AN: Hey guys sorry about the long update! I wasn't feeling totally up to snuff this week, which is why this chapter isn't very good. But as always, thanks for reading and sticking there with me guys. For the sake of the plot, the Hitachiins are going to be doing some of the ways out of order. And now, on with the (suckish) chapter!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN OURAN OR ITS CHARACTERS OR WAL-MART OR THE LIST OF THINGS TO DO TO GET KICKED OUT OF IT!
Save Money, Live Better, Ouran
12 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart Part 2
"Sir, there appears to be some, umm, trouble, in the store."
Hmm? Dave Sullivan, the manager of the Wal-Mart that the hosts were in, looked up to see his assistant manager with a pile of papers. "What now?" he asked, his silver-gray brow furrowing in annoyance.
"The usual sir, I'm afraid. Two nuts doing thing on that god damn list. Pardon my French Mr. Sullivan."
Dave sighed. He threw out idiots trying things on that list about twice every month, if it got to be a big deal. People would normally come in to try one minor thing and leave without a disturbance. His assistant manager only reported problems when they were getting out of hand. "How many things have they tried?" he asked, almost glad to be away from the dreadful papers he had just received a few minutes ago.
"Well I hate to interrupt anything you were working on previously sir," the assistant manager started, gesturing to the papers on his boss's desk.
Dave tried to just coolly shrug off the most recent notice, but with a heading that read "Transfer of Ownership", it was hard to be calm. Damn Ootori kid, he thought. And now some smart aleck kids. This day just keeps getting better and better. "Just report to me what they've done," Dave said sharply, dismissing the contract on his desk.
The assistant manager held out the stack of files. "Oh well our reports say five sir, but they could be doing more as we speak."
As the two gentlemen were speaking in the main office of Wal-Mart, the Hitachiins were busy with their own plan.
177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!"
"Do it Hikaru," whispered Kaoru excitedly. His brother slowly stalked up to a man and poked him in the side of his stomach softly. As the guy turned around to see who it was, Hikaru ran away screaming and flailing his arms.
"Don't touch me!"
Kaoru yanked his brother around the corner of the aisle. They guy they had bothered ignored the brothers, much to their annoyance. It wasn't fun if people didn't play along.
"No reaction?" Hikaru asked as he caught his breath.
"Nope," was Kaoru's sad response.
Hikaru was upset by this. What was wrong with people? And why didn't the method work? True, it wasn't as epic as their last method when Hikaru kissed a man, but a least a little bit of a reaction would be nice.
"This was the first time one didn't work," said Kaoru softly. "But maybe it was because you did it on a guy," he said more thoughtfully, as his brother started to laugh. "What's so funny?"
"'You did it on a guy'!" Hikaru quoted. "It's funny because it sounds wrong," he replied with a chuckle.
Kaoru chuckled along with his brother. They had barely gotten any enjoyment from the last method so they had to laugh about something. Kaoru grabbed his phone out of his pocket and opened up the file with the list on it. He smiled at the next technique they would try and started to plan how they would do it.
231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.
Crushed that their last method wasn't as successful, Hikaru knew that he and Kaoru had to go all out on this one. Hikaru had a special spot picked out near the bakery and had sent Kaoru to get supplies. It wasn't exactly how the official list said to do it, but the Hitachiins liked to be original, it was in their nature.
*CRASH*
What was that? Hikaru turned to see his brother struggling under the weight of two lawn chairs, a side table, and a large blanket. He rushed to his brother's aide, taking some of the load off of Kaoru.
"Is that all ya got?" asked Hikaru sarcastically, as he walked over to his spot in the center of the bakery. Kaoru came up behind him and dropped all his stuff, then punched Hikaru in the back lightly.
"It's all you asked for your highness," Kaoru responded dryly. Annoyed that once again, he had been sent to grab whatever they needed, Kaoru let his twin set up the stuff.
With a laugh, Hikaru said, "Don't even think of comparing me to milord. That's a bigger insult in itself." He spread out the large, fluffy blanket and set up one lawn chair. Hikaru looked up and saw Kaoru nod as to say to set up his chair as well. Hikaru tried. He struggled to open it, but the stupid chair kept snapping back into its original shape. He heard a sigh behind him and saw Kaoru walk up and open the chair, flawlessly. Kaoru flopped down into the chair and glanced up at Hikaru.
