CHAPTER FOUR

Wake in the morning to find Sam staring at me. "You had a good night." He remarks, the first thing I've heard him say other than 'sure thanks' since my completely selfish revelation of something totally unreasonable the previous afternoon.

Close my eyes thinking back on the night. "Yeah I think so. Don't remember any flashes."

"No nightmares either." Sam whispers.

"I guess. So it's over?"

"Let me see your eyes." I look up into his eyes. We get lost staring at each other until he shakes his head. "Yeah you're pretty much clear, not completely but it won't take long now."

Can't help but let a sigh of relief escape. "Okieday, well that's something. Right, breakfast." Put some track pants on over my pajama shorts and head down followed by Sam. Get the jug on and some toast for me, ask Sam what he wants but he gets it for himself.

Other than noise from moving around we are back to silence. Neither of us are willing to ask if the other is okay or what we are thinking even though I'm dying to know what has been going through his head, well at any point since we met. But I have promised never to pressure him and I am trying not to ask anymore stupid questions of a Winchester.

We are sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, in awkward silence; avoiding looking at him, leave Sam sitting at the table while I do the dishes and go to clean up the lounge while I have the chance. Finally I can't take the silence. Return to the kitchen where he's rinsing his cup in the sink. Suddenly I'm nervous about speaking up again.

"Cassie is dropping off Jacob after 5 PM, do you wanna see him again before you leave?"

"If that's okay with you?"

Almost forcing a smile. "Of course, you can see him whenever you want. Dean can too, once you tell him." Silence resumes while I give Sam a chance to respond, after waiting what feels like ages I continue. "Did you want to stay for dinner again? If Dean's still here he could come too. Promise no talk about Jacob if you don't want. Anyway options there." Halfheartedly waving a hand randomly.

"Can I think about it?"

"Sure you can. Ya know, I'll just make enough for everyone and if it's not all eaten I can freeze it. I am about return to essentially being a working student, single mother - so no big."

"Alright if that's good for you. Got any plans for today?"

Shrugging in thought. "Get as much study as I can done while Jake ain't here, what about you? Don't feel you have to hang around here all day."

"I don't know." Sam really sounds lost, I wouldn't think so just looking at him, maybe I could if I knew him better.

"Well feel free to talk to me while I study or do whatever. I plan for tea to be six thirty if your gonna go out today but eat here."

Scoot upstairs to grab my books and laptop to work on the kitchen table. Which he is still sitting at. I'm determined not to let this be another awkward thing and not talking unless he wants to so I'll just focus on my work until then.

Of course after about twenty minutes I break the silence. "Are you going to sit quietly, watching me study all day? It's a bit creepy, just as bad as you watching me sleep. Worse actually." Tease, continue trying to work.

"Sorry." Sam mumbles and shifts his position.

Tapping my pen against an open page, Sam watches as patterns emerge. "Do you miss it? Studying?"

"Well it's not as if I don't get to do research." His smile is back, even if it is barely that.

"Right," I smirk, giving a little laugh, "I used to do it for fun, now not so much. God that sounds a bit pathetic, don't it?"

"Nah I get it." That gorgeous smile widens into a grin for several moments.

Stop the tapping and lean forward leaning against the table with semi-crossed arms. "Okay so what's with the quiet time? If you didn't wanna talk you could be out there doing anything but you've just been sitting here with the crazy chick, doing nothing. Still no pressure." Bringing up a palm in assurance. "I'm just curious. Think that got me in trouble last time, so I'm leaving everything up to you." Uncrossing my arms and sort of interlinking my fingers while I figure out what to do with my hands, clearly not concentrating on any work at this moment.

"You're not crazy."

"How do you know?" Without giving him time to answer end up blurting a sudden thought. "By the way, does Dean know you still here?"

Sam simply replies, "I've been texting him."

"You haven't actually talked to or seen him then? What's the bet he'll think even more we are cheating on Sam? I mean your original plan was to leave when she got home last night and then well didn't." My small smile turns cheeky.

There is now a twinkle in Sam's eye. "He can think what he likes, we know the truth."

