Pardon the next depressing chapter. Get used to them, when you're dealing with me. It's best to listen to Watch Over You by Alter Bridge while you read this chapter.

Chapter Four

Sadly, Aaron had to leave around five. He promised he'd call me tomorrow. I nodded, and went up to my room, and turned on the radio.

Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
Who'll watch over you?
Who will give you strength
When you're not strong?
Who'll watch over you
When I've gone away?

My lip trembled. It was sadly my theme song. I inhaled a few breaths and closed my eyes. Within minutes I was asleep.

The second I woke up I wish I hadn't. I'd hit rock bottom again. My lip started to tremble again, and the next thing I knew, I was sobbing hysterically; rocking back and forth on my bed, clutching my head. I couldn't believe this was happening again. No, no, no, no. I hate it. I kept rocking back and forth, sobbing, holding my head so hard my hair was pulling.

After maybe an hour of this, I finally stopped, and signed into Yahoo! Messenger. Aaron was on. I set my status message to: Currently sobbing hysterically. :| Don't talk to me. I almost immediately got an IM from Aaron.

Aaron: What's wrong? :/

CaitySunshine;; : Nothing. :|

Aaron: Somethings wrong. What is it?

CaitySunshine;; : I don't know what's wrong. I just.. I tend to go up and down. And I sank again.

Aaron: oh. I'm sorry.

CaitySunshine;; : It's not your fault.

But it sorta was, I think. I mean.. It tended to happen when someone left me. I needed others to make me happy. Cos I'm a clingy bitch.

Aaron: u ok?

CaitySunshine;; : No. :|

At that moment, an IM from Tina popped up. Just what I needed.

Tinah: heeey .

CaitySunshine;; : Yes?

Tinah: How're you ?

CaitySunshine;; : I can't do this anymore.

Tinah: :O Can't doo whatt ?

CaitySunshine;; : Live.

Tinah: GRR .

CaitySunshine;; : ..

CaitySunshine;; : Don't you dare leave me. Or I will go do it right now. We didn't leave you.

Tinah: You know i have a badd temperr .

CaitySunshine;; : ..

The IM light from Aaron flashed.

Aaron: Caitlin ?

CaitySunshine;; : Yeah..?

Aaron: You there ?

CaitySunshine;; : Yeah, but I wish I wasn't. :|

Aaron: Don't think like that.

Tina's light flashed.

Tinah: ..

CaitySunshine;; : Whatever. Just.. ergh. Yeah, I'm suicidal. AGAIN. But you shouldn't leave me. I didn't leave you.

Tinah: ..

CaitySunshine;; : STOP .. AT ME!

Tinah: Temper much ?

CaitySunshine;; : :| Thanks.

Tinah: You're being over-dramatic. And it's annoying.

CaitySunshine;; : You don't GET it. At all.

Tinah: Fuck you .

Tinah has signed out.

I had now started to sob. I wasn't in the mood for this.

Aaron: Caitlin? You there?

CaitySunshine;; : akjfhlskadfhlsjd

CaitySunshine;; : -sobs- I can't do this, Aaron.

Aaron: ..

Aaron: O.o Do what?

CaitySunshine;; : Live. I'm doing it.

Aaron: Oh God. Please. No. Don't.

CaitySunshine;; : I'm sorry.

CaitySunshine;; has signed out.

I shoved away from my desk. The radio was on again.

Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone

That made it all worse, and I started sobbing even more. I shoved my stereo speaker to once side and pulled out the little metal box. I grabbed one of the razors, and dragged it down my arm hard. Blood started running down my arm almost immediately. I was full out bawling. Pulling myself off the floor, I ran to the bathroom and grabbed the first bottle of pills - Gabepentin - that I could find, and grabbed a handful of about thirty pills, and downed them. Blood was dripping onto the floor. I walked back to my room, stumbling. I dug around until I found my purple belt that could tighten as far as possible, and wrapped it around my neck, and fastened it so I couldn't breathe. It took a few minutes, but I started to writhe because I couldn't get oxygen. My head started to pound, and my lips started to tingle and feel cold. I grabbed the razor again and slit my wrist. Deep. There was blood everywhere. As my vision started to tunnel, I vaguely heard my door slam open, and saw a blur come at me. And then all was dark.

----

I felt like lead. I opened my eyes as best as I could, and I found it was dark inside the little hospital room. I turned to see Aaron with his head against the wall. I found the clock on the opposite wall and read it to be 3:00 AM. I could tell my neck was bruised. I moved the blanket as best as I could and saw the stitches on my arm. My stomach hurt, so that must mean they pumped it. I coughed, and then made a dry sob sound because it hurt my stomach so bad.

Aaron jerked awake. "Caitlin!"

I closed my eyes and fought tears. When I opened them he was right next to me.

"Why? Just.. why?" he asked. I could tell he'd been crying.

"I don't want to live. It hurts to be me. I mean, no one gets it. If I'm alone, all the bad stuff I have locked away comes back." I'd started crying by now. "I'm severely depressed. I rely on people to make me happy. I've been called a "user" because of it. I can't help it. I'm just.. not.. I can't do anything right. I can't even kill myself right." Sobs ripped through my chest, and my heart rate meter shot up a little.

Aaron ran his hand down my face. A lone tear ran down his cheek. "You don't know how messed up I am. I took a handful of Vicodin. And some other shit. I don't want to be alive either. I've dipped into drugs. I have to take care of my sister and brother because my parents are on fucking drugs. But I was finally more happy when I met you two days ago. It was like.. you lit me up."

I made a big sobbing noise. "I - felt - like - too - but - when - left - snapped - I - just - ahh!" I cried out, shaking. Aaron stepped out and told a nurse I was having a breakdown. She came in and put a sedative into my IV. As my eyes started to droop, I said, "Aaron?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." And then it was black again.

----

Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love

I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you
When I'm gone?

You say you care for me
But hide it well
How can you love someone
And not yourself?

[Chorus]

And when I'm gone
Who'll break your fall?
Who will you blame?

I can't go on
And let you lose it all
It's more than I can take
Who'll ease your pain?
Ease your pain

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
Who'll watch over you?
Who will give you strength
When you're not strong?
Who'll watch over you
When I've gone away?

Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone

Watch Over You - Alter Bridge

:| I've actually done that. But no one found me. I'm a mess. Reviews are welcome. Also, as you can tell, the song for this chapter is Watch Over You by Alter Bridge.