet slightly, bringing me up to his height.

"Seriously?" Rose's voice interrupted us, "Can't you two keep it in your pants until the end of the night?"

Edward laughed, he had grown accustom to Rose's vulgarity. While I wasn't nearly as blunt as she was, years of being around her had turned me into a PG-13 version of her personality. He was use to the two of us spouting off inappropriate comments at the drop of a hat.

Edward had arranged for a car to pick us up outside of the dorm, something Rose and I certainly were not accustom to. Usually we took her ten year old Toyota, as she refused to be seen in my truck. I was still getting use to Edward's money. It's not that he was flashy about it, but it was little things that he did that made me realize how much of a class gap there was between the two of us. The way he would just buy things on a whim, things that I would never be able to afford without some sort of payment plan.

"You ladies ready for the sharks," Edward asked us as we pulled into the hotel parking lot.

"You have it all wrong, Edward," Rose replied, collecting her purse as the driver opened the door, "You mean are the sharks ready for us?"

She winked at us as she exited, we followed behind her. I had always admired Rose's tenacity. She said I was just as stubborn as she, but I never saw it. Well, maybe just a little. I was like Rose Light. The diet version.

"You look incredible," Edward whispered in my ear as we walked into the ballroom.

The room was sensational, an elaborate chandelier hung from the ceiling. There were servers dressed in formalwear, a coat check. . .everything you could possibly imagine being at one of these fancy functions. I'd never felt so out of place in my life.

"Alright, I'm going to circle the room," Rose said, turning to us, "Gotta go find my future husband."

I burst into laughter, which always made her laugh. She was constantly harping on me because of my laugh, telling me it sounded exactly like my mother's. I was forever in denial about that.

"Just remember Rose, the bigger the asshole, the more money they have," Edward advised her.

"In that case, you must be loaded," she smirked before walking off.

He just shook his head, knowing that she was joking. Rose and Edward were always sparring with each other, but I knew it was just innocent. Rose had told me over and over again how great of a guy she thought he was. His brother Emmett, on the other hand, was another story. I'd never met two people so much alike before. Anytime they were in the same room, an argument of some kind was inevitable.

"Lets go say hi to my parents," he grabbed my hand, pulling me closely to his side.

I'd met his parents a few weeks prior, over Christmas break, he'd taken me to his house-scratch that, mansion. I had never been so nervous to meet people in my life before. I'd met the parents of my other boyfriends, but none of them were ever worth ten figures. Carlisle and Esme, as they insisted I called them, were almost as beautiful as the son they'd produced. I could see where Edward and his siblings got their good looks. I'd never seen such a perfect family before.

"Mom, dad, you remember Bella," he said as we approached them.

"How could we forget?" Esme smiled brightly at us, pulling me into a hug.

"Bella, I'm so thrilled you could come," Carlisle was next, lightly wrapping his arms around me, "This might be the first year Edward isn't breathing down our necks every five minutes, telling us how bored he is."

I laughed at the compliment, my face blushing. For someone of such wealth and prestige, Carlisle Cullen was one of the most gentle men I'd ever met. Whenever I was around him, I couldn't help but feel at ease. I think it was a Cullen thing.

"Gee, thanks dad," Edward rolled his eyes, "Lets go eat some pretentious food, Bella."

Rose was already out on the dance floor with some prematurely balding guy, about our age. I made eye contact with her and a look of pure disgust washed over her. Clearly she was not enjoying the way his hands were practically groping her ass.

By the time midnight was approaching, I'd had several glasses of champagne and was clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol. Being around so many of Seattle's wealthiest was a bit daunting and I was trying so hard to fit in, the alcohol was my crutch to feeling more relaxed.

"Come, lets dance," Edward's hand was tracing the length of my arm as we sat at our table.

"Edward, you know I don't dance," I deadpanned.

"Hey Edward!" we both looked up to see a gorgeous blonde standing over us.

"Hey Lauren," he responded, "Lauren this is my girlfriend Bella."

Lauren shot daggers at me, something that I'd grown use to from women; being with Edward, it came with the territory.

"Nice to meet you," she held her hand out.

"Likewise," I took her hand, pasting a smile on my face.

She quickly released it, turning back to Edward.

"I was wondering if you'd like to dance," she gestured towards the dance floor.

"It's almost midnight," he answered.

"Yeah," she smiled, ignorant to what he was getting at.

"I don't want to be with anyone besides Bella at midnight," he looked over at me, his smiling turning genuine as our eyes met.

"Oh, okay," she hesitated, "Well, find me after. You owe me a dance."

He just nodded, but didn't look back at her. Instead, his eyes were on me.

"Just one dance," he pleaded. I couldn't resist him after the way he had just blown off that girl in front of me, after what he had just said to her.