"Sometimes, it helps to be more gentle."
Seeing that his brother was being serious, Hikaru had to stop himself from blurting out "That's what she said". Why was Kaoru being so grumpy? It was beyond him. Hikaru just sat down next to his brother.
People walking by gave them strange looks, but didn't say anything. It was quite an oddity though. Two young, attractive, teenage twin males, sitting in lawn chairs with a table between them, not to mention two glasses of lemonade, all on top of a red and black checkerboard picnic blanket, in the middle of the bakery. The action definitely deserved some strange glances, but the brothers didn't mind.
Hikaru noticed that Kaoru's mood hadn't improved much since they had been sitting there getting stared at. If it was a normal day, Hikaru would've just ignored it, but today was certainly not normal.
"Kaoru," he began, turning towards his brother. "If you're mad at me, I'm sorry, but we're in this together right? Here, next method, its all you brother. And I know just what we're going to do. But for now, can we focus on this one? I have a feeling it'll work well if we both try hard. So c'mon, can I have a smile?"
Each sentence he spoke, Hikaru moved closer and closer to his brother. Their faces were inches apart, and it was a wonder how Kaoru's measly little lawn chair could hold both of them up. Kaoru's eyes shined a little brighter at his twin's words and a broad smile spread across his face. Hikaru knew he had done the right thing, but he knew that he still had to finish up this round of brotherly love right. Taking Kaoru's face in his hands, Hikaru slowly moved even closer to his brother's face. Hikaru's soft lips delicately brushed across Kaoru's. Now, he thought, as he pushed in closer. Hikaru had closed his eyes, but he could still sense the happiness and love pulsing from his brother. Soon, oh too soon, Hikaru felt himself pull away. He opened his eyes to see Kaoru blushing madly as he stared over Hikaru's head. A small crowd of people had gathered around to watch their moment.
Hikaru sighed inwardly. Normally women paid to see them fake brotherly love moments. Now, there were maybe ten people crowded around to see a moment of their real twincest. Hikaru felt cheated. Couldn't they have a private moment alone for once? Sometimes, being so beautiful could be annoying.
Hikaru went back into his chair and stared up at the crowd around him. With a snobbish eye roll, he addressed the group, sounding annoyed. "Can we help you?" The people dispersed as they heard the distaste in his voice.
"Hikaru," a small voice said. Kaoru was still recovering from the shock of his brother kissing him.
"Kaoru," he replied softly, his sweetness returning.
"I love you Hikaru."
"I know," replied Hikaru walking over to his brother's chair once more. And once again, he kissed Kaoru. Just a small peck on the lips, but a kiss nonetheless. "And I love you. Now let's do this," he said, trying to get back on track.
~~~~~~~~Minutes Later as the Brother's Scoped Out Their Victim~~~~~~~~
"Hikaruuuu. This is boring. Can't we just pick someone already?"
Kaoru was back to his normal adorableness. Well it beats having his all upset, thought Hikaru. They had been chilling in their chairs for about ten minutes, and he still couldn't find the right person. A lot of the people who came to the bakery were women, most with children, and it just didn't seem right to scare them. Wait, what was that? Hikaru stood up slightly in his chair, seeing a tall dark-haired male walking towards the bakery.
"What is it Hikaru?" his twin inquired curiously.
"I found the perfect guy. He's walking over here. I think someone else is with him."
The two waited for their victims to walk closer. Hikaru turned and nodded to his brother, hoping that he would get the message to yell once the people rounded the corner. Here they come!
"Hey you!" Kaoru shouted.
"GET OFF OUR LAWN!" the twins screamed together.
"AHHH! Takashi! Hika-chan and Kao-chan are scaring me!" Hikaru saw a small blonde boy run away from where the twins sat.
"Mitskuni, come back," a low voice grumbled as the tall boy ran after the other one, who was now crying in a corner holding a stuffed bunny.
