Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP
Chapter 4: Casualness leads to Casualties
I've been avoiding Syaoran since that night, since that kiss. I just kissed my best friend, the same best friend I've been in love with for so long. Did I just ruin the friendship? Does this mean we're together?
I was interrupted when Tomoyo stepped into my room and said, "Somebody's here to see you." I got down the stairs and saw that Syaoran there waiting for me. He had a goofy look on his face that was too cute but I just couldn't look at him in the eye for too long.
"Hey, Sakura. Can we take a walk?" Better get this over with. I stepped out our front door and heard Tomoyo say, "See you when you get home, Sakura-chan"
When we've already established enough distance from the house, Syaoran broke the silence and said, "So.."
"So.."
"We have to talk about this Sakura."
"I don't know what to say, there are so many things going through my head right now. We're best friends and we kissed. Do we forget that it didn't happen?" I really need his opinion on this because I had no clue. I didn't want to lose my best friend but I was hoping he would say no to my question.
Finally he spoke up and said, "How about we start dating." Did I hear him right? Were my prayers finally being answered? I opened my mouth to speak but he interrupted me.
"Let's keep it casual though" What?
"What exactly are the rules of this casual dating?"
"We have dinner, go on dates, hold hands, watch movies and pretty much stuff that all couples do." I thought nothing could ruin this perfect moment but he just had to open his big mouth and say, "But we can see other people too."
"How can we be together if it's not exclusive?"
"This is why we're keeping it casual. We're dating but not exclusive." Why would I agree to this? Yes we hold hands but I would see him holding hands with other girls as well. I would be such a masochist if I agreed to that.
Could I accept it? I would his girlfriend, well I'll have an idea oh he it feels to be but it wouldn't be real. I wouldn't have say whenever he's with other girls. I wouldn't be able to keep him to myself whenever I feel jealous or unbearable amounts of pain.
"Sakura, Best Friends come first no matter what." Friends, no matter what happens, our friendship comes first. I've never wanted to be stuck playing that role. Friend
I wanted us to be more than that but I don't call the shots here. In this relationship, If we can call it that. Syaoran makes the rules just like it has always been since we were kids. So I just sucked it up and gave him a smile, that's what I've been doing for so long that this front is pretty convincing.
So we've been casually dating for a few weeks now. It has its ups and downs. I get to hold his hand and go out with him. I get to feel his arms around me and I could finally feel like I have a part in his life, even if it was only a bit. I bet you're asking if we kiss. You be we kiss but right now we aren't doing anything more.
On the downside, I'm not the only girl he gives the special treatment to, I see him with other girls and I couldn't do anything else but watch from the sidelines. I remember one time Tomoyo asked me why I let him get away with it.
FLASHBACK
"He's not mine, Tomoyo. I don't have a say in that matter." I knew what the rules of our relationship are. "I don't want to make things harder for him. If being his girlfriend would keep him from being at his happiest then I don't want him to be mine."
"Why do you like torturing yourself because of that boy, Sakura?" she was getting annoyed. "You are such a martyr."
"This is less complicated, Tomoyo. I think, there'll be less casualties compared to exclusive relationships."
"Less complicated? How can this be less complicated and what are you talking about? You have been dying ever since you've been in love with Syaoran. Stop telling me that Sakura or are you telling that to yourself?" She walked out.
She's right in all of it. I am trying to convince myself and No matter how much I try to for Syaoran's sake, Tomoyo's right. Casualness does lead to casualties and I'm pretty sure I'll be the one after all this.