Chapter 4: No Bull

I debated returning to the house. Drenched and dripping, what choice did I have? At any rate, all my stuff was still there. My buddy Teal'c, well he went to considerable trouble to set me up here while he went off to do whatever it is Jaffa Masters do.

Trudging back I had some more time to consider the situation. Teal'c obviously did have resources he hadn't bothered to mention in all this time. I had not thought about it much all these years, thinking we were doing him a favor taking him in and giving him a place to stay. He never says all that much. So we, that is I, figured he had no place else to go. At least that's what he said on Chulak when he rescued us. Maybe, he did but still thought it was hopeless. Or maybe he carved out some territory since then. I mean we did off Apophis along the way. Teal'c must have known the extent of that smarmy, overdressed, boombox voiced, snakehead's territories, him being a First Prime and all. So my friend carved out a little territory for himself. Good for him.

I set to pondering that fact. As far as I could guess, Teal'c must have a few of these things set up in various locales. It would stand to reason, without Apophis in the way, who would argue with him? He did have a family to support. Once I killed Fro'tak someone had to support Drey'auc and Ry'ac.

Sure we sent some supplies now and then, but mostly then. After Drey'auc left the Land of Light, I guess we all assumed Bra'tac handled things. Teal'c never discussed it and I didn't ask. Stupid, now that I think of it. Sure Teal'c got a salary from the Air Force. But you can't spend good old American greenbacks on Chulak. I never did see him take much when he went to visit on his down time, other than the stuff we sent officially. Was Teal'c skimming the take? It wouldn't be the first time a leader took his cut as his due from American "foreign aid."

I did not like the answers I had. So I concentrated on what was coming: a swift swat to my ears by Dragon Lady when she saw my new clothes looking like this. I resolved to get into my BDU's and try to clean these up before anyone noticed.

She noticed.

I made it as far as the staircase when she lurched around the corner and screeched to a halt. She actually screeched, "Halt!" My hands flew up to my ears. I ducked. But nothing else happened. Carefully, I looked up to see a tear trace a path down her cheek. So she did have feelings. I felt worse. Expecting an assault and seeing her cry instead threw me off balance. Just the look on her face of pure disappointment hit me harder than a slap on the ears.

She gave me 'the look.' You know that look. She looked just like my mom did the time I came home in a ruined Sunday suit she had just made for me. We didn't have enough money to afford a new store bought one so she spent many nights making it, just so I would have it for confirmation. And I ruined it on the first wear. We won't get into how that happened only that Joey Morrison slugged me for defending Bobby Engler, the wimp again. I tore the suit in the fight, winding up in a mud puddle slick with road oil. I had the same reaction to the 'look' this time.

I hung my head.

"Go change into dry clothes. Leave the shoes here. I'll try to get them cleaned."

"Yes, ma'am." I shifted uncomfortably. "I'm… I'm really sorry."

She sighed and walked away. I think that was worse than anything else she could have done. I didn't expect it. Teal'c was right to send me here. These were good people trying to do right by me for him. I felt like a heel.

Did I mention I felt AWFUL?

So I resolved to make a better effort for my buddy. He risked a lot for me. Here, I was just an ungrateful lout. I'm very good at beating myself up. I don't need any help.

Still squishing in my new and wet socks, I walked heavily up to Teal'c's chambers, which were now for my use. The corner suite sure was pretty. In the bedroom, a soft bed and pillows sported brocaded coverlets. There was an inlaid dresser and a carved wardrobe with a mirror. In one corner, a covered commode held the porcelain chamber pot. Porcelain chamber pots were for the very important. I sighed. I hated all chamber pots. At least I didn't have to share…and it was covered.

Out the windows of the sitting room, I had a view of the fields to the horizon. One set of doors opened to a private parapet over the entrance courtyard. These rooms strategically allowed the occupant to see who might be arriving at the house and far off into the distance from the other side. The sitting room was furnished simply but in good taste. I had a comfortable upright chair and a desk with a candle holder. A quill and ink set sat ready with sheaves of parchment stacked neatly. I had another softer chair by the window. A bookcase was filled against another wall. Books represented great wealth for folks at this level of development. There was a hanging tapestry and some other objects I didn't recognize. In one corner was a rack, which I was guessing held Teal'c's armor when he used the room. And there was a small bed for a child or a servant. I had the distinct impression I was peeking into T's private life and felt like a voyeur.

