I know last chapter I said this would have lots of pesterlogs. and it does. however, I counted them out and there was a total of EIGHT pesterlogs (technically, ten-eleven)! D:::: that's crazy! So, since it was an even(ish) number I broke it up into two parts! I hope you like the first half! enjoy, and remember to laaaaaaugh lol!
Sollux walked out the door, casting his vandalized house an annoyed look. His parents were outside, squabbling. Sollux was only one in his class with married parents, which sounded nice until you met them and realized they were constantly bickering with each other and then ganging up on him about how he has one A- and how hackers get nowhere in life.
"Sollux Captor, you tell your little friends that this is not okay!" his mother nagged.
"I ought to ground you for the impudence of your criminal friends!" his father threatened. Yes, that would accomplish a lot, Sollux thought sarcastically, rolling his eyes and hurrying to school.
Aradia had reverted back to her skulking ways, glaring at him when he waved. He was starting to get desperate, and he felt like he needed someone to ask. Someone who knew about this shit. But who?
Sollux was startled out of his musings when he noticed that someone had spray painted all over the mural. The principal was doing an amusing dance, hopping from one foot to the other whilst spluttering incoherently.
So at least something good came out of the rampage one of his friends went through. Sollux studied the vandalism, trying to get a hint at who could have done this. He noticed a smiley face with a clown nose; Gamzee's signature smiley face.
Sollux searched the crowd for the juggalo, finding him and Karkat. Hmm...Sollux marched up to them. "Like your paint job?" Karkat snickered.
"I fucking hate you, KK," Sollux glared. Karkat snatched the Gemini's glasses from his face, putting them on.
"My God...how can you even see through these?" he asked, taking them off and putting them on Gamzee's face. Gamzee dropped his Faygo, his jaw going slack.
"Whoa, dawg! Everything's, like, in motherfucking 3D!" he exclaimed. Sollux rolled his heterochromic eyes at the antics of his constantly high friend. Gamzee noticed someone behind them, cursing.
"What is it?" Karkat asked as Sollux retrieved his glasses. Gamzee took a deep breath.
"I fucked things up with Tav, so here I go to fix this shit," he muttered, walking off like he was heading towards his funeral. Karkat sighed.
"That's kind of my fault," he muttered, "my romantic advice is kind of sucking."
"Well, there goeth the converthation I wath going to thart," Sollux grumbled. Karkat smiled halfheartedly.
"I'm having girl problems, too. You have no fucking clue how confusing Terezi can be. I mean, she can lick me, for fuck's sake, but I can't kiss her?" Karkat complained.
"At least you didn't...well, do what I did," Sollux pouted.
"Man, it's not your fault. Someone spiked your drink at that party, and you know damn well who," Karkat poked the slightly smaller boy in the forehead. Sollux pushed him away.
"Yeah, but she does too, and she's thill not forgiving me," he retorted. The Cancer suddenly noticed Terezi.
"Shit; gotta go!" Sollux watched him run off, shaking his head. He decided he needed help, and he needed it now. Sollux snapped open his phone and scrolled through his pesterchum contacts. He found a contact and hissed quietly, scrunching up his nose. He wasn't particularly fond of this person, but they could possibly help him, and he really needed it. So, he struck up a conversation.
– twinArmageddons[TA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:34 –
TA: Dave
TG: thats my name dont wear it out
TA: do giirl2 liike cool guy2
TG: yes girls love me
TA: thii2 wiill 2ound 2tupiid
TA: but wiill you teach me two be cool?
TG: wow your right
TG: that did sound stupid
TA: yeah...
TA: forget about iit.
TG: nah dude I get it
TG: not everyone can be such an ironic cool guy like me
TG: so whos the hoe?
TA: 2he's not a hoe...
TA: but her name ii2 Aradiia
TG: shit just hit the fan
TG: john told me that karkat told him what went down between you two
TG: sooo does she like pretty things?
TA: nope
TG: of course not
TG: because that would make things easy and we can't have that
TA: 2he liike2 breaking thiing2
TG: that's easy then
TG: just let her break various miscellaneous bones of yours
TA: oh god, ii hope you are jokiing
TA: becau2e 2he would iif ii offered
TG: look man
TG: just stop beating around the bush like its a fucking hobby and APOLOGIZE to her
TA: you thiink that wiill work?
TG: not really but its a good start anyways good luck man
TA: thank2, ii gue22
– turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 9:48 –
Tavros stared at the ruined painting, not feeling very sorry that it happened. But he did know who did it, and he was kind of worried that he would get in trouble. And Tavros really didn't want that to happen.
