Started on:Saturday, May 06, 2006

Finished on: Tuesday, May 09, 2006

R.S.: Nothing really to say right now. It's Saturday and it's County Weekend for track. I just figured that I'd start something before I have to walk up the street and go to the track. I live that close. Sigh, anyways. I hope I do well!

Oh yeah. Whoever listens to good rock music, go to this site called PureVolume.

This site is a-fucking-mazing! They have almost every rock person who's not that famous and is getting up there! And they have famous ones too! I found his site and all their music helps me write my stories better than doing it in silence! Go to this site and give them some credit! They're really good.

Anyways! Onto the beginning before I up and leave!

Make all of my decisions for me,
I've never taken the fall for deceit,
I'll keep a secret if you keep me guessing,
The taste of your lips says we shouldn't have met like...

-Coffee Shop Soundtrack by All Time Low

Who'll raise you to heaven and drop you to hell

By: Rampaging Sorrow

Chapter Four: I'll never tell my secret; you'll kill me if I do

"Kaoru, what would you do if Tomoe was back at school with us? Would you want to a. shoot her, b. transfer schools, or c. keep going to school and doing what you were before?"

"I'd choose… c."

"What! Why the fuck would you choose that, big sis!"

Kaoru smirked as she sat around everybody and she wrote essays for her classes. Her father made sure that the three of them got as much homework done as possible and Kenshin was their tutor since he was an honors student. Tytto didn't want to learn from him, but he had no choice if he wanted to be on track.

"You finished?" Kenshin asked and Kaoru nodded before she let out a squeal and dropped back against him. She knew he was sore and his grunt was all she needed to laugh at his pain playfully. He put his arms around her waist and he bit at her neck teasingly before Tara caught her attention with Misao again.

Everybody was happy that the conflict the two had been resolved… for now. They decided to leave it alone for now and just enjoy each other. Kaoru pulled her hair over her shoulder and she gave a silly smile to Tytto. He gave the same back as he chewed on his pencil and went back to work.

"Kaoru! How could you not want to attack her or make her suffer the same pain you did! You have a scar from that, ya know!"

"I know. But I can't stay mad at her. Tomoe's human, just like the rest of us. She has emotions that driver her to do things just like the rest of us do. Even if it hurt me, it's alright. Hell, we might end up talking sometimes by the end of the year."

"Are you fucking mad! She shot you!"

"So? It's not that bad. Besides, she had her reasons for giving me a shot." Kenshin pushed her off with a shocked and an 'are you kidding me?' look all in the same expression. Kaoru just got up and she stretched as Kenshin asked her what the hell was wrong with her.

"She had a good reason for shooting me. Now if she wanted to pull a murder spree and shot me for no reason, then I'd be mad and want to kill her. As long as she could back up her reason with evidence, I'd be alright… What?"

"You're fucking retarded." Michael sighed and they laughed at her face before she sat down and she kicked her out feet across Tytto's back. Tytto then let out a breath and she squealed as his body moved, a wave raising Kaoru's feet up as the song changed and went to something more acoustic.

"What band is this, Kaoru? They're amazing."

"Actually, it's two bands, but the same person is in both. The ones you're hearing now are from last year, but the harder ones are from right before I left. One of the boys moved in the band, so they found somebody else while he did the same."

"I see. What's the name of the group?" Kaoru, Michael, and Tytto gave a smile before they began to cheer.

"Wooo! We love Chariot Far From Heaven! We love you guys so much; oh my gods marry me!" they laughed softly before Tara asked about the name.

"They named themselves that because they said that each of them rode on a chariot to meet and make beautiful music. They all came from different places and they met in the middle of the beach during a hunt for "treasure." They had worked together and turns out it was just a stash of metal chains.

"But basically after that, they found out that each of them did music and they came together. It's been like that for about five years now. At least, that's what Allusius told me."

"Wait. He's in this band?" Kaoru nodded.

"He's the lead singer, the guitarist, and the lyrist. I remember when I just sat there and he made a song just about my hair. I'll let you read it when I find it."

"Oh… how many people are in the band?"

"Four. Allusius, Julian, Marcus, and Joey. Allusius is black, Julian's Spanish, Marcus is white, and Joey's Asian."

"They're an international collaboration." Tytto said in a dreamy voice and they laughed at him, Kaoru shaking her head.

"We almost finished?" Kenshin asked and they nodded before passing him more work.

"This is going to be a while."

"Put that goddamn drink down!"

"Why? It's mine and I bought it! Jaoc ... DAMMIT GIVE IT BACK!"

Kaoru pouted as Jacob slapped his hand on her forehead gently and he shook his head at the bottle of Smirnoff he was holding in his hand. He had caught her sitting absent minded in the kitchen and taking long swigs to pass the time by. The bottle was basically empty and as Jacob drank the last of it, Kaoru growled. Silence came and they soon began to laugh before he dropped his hand.

"Since when do you drink these?"

"Since I was in Italy. It's good."

"Oh. Well, your husband and the others want you. Your phone's ringing."

Kaoru nodded and she jogged out before she saw the phone that was wringing. It was the sidekick. She picked it up quickly before she answered it with a 'hello!' The others began to listen to the person on speakerphone.

"It took you long enough to answer this phone. Jesus, don't you care about me anymore?"

"Of course I care. You know I'll always pick up for you."

"But it took a really long time! I was starting to think you don't… oh my aching heart"

"Allusius, give me a break. Lei sa che l'amo."

"Okay… I sent you all the music that we made together."

Kenshin raised his head at the words 'we' and 'together' before Kaoru took it off speakerphone and she left the room. Michael saw Kenshin's curious look and he just told Kenshin that it was nothing. Kaoru came back into the room with her hair tied in a ponytail over her shoulder as she cursed him in English and told him he was stupid.

"What can I say? Things just aren't the same without you being here." It was on speakerphone again and Kaoru asked him in Italian what he meant.

