Thanks for all the reviews guys! I've been getting a bit frustrated with this story since nothing seems to want to come out the way I want it to. This might be the last chapter for a couple days since I have school and a few other obligations to deal with and, of course, Rookie Blue Thursday at 9! As an apology, this chapter is decidedly longer than the last. Originally I was aiming to break 3k words, but this baby shot up past 4.5k!

Her Own Rules

Chapter IV

Andy wasn't sure if she had ever been so relieved that it was raining before in her life. Sure she might have been getting soaked, but at least the blood from Tommy's frail body was being washed away bit by bit with every drop that fell from the sky. Holding the young boy tightly in her arms, Andy began the short walk—which now seemed like miles—back towards the medical team which had successfully extracted Tommy's sister from her vehicle.

Even as she was set onto a nearby gurney, the young woman continued to frantically scan the area. When her gaze finally came to rest on Andy, and subsequently the young boy in her arms, it was like the world stopped.

Andy wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow her whole as she watched the woman's eyes grow large and the word "Tommy" form silently on her lips. There was no happy news in this situation, and all Andy could do was shake her head and offer a devastated frown in reply.

Surprisingly, the young woman did not start wailing again. Instead she placed her head in her hands and began sobbing. It was almost too much for Andy to bear, and when she reached the meridian to hand Tommy off to the paramedic who had come to retrieve him she ended up having to look away. She couldn't let them see her cry.

Her job was to serve and protect, after all... Not fail and bawl about it.

Andy had just turned to walk away when a voice came from behind her. "Officer!" Turning, she realized it was the young woman. "What is your name?"

"Andy McNally," she managed to choke out, hoping that no one would notice the crack in her voice.

"Thank you Andy," the woman replied, glancing sideways towards the medic holding her younger brother. "For..you know..at least finding him."

Andy didn't trust herself to answer, so instead she simply nodded her head before turning to move away. She wanted to get as far away from Tommy and his older sister as she could, but moving was easier said than done. For the first time, Andy was at a complete loss as to what to do.

All around her she could see police officers, fire men, rescue workers, and medical teams rushing to and fro, trying to help as many people as possible. She could see her friends Dov and Chris as they worked together ushering people away from the crash site to be checked out at nearby ambulances. Even Gail was doing her part, trailing behind a young mother and helping to carry one of the woman's several children. But Andy couldn't move; not until her vision cleared...not until the sounds around her started making sense instead of being just muted vibrations pulsing through the air.

So distorted was her hearing that Andy didn't even notice that Officer Shaw had been calling until he was standing right next to her.

"McNally!" he yelled, clamping a hand down on her shoulder so that she'd turn to face him.

Andy suspected that he'd been about to chastise her for just standing around. But at the sight of her tear-streaked face and blood-stained uniform, instead he just gave her shoulder a light squeeze and offered up a sad smile.

"He didn't make it..." was all she could manage to get out.

"Come with me," Oliver instructed, taking hold of her arm and leading her through the wreckage towards his squad car. "Everyone who could get out of the cars on their own has been extracted," he explained along the way. "Now it's up to the rescue squad and their jaws of life to get everyone else."

When they reached the car, Andy immediately noticed two small children—a boy and girl—huddled in the back of Oliver's cruiser. Glancing back up at her training officer she was met face-to-face with his keys as he extended them to her.

"I want you to take these two back to the barn," he said, dropping the keys into her hand. "I was going to have Peck take them, but I think you need to get out of here for a little while."

"Sir?" she asked, not quite getting why she was supposed to transport two children to the station.

"Their mom didn't make it," he sighed. "I managed to get their father's information from the her cell phone and he's going to meet you at the barn to pick them up."

"Okay, sir," she replied, moving around the vehicle to get behind the wheel. Truthfully Andy was conflicted about the assignment. On one hand she was thankful for an excuse to get away from the accident, but she couldn't help but wonder what it meant that Oliver had decided she should go instead of Gail. Did that mean he didn't think she could handle this job?

