"This just in. Raife Davies was killed in a car accident five minutes ago. He was driving down a strip and a car smashed into him. The car exploded. He was pronounced dead right away."

"Daddy?"

I watched the TV as a picture of the scene popped up. I saw my dad's Mustang smashed and on fire. Tears instantly attacked my eyes. Spencer wrapped her arms around my neck and held me close to her. My world seemed to go in slow motion. Everything around me was stretching in and out. He can't be dead. HE CAN'T BE! It's not real. This is just some sick joke their pulling. I reached for my cell phone and called his number. It rang three times and went to his voice mail. He's gone… forever.

"Why Spence? Why him?"

"Shh…"

She rocked me back and forth. My crying became uncontrollable. After ten minutes of whimpering, crying, and rocking, I passed out.

"Ashley? I know your there. You can't avoid me forever."

Spencer called me the eighth time. Today is Monday and I'm supposed to be at school. I haven't even got off my bed. Okay, I did to go to the bathroom and change my clothes. But other than that, I'm laying on my bed crying. I answer my phone every time Spencer calls, I just don't talk back.

"Come on Ash."

Great, she has Aiden on the phone.

"You can't avoid life forever."

I hung up because I was going into another crying frenzy. Christine walked in.

"Hey," she said in a sweet, low voice.

"Leave me alone mom."

"You can't stay in here forever."

She sat lightly on my bed. Was she actually trying to be a parent?

"I want to. Dad's dead, mom! Why do people expect me to just move on with life?"

"Their not, honey. They just want to help you through it."

"Are you trying to help?"

"Yes. I know it's strange, but your in pain. I want to help you. I think it's time to be a real mom."

"You decide to be a real mom after dad dies? Thanks but no thanks. I don't need your sympathy."

"Okay. But can you promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"Can you please go to school tomorrow? If you can't handle it, you can come straight home."

"Alright."

"Thank you. Did you know their having a memorial for your father just a couple blocks away?"

"Yeah. I don't know if I'll go or not."

"I think you should."

"Maybe. Hey mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being there for me."

"There's other people that want to be there, too."

"I know. And I'm going to let them."

"Good. I love you Ashley."

That was the first time I've ever heard my mom say that to me. I smiled for the first time in two days. It kind of hurt my jaw.

"I love you too mom."

Then she left. My phone rang a minute later. Spencer again. I chose not to answer. I haven't slept for two days, and now would be a good time to get some. I think I'll go to that memorial tonight.

I woke up crying. It was 6 P.M. My phone had six missed call. All from Spencer. I don't want to shove her away but I just don't do death well. I got in my Broken shirt, dad's vest, a medium cut skirt, and walked to the memorial. About ten people were there when I arrived. Candles and pictures were set up on the sidewalk of the road he died on. Tears rolled down my cheeks and smudged my mascara. Half an hour later, after thirty more people came, I decided to go to Spencer's. The streets stretched in and out. Everything was in slow motion and I was getting cold. My phone went off again. I picked it up.

"Ashley? Are you going to talk?"

I shook my head. I knew Spencer couldn't see me.

"You have to talk someday. Come on Ash."

I opened my mouth and tried saying "I'm coming over" but my voice didn't come out. I just mouthed them.

"What? I heard something. Please talk. I'm worried."

Again I mouthed, "I'm coming over." Come on voice. Work!

"Fine. I'll see you someday."

She hung up. More tears flooded down my cheeks. I finally reached her house. Paula answered the door.

"Ashley?"

"I'm sorry for showing up unexpected but I just had to come."

"It's okay. Spencer! Ashley's here."

Paula pulled me and hugged me. Another crying frenzy started. I heard Spencer run down the stairs.

"I got it from here mom."

Paula let me go and Spencer took over.

"I'm sorry that I avoided you. I…"

"Shh. It's okay."

She rocked me back and forth again.

"Ashley, you can stay here tonight if you want."

"Thank you Mrs. Carlin."

I wiped my eyes and calmed myself down.

"You can have my bed. I'll sleep on the floor."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

"Thanks, Spence."

"No problem."

We went up to Spencer's room. She pulled out an extra pair of pajamas and handed them to me. I changed, kissed her, and went to bed. Well, I tried. But I couldn't stand watching her sleep on the hard floor when there was enough room for her on the bed.

"Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"You can come up here."

"I don't think my mom would like that."

"Then sleep down by my feet."

"Fine."

She crawled on the bed and laid by feet. When I felt her hand on my leg, I closed my eyes. I instantly drifted off to sleep.

"Ashley," a whisper came in my ear.

"Hm?"

"Do you want any breakfast?"

"Do I have to get up to get it?"

"Not unless you want to. I could bring it to you."