"Well, things are boring. You brought… you brought that excitement that made everybody around you just want to up and rebel. You think that you were just being crazy by yourself, but in truth you turned everybody inside out and made them all realize that we only live once, ya know? Now we do everything we can and we make the best of all our things. Just like you taught me to do."

"I taught you that? What else did I teach you, my pupil from far lands?"

"Well, you taught me that there's nothing wrong with having depressing thoughts. You taught me that wild streaks are only signs of frustration being let out in a wiser way. You taught me a lot of things. Like that time a month before you left when we went skinny-dipping with everybody in the pool. That was fun."

"It was." Kaoru said and Michael and Tytto grinned as well before Kaoru leaned her head to the side a little and let her ponytail fall over her shoulder as she held the phone up.

"You know what else you taught me?"

"What?"

"Lei me ha insegnato per amare le ragazze bianche anche (You taught me how to love white girls too.)" Kaoru sucked her teeth with a pretty smile as she said 'liar.'

"I'm serious. You really changed me, baby girl. I guess that's why the song we made is so true to both of us, ya know? It makes me feel… different everytime I sing it in the shower, or I make my little sister breakfast and sing over the stove. You remember the chorus to that song?"

"How can I forget? We both wrote the song." Kaoru could tell he was smiling just by the way his short sigh came out.

"You wanna sing it, Allusius? Just for old time's sake."

"You read my mind, Kao. You count us off." Kaoru said 'okay' before she counted down from three. After that, they both hesitated and began to sing together. The sweet melody of their voices filled the room and even though Kenshin didn't want to admit it… it was beautiful.

"I've been waiting for something,
I've been sitting for too long.
I've been waiting but oh tonight,
this one last try, goes on and on and on

I've been waiting for something,
I've been sitting for too long.
I've been waiting but oh tonight,
this one last try, goes on and on and on…"

"I love the way you sing, Kaoru. It's… breathtaking. You really are your mother, huh?"

"Nope. We're different in singing in every way. My mother knows how to lie in her music. She…"

"She what?… Its okay, Kaoru. Don't say it right now. I know what happened kinda… well, it kinda made you hurt. Do you still accept the apology that they gave you?"

"I really don't know, Allusius. That shit… that was so out of control. It happened for no reason and I still am mad for it… I just don't know."

Kaoru got up and she left the room with a 'fuck' before Tytto and Michael jumped into her seat at the same time. The others laughed as Michael landed in Tytto's lap and was forced to sit back on his cushion. He raised him the finger and Tytto just puckered his lips to him before Kenshin spoke up.

"What music is Kaoru talking about?" Michael looked over at him before he stretched out and spoke.

"Well, Kaoru got bored of making her usual music, so she started to write differently and make darker songs. Allusius liked those songs and when she sang them to him, he instantly fell in love… With her voice, Kenshin! Jesus, you're so protective."

"Nuh uh. He can't fall in love with her because I'm in love with her. So nah." They laughed as he stuck his tongue out, but Tytto just rolled his eyes with his hidden smirk at the secrets three of them knew in the room that he or anybody else didn't.

"Anyways. He asked her to join his band for a while and sing songs with him. She agreed because she had nothing better to do and in a month they were going all over Europe during their vacations to sing opening acts. They just got their big break, but Kaoru had to leave so now she just sends lyrics over and the old singer came back in. They're big right now, but it's just not the same. That's why he keeps in touch."

"On her next vacation, she's going over there to record some more songs for them and then come back for school. Those two are on really good terms and Allusius is open-minded with the whole thing. He's a real best friend to her."

Tytto smiled inwardly as his words made Kenshin slightly frown. Michael hit him with a pillow and he said 'sorry' before he went back to writing his math work.

"You ready to go to school?"

"I hate school and you know that… how do I look in the picture I just sent you?"

"To die for… I'm kinda jealous I can't walk around with you right now. The look on their faces would be priceless if they ever see me. I'm a walking god and with you, we'll rule the heavens and we'll be immortally sexy.

"You're so stupid, Allusius."

"And that's what you love about me. Did you take your medicine, babe?"

"Uh huh. I don't need rehab anymore… that secret will still stay with the four of us, right? Yahiko knows never to speak of it already."

"How can I tell when I made the small pact between us?"

Kaoru said, 'yeah yeah' as she smiled and she fixed her outfit in the mirror. Her whole outfit was dark colors and there was nothing light on her but her own flesh. Her pants were black and they fell off her right hip a little bit as she leaned to the side in the mirror and listened to Allusius sing to her sleepily as it was late over in Italy.

Her top was tight and it said, 'If you read past my smile, you'll know I hate you' the words were a blue color and the top was black. Kaoru finished it off by tying her black shoes and throwing on black earrings and a black and blue necklace. She sat on her bed and she packed her book bag with all the work she had in a folder.

"Kaoru, I want to talk to you about what happened after your school day is over."

"What happened when?"

"… On that Sunday when I took you to that hospital." Kaoru's heart beat quickened, but she quickly said, 'sure' before he told her that he was going to sleep.

"Love you too." She said softly and she hung up before she took it off the charger and put it on its phone case with her other phone. She left her room and she went down the stairs to the door. The bell rang and she immediately answered it before a package was put into her face.

"Tell your father to stop having his things sent to me. I'm tired of them dropping shit off on my doorstep." Kaoru didn't like her neighbor's attitude and she instantly put him on blast.

"First off, you don't have to be a bitch about it. Second off, they get the addresses mixed up because the numbers are too fancy to be read. Third, it's not my daddy's fault so stop blaming him. Goodbye."

She slammed the door in his face and she turned around before she sat on the steps and she looked down at the package. She smiled as it said it was from Italy and once she got it open with her strong fingers, she pulled out the letter and she opened it to read.

Hey there! I know that we're constantly talking, but I just wanted to write you a personal letter.