Hikaru turned towards Kaoru and saw that he had a similar expression on his face. They had messed up that time. Sure, it was absolutely hilarious to see the boy run in fear, but why did it have to be Hunny-senpai? Hikaru didn't realize that they guy he saw was Mori-senpai, but it was understandable that the pair would be in the bakery.
"We kinda messed up didn't we?" asked Kaoru.
"Yeah, it was funny, but I'd feel bad if I laughed. Man, we're really striking out aren't we?"
"Oh well, we need to stay positive," replied Kaoru, trying to brighten the mood. "Besides, you did promise that the next method was mine alone. And I plan to do well," he finished with a familiar devilish smile. Kaoru stood up and began to clean up their supplies, Hikaru following suit. Before they left the bakery, Kaoru looked over to see that both Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai were fine, and were eating cookies from the free sample case.
206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"
Hikaru adjusted Kaoru's red hat so it hid his red hair. Hikaru stepped back to admire is work. Blue jacket? Check. Black t-shirt? Check. Jeans? Check. Belt? Not quite ready. Hikaru told Kaoru to stay where he was and then ran down to the toy aisle. He looked up and down the aisles until he found exactly what he was looking for. To his surprise, Hikaru was able to carry back all six round objects without dropping any. He attached the balls to his brother's belt, except for one. Hikaru placed the remaining ball in Kaoru's green, fingerless-gloved hand. His outfit was all ready. Hikaru gave Kaoru a final look-over and stepped up to him to give him a hug of confidence. Hikaru could feel Kaoru's fingers running through his hair. It felt nice, sweet. Kaoru broke off the hug and walked past his brother, head held high.
Kaoru walked down to the toy aisle, which was a long walk because Wal-Mart was so huge, loving his outfit. Maybe they should cosplay as Pokémon characters in the host club. Kaoru could only imagine how the boss would react to Haruhi in a Pikachu costume. He finally reached his destination, prepared for anything.
A little boy, who was about six, tugged at his mother's sleeve and yelled, "Look mommy! It's Ash Ketchum!"
Not missing a beat, Kaoru responded in his best Ash impersonation, "That's right! I am Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town and I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!" Kaoru threw the Poke ball in his hand. "Pikachu! I choose you!" he shouted as the ball flew through the air and nailed the little boy right in the forehead.
"Mommy," the boy sniffled, on the brink of tears, "Ash hit me!" The mother gave Kaoru a dirty glare and took her boy out of the toy department.
Hikaru appeared out of nowhere, clapping to his brother and laughing. Kaoru started laughing when he saw how pleased Hikaru was with his performance, and gave a little bow to go along with the applause.
"Great job," Hikaru smiled to his twin. "Now let's get you out of that Ash, you look ridiculous." He wrapped his arm around Kaoru's waist and dragged him into a dressing room.
327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"
Giggling as he pushed Hikaru into the t-shirt rack, Kaoru followed behind his brother. It had been hard to find a rack in the boy's department that was large enough to hold both of them. Kaoru was glad to be out of his Ash Ketchum cosplay, but he almost missed it. Having Hikaru slowly remove and replace the clothes on his body, then hug him…Kaoru gave a small shiver of delight.
"Cold?" smiled Hikaru, their brotherly bond stronger than ever.
"Umm… a little," replied Kaoru grateful for the excuse.
"Well then come here silly," Hikaru said as he wrapped his arms around his younger twin, pulling him close.
Excited to once again be in Hikaru's warm embrace, Kaoru felt his muscles relax. He could feel a hand leisurely slip into his front pocket. Kaoru tensed up, a little confused. Hikaru pulled out Kaoru's Blackberry and opened the phone. Releasing his brother, Hikaru scrolled through the list. So much for a loving hug.
"So now we wait for some guy with glasses to walk by. It'll be hard for us to find out if he has glasses without being seen, so I'll be the one looking, because I'm faster," Hikaru determined. He was back to being focused on the list of 333 things to do to get kicked out of Wal-Mart, much to Kaoru's disappointment.
Kaoru looked up to see his brother looking down on him, as if waiting for a response. Kaoru nodded and Hikaru poked his head out of the rack, scanning the aisles for their prey. Almost instantaneously, Hikaru drew his head back in.