Shrugging, lose most of the smirk. "Hmm I s'pose." Then I leave it at that, diverting full attention back to studying for an hour or so, before getting up to stretch. "Coffee?" Switching on the radio and the kettle.

"Please." While waiting for it to boil, hunt through the cupboards for bikkies. Place a container on the table, pick one up. Sam grabs at my free hand as I go to walk back past to make the drinks.

"What?" Pulled down sit next to his chair, taking a bite of the chocolate coated biscuit.

Sam fidgets a bit before tentatively proceeding. "Were you okay?"

"When?"

Sam frowns in concern, clearly worried about what he is about to say. "When you found out you were pregnant."

Swallow my mouthful roughly. "No Sam, no I wasn't. It was a rough time to say the least."

My hands are clasped gently inside his. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"It's my fault, we weren't careful. That's on me."

"Hey it takes two ta tango buddy." Hold up two fingers. "Two people," with a sharp jab into his chest. "Both our fault." Indicating to each of us.

He lifts his head to look me in the eye. "But you were having a shitty week, your own words you 'weren't thinking clearly'. I was on a job," Breaking off again. "I should have been working the case."

"You were working Sammy, but you were also dealing with some pretty heavy crap yourself. So neither of us were responsible, we can't turn back time and I wouldn't want to." Resist the urge to pull my hand from his and caress his face.

"You wouldn't?"

"Absolutely. I love Jake. Sure the start of the pregnancy was hard bringing back memories of the first time and of camp - the good and the bad. Sure I've had uhm certain problems in the past that were difficult to not fall back into, but I knew that I couldn't do IT again or do anything to risk losing the baby. All I can say is if anyone had tried to take my chocolate off me, watch out! It's all I had left to cope with shit."

Get up to make the coffees. "Besides I don't want to think where, or what, I'd be right now if we hadn't ya know, gotten close. You know where I was headed and hell what just happened, it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?" Both of us remain quiet until I place the coffees on the table, sitting next to him again, study can wait.

"So where did Sam come in?"

"Well we kept in touch nearly everyday after camp," have to stop myself giggling while thinking 'when she was on Earth'. "Between you and her - that's what made me decide to go to college, started with a few summer classes. Sam would come visit whenever she had a few days off and we'd skype whenever she was able, she introduced me to Cassie so I'd have a friend my age around to talk to when she wasn't available."

Pausing break off any eye contact. "Then Sam started acting weird around me, it didn't take me long to figure her out. She was getting confused and couldn't stop thinking about 'the cave incident'. Then just as we were adjusting to these new feelings I started being ill, it was quite different from the first time round so I was about eleven weeks when I found out, nearly twelve."

My head's been down, looking in my lap but now I feel I need to make eye contact with him. "Not that I had a decision to make, you know that I made it years ago. But I was so afraid I'd scare her off, we were so new and at the time she didn't know I'd been pregnant before, when she accepted me anyway I told her everything." Take a breath to prevent myself from choking on my own words.

"She in turn told me some things she probably shouldn't have. It was difficult with her job keeping her away a lot but during the second trimester I was too sick to work so I stayed with Cassie so Sam could see me as much as possible. When I came home for the end, after Christmas, Cassie moved in with me. She moved out when he was a few weeks old but I still have her around and my studies and Jake to keep my mind occupied when Sam isn't home. Still have my crappy job, but in general things are good. Especially since I'm not a vamp or worse wouldn't you say?"

Sam appears pensive now that I've stopped talking. "Yeah I guess."

"So how are you doing with this whole Jacob thing?"

"I'm doing okay." Though Sam sounds anything but okay.

"Really?"

"Yes I'm okay with Jacob, it's the telling Dean part I have a problem with."

Dean, Dean, Dean. Of course the elder Winchester is the problem. "Because?"

"Not so long ago Dean ah uhm, had a similar issue."

"Dean has a kid?"

"Well no. He had a one night stand with a chick he met at a bar."

"Not unusual for him though right?"

"Hmm. This chick was a monster, an Amazon with a 16 year old daughter within three days of having no kids whatsoever."

