An Alternative to Crazy
Chapter 4: The Horrors to Come
"You hate him" said the Psychiatrist hired by Chief Inspector Dreyfus for his stress problems that day.
"Yes I hate him alright." said Dreyfus laughing slightly.
"How much do you hate him?" asked the Psychiatrist?
"How much, how high is up, I hate every little molecule in his little body" said Dreyfus.
"So you're saying you would like to kill him?" asked the Psychiatrist.
"To kill him, oh, yes, to kill him" said Dreyfus.
"Why don't you kill him?" asked the Psychiatrist.
"Oh, to kill him, what, why don't I, it's not so easy, you try to" said Dreyfus.
"No, I mean, kill him psychically" said the Psychiatrist.
"Ridiculous" Dreyfus shouted back.
"Why"
"Because there is nothing psychically I could do that would have the slightest effect on him"
"Why not?" asked the Psychiatrist.
"Why not, I'll tell you why not Doctor, it's because he's got the brain of a minkey" said Dreyfus.
"Minkey?" said the Psychiatrist in confusion.
"What?"
"You said Minkey"
"I did, you see, I'm beginning to talk like him" sighed Dreyfus.
"Just relax; get out your feelings out in the open that will make you much better" the Psychiatrist.
Dreyfus then walks over to him with a sign, "You see, it's always the same, Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me, and then suddenly, my hands go around his throat, I begin to squeeze, It's wonderful, it's marvelous, I'm squeezing, and the more I squeeze, the freer I feel, I'm in ecstasy, and then suddenly… suddenly my problem is "sol-ved" laughed Dreyfus, only to look down and see what he was doing to his Psychiatrist, "Doctor, are you alright, DOCTOR!"
Back the prison on the mountain, Edd and Eddy were up in a regular argument, much to the annoyance to everyone else.
"…what do you mean some of this is my fault, I didn't do anything!" shouted Eddy.
"Well Eddy, we could have had better lives, I thought you had changed from that little adventure we had after that horrid Scam" said Edd in a serious voice.
"Well it wasn't my fault that Melonhead here had to become evil and want revenge" said Eddy.
"Were sorry Eddy, me and Plank didn't know" said Jonny.
"Well it wasn't your fault Jonny; it was Eddy actions that caused us to be shunned by them again" said Edd.
At this point, Sam and Max had taken an interest and started to cut in.
"Excuse me boys, but would any of this have to do with that scam that made all the kids try to kill you" said Sam.
"How'd you know that" said Eddy.
"We watch the movie on our new Hi-def TV" said Max.
"So tell us want happen" said Sam.
Edd got his words together, blocked out Eddy, and told them the hold thing, "Well, we had just accomplice our goal of being accepting by the kids of the Cul-de-sac, all except Jonny who arrived late, after tussle with Eddy's juvenile delinquent brother, and was alienated from everyone; but it was not too late, as Eddy, you'd know could not stand being in his own world without scams, and so as he did before when the kids were QUARANTINE, Eddy went crazy and started to break apart our new reputation with the kids. At that point, Jonny and Plank, who were in their own evil comic book world, attacked everyone under the names of The Gourd, and Timber the Dark Shard. Eddy being in the state that he was, became the opposite of a so called Professor Scam and fought against him, and in doing so caused some damage to the street and the kids themselves. After that, we were again alienated from them while Jonny had a much better end, and that is why I am stuck with the same immature behavior", after he had finished the speech, everyone had fallen asleep.
"I should had expected this, you people exactly what I'm talking about, some of you people of middle age, and you are still have immature and indifferent behavior, you people should be ashamed that you lives with misbehavior and never take a look around and see the danger right in front of you!" shouted Edd in a rage making everyone wake up and stare at him.
There was brief silence when Edd had finished, until finally.
"Hay, Scott Fitzgerald!" shouted Slappy Squirrel who had slept through all of it, "When you get to be my age you find out that some of the biggest Yutz are going to be like that no matter what,
You're a Cartoon, not some human who reason, were suppose to misbehave.