"We're in luck brother!" he whispered excitedly. "I couldn't see the guy's face too well, but I'm positive he was wearing glasses."
Focusing once more on the task at hand, Kaoru waited for his brother's signal. This was becoming a more usual thing. Kaoru could barely hear the soft footsteps walking past them, but they sounded steady, unwavering, and confident. Hikaru gave his twin a curt nod. Apparently, that was the signal.
"You're a wizard Harry!" they yelled, and waited for the boy's reaction.
"What the hell?" was the angry and annoyed response moments later.
Kaoru turned to his brother. Terrified. Hikaru wore the same frightened expression. They knew that evil voice oh-too-well. A dark aura seemed to pulse around the whole department.
"You two. Get out here. Now." The Shadow King barked the order at them.
The Hitachiins slunk out of their hiding place and looked up, scared, at Kyoya's exasperated and evil expression. What the HELL was Hikaru thinking, Kaoru shouted in his head. Anyone else would've been fine, but they just had to yell at the Dark Lord. It also didn't help that Kyoya didn't seem to be in the best mood. Better than the Low Blood Pressure Evil Lord, who appeared when they woke him up early, but he was still frightening.
"Personally, I don't give a care about what the hell you two are doing," Kyoya began darkly, "but if it interferes with business, there's going to be some trouble. I also heard from a reliable source that you two performed one of your "scenes" in front of a crowd. You only host for our customers and only when they pay. You idiots."
Hikaru decided to be brave and stand up for both of them. "Senpai, we aren't hurting anyone. And what we do outside the host club isn't really your concern. Whether or not our "scenes" are real, I'm having a good time with Kaoru. And I'm sorry that we caught you off-guard, but we're going to continue with what we started. And there's nothing you can do to stop us," he finished with a challenge.
Mulling over Hikaru's sharp retort, Kyoya abruptly turned around a pulled out his cell phone. "Nothing I can do about it, eh?" he murmured, punching in a few numbers. He walked away from the brothers in his usual calm and confident manner.
Kaoru watched the raven-haired boy walk away. He turned to Hikaru after Kyoya was out of sight. "Okay, so that was seriously creepy."
Hikaru grabbed his brother's hand and pulled him towards the checkout. "We need to do the next technique, fast."
279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase.
Register seventeen was open. No one was in line. Hikaru dragged his brother towards the cashier. Kaoru was still a little shaken from their frightful encounter with the Shadow King, but Hikaru had a feeling they had to do the final two things fast. Before they got in line to "checkout", Hikaru turned to his brother and said, "Okay, you know what the last method is right?" Kaoru nodded. "When I get thrown out for this, I want you to do it. This one I'm doing is big and I have a feeling Kyoya called security on us, so we have to be fast. If you see any security guys, I want you to run Kaoru. Leave me behind and run. Do you understand?" Kaoru's eyes were wide from shock, but still he nodded. "I'm going in," finished Hikaru, giving one final look to his twin before he walked up to register seventeen,
"Can I help you?" the cashier asked. She was a young, pretty woman with a nice smile.
"Sure you can," replied Hikaru, placing his hand on the side of the conveyor belt. He pushed himself up to the top of it, until he was standing straight up on it.
"Umm sir, you need to get down," the cashier stated, confused by Hikaru's actions.
Hikaru began walking in place on the belt. "Can I have a speed increase?" he shouted.
"Run Hikaru!" a voice called to him, and Hikaru looked over the aisles to see Kaoru's fleeting shape. Wow, he finally listened to me, thought Hikaru, ignoring Kaoru's warning.
"There he is!" a gruff voice shouted.
Here they come. I better make this fun.
Hikaru leaped down from the conveyor belt and took off running. He could feel the heavy footsteps of the security guards thundering behind him. Hikaru turned a sharp corner in hopes to throw them off. He chuckled as some idiots ran right by him. He had hidden behind a display in the video game department. Suddenly, Hikaru felt strong hands wrap around his waist and mouth. They had caught him.
"Hikaru Hitachiin?" He nodded as best as he could with the hand covering his mouth. "Please come with me." The guard dragged Hikaru towards the entrance where a circle of security guys stood. His captor released Hikaru into the circle as a man pushed through the guards to face Hikaru. The man looked like he was somewhere in his fifties, with silver-gray hair and dark blue eyes that were filled with worry. He had a nice gray suit on and he looked like the kind of person who demanded respect.