"Oh, and uhm what happened?"

"And the girl tried to kill him so I had to kill her, Dean couldn't do it."

"So 'kids' goes under 'don't talk to Dean about this' at dinner? So how do you tell him this? Even though I'm not a monster, well now, and neither is your son."

Sam draws in a deep breath. "Hey. While we are on the subject, don't ah ever mention Lisa and Ben. Or something that could lead to them."

"He took losing them hard?"

"He had Cas wipe their memories after Crowley kidnapped them to keep us off his trail."

"That fucking bastard! Crowley, not Dean. Though wiping their memories? I'm not sure that was right thing to do."

"Yup."

"Don't ever do that to me." Demand of Sam and he nods his agreement. "So with all this Leviathan crap you don't want to tell him since you have a job to do and it's hard enough dealing with losing Bobby?"

"That's pretty much it."

"Bad idea, keeping secrets from him but I kinda understand. So if he comes over, I'm pretty sure he's seen my tat; how do I explain it? If he asks. Can't exactly use The Ghostfacers for this one."

He rolls his eyes. "What you told Carter at the caves, you read about it somewhere."

"Nice callback." With a short laugh. "So is there anything else on the Dean no-go-list?"

"Well, Castiel is probably a safe bet."

Surprising subject to be off limits. "What? How come?"

"Okay well, Cas broke my wall to keep Dean and Bobby from stopping him working with Crowley to get all the souls from Purgatory. This is how the Leviathan got loose. For a long time we thought he was dead, and I, well my wall was dust so I remember everything from when I was soulless and started seeing Lucifer everywhere."

"That doesn't sound good. Do you see him now?"

"I got hit by a car, it got me locked up in a psych ward from lack of sleep. Dean went looking for a healer and tracked down a miracle worker, Emmanuel, who turned out to be Castiel, just without any memories. Meg showed up and that lead to his memory coming back. He felt so guilty that he took on my Hell. He's now unconscious in that psych ward."

"Oh wow. You left him alone?" Frowning at that.

"Not exactly." Sam shifting is almost unnoticeable, almost. What is he hiding?

"What?"

"Meg is there. With Cas."

"Meg? The demon? The same one who worked with Yellow Eyes?"

"Yes that demon." I can't believe what I'm hearing. Why would they trust any demon after Ruby?

"A demon? Looking after an angel? That is whack."

"Yeah it is, but she needs protection from King Crowley. Dean calls it mutually assured destruction. If one of us tells on the other we all go poof."

"Poor Cas, I can't believe what he's done though."

"Neither could we, and that's only the start."

"Really? What else has he done?" Sam tightens his lips, roughly puts a hand through his thick hair. I'm starving and seems likely not going to get an answer so screw waiting for a decent lunchtime. Make up a couple of sandwiches, to stop myself from eating the entire biscuit tin.

Sam of course is watching me. "Really?" He's grinning.

"What?"

"Did you just put peanut butter with bananas?"

Preparing to get all defensive. "Yeah so what?"

"Dean really doesn't like it when I do it, glad to see I'm not the only one."

"Want some?"

"Yes please."

So I make a few more sandwiches before returning to the table. "Sam doesn't get it either." Placing the plate between us. It's empty within minutes. "S'pose I better get some work done, unless you wanna talk some more? Well you can still talk to me anyway, but not heavy shit if I'm going to take anything in."

"No you should get back to your studying. I'm sorry for distracting you."

"Nah, you're all good." Move back to my chair opposite him. Soon I can't concentrate anymore. Close laptop; rubbing my eyes. Checking the time, it's only been ten minutes since he stopped talking again. Sighing pull my phone out, start playing solitaire on it, I'm slower than normal. Am I out of practice or is Sam watching me putting me off? Or both? Either way I'm soon bored with that too and chuck the stupid phone on table.

"Something else on your mind Sam?"

"There's always something, it's not as if you can stop thinking."

"True, but you know what I meant."

"Just wondering."

"Okay. Well I'm going stir crazy. Think I'll go out for a bit, want'a come?" Close and stack my textbooks.