Pushing the thoughts from her mind, Andy focused back on the task at hand. It would be hard enough driving back to the barn in this rain; she didn't need to add distraction on top.

The entire trip back to the barn was spent in deafening silence. After unsuccessfully trying to talk to the little boy and girl—It's not personal, they're just in shock. she told herself—Andy was left alone with her thoughts. Each moment was torture as she tried to purge the thoughts of Tommy from her mind.

In the end, reason won out over emotion, and Andy plastered a fake smile onto her face. She didn't want the children to see that she was upset because it wouldn't help their situation any.

The station was virtually empty when they arrived and Andy quickly escorted the children to Sergeant Best's office. Only the detectives and a few officers remained. An almost eerie calm had settled over the squad room and it was more than a little unnerving for her; she needed action and noise right now. Anything to take her mind off the thoughts threatening to consume her.

"Sir," Andy called, stepping into Best's office and ushering the children inside. "These are the kids that Officer Shaw radioed in about."

"Alright, McNally," he confirmed. "Their father is on the way, but it may take some time. He works out of town and traffic is a nightmare out there."

"That's alright," she assured him. "I can watch them until he gets here."

"I've got them for right now," explained Best. "You go get cleaned up. Then we can set them up in Interview One. I'm sure there's some crayons and coloring books around here."

"Yes. Thank you Sir," she replied before turning towards the children, "This is Sergeant Best, my boss. He's going to watch you for a little while and I'll be right back. Okay?" Andy couldn't help a genuine smile when both children nodded their heads in unison. At least they're starting to respond.

With that, Andy slipped out of her boss' office and made her way towards the women's locker room. She hadn't gotten far before a familiar voice filled her ears. "Andy!" Turning, she found herself faced with a rather haggard-looking Detective Barber.

"Detective!" she exclaimed. "You look terrible!" Andy immediately regretted her words; after all, she probably didn't look much better. In fact she probably looked much, much, worse.

"Is she..." Barber trailed off, unable to finish his question. But Andy knew what he was asking.

"Traci is okay, Jerry," she assured him. "When I left she was still trapped in the car, but other than that she seemed absolutely fine. Sam and I both talked to her."

"What about Noelle?" he asked, calming quite noticeably.

"She was unconscious when I saw her," she admitted, "but Trace said that her pulse was strong. They're going to get them both out as quickly as possible. Hopefully she'll be okay."

"Hopefully," he echoed. "Well, I guess this means back to work for me."

"Yep," replied Andy. "If I hear anything different, I'll let you know."

"Thank you Andy," Jerry smiled, turning and heading back down the hall in the direction he had come.

After quickly changing out of her soiled vest and shirt, Andy made her way towards Interview One. Inside she could see Best sitting at the table with the two children. Both were flipping pages in coloring books attempting to pick something out. Knocking softly, she let herself into the room, letting Best know she could take over. After he excused himself she moved and took his place at the table.

"Hey guys," Andy said gently. "What are you finding to color?"

The little boy was the first to hold up his book, showing Andy a picture of a police car. Had the circumstances been different, she might have felt flattered. But as it was, the gesture only increased the size of the lump sitting firmly in her stomach.

"You'll have to show that to your daddy when he gets here," she continued, not willing to let her emotions get the best of her. "He's on his way."

"Where's Mommy?" asked the little girl, holding up her coloring book to show a horse grazing on grass behind a small fence. "I want to show Mommy!"

"Mommy isn't here right now," sighed Andy. She didn't know what else to say; she couldn't very well tell them that Mommy was never coming back. "My name is Officer McNally and I'm going to stay with you until your dad gets here."

The little girl didn't reply, only nodded and went back to work on her picture.

"I'm Eddie Harold," the little boy stated confidently. "And this is Eden."

"Well, it's nice to meet you Eddie and Eden," Andy replied. "If you need anything, just let me know. I'm not going anywhere."

The children continued coloring for nearly an hour before Officer Davis—who had been manning the desk—knocked softly on the door before showing a man dressed in a sharp business suit into the room. At the sight of their father, both children abandoned their coloring and ran to his side. Andy could tell that the man was barely holding it together, so she decided to speak up.