I really miss you a lot and I don't think things will ever be the same now that you're gone away from the block. You just brought things there that pulled the best things out of everybody. Your smile, your attitude, your fits, everything about you made people immediately fall under your powerful spell and have the best time of their lives while you were here.

I wish you could live here, but I know that it's not possible seeing as the year is over and you had no choice but to go back. I wish that you could just stay here for one more year, but I knew that it couldn't be helped. I miss you so much and no matter how many times I say it, you'll never know how much I miss you.

All the music that was made has been sent to you and some additional CD's have been sent to. You missed a few after you left so we decided to send them and let you keep up with the times.

Don't ever think that what we shared together was nothing. It will always be something deep inside my heart and even though we're not lovers anymore, I still care for you and will always be your best friend and your little boyfriend. -

I must end this letter now, but I hope that you show everybody what we look like! Don't hide our pictures from them! I know I'm sexy, but let your man get jealous over what you had before you came back. Ha, if he knew he'd kill me.

Love you lots! And be good! No more drugs! You just sell them, not take them! I'm doing well over here and finishing up all the stuff that was sent! After this load, we're done and we'll never have to do this again… that makes me happy. I hope it makes you happy too.

Love your ex-husband,

Allusius.

Kaoru sat on the steps as she held the letter and once she folded it up and she put it inside her pocket, she broke down and she put her face in her hands as she began to cry. Small footsteps were heard in her ears and she immediately gave them to Yahiko before she heard his voice.

"Kao-kao? Lei è giusto?" Kaoru nodded and he put his small hand on her hair before she flinched a little bit. He pulled away, but from experience he put his hand back and began to move his hands through it. Kaoru kept crying and Yahiko just acted like an adult and told her that it was going to be alright.

"Uncle Allusius misses you too, Kao-kao. If he's not crying, then you don't cry. Kay?"

Kaoru nodded and she pulled Yahiko into her arms before Yahiko started to cry with her. It was something that the two shared and they couldn't help it. When one was crying, the other began to cry because they felt the pain that was coming. Yahiko's little arms were around her waist area as she held him close to her and let her tears fall like his.

"What happened, Kaoru? What happened, Yahiko?"

Kenshin, Misao, and Tara were confused as they tried to figure it out. Kenshin went to tap Kaoru, but he heard a voice telling him to stop. He looked up and his eyes narrowed as he saw Tytto coming down the steps dressed in all gray and black, his eyes obviously tired as he set his book bag down and he moved Kenshin's hand away.

"Leave them cry like this. They've been doing this ever since they've been away, so it's natural for them. It's okay for them to cry. They'll be alright later on."

Kenshin frowned, but he backed up since Tytto knew more about what was going on with them than he did. He then turned and he headed back into the kitchen to make breakfast with Tara and Misao. With Shinji at work earlier and the three oldest at school, it was quiet in the house and Genia wasn't there to cook breakfast anymore.

"Kaoru, this is stuff from Allusius?" she nodded as Yahiko let out a sigh and kept crying with her.

"What did his letter say?"

"… Tytto, I want to go back. Just for a little bit longer, I want all of us to go back and finish what we were doing. Allusius can't finish it by himself over there. He says he can, but he really can't. I… I don't want him to die, dammit!"

"Kaoru-"

"Why is this happening to me? Why? I should have just told him that this wasn't a good idea. I should've just left it alone. Why am I always losing things? I can't loose him! It's been short, but I still have a place for him! I still do!"

"Kaoru, please… stop."

"Watashi niyotte ha kare ga nani mo de nai you ni hito I ai ga shin de hoshiku nai! Kare ha kare ni sakinjiru kyaria o yuusuru! Watashi ha!"

She and Yahiko instantly began to cry harder and she pulled him closer to her as she grit her teeth and whimpered helplessly. Tytto wanted to call him, but he knew that she would get mad at him. He went against her wishes and he called Allusius up. He was angry that he was calling him that late, but once he heard her crying, Tytto put it on speakerphone and let her hear his voice.

"Perché lei piange? Che continua? Abbiamo appeso appena su venti minuti fa!(Why are you crying? What's going on? We just hung up twenty minutes ago!)"

"Sono l'afriad, Allusius... ho paura che qualcosa andando succedere a lei. Non voglio che lei da sé faccia lí questo. Io.. Voglio ritornare a lei ed assicura che lei non muore. I'm afraid, Allusius... i'm afraid that something's going to happen to you. I don't want you there by yourself doing this. I... I want to come back to you and make sure that you don't die.)"

"Kaoru, is that why you're crying? … I'm okay, girl. I'm in perfect shape and if anything happens, you know that I know where to find you. I'll leave before I die. I'll leave and come to you. I promised you before you left me to go home and I won't break that promise… Please stop crying for me."

"Lei non capisce… You just don't understand …"

After another hour of tears, Kaoru was walking up to the building with Tytto late. The two men had managed to calm her down and put her fears to rest long enough so that she could go to school. They checked their schedules and they arched their eyebrows at it before they went down the hall and they moved up the steps in a soft spoken conversation.

"It's good we have all the same classes. Now I can cheat off of you like back in Italy."

"Tytto, you're so smart yet you're so dumb. Don't you find that sad?"

"It's not sad as long as you're around. You… you make me happy." Kaoru gave him a smile as she flipped her hair back and the two soon reached room 265. Kaoru pulled out her Ipod, all the songs from the CDs already inside, and she sighed before Tytto pulled out his. They were gifts from Allusius and Michael had to come to the house later to get his.

"Here we go." Kaoru put the headphones up her shirt and away from view before she opened the door and walked in. Many gasps went around and even the teacher was surprised as she gave a silly smile.

"Hey guys… I'm home."

"Kaoru!" Kaoru laughed as her spiky-brunette haired friend gave her a hug. She then was let go and she tugged at the red ribbon tied around his head with a laugh.

"You cut the broom down, Sanosuke. New look?"