"Nah, I might go for a walk though."

"Alrighty then, see ya later," Pocket my phone, go upstairs to change and grab my handbag. Drive to the supermarket for more food, beer, and baby formula. Then just drive around to be out of the house for a bit longer before going home to attempt more study and making an early start on dinner so I can take my time, reveling in the quiet while it lasts. Sam's car is gone when I get back.

Just after 5 o'clock Cassie brings my baby boy home. "Hey hun, you going to stay for dinner?"

"Not tonight, but thanks. Maybe another day."

"That's alright, can you stay a little longer though? Just so I can finish up." Indicating to the mess on the bench and mostly assembled pan of cheeseburger lasagna.

"Sure, are you okay now?"

"Yes I'm fine, just a little tired. Drink?"

She talks to me and plays with Jake on the dining room floor while I continue prepping food after getting her a water. Twenty minutes later Sammy waltzes in, surprising Cassie. "You're still here?"

"Yeah just making sure Grace is okay. We are leaving tonight after dinner."

"So Dean is coming?" Cassie seems a little anxious at that.

Begin preparing a bottle for Jake, I might be cured but I don't even know if my milk will return, plus to be on the safe side will wait a few days if it does to see what happens with me before trying to breastfeed again.

"Yeah he'll be here soon, after checking out of the hotel." Sam leans against the wall, the bit of small talk continues, pausing when I go to pick up Jacob to feed him, Sam looks like he wants to ask something.

"Cat got your tongue?" Sam shakes his head, no. "Do you want to feed Jacob?"

Happy, relieved, nervous Sam's face flashes, ending in excitement. "Yeah. Is that alright?"

"Sit down then," Instruct him so I can settle Jake in his arms and pass him the bottle. Make sure they're doing okay and Cassie is keeping an eye on him before going down to the laundry. "I'll be right back." Take out his stuff still in the dryer and fold it quickly and go back upstairs, just have to take a photo of what I find - Sammy laughing, seemingly completely comfortable with Cassie and Jake.

Until the doorbell rings.

"Come in Dean, it's open." Call out while I check on the oven and start cleaning up the bench.

"Well look at you Mister Domestic." Dean teases Sam as soon as he sees the position his younger brother is in.

"Hey Dean, want a drink?" Grabbing a couple of beers out putting them on the bench for him and Sam without waiting on an answer. "Here boys. You doing alright there Sam?"

Someone's grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "Yeah, I'm good." Dean opens and passes his little brother a beer.

Attention is drawn to my friend who is getting up to put her glass in the sink. "Sure you won't stay for tea Cassie?"

"I'm okay. Good to meet you boys. Good night." She leans down to give Jake a kiss and a tickle, slinging her purse over her shoulder, the front door snaps shut behind her.

Dean sort of paces around the kitchen and dining area looking around. "So how you feeling Grace?"

"Tired, but fine I guess; have you had a good day?"

He gives the patented Winchester shrug. "Yeah it was okay."

"Sam, you all good with Jake? I wanna run my books upstairs so can set the table." He answers with a smile. As I come back down the stairs I pause, stopping near the bottom when I hear the boy's harsh lowered voices.

Sam hisses. "Nothing is going on."

"So where's her partner? You said she'd be home." Dean growls back.

"She's delayed at work."

"So you're just playing happy families?"

"No Jacob hasn't been here, Cassie just brought him home." Sam states calmly.

"So you two have been here all alone and nothing's going on?"

Sam huffs loudly. "NO! Just talking and I've keeping an eye on Grace."

Oh boy! Better stop this before it goes any further, running down the rest of the way.

"Yeah I bet." Dean spits, freezing momentarily when I come in, put some plates in the oven and get out the cutlery. "Thanks for inviting me to dinner." Trying for normality but can't quite hide the remaining tension.

"No problem, you saved me; gotta thank you and you boys probably don't get many home cooked meals living on the road."

"You are right about that." Draining his beer. I just turn and grab two more out of the fridge.

Sam is starting to look uncomfortable, minor shifting without disturbing Jake. "You okay Sam?"