Tavros frowned, thinking back to how weird Gamzee was acting yesterday. The lack of face paint was weird enough, but their whole conversation, he seemed more edgy and didn't mention miracles at all. And then he started saying really weird stuff, and the last one was kind of offending, though Tavros knew that Gamzee didn't mean it that way. Oh God, Tavros thought, I hope he's not running out of the drugs he uses! I mean, I know that drugs are usually bad for you, but Karkat told me that Gamzee gets really angry and scary and violent when he's sober!
Speaking (or rather, thinking) of the Capricorn, here Gamzee came now, walking oddly and cursing under his breath. Thinking back to his earlier theory, Tavros got a little bit scared and nervous as he watched Gamzee come up. "Tavros, my bro!" Gamzee cried brightly, though there was an anxious tone to his voice.
"Hey, Gamzee!" Tavros grinned back, inwardly relieved. At least Gamzee didn't sound scary or angry. "Are you, uh, feeling better from, uh, yesterday? You were acting, uh, kinda strange!" Tavros inquired.
You couldn't see it on his cheeks because of all the face paint applied to them, but Gamzee's ears and neck went scarlet. "Yeah, bro...I'm fine..." he grumbled. Tavros felt like he needed to say something, like how Gamzee needed to be comfortable with how he looked and acted, and how Tavros liked his normal painted faced, miracle loving, faygo drinking self. But, as usual, he didn't know how to word it, so he said nothing.
Equius called Gamzee over, and the juggalo almost happily left Tavros sitting there. Tavros felt like he wanted to cry. Gamzee was losing interest in him, and if he didn't make his move, or spice things up, then someone else would steal the Capricorn away. A lot of girls liked him for various reasons. Mostly, they wanted him as another notch in their bedposts (stupid whores...), but they were still more interesting than Tavros. And at least they could walk...
Suddenly, Tavros got a great idea. He knew who would help him!
– adiosToreador began pestering turntechGodhead[TG] at 9:38 –
AT: uH,,,, dAve?
TG: what is it now
AT: i NEED SOME,,,, gIRL ADVICE,,,,
AT: eXCEPT,,,, nOT FOR A GIRL,,,,
TG: do i look like some kind of matchmaker here for you idiots?
TG: damn i mean you are the second person to ask me for advice
AT: rEALLY? wHO WAS THE FIRST?
TG: TA
AT: sOLLUX? tHEN,,, iT WAS PROBABLY,,,, aBOUT ARADIA
TG: yep so what does this guy that you are pining for like?
AT: wELL,,,, a LOT OF THINGS,,, lIKE CLOWNS,,, aND DRUGS,,, aND FAYGO,,,
TG: oh god you got the hots for GAMZEE?
AT: i,,,, uH,,, yEAH,,,,, i DO,,,,
AT: dON'T,,,, TELL HIM,,, tHOUGH,,,
TG: my lips are sealed
TG: i dont talk to him anyways cuz he hates me
TG: so tavros tell me what you are good at
AT: oH GOSH,,,, nOT MUCH,,, i COOK DECENTLY,,, aND I CAN RAP,,,,
TG: pffft yeah right
AT: wELL,,,, i CAN SPEAK FLUENT SPANISH,,,,
TG: you can
AT: uH,,, yEAH,,,, i AM MEXICAN,,,, yOU KNOW,,,,,,,
TG: are you really
TG: well then thats easy just invite him over to your house and cook him some burritos and toss outsome 'holas' and 'mi amores' and treat him to a good Mexican fucking
AT: dAVE,,, i AM GOING TO,,,, iGNORE YOUR BLANTENT RACISM,,,,, aND TAKE YOUR ADVICE,,,
AT: i MEAN,,, nOT ABOUT THE LAST PART,,,
AT: ,,,,,mAYBE
TG: have fun
TG: thats ironic speaking of the juggalo here he is pestering me now...
AT: uHHH,,,,,,, dON'T TELL HIM ABOUT OUR CONVERSATION,,,
TG: i wont
– turntechGodhead [TG]ceased pestering adiosToreador at 9:50 –
– terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:49 –
TC: bEfOrE i Go On, I hAtE yOu :o)
TC: NoW tHaT tHaT's OuT oF tHe WaY, i NeEd ReLaTiOnShIp AdViCe
TG: why would you come to me if you hate me
TC: My BeSt BrO kArKaT's AdViCe BaCkFiReD
TG: he probably told you to express your love through song
TG: so who is the poor girl or guy that you want to ensnare in your clawed embrace
TC: nOnE oF yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiN bUsInUsS :o(
TG: let me take a wildly hopeful guess and say its tavros
TC: sHiT, hOw'D yOu KnOw?
TG: im a magical pixie horse so anyways i was wondering if you spoke spanish
TC: WhAt KiNd Of StUpId QuEsTiOn Is ThAt?
TG: well tavros speaks it fluently
TC: He DoEs?