"No, don't do that. I'll get up."

And for the first time in three days, I actually wanted to get up. Like mom said, someone wants to be there for me. Usually I'd push them away and let my life spiral, but I love her. I'm not giving her up that easy. I have to stop being old Ashley and become a new Ashley. For Spencer. For me. For everyone.

"Then come on. My dad has everything made up."

"Alright. Hey Spence?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry that I never talked when you called. I going to become a better person."

"Don't change. I like this Ashley. Sure she has some bad decisions, but everyone makes mistakes."

"I'm not changing completely. Just some of the old things that should leave."

"Okay, I can deal with that. Just don't give up singing."

I wanted to. My dad was my support system when I sang. Now that he's gone, who's going to fill that spot? Wake up Ashley! That person is right there in front of you.

"Fine. Now let's go eat so we're not late for school."

We walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen. After we ate, we got dressed and went to school. My Broken t-shirt and dad's vest again. But I borrowed some of Spencer's jeans.

I forgot how much school sucked. Everyone was staring at me and I hated it. Good thing I had Spencer with me otherwise I would snap on all of the them.

"Settle down, Ash."

She must know it pisses me off.

"I'm sorry but…"

"I know. But you're here and that's a big step."

I took the vest off and put it in my locker. I nodded my head at Spencer's comment. It is a pretty big step. School is the place I hate the most, and I'm here for three reasons. One, I promised Christine. Two, for Spencer. And three, to drop one of the things old Ashley does.

"Ashley? Your back at school?"

"I guess since I'm here."

One thing I wasn't going to drop was my grudge for Madison. She could be as nice as she wanted but I'm still going to hate her.

"So are you holding up?"

"Not well but I'm getting there."

"I'm sorry that I've been such a bitch."

"Don't sweat it. I know it's just who you are."

"Ash."

"No it's okay. What I did to her was horrible. I deserve being called a bitch."

Then she walked away. What's wrong with her today?

"What did she do to you?"

Spencer was the first to ask. I hate telling the story. The only other person I told was Aiden.

"Last year, we were best friends. She was a cheerleader but I hated the whole preppy thing. Well Aiden became the new basketball star because the old one moved away. Madison tried to get his attention but he was more interested in me. So we started dating and she got furious. Me and Aiden decided to take our relationship to the next level. I told her and when Aiden wasn't looking, she took his condom and ripped it. He didn't even realize that night. She came up to me the next day and told me what happened. I pushed her into the gym lockers and left school."

"Madison's the reason why you got pregnant."

"Half the reason. Aiden didn't even check it before we did anything."

Spencer put her hand on my shoulder. I slammed my locker and shrugged.

"Not much I can do about it now."

She pulled me into an empty hallway.

"I'm glad that your in my life, Ash."

"Me too."

I ran my hand down her arm and then grabbed her hand. She cupped my cheek and kissed me. I gave her a sweet smile. It hurt my jaw again. We walked off to class.

"Do you want me to come over tonight?"

"No. I think I'm going to read my dad's book finally."

I opened my locker to get the vest. Wait, it's not in there. Where the hell is my vest? Someone stole it!

"What is wrong with you people?! That's one of the things my dad left behind!"

Tears blurred my vision. I could feel another frenzy coming. Spencer pulled me into her and tried to calm me down.

"What's wrong?"

"Someone stole Ashley's vest."

"Oh my god. Ashley, we're going to find it. Promise."

I couldn't say anything. The frenzy had thickened into uncontrollable jerks. Thank god Spencer was still holding me. I could feel my knees weakening. Suddenly, I fell and Spencer went with me. A couple of people stopped for a second then walked away. No one cares about the school's lesbian getting her vest stolen. No one understands about how much it hurts. Spencer doesn't even know. All of her family is still together. Her parents are still married. She has two brothers. The only person who knew how I felt was Aiden. His older brother died two years ago.

"Just take me home," were the only words I could spit out at the time.

My frenzy died down and I decided to call Spencer. She didn't answer.

"This is Spencer. Sorry but I can't answer the phone right now."

I remember her making this message. I would come in soon.

"Please leave a message."

Here I come.

"But she probably won't get back because she has a life!"

"Ashley!"

"I mean she'll get back to you."

Then there was some laughing.

"Don't forget to say your name. Bye!"

A tone happened.

"Hey Spencer, it's Ash. Thanks for being there earlier. Call me back. Love you, bye."

I hung up the phone and a single tear ran down my face. It burned my skin as it soaked into my cheek. I grabbed my dad's book and flipped to the last page. I saw the letter stuck in the crease. I pulled it out and read my dad's handwriting.

