Sorry this took so long! Warning: Not proof read. Expect weird sentences...probably. XD

Bucky rolled onto his other side, looking out the window at the moon, wondering what it was called when a moon was almost at its full, but still had a small bit hiding in the shadows. He had never paid any attention in 4th grade science class. He shot up, his heart racing as he realized what he'd just experienced. He could see the brown desks with the black chairs. He could see the green chalkboards and the blurry outline of a female teacher. He started to laugh. Elation filling his lunges, making it feel as if he were going to fly away. He heard a grumbling sound from the floor. Painfully, he allowed the memory to slip from his mind as he looked down at a blonde man rubbing at his back as if it were in pain.

"You okay, Bucky?" Steve asked groggily, stretching.

"I never paid any attention in 4th grade science class…" he said, smiling into the moonlit room.

Steve quickly jumped to his feet, staring intently at Bucky. "You remember 4th grade science class?"

Bucky laughed again. "A little! But I can see it! Jesus, Steve!" He jumped from the bed, his body moving faster than his mind. It wasn't till he felt his skin come in contact with the other man's that he realized what his body was doing. He'd clung to Steve in a tight embrace, his nose just barely centimeters from Steve's neck. He could smell the other's aftershave; Crisp, a light scent of musk but mostly sweet.

He pulled away quickly, feeling his cheeks flush. His body protested, feeling ice cold. He suppressed a shudder. "I- I'm sorry," he stuttered.

"No…" Steve said softly, wrapping his arms around his friend's shoulders. "This is great, you have nothing to apologize for."

Bucky felt his skin ignite with that now-familiar sensation whenever he accidently bumped into Steve. He also felt as if a swarm of butterflies were franticly attempting escape from within his stomach. He wrapped his arms around Steve's middle. Resting his head against the other's shoulder. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to ever move. There was something within him that felt as if it were about to escape, to claw and gasp its way out, desperate to finally be revealed but Bucky didn't understand entirely what it was.

Steve pulled away first. Bucky whimpered impulsively, but he attempted to cover it with a cough. "You alright there?" Steve asked, giving his friend a gently smack of affection on the shoulder.

"Yeah, just a little… I don't know. My head's spinning."

"Lie back down. This is probably a lot to take in." He pulled the covers back for Bucky to get back into bed.

Bucky climbed back into the bed, scooting further to the wall away from the window. "The floor looks really uncomfortable…" It felt like he was about to puke up his heart.

"Oh nah, don't worry about it," Steve said waving a hand dismissively. "Stark's got expensive carpet."

"Well, I mean…" A wave of nausea hit Bucky like a freight train. He felt sweat begin to cling to his forehead.

"Hey…Bucky!" Steve crawled over the bed, sitting atop his legs as he put the back of his head against Bucky's forehead. "You're burning up."

"I don't feel so good," Bucky responded, clutching his stomach.

"Lemme get you a cold rag. I'll be right back!" Steve jumped off the bed, Captain America style and disappeared from view. Bucky coughed, feeling his body start to get its bearings once more. He slid under the covers, pulling them over his head and closing his eyes. It was Steve… Steve made him feel …all this. What was all this though? Why was it happening? It was practically unbearable. Every time Steve looked at him, brushed up against him, spoke to him…anything! It just gets worse and worse. But of course this didn't deter Bucky. It was like a drug, and he was utterly addicted. He craved Steve's presence like an alcoholic craved a beer at ten in the morning. It was an itch he just couldn't scratch, but he wanted to keep trying.

Bucky heard footsteps. He pushed the covers down to his bellybutton and felt another wave of nausea wash over him. He clutched his stomach and groaned. "Oh jeeze, Buck. You look terrible." He gently brought the wet, cold cloth against Bucky's forehead, patting him gently.

"Steve," Bucky gasped as his stomach flipped.

"M-maybe I should get Stark…" Steve said as he kneeled next to the bed, now patting down Bucky's neck with the cloth. "This could be a failsafe triggering."

"It's not," Bucky whispered, knowing if he tried to speak normally he'd just moan. With each soft, careful stroke from the damp cloth, Bucky's body responded with desire, with a pain that could only be fixed by the continuous touch of the other. "That's not it."

Steve brought the cloth back up to Bucky's forehead and placed it there gently, leaning against the bed as he kneeled, resting his arms atop the bed to stable himself. "Then what is it? Have you gotten enough fluids? Are you hungry?"