TG: uh yeah he is mexican you know
TC: HoW dO yOu KnOw?
TG: told ya bro its magical pixie horse powers
TG: so anyways if he invites you to his house you should accept and then when he speaks spanish youshould speak it back to him and make him jizz in his wheelchair
TC: YoU tHiNk So?
TG: yeah cuz he will be so excited by your spanish speaking that you guys will have sex right there
TC: WhOa...
TC: OkAy, StRiDeR, iF tHaT dOeS hApPeN, i OwE yOu OnE
TC: tHaNkS bRo! HoNk! ;o)
– terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:57 –
– turntechGodhead [TG]began pestering adiosToreador at 9:57 –
TG: have you ever thought about having sex with gamzee?
TG: because you should
Karkat was avoiding her, Terezi concluded miserably. After smelling the mural and hearing Vrisks, Equius, and Eridan raging on about how their houses were hit as well, she knew exactly who did this. So when she smelled Karkat's delicious chocolate scent, she started to walk towards him.
But Karkat ran away from her, and he ran faster when she called out his name. And it was all because she overreacted about that stupid kiss and now he didn't love her anymore.
It was only because it was her first kiss, and she had sworn to herself that she would never kiss anyone until she knew she'd be together with them forever. Terezi wanted to be with Karkat forever, and get married and all kinds of stuff, but they weren't even officially dating yet, and the big dumb doofus wasn't asking her for some reason. But he kissed her! Without asking her out, he just kissed her. It made her soooo angry!
But now Karkat would never love her! Terezi sat down on a bench and pushed her face into her hands. She didn't want to cry because whenever she did, the smell of her tears would override her senses and she wouldn't be able to smell anything. But she could feel her eyes watering already.
Terezi gasped, knowing exactly who could help her. Dave was her best friend, and he was bound to know how to win Karkat's heart. After all, he was a cool guy, and a chick magnet, so he knew a lot about this kind of shit!
– gallowsCalibrator[GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:55 –
GC: H3Y D4V3 1 N33D H3LP!
TG: usually you go to a psychiatrist for that
GC: H33H33H33 COOL 4ND FUNNY!
TG: so how can i assist you
GC: 1 N33D TO G3T K4RK4T TO LOV3 M3!
TG: your breakin my heart babe D8
GC: 1TS OK4Y CUPC4K3! 1'LL 4LW4YS H4V3 ROOM 1N MY H34RT FOR YOU!
TG: its just like how can i go on living knowing you are encased in the arms of another man
GC: D: FORG1V3 M3 MY C4NDY R3D LOV3R!
TG: as much as it kills me i will help you
TG: all you gotta do is invite him to your place and cook dinner for him
TG: and then watch one of his cheesy romcoms and insert cheesy confession at the cheesiest part.
GC: W1LL TH4T WORK?
TG: hope so cuz i gave tavros roughly the same advice
GC: W3LL TH4NK YOU B4BY! 3
TG: /3
GC: D: 1'LL 4LW4YS LOV3 YOU D4V3!
TG: brb sobbing forever
TG: in the most ironic way possible
GC: H33H33H33
GC: BY3 D4V3!
TG: good luck terezi
GC: UMMM...D4V3?
GC: 4BOUT 4LL TH3 FL1RT1NG...YOU KNOW 1 W4S JOK1NG R1GHT?
TG: duh terezi your my best girl bro i know where we will always stand so its all good now I g2g
- turntechGodhead [TG]ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 10:01 –
here's the first half! everyone is asking Dave, lol. But don't worry, next half of the chapter will have two with Jade and one with Rose and John (equaling four, if you can't count lol). technically, there's also a short pesterlog with Dave and another short pesterlog with Jade, buuuut whatever.
so, some headcanon and background information
lusii vs parents: last chapter I mentioned something about Karkat and Gamzee's dads (calling Karkat's crabby father 'Crabdad'). instead of making sollux's dad be like a two headed cyclops, I just gave him both parents. I might mention it later, but Gamzee's dad is a deadbeat sailor, Terezi's mom is in a coma (cuz her dragon lusus isn't hatched), and Tavros' lusii has been genderbent to be a traditional spanish mom!
TerezixDave?: as Terezi stated, all their flirting is joking. and as Dave said, they are best friends ("best girl bro" is the cutest statement ever). Terezi will be with Karkat, and Dave will be with Jade.
Terezi hates crying: as she stated, when she cries she can only smell her tears and so she can't "see" anything. Think of it like Toph when she's standing on sand
Sollux and Aradia's past relationship: don't worry, I'll reveal what Sollux did/who spiked his drink (though I'm sure you can guess that) later on in the story
I hope you enjoyed the first part of the chapter! the second part will be out fairly soon, so look out for it!