Dear Ashley,

I'm sorry that this letter is so late. I wrote a book just for you. It took me seventeen years to write. Your mother sent me pictures of you every week and you'll see them throughout the book. I kept every letter you wrote and every letter your mom sent. I bet you didn't know I had a notebook full of things about you. I recorded everything from your birth to today. About an hour ago, you called and said that you were bringing your friend to meet me tomorrow. I hoped that it wasn't that Aiden kid again, and it wasn't. I'm glad you have a friend, Ash. I remember my entry for your birth. Christine had a baby girl. We named her Ashley Christine Davies. She weighs seven pounds and eight ounces. She has a patch of brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. Ashley was born at seven eighteen P.M. on December seventh. I remember asking you what your lucky number was and you said seven. I can name some events dealing with that number. Your first word, how many steps you took until you fell, your age when you lost your two front teeth, how many of my concerts you attended in your lifetime so far, and your age when your mom and I got divorced. There is something with you and that number, angel. But I need to tell you something. Something you might not want to hear. I'm sure your mom never told you either.

I stopped reading for a bit to think about the events my dad mentioned. I don't remember the first two, but the other ones I do. When I was seven, I fell and my two front teeth came out. I went to a concert every year after I turned ten. The most recent one was five months ago. I remember watching dad pack his stuff and leave. Mom told me the next day that they were getting divorced. I asked her what that meant and she said I'd find out someday. I did the next day. In the middle of reviewing my life, my phone went off.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ash. Sorry I didn't answer earlier. I was taking a shower."

"It's okay."

"So what are you doing?"

"Reading that letter my dad wrote."

"What's he been saying?"

"Stuff about my life and how he's recorded everything from my birth to the day he wrote the letter. Which was the day he came to LA. I stopped when he said there's something I need to know."

"Wow. Well I'll let you get back to reading. Call me later okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too."

I hung up and started reading again.

You have a sister, Ash. Well a twin sister.

What?! I have a twin sister? I stopped reading and stared at my wall. I can't believe this. What happened to her? Read on, dummy.

Her name is Kyla. Me and your mother could only deal with one child at that time. We decided to keep you. Kyla was given to Lilly Woods, a good friend of your mother's. Last time I heard, they are living in Baltimore. I have to tell you another thing.

What? I have a brother, too? I put the letter down and put my head in my hands. I have a twin sister named Kyla who lives in Baltimore. And he's about to tell me something else that I don't know. I pick the letter up again and read on.

On November thirtieth, I'm going to commit suicide.

I run to the calendar hanging on my wall and flip back to the date dad mentioned. The day dad died. His second favorite day in the whole year. I started reading again.

Yes, on my second favorite day. Why? Because I can't deal with life anymore. I have barely been there for you and I've never talked to Kyla. The rock star career has dried out to me. I know I should stay for you but I can't. I'm going to drive down the LA strip that night after dinner and hopefully crash into another car. No one will know it was a suicide attempt. I'm sorry, Ashley. That's why I'm going to give you many things. That shirt you've always wanted, my vest, my Gibson acoustic, my CD that won't be released to anyone, my book that has never been seen by anyone but the publishers and me, and a necklace.

I never saw the necklace.

The necklace will come in the mail. It should arrive on your birthday. Can you do me one thing after I'm dead? Can you please throw my ashes on the LA strip? I want to break the rules one more time. Thanks angel. Love, daddy.

And it ended like that. Wait, there's a number.

P.S. This is Lilly's number. 376-9813. If you want to know Kyla, call it.

I was curious. I picked up my phone and dialed the phone number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Kyla there?"

"This is her."

"Hi Kyla. This is Ashley Davies. Your twin."

Kyla told me she was going to fly here. I said that dad's funeral would be the day she arrived. It's been two days since I called her. In that time, I told Spencer, Aiden, and mom. They were all shocked. Well except for mom. She just filled me in with more details.

"You were born first and then three minutes later Kyla came out."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I don't know."

I also read dad's book. It made me cry just like the letter did.

"Did you know dad wrote a book?"

"Yes. He started the day you and your sister were born."

"Did you know that he killed himself?"

"What?"

"Yep. It wasn't an accident. It was a suicide attempt."

Before mom could say anything, a knock came at the door. I ran to answer it.

"Hey Kyla!"

I was more excited than I thought I was going to be.

"Hey Ashley. Are we going to have this funeral?"

"Yeah. Let me go get the ashes."

I ran to my room and grabbed the ashes. I took my phone with, too. I dialed Spencer's number on the way back down.

"Hey Ash."

"Hey. Come to the LA strip tonight. Call Aiden and tell him the same. Also tell him to pass it on."

"Okay. Why?"

"You'll find out."

I hung up and went to my car with Kyla.