Trigger warning: conversation in detail about a rape situation. Please please do not read if you fear that this might affect your mental health in any way. I love all of my readers, but I do not want to have detrimental effects on your mental health.

Dean wasn't sure how he'd fallen asleep on Castiel's bed, sitting upright against the concrete wall, Castiel curled up in his lap, snoring slightly, tear-stains invisible in the dull sunlight filter through the window.

He yawned, slowly shifting Castiel off of him and standing stiffly. He watched Castiel curl into himself, relaxed, deeply asleep, and smiled a little bit. It was comforting, really, to know that he didn't hate Dean for possibly, more than likely being gay. It was shocking though, to find out that Castiel was actually gay. Dean never would have guessed, had everything continued the same way it had been.

His heart sank. He never would have guessed what Castiel had gone through, either. He was so quiet, so withdrawn as though it were his natural state, not because of the result of something so tragic.

In his sleep, Castiel mumbled and pulling the blanket under his chin, rolling over restlessly. Dean huffed out a quiet laugh before turning to take a shower. Maybe his semester would get better, just maybe.

Castiel wriggled in his sleep, slowly feeling himself being pulled into wakefulness, the land of the living. He jolted, gasping, sitting up suddenly, his head spinning from the sudden rush. He was on top of his blankets, the comforter twisted awkwardly around his wrist. That was weird...Castiel never slept on top of his-

oh.

Castiel swallowed awkwardly, turning a bit to see the door of the bathroom across the hall shut. He'd told Dean last night, at an ungodly hour, about the worst experience of his life. And he had cried. He winced at the thought. His roommate probably thought he was a disgusting crybaby now, a gay crybaby.

Oh, but wait.

Castiel was now more than 65% sure that Dean was gay. And that Dean had wanted to talk about it. At least, he had before Castiel had begun to cry. Who knew what Dean might want to talk about this morning.

Suddenly, the door to the bathroom swung open and Dean swaggered out whistling, a towel loosely draped around his waist. He noticed Castiel staring at him, wide blue eyes similar to that of a deer caught in headlights. He laughed to himself.

"Mornin' Cas. Are you feeling a little better this morning?" He was genuinely concerned, unsure if mentioning their talk last night would send him into another fit of tears. It was weird, now that he had thought about it, having a male crying on him, hearing his soft whimpers and feeling his pain. It was weird, having his arms around taut shoulders, rather than a soft body. Weird, but actually quite pleasant.

Castiel continued to stare at Dean, trying desperately not let his eyes wander to the small trail of hair on his stomach and the perfect V shape indenting his hips. He wasn't sure how to talk to him anymore, now that he knew. "You're not hungover?" he blurted instead.

Dean shook his head, chuckling. "Surprise, right?" He scrubbed another towel through his hair, temporarily distracting Castiel again as his attention zeroed in on the tight cords of muscle in his arms. "Anyways," Dean turned and Castiel's head dropped, focusing on the frayed threads of his blanket. "We still need to talk."

Castiel's heart froze in his chest and then kicked back up almost double time. "Um, well, I'm sorry about that, truly-"

Dean waved a hand at him. "Don't worry about it. We'll sort it out. Go take a shower, weirdo."

Castiel clambered out of his bed, awkwardly grabbing his towel and marching to the bathroom. The shower was hot and steamy, providing the much need relief from the stress that was sitting tight in his shoulders and neck. He let out a quiet, relieved groan, breathing in the steam and the scent of Dean's cologne. Embarrassingly, he felt the beginnings of a boner and quickly shut it down, thinking about Ash and his beer smell and weird mullet.

He wasn't sure how guilty he should feel because of how quickly that had worked.

When he got out of the shower and dressed, he could smell the scent of breakfast wafting from the kitchen area. A small smile graced his lips; no surprise there. If Dean didn't have a morning class, making hearty breakfasts was always his favorite thing. He quickly dressed so that he could go see what was on the menu.

Dean was whistling around the kitchen, flipping scrambled eggs onto plates. He shot a grin at Cas and said, "Breakfast is served!" in the same silly way that he did every time he made breakfast for Castiel this semester.

Castiel sat, smiling easily as he took a bite, groaning appreciatively at the melty deliciousness in his mouth. Had his eyes not been shut, he would have seen Dean's raised eyebrow and the instant brightening of his cheeks before he turned back to the task at hand.

When the two were finished with their meals and discomforting silence settled over the dining area. Castiel curiously rant his hand around the rim of his coffee cup while Dean continued to attempt slurping the rest of the egg yolk off of his plate (it had been clean for a few minutes)

"So," he choked out, finally satisfied with the cleanliness of his plate. "About last night…"

Castiel sighed sadly, shaking his head. "Dean, you don't have to-"

"No, Cas. I want to. If I had known…do you want to tell me?"