"Hikaru Hitachiin," the man began, "you've been hard to catch, haven't you? Fortunately, we received a tip of your location from a source. My name is David Sullivan and I am the current manager of Wal-Mart. For the acts of public disturbance, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Hikaru felt himself being led out the door. Finally, the list had worked. Finally, he had been thrown out. HOW AWESOME WAS THAT! He sat down on the curb, his mind whirling with the previous events. Hikaru was finally asked to leave. Took them long enough. He glanced at his watch and saw that they had about twenty minutes left before the host club would meet up. Now it was Kaoru's turn. Hikaru kicked back on the curb to relax, and waited for Kaoru to join him.
290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."
The toy aisle was in sight. Panting, Kaoru looked behind him to see if anyone was following him. Fortunately, he didn't see anyone. Poor Hikaru, he thought, but I guess he knew what was going to happen. Kaoru stopped in the Lego aisle, catching his breath from running. After he could finally breath normally, Kaoru burst out laughing. Seeing Hikaru up on the conveyor belt asking for a speed increase was too funny. It was too bad it was short lived. But now it was his turn. Kaoru left the Lego aisle and went to find the water guns. It was lucky that aisle three was well stocked with just the right thing. Kaoru pulled the latest model of SuperSoaker off the shelf and started walking towards the grocery section. Maybe he should have went there first?
Checking left and right to see if anyone was watching, Kaoru opened up a water bottle and poured it into his water gun. Weapon loaded and ready to go, Kaoru walked towards the checkout, SuperSoaker hidden behind his back. This wasn't as fun because Hikaru wasn't there, but is brother had asked him to do this technique on his own. So he would. This was for Hikaru.
"Welcome to Wal-Mart. Did you find everything you needed?" the cashier asked in a friendly manner.
Quickly getting into character, Kaoru revealed the SuperSoaker behind his back. "Empty the cash register," he growled menacingly.
Instead of being shocked, the aisle seventeen cashier was ready. "Oh, so you're the other one," she replied, pushing a button underneath the conveyor belt.
Other one? She must've meant Hikaru. That means…
"There's the other one!" a grumbly voice called out.
"Let's get him!" responded another.
Kaoru took off running, but something was slowing him down. Looking down at his hands, he realized he still had the SuperSoaker. Turning on his pursuers, Kaoru held up the water gun. I really hope this works, he thought, before pulling the trigger.
A blast of water drilled the first row of guards. Some fell, making those behind him slow up. Some were unfazed and pushed through the blast towards their target. Kaoru started running again, but he knew he couldn't outrun everyone. What a rush this was! He could feel his adrenaline pumping and a boost of speed kicked in. Maybe I can get away. Maybe I–.
Kaoru's boost of speed sent him flying into the arms of a security guard. "Got'cha," the man said coldly. Protesting against the man's hold, Kaoru tried to force his way free to no avail. He was being taken to the front of the store. Someone had already snatched the water gun from his hands, so he was weaponless and defenseless against these armed guards.
"Get outta here," a man yelled rudely, throwing Kaoru out the door onto into the parking lot.
He brushed himself off and heard a voice say to him, "So, they caught you too huh? But man, wasn't running from them fun?"
Kaoru walked over to sit next to his brother. "Yeah that was the best.
"We still have a little time before milord rallies everyone together. Why don't you tell me what happened?"
The two brothers sat there together, telling each other about their attempted escape from security, reminiscing over the many methods they tried. They had done it. It had taken twelve attempts, but they had gotten thrown out. And here they were at the end, like they were in the beginning. They were here, together, as brothers.
AN: So that's it then. The Hitachiins adventure is now over. Sorry… and I'm sorry that it wasn't the best chapter. I was sick, but I typed it up anyway and just posted it even though I didn't really like it. Any and all suggestions are loved and appreciated. As always, thanks a million for reading and thank you for your reviews! Next adventure is Hunny and Mori! This should be fun and cake-filled!
~Kellie ^-.-^