"You know who made me do it. Too bad the little minx has a different class. How ya been?"

"It's been good for me. I'm alright now." Sanosuke went to sit down and as Kaoru and Tytto stood in the front, the teacher told them to tell about their lives since they were knew. Kaoru went first and as she spoke, Sanosuke noticed that there was something different about her. Her eyes, her smile… it was fake.

"My name is Kaoru Annalise Kamiya and I am now seventeen years of age. I've just come home from going to school in Italy and I'm hoping that things haven't changed too much since I've left. My favorite things are music, games, my car, my family, my love and taglio."

"Anything else?"

"Um… writing music, playing guitar… oh! And vendendo le cose e partying fino all'non posso respirare."

"… come again?"

"Huh?"

"What you said. It wasn't in english."

"Oh! Never mind that. Your go, Tytto." Tytto caught that whole sentence and as he mentally sighed that Kaoru switched it up, he began to speak himself.

"My name is Tytto Yuki Kamiya and I'm Kaoru's cousin of the same age. I'm here from school in Italy with Kaoru because my mother sent me here. My hobbies are cars, music, games, family, parties, and sports."

"Oh yeah! Sports too!" they laughed softly and as the two pulled out the work for that class, they wrote their names on the top of the folder and they handed it to her with a polite bow. She took it with thanks before they went and they sat in the back of the room.

"Alrighty then! This lesson will be on the fabrication of emotion. In other words,"

"You're going to teach us how feelings are created."

She looked at Kaoru and Tytto as they said it and they looked down at their writing. It seemed as they had just said it out of thought and as she told them they were correct, they just shrugged and went back to writing for their beginning the class poem.

"These are daily, so remember to write one for homework as well, okay?" they nodded and they gave her the book as she gave them bookwork for the topic. It was to copy notes, but as Kaoru and Tytto scanned the whole thing, they found out that they knew everything already.

"Let's just do whatever we want, Tytto. We're ahead." Tytto nodded to her whisper before Kaoru put her headphones in and pressed play. A soft sigh escaped her lips and Kenshin looked over at her from his seat. He thought she was bored and was writing notes, but the truth about it was that Kaoru was producing notes and lyrics as well as giving small drawings.

'As if I'll ever do the same thing twice for school. They must think I've become an honor student.'

"That song is killer. Allusius knew what he was doing when he sent this, Kaoru. He wanted to make you know something."

"What song is killer, Ty?"

"Conscience.That shit is deep and he said that it's meant only for you. Take your Ipod back and listen to it. I just read the lyrics he sent me through my e-mail. He said to tell you that if you don't listen, you're not his wife anymore."

"Ha."

Kaoru spun around in her chair in internet class and Kenshin looked in front of him to see the back of her head bend forward. He was upset that they didn't sit together, but it was alright because Soujiro sat next to him and the two were talking about soccer and basketball stats that were up on the internet. Tytto thought it was a stupid thing to talk about, but he didn't want to say anything because he knew that Kaoru would get very upset at him for interrupting and making things between his and Kenshin's relationship even worse.

"I like this." Kaoru said and as she blasted it in her ears, she made sure that the video was still playing so that they couldn't hear it. She shut her eyes as she put her elbows on the long table and she put her head in her hands to block everything out. She started it over and she then began to listen more closely. The intro was sad and depressing, but once she heard his voice, it made her heart suddenly… hurt.

"I'll tell you, what I think
You quickly, do the opposite
I'll try to, make you feel better
You constantly, shut me out
You've tried to hurt me…
But you only end up hurting yourself
You've tried to shut me up…
But you end up shutting up yourself.
You want to kill me

But sadly
You can't kill what you can't see
I'm your conscience baby, listen to me
Take this blade, and try to shut me out
But I'm always here, whether you like me…

You tell me what we do is not safe
I tell you that we'll do it anyway
You have no choice… you listen to me
To you, I'm God.
What I say goes…
You want to kill me…

But sadly
You can't kill what you can't see
I'm your conscience baby, listen to me
Take these pills and drug up high
But I'm always here whether you like me or…
Not…"

As an instrumental took over, Kaoru rested her chin on her folded hands as she looked at her dark screen, a screensaver obviously in effect. His words were hitting her deep and even though she didn't want to admit it, it was true. He was her conscience in many ways and everything that he had told her, she had done the complete opposite and in the end the hardest way possible.

'It's true… I don't ever want to admit this, but it's true… Kenshin's not my only angel anymore…

He is too.

"I'm a pimp, you're my whore
I'm a dealer, you're my client(Let's make it a bit deeper)
I am God, you are my child
I am what you are, you are what I've created inside for you.
Accept this fact and we'll live peacefully
Deny this fact and we'll rot so slowly…"

"Well well well. Watashi no saisho bi no haibu no watashi o tatakau koto ga dekiru to kangae ta ka. Choudo watashi ga anata ni... butsukatta node totemo ouhei de aru."

"Wamari nasai! Watashi nitsuite no imaimashii koto o shira nai.(Shut up! You don't know anything about me)"

"You think I don't know about you? Well, let Kaoru break it down for you."

Kaoru was in the hallway surrounded by people as she and this girl had begun to fight. She managed to get her on her hands and knees as she gasped for air, Kaoru not showing any signs of pain or fatigue from some of the hits she'd received. It was like she ate them and gave them back ten times worse. As she walked around her, a slick grin came up on her face.

"Watashi ha mina ga osore te iru ookiku atsui dageki no bully de aru koto o kangaeru koto o shitte iru. Sore ha migi no aibou de nai ka? Mina ha dare mo anata nitaishite tatakau beki hito ga atta ara nai koto ha node osore te iru.( I know that you think you're some big hot shot bully who everybody fears. Isn't that right, buddy? Everybody fears you because nobody has ever had the guys to fight back against you.)"

Kaoru's sly grin faded into a cold glare as she stopped and she punched her fist into her hand.