A Cartoon, and/or Sitcom Character, never goes out of character after a life lesson, if they do, something happens to snap them out of it.
Even if their annoying, deal with it in a comedic way!
…You got that Chrome Dome!" explained Slappy in a loud tone.
Edd a little shocked by Slappy's actions said "Um… kind of."
"Good, because I'm not going to repeat that Sappy display, I'm getting tired of this cheap parody act, now come on you yutz, let's get out this cheap cardboard set, I'm not getting any younger" shouted Slappy.
"Not that you would, Granny Moses" said Jerry.
"Quiet Jerome, now listen" said Slappy.
Slappy paused for a second; she was watching the metal door right in front of them, they listened and noticed a sizzling sound coming from behind the door. Their faces turned to terror when they saw a greenish glow burning through the animated door. Slappy rushed them all to move back as green substance burst through and rained on down, burning through the floor in front of it, making it unstable. From behind the door, there stood the Weasels, smiling and laughing at what was soon to come.
"Why couldn't you bonehead just open the door like everyone else in this joint" said Carla.
"What did we do" said Sam.
"The dang door was locked; the old judge hasn't updated those doors sigh 1999" said the Head Weasel.
"Get out of the way you stupid mongooses, were trying to leave here" shout Eddy.
"Oh, I'm afraid that won't be possibly, we were given orders to keep you from escaping" said the Green suited Weasel.
"OH Please, the chances of you five, simple minded weasels keeping 50 men and women in is a slim chance." said Edd in a serious voice.
"Remember Double-D, you said it" said Eddy.
The Head Weasel just smiled and pulled out a radio, "turn on the force fields and release them."
At that, everyone in the room flew up into the air, and was separated into two groups. The sitcom characters on the left with the weasels, the Muppets were sent to the middle, and Cartoons sent to the right; all blocked by an invisible shield. After that, coldness came into the room; some things began to freeze solid, at the same time a dark, shadowy force engulfed the room with no light in sight. Everyone recognized this including the Eds, for at that second, Dementors came into the middle of the room, and Heartless and Nobodies appeared in the right, causing everyone to be cornered.
"Now then, let's see if you can make it out with your limbs still attached…" said the Head Weasel, "… now Dementors, Heartless and Nobodies, charge.
The Weasels charged first whale the others followed, the sitcom Characters tried to move back, to no anvil, due to the invisible shield, they were all ready to except their faint when Lula DuBois (Helen's Grandmother) starts mercilessly strangling one of the weasels.
"Oh yeah, I'll show you who's going down first" shouted Lula.
"What are you maggots, the enemy is in range, now CHARGE!" shouted Papa Nicolas as he proceeds to tackle one of the weasels, "USA, USA, U.!"
"What does he think we are, the Third Army, were just old ladies" said Dorothy.
"You know, back in St. Olaf, we had great army, of course we never used it since were neutral, the only problem was their tanks were too slow then the others" said Rose.
"Why was that?" asked Blanche.
"Because they were in the shape of turtles, you see it was because their shells were…"
"Then again, maybe we should go and rick our lives" said Dorothy.
"I'm with you" said Blanche.
"Yeah, chances were we weren't going to live that long" said Sophia.
"OK, that's it, I cannot take this thing anymore, this whole thing is driving me crazy!" shouted Elaine.
"Now Lainie, just calm down" said Jerry.
"NO, you calm down, this whole thing is a big stupid B movie gone bad. Now we're getting out of this place, even if it means beating some gun happy weasels senseless!" shouted Elaine.
"Please, Elaine, be reasonable" bagged George.
"OH Yeah, these guys were real reasonable when then they came to our houses in the middle of the night and took us here, NOW GET THE HECK IN THERE COSTANZA!" shouted Elaine as she grabs the struggling George and throws him on one of the weasels.
"Tell me Cliffy, which Weasel you think is getting the most pain, the one Dorothy straggling or the one Carla has in a Headlock" said Norm sitting down observing the fight.
"Well it hard to say, both are neck related and both fighters are viscous beyond belief" said Cliff.