"Hello Mr. Harold," Andy offered as she extended her hand towards him. "I'm Officer McNally."

"Hello," he returned weakly, shaking her hand for a moment before scooping his children into a hug. After a few moments he straightened back up and turned towards her. "Do you... Do you know what happened?"

"No sir," Andy replied, trying not to focus on the tears streaking down the man's face. "I didn't see your wife or her vehicle... My training officer found me and asked me to bring your children here."

"Can I speak with him then?" Mr. Harold's voice sounded hopeful and Andy was loath to shoot him down again.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, "but Officer Shaw is still out in the field. I know this is extremely hard for you, but if you call the station tomorrow he should be in."

The man paused a moment, as if trying to digest the information, before speaking again. "Alright. I can do that. The man at the front desk already gave me the information about where my wife was taken. What did you say his name was again? Shaw?"

"Yes. Officer Oliver Shaw," Andy confirmed. "I can't promise that he'll know everything—I'm not sure if he's the one who found your wife and kids or not. But if he isn't the one, I'm sure he can direct you to whoever it was."

"Thank you Officer McNally," he responded, taking a moment to shake her hand again.

"It was nice meeting you Mr. Harold," Andy began, giving him a sad smile, "I only wish the circumstances could have been different."

Mr. Harold didn't respond; only nodded his head and led his children from the interview room.

Once he was gone, Andy spent a few minutes cleaning up the children's coloring supplies before heading back to Best's office.

"I'm heading back to the scene," she called, knocking gently on the door frame since the door was open.

"Alright McNally," replied Best, glancing up briefly at her before returning to his work.

Once back in the car, Andy couldn't fight away the sinking feeling in her gut anymore. Traffic was absolutely terrible but she refrained from flipping on the car's lights; she really didn't want to get back too quickly. However, every passing minute was more time that she had to spend fighting against the urge to just turn around and drive away.

As she finally pulled up to the accident some half-hour after she'd left the barn, Andy was actually relieved to see that things looked much better than they had when she left. Several cars had been pulled away from the wreck and the emergency crews seemed to be moving around less frantically. It would still take ages for the mess to be cleaned up, and judging by the fact that the jaws of life were still out Andy assumed that not everyone had gotten extracted yet, but the situation was noticeably less dire. And to make matters even better, the rain had stopped during her drive—at least for the time being.

Parking the car and jumping out, Andy made her way towards Chris and Dov who were standing next to their cruiser talking to Officer Shaw.

"Ah, McNally!" exclaimed Shaw as he noticed her approach. "I see you brought my car back in one piece."

"Yes, sir," Andy gave a small smile, relieved to hear a much calmer tone in his voice.

"I was just telling your friends here that they can head back to the barn," Oliver took a moment to glance around. "There's not much more we can do here for now and Best wants you rookies back at the barn."

For a moment Andy was confused. Best had just sent her back out and now he wanted them all at the station? Not that she was complaining... But she had just spent a half hour fighting the urge to turn around and head back to the barn. It seemed now that all her effort had been a waste.

"The rest of Fifteen is going to stay and take care of the cleanup. You're going to head in, do paperwork and take calls. Best says the desk is overwhelmed with people calling and trying to get information on the accident or their loved ones who didn't make it to work this morning. So now it's your job to answer the phones and help those people out."

"On it sir!" confirmed Dov, moving to the driver's side of he and Chris' car. "See you at the barn!"

Once they had gone, Oliver turned back to Andy, "Before you even ask, McNally... Yes, you can go check on them before we leave. I think they're up next for extraction, so make it quick!"

"Thank you!" called Andy over her shoulder as she headed towards Noelle's cruiser.

When she arrived at Car 1504, Andy found Sam sitting on the hood of the black Lincoln chatting with Traci. She couldn't help but smile at the picture. She'd never really imagined Traci and Sam as friends, but she was glad to see them getting along.

"Hey Andy!" called Traci when she noticed her friend. "They say we're next!"