"Yeah, just arm cramp." Flexing his hands, one at a time.

Picking up the tea towel to wipe my hands. "Okay just a minute."

"Don't worry, I'll get him, if you don't mind?" Dean looks at me for permission.

"Go for it." Grabbing oven mitts to take out the food, leaving the plates in the oven for a few more minutes while it cools.

Set the table while Dean's walks around, Sam is rubbing his arm and watching Dean burp Jake. The pie goes back in the oven; then place the plates followed by the food are set on the table before reaching to take my son from Dean and put him in his bouncy seat.

"It's okay." He carefully does it himself.

"Help yourselves." I announce, settling down and we all dig in. Eating means quiet, for about a minute.

With half a mouth full Dean makes some happy noises. "This is awesome."

"Thanks Dean."

"Thank you." I blush and beam. Sam's still quiet, I know he's nervous.

"You seem to be handling the whole vamp thing well."

I still, looking in my plate while I think. "Yeah. I'm fine." Slowly resuming utensil movement.

"I mean when you were turned you were remarkably calm."

"You call that calm?"

"Well controlled then. Especially for a newbie. I'm experienced in weird and had difficulty with controlling the need to feed. Don't tell anyone that." He adds pointing his fork at me.

"Your secret is safe with me but, well, it wasn't exactly my first freaky experience, and I had a good reason to try my best to be in control." Gaze down at Jake, reaching out to caress his little head.

"It wasn't your first?"

"No," look back to my food, pushing it around, trying not to look at Sam.

"What does that mean?"

"I told you about last year? My boyfriend?" Glance up just long enough to catch his nod. "He didn't die normally."

He just looks at me with raised eyebrows. "It was a ghost. Fun times."

"Oh. So I noticed your tattoo? When did you get it?"

"Yeeah, that's when I got it."

"But you're not a hunter?"

"Nope. I read quite a bit and came across it at some point, seemed fitting at that time to finally go get it. If ghosts are real what else is?" Risk a look at Sam who is shoveling his dinner like there's no tomorrow.

"So anyway you boys must have some good stories from the road?" Dean laughs and shakes his head. "Come on don't hold out on me. I'm a working student mother, who just got turned into a bloodsucker and then back again. My life's about to be boring."

Sam finally joins in. "Okay, so not long ago there was this monster that you had to be drunk to see. Dean drinks like it's water so that was fun watching him trying to get drunk." We both laugh. I cover my mouth until I've swallowed.

Dean scoffs, "Dude?"

"Come on man it was, though Garth was funnier."

"Garth?"

Dean replies. "Another hunter, a damn lightweight, was drunk after one beer!"

"So this monster, what was it?" Stop playing with my food and actually take a bite this time.

Sam takes this one when it seems Dean doesn't want to enlighten me further. "A shojo."

"That's Japanese isn't it?"

Dean seems to relax and join in the conversation. "Yeah."

"So getting drunk to fight? Sounds fun. If it'd been me probly woulda taken not much longer than Garth to 'be ready'; well nowadays anyway."

"Why's that?" Dean asks.

Softly I admit, "I don't drink anymore." Lightly tapping my food with the fork.

"Umm so are you an al-ahh?" Sam smirks at Dean's inability to spit out the word 'alcoholic'.

"An alcy? No, but I could have gotten outta control fast. I'm lucky I had someone to snap me out of it. With Jacob I can't, but even when I could again I don't think I will." Glance at Sam, seeing his nearly empty beer I rise to turn down the oven and grab another couple of bottles.

Sam mutters 'thanks' when I place the bottle beside his plate.

"Make sure you boys save room for dessert," I warn them a bit too cheerily.

After the cherry pie with fresh apricot slices and ice cream Dean offers to do the dishes. "Perfect I can put Jake to bed, and Sam your stuff is still in the laundry - don't you think you should pack?"

"Right." He heads downstairs. I head up with Jake, change him and put him down watching him fall asleep. My boy's been quiet tonight. Sam comes in and watches him too.

Sam speaks quietly. "I wish I could stay." Placing his hand on my shoulder.