Castiel sighed heavily, tucking his legs beneath him and closing his eyes. The memory flooded him so quickly, almost snatching his breath from him.

He had met Avery in his freshman year of high school, right when he was on the cusp of coming out to his family. Avery was openly gay, yet still held the embodiment of masculinity; doing karate three nights a week, rowing on the weekends and taking bong hits like a pro. He told Castiel that he could sense his gayness rolling off of him the second he entered the school.

Avery sat with Castiel while he tearily came out to his mother the first day of summer vacation. She only hugged him, sobbing about how she just wanted him to be happy, while Avery beamed at them like a proud mother hen. He told Balthazar next, excitedly sharing the experience as he grinned amusedly at him.

For once in his life, summer vacation went by slowly. He spent it with Avery, drinking expensive coffee and discreetly snapping pictures of cute boys that walked by. Before Castiel realized it, drinking coffee together had morphed into cuddling on the couch during a cartoon marathon, and making out on the doorstep. Balthazar was left in the dust, attempting to spend time with Castiel, only to be informed by his mother that he and Avery were out, yet again.

And then, everything changed, to Castiel, it felt like it happened overnight. Suddenly Avery was pushy; his kindness took a nasty twist. No one had ever taught him about being taken advantage of, no one had thought about it-sweet, quiet Castiel, he couldn't even find a toe in a bad situation. He continually asked Avery what was wrong, was everything okay at home and ow, that was my wrist, you bastard!

One night, after a particularly bad argument, Castiel came over to Avery's house, ready to tell him that the way he was treating him wasn't okay and it needed to stop. What he found, was an elaborate dinner laid out with a bottle of stolen wine from his parents. Avery greeted him with an apologetic smile and a tight hug. "See, dear," he smiled (which Castiel now believed, in retrospect, to have been an ill-concealed sneer). "I've made us dinner. I've been a real shmuck the closer we get to the end of the summer, and I'm sorry."

Castiel was immediately wooed, eagerly sitting down and taking a big gulp of the wine before digging into his plate. After a bite, he gasped sharply. "Avery, why is this cold?" he stared at the lump of mashed potatoes accusingly.

Avery had given him a guilty look. "Oh no! I didn't know when you would get here, and I was just so excited to have it ready for you and...I'll just go put it in the microwave really quickly." As he did that, Castiel hesitantly sipped more of his wine.

That was when he realized something was wrong. Something was so very terribly wrong. He pushed himself back from the table and stood, watching the walls swim agonizingly. He staggered around, trying to find his way back to the door, but it was as if the walls had betrayed him, refusing to stay in one place.

Castiel found himself falling, tumbling to the ground, but a pair of arms caught him. He looked around wildly to find two, no,three Avery's spinning around him, leering. "No no, little Castiel. You aren't getting away from me."

Castiel shivered, opening his eyes, almost surprised to find himself still in the dorm kitchen, with Dean staring helplessly at him. "And then he, well…" his voice was only a whisper, buried in his knees.

Dean's teeth were clenched so tightly that he was sure they would shatter at any moment. His heart was thudding at an alarming rate, ready to burst forth from his ribcage. Castiel's voice was shaking, his knuckles white. Dean felt the overwhelming urge to grab those hands and hold them in his own, maybe even kiss them until they stopped shaking.

He shook the thought from his head, overwhelmed by the intensity of it.

Castiel looked at Dean, grinning broadly all of a sudden, leaping up from the table. "Anyways, this was a lively discussion. I'll help with the dishes. Don't you have a noon class?"

Dean swallowed, staring at his empty plate, the food suddenly feeling heavy in the pit of his stomach. "Cas…"

Castiel gave Dean a pitying look from the sink. "Dean, please...just. Go to class."

Jo met Dean halfway to his class, skipping merrily alongside of him. "Hey Dean! How was the party that I know you snuck off to go to?"

Dean sent her a scowl. "It was just fine, you crackhead."

She snickered. "What, you didn't find another handsome stranger to suck you off again?" Dean ducked his head and scratched his neck, causing Jo to squeal loud enough that it echoed through the halls of the building. "Oh my God, Dean Winchester! Again? How?"

His face was on fire, it had to be. There was no way he was this overbearingly warm without having been set on fire. "Apparently it's more obvious than I thought," he mumbled.

They stopped outside of the door to their class and Jo tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Well, you know, wouldn't most people consider that a good thing?"