The sun, just one, was setting. Twilight passed quickly. I lit a candle for light while I changed out of my wet clothing. A ewer and basin stood on the dresser with soap and soft linens for washing. I tried to get clean. I was somewhat presentable by the time the chambermaid knocked for the clothes. She averted her eyes as I stood there in my t-shirt and boxers. These were a modest people. Silently, she left. I blew out my cheeks to relieve the stress and fatigue I felt.

I don't even remember tumbling into bed. I awoke the next morning just before dawn with the stirrings of the household. Running my fingers through my now full and very brown hair, I threw some water on my face and got dressed in my regular BDU's and boots. They felt so natural. I wished I had more than one change of them from my pack. Maybe Teal'c could get some more somehow, later. I've lived my whole life in loose, soft cotton, G.I. duds. They were as good as my own skin. But things change. I had changed.

Then it hit me. I didn't hurt in my knees, my fingers, my back, my neck. Nothing hurt! I didn't need to take my morning aspirin to ward off a heart attack and help the arthritic inflammation in my joints. I looked at myself carefully in the mirror. I had no scars except the early ones from falling out of a tree or skidding on asphalt when I tumbled off my bicycle. Ah, there was the scar on my chin from the skating injury when I was twelve. Gone were the gunshot wounds, the knife wounds, the trinium arrow wound in my upper arm, the scar in my eyebrow from the blow from that Jaffa. Wow! I felt …good!

Maybe being young again did have some merit. Maybe. It also meant I was hungry all the time. I forgot about this part of being a teenager. So I took the stairs two at a time looking for breakfast. Following my nose, I found the kitchen. One look at me and the cook shooed me out to go sit with the Governess and the kids. Seems there is a real class division in the household. So I was back to the kiddy table. Worse, breakfast was porridge. Porridge, that's like disgusting oatmeal and cream of wheat all grey and lumpy looking like cooked Elmer's Glue with some butter. No, no, no, I hate hot cereal. I want my Froot Loops in lots of colors not found in nature.

I tried to behave. Really, I tried. Well, I sort of tried. Ok, I lost my patience after only an hour and a half of instruction. I was still upset by the recent events. At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I was so disruptive that the Governess reamed me out. I just couldn't sit still. I told her I had 'ants in my pants,' an expression that created chaos in the room. The kids thought I really had ants in my pants and wanted to see them. No amount of protesting held them off.

Heck they were looking for an excuse too. So they climbed all over me looking for the ants in my pants…and tickling me. I grabbed the two youngest offenders and carried them around the room shrieking and giggling. All the while, the others tried to search my pockets and wrestled me down to the ground again. Ok, so I let them. Even the grumpy old bag had to stifle her smiles.

Then one of them found a big chocolate bar and a chocolate power bar on me. A power bar is nothing more than solid glucose with flavors. The chocolate bar was half melted from my body heat. Moist, gooey, sticky, messy, finger licking good! It got all over me, them, their clothes, hair, and ultimately, Grumpy woman. Sugar highs ensued. So the chaos continued fueled by raw sugar among kids who had never known sugar. That was the end of lessons for the morning. Grumpy was about to rap my knuckles for misbehaving. So I broke her off a big piece of the remainder of the chocolate. Talk about an epiphany. Probably the first orgasm the old gal had in a hundred years. I left her smiling and moaning.

No, lose that image, please.

After that I was the Pied Piper for the kids. Every kid in shouting distance showed up. So I did what I could. I found something round and started a game of catch. Turned out it was a pig's bladder blown up. As luck would have it, someone had a cudgel leaning up against the guard shack. So I marked off three bases and home plate. The cudgel doubled for a bat. We had a real lesson…in baseball.

At least we did until the grown ups came looking for the kids to go do their chores. Even kids as young as 8 had regular duties. Everyone pitched in around the place. I was no exception. M'lord decided I should be taught how to ride a horse. The stable boy came to tell me I was required at the stables. So the Stable Master showed me how to harness and mount without a saddle and with one too. He was pleasantly surprised that I could ride. The muscles hadn't been used in a while. It is easy to adjust when you are only 15 yrs old.

So we went out for a ride around the estate and out into the meadow down to the pond. That's my kind of day, fresh air, exercise, variety. Well it was until some ruffians jumped out of the woods at us demanding our horses and our money. All they had were pikes, bows and arrows, and a few knives. It was no contest. I casually took out my zat as if to give them something. I gave them something alright. The Stable Master was my friend after that, something to do with saving his life and all that.