"We'll still be here when you come back, you do what you gotta do." Turn to give him a hug, stand on my tip toes, reach up to pull him down into a kiss, he pulls me closer deepening it, one of his hands slips down to my bum, suddenly Sam's breaking off. "I'm sorry." Sam pants as I stagger a little to regain my balance from him releasing me.

"Don't it was me, you got nothing to apologise for." He pulls me into a soft but tight hug. "I'm the one that's sorry. I just meant a kiss for luck." Blushing furiously as we are both now a bit hot and bothered, definitely aroused. For my part I struggle not to then let a hand wander to his enclosed erection pressing against me.

We break apart before I can drag him down again. Sam's face is tinged red, likely from embarrassment at his clear reaction. "You finish packing. I'll go help Dean with the dishes." Turning on the baby monitor and taking the handset down with me. Pick up the tea towel but it's snatched out of my hands. "You cooked, sit down."

"Going for a sainthood are we? I cooked to thank you." Lean against the bench. "Where you headed now?"

"No idea we'll just hit the road."

"Hope you get a lead on these Leviathans soon, sounds like you boys could use a break."

Sammy comes in dumping his bag on the floor and grabbing the tea towel off the bench behind me. "Sit down."

"Yes sir." With a mock salute, remembering the dinner at the cabin and laughing. Poke my tongue out when Dean's not looking. Grinning, Sam flicks on the jug. Bloody mind reader. Fidgeting increases as I'm watching them, Sam brings me a coffee and whispers "Calm down."

"I'm trying." I hiss back, which is covered up by noises from the baby monitor in my pocket, Jake is stirring. Sam turns around. "Don't worry I've got him." Tapping his pocket, making eye contact with me. I nod, and when I hear him in the room I turn the volume down so Sam can say goodbye to his son alone.

"Do you want another beer before you go?" I ask Dean.

"I'm good, thanks."

"Okay, do you want to take the rest of the pie?"

His eyes light up but he says "No."

Simply can not stop the giggle that escapes. "Seriously? I saw that. You want it, take it." Get up to put the leftover dessert in a container I won't miss. "Here."

"Thanks."

"Your welcome, dinner was the least I could do for you." Leaning against the bench while he finishes the washing up, and continues the drying.

Sammy comes back down. "Sit down. Drink your coffee." He orders, gently pushing me out of the kitchen and puts away the dishes.

"Ya know, you guys shouldn't be so helpful. I won't want you to leave." Sipping at my drink and stifle another giggle.

Too soon they finish up wiping down the bench. Dean comes toward me. "Guess we should get going then."

"Thanks a lot." Holding out my hand to shake his.

"No problem." Dean heads for the front door. Sam stoops to pick up his bags and follow.

"Sam, hold up." Reach into a bottom cupboard. "An early birthday present." Place a key in his hand then grab for the back of the cupboard pulling out a bottle of whiskey. "Happy Birthday Sammy." He kisses me on the cheek. "Be careful out there Grace."

I break out in a massive grin. "Hey that's my line. I'm going to hold onto 'don't lose my number' though and this time I mean it. You and Sam are the only ones with the number that you rang, oh and I deleted the text off Dean's once it sent. I'm so glad it was you. Would have been embarrassing if I text the wrong person."

Dean comes back in while he's hugging me again after placing his presents in his duffel bag. "Shake a leg Sammy."

"Don't forget your pie Dean." Holding it out to the suddenly eager Winchester.

Walk them to the door where I shake Sam's hand too. "You better watch your arses." Stand there like an idiot until they drive off. Close the front door lightly, lock it, lean against it. Phew. After some deep breathing it's time to get back to the real world.

Turn the baby monitor volume back up, make sure all the lights are out downstairs and go up to bed, via the nursery. Turn on my radio, down low, with the monitor on the bedside table, change into my pajamas, climb into bed and lie there mulling over everything that has happened, thinking I did pretty well with Dean.

Now it's all up to Sam.

TBC

A/N
This chapter is to acknowledge Jacob's birthday as well as Stargate actors David Blue and Bill Dow (even though their characters aren't in this story).