Dean couldn't help but remember Castiel's words at Jo's question. He could sense the gayness rolling off of me the second I came in, he said. Dean shrugged, hitching his backpack higher. "Yeah, I guess. Most people." He turned and walked into the classroom, leaving Jo a step or two behind him, wondering why Dean had a look of mild constipation beforehand.

^/^^/^/^/^/^

Castiel sat on his bed, struggling to keep his mind on the textbook in his hand. He and Balthazar had a test at two, which neither of them had really proactively studied for, leading to the two hour cram session that they were attempting at now.

Yet his mind refused to focus on the text at hand. All he could think about was the conversation he and Dean had, and the horrified look on his face that grew even more grim as the story progressed. Did he pity him? Did he think less of him now? How was Castiel ever to admit to his crush now?

Balthazar watched the conflict stutter across Castiel's face over and over again. "Cassy, don't you think you're overreacting a bit dear?"

Castiel shot him a dirty look before lowering his head. "I just poured my heart out to the guy and then kicked him out of the room, all the while checking out his ass and daydreaming about it without pants. I'm a little conflicted here Balth."

His friend chuckled, shaking his head. "You know how to pick 'em, let me tell you."

Taking the actual test was no better. Castiel stared at the questions as though they were written in a foreign language. Writing the answers he'd memorized by rote felt a little bit easier. He wasn't sure how he passed it in and left the class in a zombie-like haze.

Jo appeared right next to him, bumping his shoulder and sending him stumbling away for a moment. He gave her a half-hearted smile, still not saying anything. "How are you Cas-man? Have you gotten better at tolerating Dean's insufferable presence?"

Castiel stared at his shoes as they walked, blushing darkly. "I...yes. He and I are getting along much better now, thank you for asking."

Jo nudged him again. "What's with the sudden shyness? Where did that come from? Are you guys getting along on a….different level?" she waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"No!" Castiel snapped, his eyes wide and far too innocent. "We're getting along better. Just...better."

Jo smiled at him again. "Well, that's good Cas. I was afraid it was going to be a very awkward year for all of us, considering that Dean and I are near inseparable."

Castiel laughed, breaking away to head to his dorm. "Yeah," he called over his shoulder. "Believe me, I've noticed!" He shivered at the dark feeling that came up suddenly at the memory of her straddling Dean.

Still feeling too uncomfortable to go back to his room, Dean found himself loitering around the student center, lazily throwing a ball back and forth with some old friends in the bright fall sunlight. Dean was vaguely tuning into the conversation floating around him, yet didn't have the attention span to actively participate in said conversation. His mind felt as though it had bricks rolling around in it, causing a dull throbbing pain at the base of his skull.

"What about you brotha?" his friend Benny snapped him out of his reverie, and he turned his head, wincing when the pain reverberated behind his ears.

"What about what?"

Benny chuckled, shaking his head. "Ya know man! How many conquests you got so far this semester?"

Dean's heart seized, a million and one disastrous scenarios running through his head at once. "Uh," he laughed nervously. "I'm off my game, I think. These classes are really taking it out of me…"

Benny only laughed understandingly, sharing sympathetic looks from the rest of their friends. "We wondered when the almighty Dean Winchester would lay down and admit that his GPA was more important than the size of tits!"

Dean winced and covered it with a knowing wink, throwing the ball to Chuck. "Yeah, yeah, yuk it up. The ladies love this GPA!" With that, he turned and hurriedly made his way back to the dorm.

He found Castiel in their room, face down on his bed, unmoving. "Uh, Cas…?"

Castiel merely raised his head, grunted, and went back to his pillow.

"Uh, well. I was going to invite you to this party with Jo and I off campus, but I see you're busy dying…"

Castiel rolled over, causing his hair to flop haphazardly over his forehead. He blinked at the light. "Wake me up before you guys leave."

Dean fell quietly into his desk chair, staring oddly at Castiel. He had been expecting the usual stuttering response that had something to do with his shyness. He'd invited him out of politeness, honestly. It was mildly disquieting that Castiel suddenly had the urge to go to the very thing that he tended to complain about the most. He huffed a laugh out under his breath, taking out a textbook and a notebook. The quiet Castiel might actually be capable of being social!

Sorry about the delay! I'm in the middle of a weeklong 9-4 class and it is utterly exhausting! Thanks for hanging in there! I really hope that everyone is enjoying this so far. As always, please review-let me know what you're hoping for, what you're dreading, what you think might happen! Every little bit helps.

If you find yourself in a situation similar to the one that Castiel experienced, I beg that you do not hesitate to talk to someone. If you need resources of any sort, it is okay to contact me and I'll see what I can doto help you out. No one deserves to go through that, even moreso on their own 3