"Today, we're going to switch roles. I'm going to be bully and you're going to be my victim. I'll start my torture by punching you in the face!"

Kaoru grabbed her by the hair and she pulled her arm back before bringing it down with such intensity. It was getting closer… and closer… so close now…

STOP!

And it froze. Completely. It was centimeters away from her face and she wanted to just hit her, but something was holding her back. She pulled her arm back and tried again, but she just couldn't hit her. The look that she gave, the way she breathed, the way people looked around her… it was too much for her to handle.

"Kaoru? Daijabou?" Misao asked her worriedly and once she saw Kenshin step into the circle and ask what was going on, she took off running down the hall. Tytto told her to stop, but she refused and her legs took her as far as she wanted. When she regained control over herself, she found out that she was outside and by all the trees.

"W-what happened back there? Why did I stop? She punched me, called my mother a bitch… I should have beaten her face in! Why did I stop!"

Beating on people isn't right, Kaoru. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words should never hurt you. Just because those words hurt, doesn't mean that you should make that person hurt. It's not equivalent. No matter what you look at it.

Kaoru buried her head in her hands and then she let out a gasp as she pulled out water and some pills. Throwing into her mouth about five different sizes, she swallowed them down and she let out a small sigh.

"What are you doing, Kaoru?" Kaoru's whole frame froze and she turned around slowly to face the person she did not want to see at the moment. Violet eyes stared at her confused and as she backed away, he grabbed her wrist.

"What was that? Why are you taking those? Are you drugging yourself again!"

"N-no! That's my medication! I swear to you, Kenshin! Ask, Tytto and Misao! I've been taking medication to get better from when I was on Maris-" Kaoru put her hand over her mouth and she let out a gasp before Kenshin opened his eyes more at what she was about to say.

"Maris-what? What were you going to say? Anata no bun o kansei sa se nasai!(Finish your sentence!)"

"You're hurting me!" Kenshin pulled his hands away, his eyes now gold and slowly turning back purple. Kaoru rubbed her wrist as she looked at him with a nervous look.

"Why did you grip my wrist so hard? It hurts now! Why did you do that!"

"I… I don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry, Kaoru. I lost my edge there. But please tell me, Kaoru. What were you going to say? Finish the sentence for me."

"I can't tell you."

"You were just going to tell me, though. Why not just finish and get this past us?"

"You're not going to understand-"

"I would understand if you just tell me!"

"I know what you're going to say so I'm not going to tell you because I don't know want to hear it!"

"You'll never know what I'm going to say because you can't read my mind! Now just tell me!"

"Stop pressuring me!"

Kaoru ran past him and he screamed out for her to wait. She refused to stop and as he saw her turn the corner, he cursed under his breath and kicked at the ground.

"I was so close to figuring out a piece of what's going on… Koi… why don't you tell me anything? Don't you understand I want to help you become happier?"

Kaoru panted as she leaned against a wall in an empty corridor of her school. She breathed and she wiped her tears from her eyes as she put her hands above her head to get more air into her body. Her legs were going numb from the speed she was going at, but she had to smile to herself because it wasn't her absolute fastest.

"That was close…" she wiped her tears again and her cobalt blue eyes soon began to turn back to light blue as she walked down the hall. She then stopped in her tracks when she saw a person that she did not expect to see for a very long time.

'Tomoe… she really is here…'

Down the hall, dark brown eyes were wide as the walk that was supposed to keep going on had stopped. Her dark brown hair that was once long was a little bit shorter and tied up with laziness and signs of non-caring; the complete opposite of what Kaoru remembered. It was… weird to see how many changes each of them could tell just by looking at each other.

"Kaoru Kamiya…"

"Tomoe Yukishirou…"

They had said each other's names at the same time, and as their hearts were racing and their thoughts going to the past, moving at a million miles per hour… Kaoru smiled. That caught Tomoe off guard and as she kept standing there, Kaoru continued to walk with that smile on her face. Kaoru stopped in front of her and Tomoe got ready for anything….

Except the hand that came up to be shaken.

"Man, it's been a really long time since I've seen you. How ya been? I hope that you haven't gotten too much family issues."

"… N-no… I haven't…"

Tomoe shook her hand, the grip firm, and then Kaoru let go and began to walk. As she told her goodbye, Tomoe stopped her as she reached the end of the hallway. Kaoru didn't turn around as she stood there, but she just waited and listened to Tomoe's words.

"Why are you acting so cheerful towards me? Why are you being so… so nice? Have you forgotten what I did to you? I hurt you… I made you suffer because of me… I made Kenshin suffer… I shot you, dammit! Why do you seem so happy!"

"Because… because I'm not going to hold a grudge." Tomoe gasped and she then noticed the tears running down her face. She wiped at them quickly before Kaoru turned around and gave her a smile. It was soft, genuine, and comforting.

"I know why you shot me back then, and that's unforgivable under my old circumstances. But people change and I know that you've changed. That's why I won't hold a grudge against somebody with a different beat in their heart. It's just not right… and besides."

"… what?"

"You shot me for a reason. If you had shot me for no reason, then I'd be mad and holding a grudge."

Kaoru waved to her softly and she left her there standing before she went off from view. Tomoe fell to her knees and she put her hands over her eyes as she began to cry harder. Part of it was relief that Kaoru had forgiven her. The other part was guilt and depression since she hadn't forgave herself.

"How… how am I going to do it now?"

Two thirty am

Kamiya Residency

Kaoru's Bedroom

"I've been waiting for something,
I've been sitting for too long.
I've been waiting but oh tonight,
this one last try, goes on and on and on…"

"You ready, Kaoru?"

"Yeah. I just gotta press play on the recorder."

Once again, she was sneaking out to finish deals. As she tied her shoe laces and she pulled on her shirt even more, she heard her door unlocking.

"Shit!"