"Stop, please." Bucky closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. It helped him begin to calm down. It felt like the hairs on his arm closest to Steve were all standing on end, reaching out to Steve. "I didn't want to say anything…"

"Bucky, you can tell me anything," Steve said, blissfully unaware of the pain his "best friend" was enduring. It almost made Bucky angry, except he knew it'd be foolish to be angry with someone who had no idea on what was truly going on.

Silence filled the room as Bucky finally was able to get his body's feelings under control. He sighed in relief, letting his head sink a bit into the pillow. "I…" He felt his heart barely flutter, but it was enough to send him cowering at revealing the truth. It was all too much. What if this only got worse? What if being around Steve would just make this happen more and more, and at a greater cost? What if this was a failsafe… Maybe being around Captain America triggered something in the Winter Soldier programming that caused it to make him sick. Captain America had been his mission, his target…not his friend.

"I get panic attacks," Bucky lied. He still kept his eyes closed, so he didn't know if Steve was believing it or not. "When I'm out of cryo for too long, they just happen. Sorry."

He felt Steve lean away from the bed. His heart lurched up into his throat for a moment, but settled back in his chest.

"So…you're good now?" Steve asked, awkwardly. Bucky was sure Steve wasn't buying it from that tone, but he knew the blonde wouldn't push it.

"Yeah." Bucky turned away from Steve, curling up and pushing his face into his knees. He wanted to cry. God, when was the last time he truly cried? He couldn't remember. All he could see was just a blurry 4th grade teacher in front of a green chalk board…

He'd never paid attention to 4th grade science class…

When Bucky woke, he was alone. The door to the hallway was left slightly ajar. He sat up, looking over to where Steve had slept all night. On the floor was a crumpled blanket and a single, white pillow. Bucky felt a small pang of guilt for making Steve sleep on the floor. He swung his fleet over the bed, curling his toes into the plush carpet. It was a nice, thick carpet, but it wasn't like sleeping on a bed. He stood up, listening to his joints pop a bit as he walked around the bed and over to the window. He looked outside the large Stark Tower at the busy city below. All these people had no idea how close the bad guys truly got. They blissfully went about their day in happy ignorance. Bucky envied them. He'd been like that one right? Blissful and unaware of the tragedies of the world. It seemed like a nice life.

He was about to walk out the door when he realized he was only in his boxer briefs. He turned around, his gaze scanning the room to find jeans and a blue sweater folded neatly on the ornate dresser. Steve must have laid this out. Bucky quickly jumped into the clothing and made his way to the muffled sounds of conversation back in the largest part of the penthouse.

The room quieted when he came into view. "Talking about me I see."

Tony was leaning on the granite counter tops in the kitchen with a coffee mug that read "World's Best Scientist" on it. Bucky wanted to roll his eyes at that, but refrained. "Bucky, meet Dr. Bruce Banner."

A man with black hair and a dangerous look in his eye walked up to Bucky, with a hand stretched out. Bucky reached out with his metal hand.

"You shake with your left hand?" Banner asked.

"Only with guys like you," Bucky shot back.

"Bucky," Steve reprimanded. Bucky felt like a child being scolded by his mother. What made it worse was that he wanted Steve's approval, so he switched hands. Banner ignored the taunt and shook firmly, popping one of Bucky's knuckles.

"I hear you've got some techno gizmos that Stark here is too afraid to touch."

"I needed help. I didn't say I was afraid to touch them."

"Uh-huh," Banner responded. There was a mutual awe and respect that even Bucky could see between the two. "You should eat breakfast. It's going to be a long day for you," Banner said before walking away, going for another cup of coffee.

Bucky chewed on his bottom lip. He was afraid that if he ate, he'd just puke it out later, mostly fearing another episode like last night. Nevertheless, he walked over to the kitchen, feeling like a lost puppy. He was sure he couldn't just rummage through the cabinets, but no one was really offering anything…

"What can I get you, Mr. Barnes?" a male computer's voice asked. Bucky flinched, looking around for the source, but finding none.

"Did I not introduce you to Jarvis?" Tony asked as he sipped his coffee. "He makes a mean Eggs Benedict."