"Well what about that girl" asked Norm pointing to Elaine on the ground as she throws several sharp punches at a weasel.
"Well she merciless, so I'd have to say her" said Cliff as Lula coming by tackling a weasel to the ground and punching him repeatedly, "But, yet another overweight contestant joins the bar list."
"What did you call me" shouted Lula throwing the weasel to the ground, which made a strange cracking sound to it. She then proceeds to jump on Cliff.
Norm just drinks his beer, "another one for the ladies ah Cliffy."
Meanwhile in the other section, The Muppets are in a riot.
An 'Anything Muppet' runs by, bumping into Kermit, throwing him to the ground "Out Of My Way, Fly Sucker."
"Ok, now, just calm down everyone. The best way to handle this is not to panic" said Kermit as a Dementor comes down and grabs him to which he starts panicking.
Miss Piggy turns to see her love in trouble "Get your hand of the FROG!"
Piggy then grabs the beast by the neck, flips it in mid air, and plows its head in the ground. Animal is seen riding up and down on one of them, while in the mirror like image in the next section the Warners are doing just the same with the heartless.
"What are they Sam?" said Max talking of the Heartless and Nobodies in front of them.
"Their Heartless and Nobodies Max, dark Creatures without hearts nor body from a poorly made Disney and Final Fantasy game gone array, and must be dealt with a more sensitive form of communication" said Sam.
"Right" replied Max as they both kick the two creatures 80 Yards out.
"This has gotten... ow… out of control Eddy" said Edd as the Eds and Jonny are being surrounded by the dark creatures.
"There's got to be a way to get rid of these things" said Eddy as they start to grab on to their clothes.
"Any ideas Plank" said Jonny as they start to grab the Eds by the necks.
"Can somebody pass the ketchup" said Ed as a heartless starts to bite him on the head.
The Eds look at Ed for a minute, which would led to the Eds and Jonny to grab Ed and batter their way through the thing.
"That's it!" shouted the head weasel, "were through with these games" the weasel then pressed the button and the shields went down, and the dark and powerful forces gather together in to one spot in the room "… Now we're going to finish you guys at full strength."
"But now that floor won't hold your weight" said Yakko as the floor started to sink and crack.
"Gee, we never thought of that ha boss" said one of the weasels as the floor collapsed bringing all the monsters of horror with them.
"Well, that takes care of that" said The Mask.
Later in Dooms private study.
"I know I shouldn't have had you idiot to go after them" said Doom.
"If you were smart Doom, you would have gone in yourself" said Dark Sidious.
"I am also afraid that our service to you has ended" said Lord Voldemort as he casted a quick Avada Kedavra Killing spell at Doom, Doom doges and takes down the Lord with his cane weal knocking one of the legs of the chair Sidious was sitting in, knocking him over.
"Ah Lord, did you really expect that I would hire two of the most powerful being in existent if I didn't know that your own powers and how they have no effect on me. A Toon is immortal, and those sitcom and movie character only get paralyzed forever, do I make myself clear" shout Doom in the Lord's face, taking out his fake eyes to use his high squeaky voice.
"Yes Doom."
"Good, now be like bad villains and destroy them before I destroy you" shouted Doom.
Meanwhile in a hotel room at the foot of Mt. Destruction where Doom's hide out is. Inspector Clouseau then answers a pay phone in the hallway.
"Hello" said Clouseau.
"Is this Mr. Clouseau…ha ha" said the voice on the other end.
"Yes, this is he, who is this"
"This is the man who hates you; this is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried"
"Are you the head waiter who works at the bar downstairs?"
"NO! This is Chief Inspector Dreyfus, IDIOT"
"What would you like to say Chief Inspector?"
"I have call to say that you are to not investigate Mt. Destruction, and report back eminently, good bye!" Dreyfus then slams down the phone.
Clouseau then thinks to himself "I wonder why the Chief Inspector wouldn't want me to go up to the mountain, strange, but whatever the case, a good Inspector should always go with his instinct, so I am off!" Clouseau then opens the Elevator, falls several stories, and we see the 'Out of Order' sign on the side wall.