"We had better be next!" came a decidedly more grumpy voice, also from inside the cruiser. "I'm getting sick of this damn car!"

"Nice to see you're awake Noelle," said Andy as she leaned down to glance into the car. "How are you feeling?"

"I think my leg is broken," Noelle admitted, "but we won't know until someone gets us out of here!" The last part was yelled out the window to no one in particular.

"She's been like this since she woke up," commented Sam, chuckling. "Or since the medics gave her something for the pain... I'm not sure which."

"Watch it Swarek!" came Noelle's half-serious tone. "I'm not above whooping your ass!"

"Next retraining," Sam laughed. "I'm looking forward to it!

"You can totally take him!" Andy called, earning a mock-hurt look from her training officer.

Suddenly a fire fighter appeared near the front of the cruiser. "Ready to get out ladies?" he asked.

"Yes!" cried Noelle and Traci in unison.

"That's our cue to take a hike McNally," explained Sam as he slid down to the ground. "I hear there's lots of paperwork waiting at the barn."

"I'll see you around Trace," Andy said. "Best wants us back at the barn and on the phones."

"Then I guess I'm not going to ask if you want to switch places with me," Traci joked.

"Call me when you're out and know what's going on," instructed Andy. "I can bring your car to you." With one last smile towards her best friend she turned and headed back towards Oliver's car.

Five hours, twenty-seven pieces of paperwork and forty-two phone calls later Andy found herself standing in the most welcomed hot shower of her life. Normally she didn't shower at work, but tonight the need to feel clean again was too overwhelming to wait until she had walked home.

Andy made sure that her shower ran long—just standing and letting the warm water beat down on her—to ensure that the locker room had cleared out before she emerged. The last person she had to out wait had been Gail, but now even the petite blond was gone; Andy was alone.

Not that she had anything against Gail Peck, but Andy just didn't think she could deal with anyone right now. Besides, the two of them had just never clicked. Both from police families, they'd been in an unspoken competition since the academy. Andy didn't care if Gail was a 'white-shirt' in training or not...it was something else about the woman that rubbed her the wrong way. So obviously Gail was her last choice as a companion at this particular time.

Stepping out of the shower Andy quickly dried herself off, got dressed, and began throwing things in her bag. The silence around her was both a blessing and a curse. Now that nothing was around to occupy her mind, flashes of the day began to assault her once more.

No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get the image of Tommy out of her head. He was only six. He wasn't supposed to be laying bruised and broken on the Gardiner Expressway. He was supposed to be running through a field playing soccer with his friends.

The slow creak of the locker room door brought Andy out of her thoughts and alerted her to the presence of someone else. Instinctively she knew who it was before he even managed to speak.

"Somehow I knew you'd come," she stated, not looking up from her bag. She felt a weight sit next to her on the bench and a hand being placed on her shoulder.

"You okay?" came Sam's concerned voice.

"Today was hell," she sighed. "I got soaked, my best friend was trapped in a car for hours, I got to tell countless people that their loved ones were either in the hospital or dead, and I got to hold the body of a dead six-year-old boy after he was thrown from his sister's car."

"Oliver told me about the boy," he admitted. "That's why I came to see if you were okay."

"I keep going over it in my head," she began, finally glancing up at him. "About how you and Luke both said I'd eventually get used to this. But what if I don't?"

"I'll tell you a secret, Andy," Sam said, leaning closer towards her. "You don't ever get used to it. It gets to you every time. Eventually though, you come to accept that unfortunately it's part of the job."

"I don't know if I can do it," she finally admitted.

"Yes you can," he assured her. "It just takes a little longer for some people."

"I hope you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm your training officer!" he proclaimed, then glancing down at her packed bag he added: "Looks like you're ready to get out of here. Let me give you a ride home."

Standing, Andy grabbed her bag and turned towards him, mulling the proposal over for a minute.

"Thanks Sam," she began, "but I'm going to have to decline."

"Why?" Andy could tell that Sam was genuinely confused by her refusal.

"I know you have the best intentions," she explained. "And I know that you're just trying to help. But this time I've got to save myself."