"I'll just have cereal," Bucky said, sitting at the kitchen island on a bar stool. Steve came to sit next to him. He could feel his skin tingle at their close proximity. He wanted to lean in so badly… But…what if it was a failsafe? After last night, he just couldn't be sure anymore. Maybe he'd ask Dr. Banner. "I'm sorry you slept on the floor," he mumbled softly.

"Don't worry about it. I've slept on a lot worse," Steve responded, playfully bumping his shoulder into Bucky's. Bucky gasped. "Hey, you okay?" Steve furrowed his brow, staring intently at Bucky's face.

"I-it's nothing." He could tell that Steve wasn't buying it, but the Captain let it go for now as a bowl of cereal appeared in front of Bucky.

"I'll have what he's having," Steve said to Jarvis.

"Certainly, Captain," the English AI responded.

They ate in silence, mostly listening to other people's conversations. Natasha was preparing to head out to look for the one they called Hawkeye on the basis that he hadn't checked in for a long time. Sam had wanted to help her, but she'd declined, saying it was something she had to do alone. Tony and Dr. Banner mostly picked each other's brains about science stuff that Bucky couldn't begin to possibly comprehend. The mention of a guy named Thor popped up a few times, but Bucky had no idea who the fuck that was or why they were all using booming voices with horrible fake English accents whenever they quoted him.

"You finished?" Steve asked.

Bucky looked down at his half eaten cereal bowl. The remaining flakes were soggy and at this point, rather like eating hay. "Yeah."

Steve took the bowls to the sink where he began washing them. "Uh, you know I've got a robot that can do that," Stark said over Steve's shoulder.

"I like doing this. Clears my head."

"You mean it's not clear already? I thought you just had a head full of air," Tony teased. They shared a soft laugh before Tony dropped the conversation and headed down the hallway. "Bucky?"

Bucky stood up, feeling a bit nervous. "Failsafe time?"

"Failsafe time," Dr. Banner answered. He placed a firm hand between Bucky's shoulder blades as he led the Soldier down the hallway.

Bucky looked back at Steve. His friend merely offered a light smile. That did nothing to stifle Bucky's agitated nerves.

They walked back into a room that was cluttered with mostly Iron Man parts and a surgical table. Bucky wanted to turn around, but when he'd slow his paces, Dr. Banner's hand would force him forward. The guy was stronger than he looked!

"Take a seat on that," Dr. Banner said as he pointed to the surgical table.

"Is it going to ensnare me like the other one?" Bucky asked, mainly directing the question to Tony.

"No. Bruce insists on that not being part of this."

Bucky smiled.

"Let's just say I have personal experience with feeling like a monster. You're not a monster," Dr. Banner said as he sat atop a rolling chair and rolled over in front of Bucky. There was something oddly trustworthy about Banner. But something was also a tad…off? It was like he was walking on eggshells, but he seemed rather content to always be doing so? Bucky liked him more than Stark, that was for sure.

"We're going to start with the basics. Temperate, blood pressure, and a series of questions. From this point on, there is a patient-doctor confidentiality. So please don't hide anything from me," Banner listed off as he put on his stethoscope.

"What about him?" Bucky jerked his head in Tony's direction.

"He's my nurse. He's also sworn to secrecy."

"Oh I'm your nurse now? Is that the little fantasy you've cooked in that head of yours?" Tony retorted as he put white, latex gloves on.

"Cute right?" Banner responded. "Take your shirt off please."

Bucky did as instructed, and was greeted with the cool bite of the stethoscope.

"Breathe in please… hold it…now out. Again please."

Being around Dr. Banner was oddly calming. Bucky was so used to his nerves constantly feeling like they were on fire that the pleasant feeling of nothing but the soft coolness of metal atop his chest and the rubber fingers against his back to straighten out his spine was refreshing. He didn't mind a boring doctor's checkup.

"You've got good lungs for an old guy," Dr. Banner teased. Now hold out your right arm. I'm going to take your blood pressure."

Stark handed Banner an arm sleeve. "You know I could have Jarvis do a full reading right? Get all his vitals in less than a few seconds?"

"That's not how you build trust between a patient and a doctor though, Stark," Banner said as he slid the cuff on Bucky's arm. "Besides, he should remember this from before."

"Before?" Bucky asked, squinting as the cuff began to squeeze.

"From before you were declared MIA. Before HYDRA found you."

"I don't remember much."