Word got around later that day. M'lord came by to thank me, gruffly. He harrumphed a bit and told me to be more careful. He said he didn't need Master Teal'c getting upset at him. It was all about him. At least I got an invitation to go hunting the next day with his grown son and his crowd. Now that's more like it.

Or so I thought.

Making new friends is always so much fun, especially when they have it in for you. I had forgotten what it was like being the new kid on the block. They sized me up and pretended I was ok. We had gotten no more than a mile from the manor house when they decided to have some fun with me. One came up behind my horse and spooked him by slapping the horse with a whip from behind. The creature took off like the Devil was chasing him. I kept my seat until that low branch came whipping out of nowhere. Then, the ground came up and hit me. The guys left me there to go chase my horse which had already returned to the barn. I didn't know it. So I spent the day looking for the damned horse.

Well, I'm a good sport. I appreciate …give and take. They just gave and I took it. Now it was their turn. None of those fellows had ever learned about yellow magic markers. That night, I crept into their rooms and gave each one a yellowotomy. They awoke the next morning with yellow dots on their faces, screaming that they were dying. But the lout who slapped the horse got a special treatment. I colored his private parts yellow. The great thing about magic markers is that it takes a while to wear off. So I offered to 'help' them. I have been in this man's Air Force long enough to know all the pranks there are in this life. You use what you have. In this case, I made them bathe in lye soap and very cold water. The Lout had major shrinkage, causing him to think maybe it would disappear altogether. Just a little yellow nub was left. And it was raw.

Now you might think that was the end of it. Such things between boys never are. I had to short sheet their beds, leave buckets of water balanced on the door, and various innocuous things such as sticking a hand in warm water while the victim was asleep. I rigged a candle with some thin strings to "float" in the air. They retaliated with mice, snakes and frogs in my bed. You know the usual.

For these insults, my response was elegant, simple and direct. I landed a few well placed punches. They pounded the crap outta me. I took a few of them, but in a group, they landed more than a few glancing blows. After that we became friends.

Eventually, we did go out hunting. I earned some respect when I shot a deer from 200 feet with one shot. They didn't think I could hit it because they didn't know what an assault rifle could do. They thought I had a stupid looking musket and they were going to teach me a lesson. So I grinned and barely leveled the barrel when a smooth squeeze of the trigger took it down. Jubilantly, I looked at them only to see horrified faces. They turned tail and lit outta there with me yelling, "WHAT?"

So I went over to claim my kill. Well it looked like a deer. It had antlers. Actually, the guys rigged M'lord's prize bull with branches on its horns. And I had just shot it dead.

There is no way to keep that a secret.

I am an adult after all. So, I went straight away to M'lord and told him. He went out with me to see the dead animal. He understood immediately what had happened. He was very angry and rightfully so. I followed him back to the manor and into the Great Hall. He sent his guards to round up the hunting party. We all stood there staring at our toes. I felt I had been wronged and never imagined that M'lord would react towards me as part of the whole misdeed.

"You all should have known better. Such an animal is rare and means revenue in breeding fees. The new spring calves increase the herd and provide us with sustenance. That you have so little regard for what keeps you in food and shelter astounds me. That you have no regard for my position as the Master's Lord here and would jeopardize it by this behavior is worse. For your part in this, my son and all of you will be whipped before the whole household. But I cannot touch Colonel O'Neill. He is the Lord's property and his apprentice being higher in status than any of you. His punishment is to watch the whippings, then be placed in stocks for one day with only bread and water. For the Colonel's part in this, Master Teal'c will make good on the cost of the bull."

Turning to his guards, M'lord ordered, "Seize the Colonel's weapons and devices. I shall lock them up until Master Teal'c returns and hears the report of this incident. Let us all hope he does not kill me for your disrespect."

I wanted to tell him T wouldn't kill him over a cow…er, bull. But anything I said right then would only make things worse. I was surprised at the severity of the punishment for the others. But I had forgotten about things like stocks and pillories. Spending a day in the stocks was not going to be fun. Thankfully, it wasn't summer or winter, but late spring. So the worst was the humiliation. I could live with that. Watching the whippings was awful. Knowing the boys would never accept me now was troubling.