"What's going on, Kaoru?" She heard Michael's voice and then she went the window with her small book bag before she put one foot out. She raised her window higher before she grabbed the top and got ready to jump. The door suddenly opened and she saw red hair messed up and violet eyes that were waking up immediately after seeing her.

"Kaoru! What are you doing!" Kaoru didn't answer and she just began to count down from five.

"Answer me! What the fuck are you doing, Kaoru! If you jump out that window, I swear I'll tell on you!"

'I'm sorry Kenshin… but you just don't understand.'

"One." She whispered and she jumped out the window before Kenshin ran over and he poked his head out to see Kaoru running with two other guys down the street. He cursed before he went and knocked on Shinji's door, Shuichi's door, and Genia's door.

"What's going on? Aoshi still not home?"

"He said he'll come on weekends, fool." Shuichi answered sleepily.

"That's not important! Kaoru just jumped out the window and she's going to do something! I have this gut feeling that it's not good and I'm worried that she's out there getting in trouble. We have to go find her now!"

"She jumped out the window! This is the second floor! Do you know how high up it is!"

"They were holding something for her to jump in! It was two guys--where's Tytto?"

"He's sleeping at Michael's tonight since he wants to explore tomorrow. What do those two have to do with this?"

Kenshin glared and as he began to piece it together, he punched the wall.

"Those sons a bitches. They're screwing us over each night. That's why I hear the same sleep sounds. It's because they're working together. Kaoru doesn't sleep the same every night."

They went into her bedroom and Kenshin pointed to the window that was wide open. The three Kamiys instantly began to get angry and as Kenshin pulled back her sheets, it was confirmed.

"A tape recorder and some pillows! This is how she's been getting by! The sneaky ass bitch!"

Kenshin's body turned around to see Yahiko standing there with a shocked face. He tried to run, but Kenshin's speed was used to grab him and hang him upside down by one foot. He arched his eyebrow and poked at his stomach as Yahiko gave a nervous smile.

"I… Hi?"

"Where's Kaoru?"

"I don't know. I have to go pee!"

"Then pee on yourself, Yahiko. Until we know where she is, you're going to be up with us being punished. Do you want that again? I know you like all your toys very very much…. Don't you?"

Yahiko shook his head and as he prayed Kaoru wouldn't kill him, he groaned as he was being blackmailed to talk.

'Sorry Kao-kao… but I love my toys!'

"This was not what I expected to happen. Not what I wanted at all… pull him over here."

The smoke from the potholes was making Kaoru nauseus and it didn't help that in the alleyway it was smoking as well. Her delicate hands were slightly red as she pulled the collar of the man who she had gotten into a big fight with. His shirt was red and she had a wound in her arm from him stabbing her.

"Drop him in those boxes over there."

Tytto went and he helped Kaoru as they picked him up and they dropped him into the boxes. The whole time, Kaoru had been wearing a blonde wig and hiding her real locks. As she took it off, she shook her raven black hair until it was free and it fell loosely around her shoulders and part of her back. After letting out a sigh and pulling her hair behind her ears, she took her gloves and she lit a fire. They threw them inside along with the wig and once it was burned, they outed it with water.

"He's coming around." Kaoru watched as Tytto went over to him and he raised him up by his hair before punching him in the sotmach again and knocking him out cold once more. She winced inwardly at the noise of pain that was given.

"Let's go."

Kaoru nodded and they ran off, the Kamiya girl being in the middle of them as they ran three blocks to their car. Kaoru jumped into the driver's seat and they stripped their clothing before they sighed at the pajamas that were underneath.

"We're good. Michael, you have to sleep by our place. It's the only way to get home on time… we're going to have to lie like gods tonight."

Kaoru drove off and as she picked up her ringing phone, she paled instantly at Kenshin's voice. It was deep, angry, and she could tell he did not call to see if she was alright.

"Bring your ass home in ten minuts and if you are not here in the ten minutes that I am giving you, I will personally come to get you and make your life a living hell."

He hung up right after that and Kaoru sped up. The other two had heard the message and did not want to mess with Kenshin either. The way he talked… it was scary.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru! They made me tell! They made me!"

"Shut up, Yahiko." Shuichi barked at him and Yahiko just whimpered as he wiped his eyes and he put his head down in shame.

"You black-mailed him… I can't believe you! How could you guys stoop so low! Forcing him to tell where I was!"

"It's not as bad as jumping out windows! Didn't I tell you that you were on punishment! Did you have permission to leave!"

"No! But I had to go somewhere! I… I was doing something."

"Doing what! What the fuck are you doing!" Kaoru winced as Shinji slammed his glass down on the table and he got up angrily. Kaoru didn't back up because of her pride, but she was slightly afraid that her father would slap her.

"I was…it's not bad."

"Kaoru. Kaoru Annalise Kamiya. Don't you dare stand here and tell me these bullshit lies. I'm sick and tired of you thinking that you are going to leave! I put you on this punishment to show you that you won't! You haven't been out and its been about two weeks! I thought that you might have calmed down!"

"I did calm down! I did!"

"If you did, would we have to threaten you to come back home EARLY IN THE MORNING! I THINK NOT!" Kaoru looked down and then she bit her lip. She hated being yelled at and her father was just putting her on blast and making her feel more worse than she alerady was. As she moved her foot left to right, she spoke.

"I just wanted… I just wanted to go out."

"So you leave at three in the morning! The only thing at that time is drugs! Are you taking drugs! Answer me Kaoru!"

Kaoru couldn't answer him and as her bottom lip trembled, all their worst fears were finally confirmed right there. Just by the silence they knew it was true. As Shinji dropped down into his seat as Kaoru kept looking down and she ran her fingers through her hair. Kenshin… he didn't take it too well.

"You're doing drugs! Are you fucking shitting me! What the fuck is wrong with you! What the hell are you thinking; do you want to die, Kaoru! If you want to die, let me know so I can just break up with you and not mourn over a suicidal bitch!"