"You will." Banner sounded so sure of it. It was comforting to have someone who seemed so knowledgeable so confident in Bucky. "120 over 90. You've got some hypertension. We should watch his sodium and get him some blood pressure medication."

Stark jotted down the directions.

"Okay," Banner said as he pushed off the tile floor with his feet, sliding over to a table not far from Bucky. He picked up a thermometer and slid back over. "Put this under your tongue and hold it."

"What are we? Three?" Stark asked sarcastically.

"Again, this is how you establish patient-doctor relationships. While your tech is efficient and highly accurate, that's not the entire point here."

"I like the compliment you put in there. Well done."

"Only for you, Stark."

Bucky could see these two were great friends. They challenged each other in brains, but it was all friendly competition. Their banter was casual, almost flirtatious. Bucky put the thermometer under his tongue, disliking its pressure at such a sensitive junction in his mouth, but he withstood it.

"Ninety-nine. You run hot. Not unexpected. I do too."

Bucky cocked an eyebrow.

"You've no idea what I am do you?" Banner asked, an amused grin on his face.

Bucky didn't think his left brow could go up any higher as he waited for an explanation.

"Ever hear of The Hulk?" Stark said from his perch atop a workbench. He was fiddling with a gauntlet now instead of taking notes, though the notepad was still there at his side. "Big green guy who smashes stuff and don't care? That's him." He nodded his head in Banner's direction.

"No. I've never heard of The Hulk. Sorry."

Banner laughed, it was almost like a sigh of relief, which confused Bucky. "That's fine by me. The big guy isn't exactly my favorite part of me anyway. I was researching super soldier serum. Add a pinch of gamma radiation and bam. Me."

Bucky nodded. "You don't like it?"

"No. But it serves a purpose. Saved New York from an alien invasion awhile back. You heard of that right?"

"No. I was given HYDRA intel only if they needed me to know something. Guess they didn't need me to know that."

"Youtube it. It's pretty interesting now looking back," Banner said as he placed the thermometer back on the table and then slid back to Bucky.

"What's a Youtube?" Bucky asked.

"They're like cats, those guys. You unfreeze one and suddenly they all start coming around!" Stark joked.

Banner allowed a small, worn smile onto his features, but it didn't reach his eyes. Bucky understood him a bit better now. That's why his eyes had looked so dangerous. There was a darkness within that he had to constantly control, lest it be unleashed. Bucky could relate.

"Question time. How old were you when you were taken captive?" Banner rested one leg over the other, balancing his ankle atop his knee as he shook it like someone with restless leg syndrome.

"Twenty-eight."

"Do you know how you were created?"

"Experimentation."

"Elaborate?"

Bucky shrugged. "I don't know. Given a metal arm. Pumped with drugs. Cryo freezes. It's a huge blur for me. I just know my missions."

"Missions as The Winter Soldier?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have any memory from before you were captured?"

"Sort of. It's all starting to come back to me, but really slow. I remember a girl named Emma Jean and my 4th grade classroom. Everything else is sort of like…" Bucky scrunched up his face as he searched for a word. "Like a murky haze. I know I know something, or I know I remember something. I just can't…access it. It's more feelings of something familiar."

"Does Rogers trigger any of that?"

It was an innocent question, but from Bucky's panic-stricken expression it was almost as if Banner asked if he'd drown any puppies lately. Bucky felt his whole body tense up, like someone was pumping him with a paralysis drug. Banner raised his brows, waiting, but not entirely patiently.

"A-a little," Bucky whispered. He felt betrayed by his vocal chords as they slunk into the dark depths of his throat.

"Care to explain?" Banner asked casually.

Bucky looked to Stark. He knew he could trust Dr. Banner, but he wasn't entirely sure about Tony. "I'd rather just tell you, not him."

Tony looked like he'd just been backhanded by some cheap one-nightstand. "I'm a very trustworthy person!"

"Tony…" Banner said through a sigh. "Just go outside for a minute?"

"It's because I said I hated you isn't it?"

Bucky smirked. It was amusing how offended Stark was, yet he'd laid his feelings on Bucky heavily. He was such a child.

"Stark!" Banner hissed. "Out."

"Fine, fine. I can see when I'm not wanted. I'll just be right beside the door… twiddling my fingers." Tony slunk out of the room, his hands shoved into his pockets and his shoulders slumped.