We made our way to the dance floor, his hand on the small of my back as he guided me. Rose was dancing with Emmett, a sight that shocked the hell out of me and Edward. She just shrugged at me, resting her head on his chest as the next song began.

"Wise men say, only fools rush in," Edward sang along to the music as it played.

I laughed, his Elvis impression was quite ridiculous. I wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with the hair that was at the nape of it. His hands slid up and down my back, causing me to shiver at his touch.

"I know exactly what you mean," he whispered to me, in response to my body's reaction to him.

I rested my head against him, taking in the scent of him. He always smelled the same, a scent I could only describe as 'Edward.' With my ear against his chest like this, I could practically hear his heart beating.

"Take my hand, take my whole life too," he sang softly to me, "For I can't help falling in love with you."

I laughed slightly at him, knowing it was just the lyrics of the song and not his actual emotions he was singing. Still, it was exactly what I wanted to hear.

I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that, but the next thing I knew the countdown to midnight was starting. There was an emcee standing on the stage, set up at the corner of the room.

"And now the real reason you all drug your money out here tonight," the crowd laughed, "An excuse to make out with someone at midnight."

"Ten." the audience chanted.

I glanced up at Edward, who was looking over at the stage, a huge smile on his face.

"Nine."

I felt my own smile forming, just seeing him happy was enough for me. I didn't need anything else in the world.

"Eight."

His grasp on me tightened, and he pulled me closer to him as his eyes turned to me.

"Seven."

His smile got even bigger when he looked at me, his green eyes were sparkling.

"Six."

I reached up to brush a piece of hair out of his eyes and he took my hand in his, kissing my knuckles.

"Five."

I felt myself blush. Even still after three months of his touch., it never failed to completely take me off guard.

"Four."

His eyes slowly gazed down to my lips.

"Three."

Our foreheads touched.

"Two."

I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he looks back into my eyes. So seriously, so intensely.

"One."

"I love you, Bella," he whispered, before placing his lips over mine.

September 2011

"Vodka with water and a lime," I told the bartender.

He just nodded and went to make my drink. I turned around, taking in the crowd of the bar. It was surprisingly busy considering it was a Sunday night, but then I realized it was move in weekend at the university. Classes didn't start until Wednesday, which meant everyone spent the first four days getting completely hammered and screwing each other.

"Well, you're just jumping right in, aren't you?" Angela asked, standing next to me at the bar.

"With the weekend I've had? You bet," I laughed dryly.

She nodded, giving me a sympathetic look as the bartender set our drinks in front of us.

"Nothing quite like having a running in with your ex, who then buys your one piece of art that basically defines your relationship, for a million dollars. Then, naturally, you find out he's going to be in town for a while longer, with some pretentious bitch, making a billion more dollars," she took a sip of her drink, shrugging her shoulders.

"Yeah," I replied, "I hate when that happens."

We both giggle, and then I proceeded to down my entire drink in one big gulp. She doesn't even side-eye me as I order another. It was just one of those nights and she got that. After I grab my new drink, we make our way towards the table that Rose has staked out for us. Jacob, Mike, Jessica and Leah surround the table, all actively involved in a conversation with each other. Rose scoots over to make room for us, putting her arm around my shoulders as I sat.

"Screw men," she lifted up her drink in a cheers.

"Hey!" Jacob disagreed.

"I'll rephrase," she said, "Screw assholes!"

We all agreed this time, clinking our glasses together before taking a sip. I continue to drink mine, taking in all of my friends. Each of them so unique and wonderful in their own way. Even Mike, who was new to the group but quickly finding his niche. Jessica and Leah had been with us since we opened the shop, the first two people we hired, followed by Angela. They were loyal and dependable, but most importantly, they were my friends. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I suddenly felt such a sudden surge of love for everyone at the table.

"Oh, this is my jam," Jacob said as a song started pumping through the speakers, "To the dance floor!"

I hung back as the rest made their way to the floor. I wasn't quite drunk enough for that yet. If there was anything worse than Sober Bella dancing, it was Drunk Bella dancing. Only Drunk Bella didn't have the inhibitions to actually give a shit that she sucked so bad, which only made it all the more worse.

It was funny to watch my friends out there, amongst the college students. Although they didn't look much different, the confidence they exuded showed their maturity. They simply didn't care what they looked like, or how big of dorks they were, they were having fun. Long gone were the days of caring about what other people thought. It was so freeing to finally get to that point in our lives.

And then I heard a voice that brought all of my insecurities flooding back.

"A SkinnyGirl margarita, please," the woman I knew as Tanya was only a few feet away, ordering at the bar.

Even though I was older and more mature and somewhat established, I couldn't help but feel the overwhelming littleness I suddenly felt at seeing the woman who now had Edward Cullen.