"Hey, Kenshin-"

"No, don't 'hey' me! She needs to hear this!... Look up at me goddammit!" Kaoru hesitated, but then looked up as she met angry golden eyes. She had never seen Kenshin that angry and as she watched him lose all control, she truly grew afraid.

Michael and Tytto sat down as they didn't want to get in the middle. The only time they would get in is if he hit her was what they muttered to each other as they watched.

"Why are you doing this! Huh! Let me know, Kaoru! I'm worried sick about you thinking that you're being forced to do things by your cousins! I'm sorry to think that way, but I never ever would have thought that you were doing it on your own like this! Never! I have so much faith and respect for you! Now… I don't even know dammit!"

"It's not like I'm on anything anymore! I swear I'm not!"

"How can I believe that when you've been lying to me for so long! You've lied to me through mail, through phone, through web cam; you're a compulsive liar now! Congrats Kaoru! You can lie through your teeth!"

Kaoru looked down and she wiped her face. Kenshin knew that it was hurting her, but he didn't care. With all the anger he was feeling in his chest, he didn't want to see her there without feeling some sort of pain. He needed to let her know so that she would know later on how it was going to be. He had to do it for her sake and for his.

"Where did you go tonight, Kaoru?"

"Nowhere."

"Why are you lying? I thought you don't like to lie to me."

"I'm not lying. I just went out with my cousins because right now they are closest to my heart than anybody else." She looked up daringly and Kenshin was hurt by that. He didn't show it, but she could tell he was.

"Why are we leaving so late? There's a curfew running about now since Aoshi and Jacob burned down this gang house."

"Because Michael got out at this time."

"Why did he get out at this time? Couldn't he have gotten out earlier? You're getting caught in lies, Kaoru. Think smart."

"I'm not lying so I have nothing to fear. You have nothing on me, Kenshin, so I'm not afraid of you and your bullshit." Kenshin just shrugged his shoulders, but the questions continued.

"Why do you have red on your hands?" Kaoru froze and she looked down at her hands before she saw that there was still red from the blood that was there. Michael and Tytto bit their lips and as Tytto was going to speak, Shinji threw a pillow at his face.

"Kanojo o kanojo jishin no tame ni hanasu koto o kyoka shi nasai. Kanojo ni kuchi ga aru, soudesune?(Let her speak for herself. She has a mouth, doesn't she?)"

"Yeah, but-" Shinji put his hand out and Tytto just sighed before looking back at her.

"I got into a fight while I was walking back to my car from the party we went to."

"Why are you partying this late? Surely they wouldn't let you in. Unless... unless you were there for a reason! Yes, that's it! What's the reason for clubbing so late? Selling something?"

"Selling? We were just down there dancing. That's it."

"Down? So it was an underground club. Those aren't the good ones, Kaoru. You're fucking up."

Kaoru cursed mentally and Kenshin could see she was cracking. A sharp canine came into view as he gave a half smile and he cracked his hands. Michael and Tytto prayed that she wasn't going to loose this battle. If she did… they were all screwed.

"What were you doing in the underground club? Dancing hard to the hype?"

"That's what I'm good for. You remember telling me that… don't you?" Kenshin mentally gasped as that one backfired on him and he let it slide.

"Okay, so you were dancing hard to the hype. But you can do that in a regular club. Why down there?"

"It's the best hype. I remember you telling me about it. Fifth month, third day, Saturday morning?" Kenshin's smile fell and the others gaped as Michael put his hand over his mouth in shock. Kenshin didn't think that she would remember because she was sleepy when he called, but she did. Real well, in fact.

"Okay, so I did go down there. But I didn't do anything bad. If I did, I'd be hooked right now. Anyways, this isn't about me. It's all about you, babe."

"Don't 'babe' me. That's not your name to call me."

"Oh? Then who calls you that?" 'Let's see what she says for this.'

"Nobody. I think it's degrading to call me that." 'You are such a hypocrite, Kao.'

"Since when?"

"Since Italy. Next?"

Kaoru was cracking and cracking hard. Kenshin's questions were non-stop and as she broke down under his pressure, more and more things were getting out. She managed to keep her dealings and her life in Italy safe, but as he kept asking, she was afraid it was coming out.

"So, Kaoru. Why didn't you beat that girl up today?"

"Because I didn't feel like it!" she snapped and Shinji arched his eyebrows as things got more interesting.

"But you usually hit people for talking about you and your family. You've always done it. So why not do it now? What made you stop?"

"… somebody told me before that it's wrong to hit people just because of what they say, okay? It was said so many times it was sunk into my head." She looked down with a sad guilty frown. Kenshin opened his eyes more as he saw her get very very down.

"I wanted to hit her so badly. She talked about my mother and everybody knows how I am on that subject. I was so close to just bashing her face in! But… i couldn't do it. I would've felt guilty because somebody back in Italy would have been sad that I was fighting."

"Who in Italy, Kaoru? What's their name?"

"None of your damn business." She answered quickly and Kenshin saw that she was hiding something there. He promised himself to go back to it and he kept going on the track he was on.

"What were you taking medication for in Italy?"

"Nothing. I was sick and I got better. End of story."

"Lies. Maris-something whas what you were going to say. Why don't you just tell me what it was? It can't be that bad for you not to tell me."

"You don't need to know." She spat at him and Kenshin got angry at her tone.

"Don't bitch at me because I'm putting your ass out there for the liar that you are."

"I'm no liar so leave me the fuck alone, Kenshin! I'm tired of you and these questions!"

"So just answer what it is! It can't be that hard, can it! Just answer!"

"NO!" Kaoru shook her head as something inside of her snapped and she fell to her knees. He kept barking at her to tell and as she kept fighting back, she knew she was was almost defeated.

"Just tell me, Kaoru. It won't hurt." 'Just tell him, Kaoru. You know it's important.'

"Shut up…" she whined, but the voice inside her head and Kenshin's voice kept mixing together and telling her different things.