Banner turned back to Bucky. He had a tired, half smile on his face. "Charming fellow isn't he?"

"I think I'm growing on him…" Bucky said lightly. There was a comfortable moment of silence between the two, enough for Bucky to shift his body so he was sitting cross legged on the operation table. It wasn't the most comfortable thing. "Steve…" Bucky breathed out. He wanted to talk about this with someone. Banner seemed like the best option because he vowed himself to secrecy. Doctors took that kind of thing seriously. "Steve helps me remember. It's all slow. Mostly I just get flashes of images but…I get these feelings too."

Banner's head perked.

"At first it was like…the hairs on my skin would spike toward him, like I was a magnet." Bucky felt his toes go cold. He wrapped his flesh hand atop them to try to warm them up. "It just got worse."

"Worse as in, painful?"

"No. More desperate. Each time he bumps into me, my skin goes hot. I spend most of my day wanting him to look at me, or talk to me."

"Perhaps you're body remembers what your mind's forgotten. He was your best friend. Maybe it's trying to cling to that familiarity?"

Bucky pursed his lips. "I don't think that's all…" He felt ashamed. "I get these…impulses. Like last night when we were in the bedroom talking, I just wanted…" He felt his throat clench. He closed his eyes, trying to center himself. He felt like he was going to throw up. "I'm afraid."

Banner nodded silently. He set the pen down, not having wrote any of this down. "Has Steve talked to you about the life you two shared?"

"Not really. Nothing in detail."

"So you don't know the relationship you had with him? Other than what he's said to you?"

"Correct."

Banner rolled his lips. "When you're out of cryo, do you feel…attracted to any of the men around you? Or women?"

Bucky stared blankly at Banner. He wanted to lash out, to scream at him and tell him how insulting that was, but it was now all coming together. He felt these things because his body remembered Steve in a way Bucky's mind couldn't. Muscle memory was always the last thing to go. "I got tossed around like a cheap date. Didn't matter the gender. I hated them all equally when they did that to me."

Banner squinted, like it was painful for him to hear. Try living it then, Bucky thought. Banner smoothed out his lab coat over his chest before looking up to Bucky. "I think you need to talk to Steve."

"Really Doc? That's your diagnosis?" Bucky spat. He couldn't talk to Steve about this. Steve had never talked to him about it! Therefore, nothing like this had happened in the past. It was all Bucky… Bucky had felt this way all along, and he'd never said a thing to Steve about it. He almost felt sorry for his past self, except he was now the schmuck living it.

"I'm not saying go up to him and blurt it all out, but…ask him small questions. Start asking him what you two used to do for fun. What your favorite food was. Get him to start opening up about your past. Maybe you'll remember faster and get a hold of these impulses you're experiencing."

Bucky felt his eyes sting as tears welled up in the corners. He closed his eyes, feeling his uneven breaths, his cold toes and his conflicted emotions. He wanted to talk to Steve, because he simply wanted to talk to Steve. He was his only friend, his only lifeline to a past long ago; a life. But he also wanted to talk to Steve to see those sparkling ocean blues and those smooth lips…

His eyes snapped open as he punched in frustration into the cold metal table he sat upon. He felt his metal arm go through the surface.

Banner stood up, his hands in front of him in defense. Stark came through the door quickly, his eyes round in shock. "The fuck?" he said.

"We just took a bit of a not so fun trip down memory lane. All's good. Right, Bucky?"

He was breathing heavily. He could see his chest rising and falling. He pulled his arm out of the table, hopping down to the floor. "Yeah. We're good."

Tony hesitated for a moment, but Banner's pleading expression calmed him down. Bucky watched the man's chest unfurl. "You're lucky I'm rich or I'd make you pay for that." It was meant as a joke, but no one laughed, not even Stark.

"I guess I'm not the only one who gets watched like a glass cannon," Banner said, standing up and removing the stethoscope from around his neck. "We'll some CT scans and some MRI's later. Go calm down for now."

Bucky walked out of the room, shoving passed Stark. He wasn't angry at them. In fact, he was beginning to enjoy Stark's humor and his silly behavior. He'd always found Dr. Banner instantly likable. He was angry at himself. Angry that he'd been feeling these intense emotions and these strong desires to reach out, to touch and being so confused as to why. It was staring at him right down his face, dead in front and he didn't have a clue. Well now he did…

And he hated it.