Christina didn't hear the door open or close or even notice that he was standing there watching her, she had zoned out into another place she sat there with her eyes closed and her head tilted back against the wall that housed the air vents doing her best to hold back the tears. Her world had been shaken like an earthquake and she didn't even know how to put the pieces back together she was still feeling numb and still trying to make sense of it all, she sat there trying to concentrate on that moment, that one overwhelming moment of pure happiness but couldn't get a clear picture of it in her mind the more she tried the blurrier it got she took a deep breath and started to exhale as she lowered her head this was something that she had been doing for the past few days sitting in that same spot.
"Hey?"
She jumped and looked up in a bit of confusion as she heard his voice. He was standing at the top of the stairs with his hands in his pockets watching her.
"Damn you scared me, how did you know I was up here, and how long have you been standing there?" she asked him turning to look in his direction as he started approaching her.
"I took a wild guess I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, and not that long, you want to tell me why you're up here?"
"Does this wild guess go by the name of Bobbie, she the only one that knows that I have been coming up here?" she asked him as she crossed her feet and folded her arms across her lap, ignoring the question and the look on his face.
"Can I sit down?"
"Sure grab some bench."
"Are you ok Christina?"
"Defined ok, a few days ago i found out that my husband has cancer he's had surgery and now going through chemo."
"I'm sorry Christina I didn't mean it…."
"No Tom I'm sorry, I know what you meant."
"You're finally calling me Tom, progress." she turned and looked up at him forcing a slight smile.
"So are you going to tell me how bad it really is?"
He looked over at her as she asked the question he really didn't want to say anything but he knew that she needed to hear it even though she already knew the answer.
"It's not good Christina," he lowered his head as he told her, he could feel the tears starting to stream down her face with out even looking at her again, all he could do was sit there with his head down, he wanted to tell her that it was going to be ok that everything was going to be alright he hated seeing her like this, it wasn't her and it was tearing his heart out she was a fighter this feisty, strong, overbearing, forceful and compassionate person and he loved all of it about her but this was more then she could take or handle, and he was at a lost at what to do he wanted to hold her but he knew the reality of that.
"Thank you Tom."
"For what Christina, I didn't do anything but give you the worst possible news that I could ever give any one." he told her with a sorrowful voice as he continued to look at the ground.
"I thanked you for just being here." she told him as she took her hand and placed it on his arm.
"So are you going to tell me why you came up here?" he asked again as he lifted his head slowly.
"Camille and Amanda are with Michael right now, I just needed some air and to think and I found that coming up here to the roof is the perfect place to get it, I just couldn't be inside right now I cant stand being around people I cant take one more person telling me that their sorry and that everything is going to be ok."
"Christina people just want to be there for you."
"Tom half of those people down there don't give a damn about me or my family, I don't need or want their damn pity. She said with a sad but pissed tone in her voice.
"Christina you can't start pushing people away, you're not alone, and not everyone feels that way, believe it or not you do have people down there who love and care about you."
"I know Tom but….God why didn't he tell me he was sick? Why didn't I see it?" She asked him as she stood up and walked closer to the edge looking out over the city she couldn't help but feel a little guilty about the past few weeks.
"Christina it wasn't something that you could have seen." he tried to explain as he stood up putting his hands into his pockets as he walked over by where she was.
"I know I just feel so damn useless." she told him as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "How do I help him with this, how do we get through this?"
"Christina, the only thing you can do is be there for him and fight this with him." he told her, he could see and feel her frustration he didn't know what else to tell her how to help her with this they stood there in silence and all he want was to take her into his arms and hold her to take her pain away but he couldn't all he could do was stand there with his hands in his pockets until his pager started to beep, "I'm sorry that's the O.R. you want to head back in with me?"
"Yeah I need to get back and check on Michael and Camille." she told him as she wiped her eyes one more time he smiled and they both headed back over to the door.