"If you tell, you'll feel all better."

'You should tell the one you love. Don't lie and make your relationship hard.'

"Get out of my head…" she whined/whispered and Kenshin kept pressing with the voice. The voice that she remembered always pushing her. Always forcing her. Always… always hurting her.

"Tell me Kaoru. Just tell me what it was."

"No… stop it… please." Shinji leaned forward as Kaoru put her hands in her hair and she rested her forehead against the ground as she tried to block it out. She began to hum to herself, but as he kept going and going, it got louder and louder.

"Tell me kaoru."

'Tell me Kaoru.'

"Just let Kenshin know what you were on."

'It won't hurt once you tell me.' Kaoru began to cry, but he didn't hear it as he put his hands together and he gave a weird smile.

"Tell me Kaoru. Tell me"

"STOP TOYING WITH MY HEAD!"

Kaoru looked up as she said it and Kenshin gasped softly with the others as her eyes were more red than they had ever seen before. It was an eerie red and as she cried out for them to shut up, Michael and Tytto got up and went to her. She beat on the floor and she let out a scream as she lost her mind and she tried to shut herself down.

"Get out of my head, get out of my head! It hurts, Allusius, it hurts! Make him stop, make him stop! It hurts so bad!"

Kenshin backed up in worry as they grabbed her and she fought back against them. As they pulled her sleeve, she pulled back until it tore and they gasped as they saw her forearm.

"What… what did you do, Kaoru!"

On her forearm was a dark tattoo. It was a dragon crawling around and all over it was words that were in the three languages she spoke on the regular basis. It send shivers up Kenshin's spines as he saw the face on her wrist area. It was the skeleton head and the eyes were as red as demons.

"What the fuck is that on her arm! Michael, did you know about this!"

"No, I didn't! I swear!"

Kaoru kept screaming out as she buried herself into her knees. Michael picked her up and she cried out for him to let go as he tried to get her balanced. Once he couldn't, Tytto took her and got it on the first try. Kaoru just kept crying out and asking for them to stop as he took her away and up the stairs.

"What the fuck was that about, Kenshin? You know she's never been stable! Ever!"

"I… I didn't think it was that bad. She told me she got better. I swear." Michael glared at him again before he picked up her torn sleeve.

"Wanna know what the drug was? It was Maristrati. That's her name for it since she invented the damn thing herself."

"She invented the drug?" Michael nodded and as he balled it up, he let out a sigh.

"It's another kind of ecstasy and it's something that she took as she was depressed. It made her happy but soon she got too addicted and she lost control of herself. She started having seizures, different mood swings, and she just lost interest in the things she loved.

"Allusius, the name she called out, was the one who first caught her cutting herself and taking this drug. After he caught her two more times, he picked her up himself, tied her up, and he carried her all the way to the rehab that was two miles away. He was the reason that she got better. She's not all the way, but she's off that drug.

"That's why Tytto wanted him to be her lover. Because he was there for everything and even though he was leaving a lot, he kept in touch and he came back for her. He drove for hours every day to see her. Even if it was just five minutes, he would go and help her with whatever she wanted.

"That's her true friend and I don't ever want to hear anybody bad mouth him. If I do, sir help my god I'll lost my mind. He's a saint to her and in all honesty, he's her guide."

Kenshin sat down and he put his head in his hands as Kaoru's cries got louder and Tytto come downstairs with scratches on his arm and neck. He explained that she attacked him and he put her in a closet with nothing inside but herself and the darkness.

"Allusius told me that she's good in there. Just leave her."

Kenshin bit his lip as he put his hands over his mouth and he began to apologize from the bottom of his heart for going so far.

"She… she never told me she was like this…She never told me she was this messed up at all."

Shinji glared at the glass he was drinking from before he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. As he got his thoughts together, he finally came up with a decision as the cries from Kaoru began to fade down. He knew it was going to hurt the three's bond, but it had to be done in order to get his daughter back to normal before something happened to her.

"Tomorrow, you are going to go home Michael. And Tytto is going with you. I don't need you guys in this house right now as I'm going to take every-single-daring bone in Kaoru's body away. By the time I'm done with her, she'll be back to normal. I don't care how long it takes.

"You two are not going to keep tabs on her, call her, or do anything for you. To put it in simple words… you are hereby forbidden to see Kaoru until I give the okay."

The two were shocked and began to argue and fight back, but Shinji put his foot down and they knew that it was a losing battle. Tytto began to curse out, but Michael just held his arm and shook his head as he slumped back into his seat. Kenshin apologized again because he felt guilty and the two just kept silent.

"Why'd you have to question her Kenshin?" Tytto finally asked and Kenshin looked over to him with sad violet eyes. Tytto's own gray ones were now depressed and as he bit his harsh words down, he changed it around.

"Why'd you have to question her to the point of her telling something that she didn't want to show? She didn't tell it because she wanted to make Uncle Shinji proud of her. She wanted to show him that she could go out on her own and come back clean. Now he thinks of her lower than before.

"…Was it really necessary to hurt her pride like that?"

"… No." Kenshin answered and then he put his head in his hands before he let out a sad sigh.

"It wasn't really necessary at all."

R.S.: This finally finishes Kaoru settling in! Part one is complete! Now that we know about what she's doing and what's going on with her, the story can go deeper into the dark parts about the Kamiya family and the problems that are worse than before.

Please R&R! I need to hear how you guys like this! If I can't get reviews, I won't want to write. T-T

Next on: Who'll raise you to heaven and drop you to hell

"I'm about to pull a stunt that will rock your world"

"Welcome home, missy! How was the camp for you?"

"I see that you really have changed, Kaoru… that's good for my heart."

"You're going to be just like Juliet, Kaoru. Doesn't that make you excited?"

"I finally speak to you, Kenshin Himura."

"Who are you?"

"Me?... Allusius, of course. I'm surprised Kaoru never told you about me."