"Woah, McNally," he exclaimed, holding up both hands. "It's just a ride. Don't..."

"...over think it," she finished for him. "I know. I'm not over thinking it. I'm being realistic."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Sure, you give me a ride home. Completely innocent. But when we get there, can you honestly tell me you'd refuse when I invited you in?" Sam didn't answer her, and he didn't need to. Andy already knew what he was refusing to say, so she just continued. "And there wouldn't be any lights coming on to bring us back to our senses this time. We still haven't talked about the last time."

"Andy..." Sam began, but she cut him off.

"I know you could make me feel better Sam," she explained. "I know you could make me forget. But I'm so lost right now that it wouldn't be fair to either of us. And there comes a point when I need to fix my own problems instead of running to others for help."

"I understand," he replied, almost dejectedly. Standing, he made his way towards the door only to stop short and turn back around. "Best called me into his office tonight.. That's the other reason I came to find you."

Momentarily Andy began to panic, thinking that perhaps Luke was angry and had said something to the Sergeant. "About what?" she hesitantly asked.

"There's a spot opening up in Guns and Gangs at Seventeen," he glanced down at the floor, "and the job is mine if I want it."

"Oh!" exclaimed Andy, momentarily relieved. "What does that mean?"

"Well, if I take the job," he explained, "I'd transfer over to Seventeen. Probably a couple weeks of training and then back undercover."

The words hit Andy like a ton of bricks. She'd been expecting him to tell her that nothing would change—that he'd just be working out of a different building but they'd see each other around; they'd chat about work at the Penny and make bets over fite night. But he wasn't telling her that. He was telling her that he'd disappear...possibly forever if things went badly.

"So you'd just be gone?" she asked, trying to hide the unhappiness in her voice.

"Pretty much," he shrugged. "It'd be the same deal as before, only in a different part of town... Far away from Anton Hill and his crew."

"Wha...What are Oliver and Jerry going to do without you?" she stammered, not really wanting to know more about what the job entailed. The possibility of him leaving was taking a bigger toll on her than she would have liked it to.

"They survived eight months without me when I was undercover," he chuckled, "I think they'll make it this time."

"Yeah, but with Noelle out... That leaves Oliver as the only training officer for five rookies. He's a good cop but..." she trailed off. Andy knew that she was grasping at straws now, and she knew Sam could tell.

"She'll be back soon enough," he countered. "Plus, you guys are almost done. You won't be rookies much longer."

"What's Fifteen going to do without its bad boy?" It was just another straw, but Andy grasped it anyways; anything to avoid the real issue.

"Andy..." if she didn't know better, Andy would have sworn that Sam was getting annoyed with her.

"Sam..." Andy sighed, looking down at her feet. It was time to stop beating around the bush and just say what she was thinking. "What am I going to do without you?"

In an instant he was standing before her, placing a hand gently on her shoulder and leaning in a bit to catch her gaze. "You're going to be a great cop, McNally. That's not because of me, that's because of you."

"I don't want you to go." It was barely a whisper, but Andy knew he'd heard her because he took a few steps backwards, breaking their eye contact and looking away. "Sam?"

"Unfortunately, McNally, while it's nice to know," he chuckled ruefully before turning serious once again, "it's just not enough."

"What do you mean, not enough?"

"I mean exactly what I said!" he argued. "Why shouldn't I go? This is what I wanted. I told you that on my first day back!"

"But Sam..." she trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"But what?"

"Nothing."

He came at her then, with such force that for a moment Andy thought he was angry and instinctively backed away, not stopping until her back was pressed firmly against the row of lockers. He was crowding her personal space, leaning with both hands against the lockers on either side of her, and it made her feel more than a little nervous. However, her fears calmed significantly when instead of yelling at her he let out a sigh and rested his forehead lightly against hers.

He stayed like that for a few moments—eyes closed and breathing steadily in and out—before opening his eyes to gaze into hers and speaking, "Give me a reason to stay, Andy."

Reviews are LOVE! No guys, seriously. I love logging into my email and seeing 15 new messages from FFN!