Chapter 4 – Rerating My Netflix Will Be a Bitch

Damon's POV

C . B . D

"I don't get it, Damon, why can't Stefan know what's going on?"

Leaning against my apartment door, I watched Elena's face scrunch in fear of Stefan finding out our little predicament. She still carried that annoying trait of never wanting to hurt anyone's feelings even after death. Always having to play the role of the honest girl. The quicker she lost the honorability, the quicker she'd see the joys of being undead.

"Because then that would defeat the purpose of it being a secret," I pointed out. She didn't need a fucking laundry list of reasons why telling Stefan had bad idea written all over it. "Don't play dumb, you know we can't."

"He deserves to know the truth." Her brown eyes stared at me and she gave me her signature I'm-wholesome-and-this-is-wrong look. It may have worked on me before, but I was not budging on this one. Stefan was to be kept in the dark at all costs.

"He had his chance Elena and he blew it." Big time.

Her thin shoulders bunched into a shrug. "We can't keep doing this to him."

"Why not?" I smiled, pulling her into my arms. "Are you not having fun?"

She pulled her lips into her teeth, biting its soft flesh. "It's wrong."

"Sometimes the wrong thing to do is the right thing to do."

"What?"

I laughed. "Just role with it."

Smiling, Elena's hands slowly wrapped themselves around me and she tugged me closer. "I've been just rolling with it for weeks now."

"Don't tell me you can't handle this, Elena."

"One more week, Damon. One more and we're done. I can't keep living this lie. Stefan doesn't deserve this."

Ugh, mood kill. I moved her away from me, hating the fact that even when the two of us were alone Stefan still remained a factor. Get the fuck over him already. "Fine. One week. You know you'll come back for more though."

"Only in Damonland would that happen."

Damonland? Only Elena could say something as dorky as that. "What happens in Stefanland? School boy by day, superhero by night. Squirrels are endangered."

Rolling her brown eyes, she waved me off. "Goodnight, Damon."

"Good night," I sang, watching as she left my sped away.

One week my ass. Yeah, she'd go back to Stefan and would try to escape me, but we both knew how it would all end. With her inevitably crawling her way back to me. She was helpless. A sexy trait in a woman.

Sighing, I opened the door to my apartment, taking one step into my house before being bombarded with a noise I wasn't prepared to hear.

"Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song! Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG!"

Was that... Spongebob?

And was that Lea singing along with it?

What the fuck.

Couldn't have been. She didn't know of my whereabouts and wouldn't have broken into my home even if she did.

Oh what was I thinking, Lea loved fucking with me just as much as I did her. This was something I'd do so she definitely would do it back. And she didn't play the helpless damsel role Elena did. She was more take charge and ballsy. A trait I thoroughly hated.

Charging into my living room, I didn't even get the chance to make a scene, Lea had already beat me to it.

"Wazzup, Damon," she nodded her head to me. "Man...I've been waiting here for you for hours. I bought us some pizza. Pepperoni lovers from Pizza Hut but of course. I even got us some chocolate dunkers but I ate all of them. Sorry."

This wasn't fucking happening. Lea was not sitting on my couch, watching Spongebob with my Netflix, using my own grin against me. This was a sick joke. Or maybe I'd gotten stabbed in the heart, never realized it, and this was my version hell. Where Lea continuously found ways to both torment and one-up me.

Taking a sip of her soda, she slurped loudly. "I ransacked your fridge b-t-w, and was happy to see you stocked your fridge with root beer. You must've known I was coming over, you hate soda."

Little did she know, those weren't mine, they were Elena's. And under no circumstances was Lea to figure out Elena and I were on speaking terms. She had the biggest mouth in Mystic Falls and would tell Stefan in a heartbeat.

Just like she was going to tell him about me still being in town.

Not if I had anything to do with it.

"How'd you get in here?"

She smacked loudly on her pepperoni infested pizza. "Divination, Damon. Come on now, you act as if you don't know the drill. If I want to know something, it takes no effort at all for me to get it. All I had to do was sit in a drawn pentagram and meditate."

Fucking voodoo bullshit wullshit. It was a pain in the ass. What with her constantly wanting to use tarot cards, or asking me to do freaky rituals with her just for her to practice. Though it was hilarious when she bought a crystal ball off Ebay. The look on her face when it didn't work was worth it.

"Yeah. But how did you break in?"

"Immturmett," she said, mouth stuffed with food. "All I had to do was yahoo, fuck google, how to pick a lock and viola, I got ya whole place to myself."

Well that was smart.

"Dean and Sam could learn something from me huh? Lea Winchester. Has a ring to it doesn't it?"

What was with her and her love for terrible paranormal shows. I remembered when she tried to get me to watch True Blood, it was horrid. And she actually enjoyed it. Especially some blonde dick named Eric Compton or something.

"Get out, Lea." She wouldn't. Not at all. I already knew that.

"Come on," she cried, patting the seat next to her. "Do we really have to do this the hard way? Where I yell at you for being a dick to your brother and not keeping up your end of the bargain?"

Her relationship with Stefan was disgusting in every way imaginable. Were they like best fucking friends? They told each other everything and had sleepovers and pillow fights and did each other's hair. How did Elena like him.? He was clearly gay.

Still, I can't believe he told her about our deal. Dick. "What's the easy way?"

"You open your oven, see the pizza I bought just for you because I know you hate pepperoni you ungodly thing, grab a drink, and chill with me."

I backed into my kitchen, opening my oven to see just as she said. A large pizza was crammed inside it. She didn't know my damn tastes. Let's see what she bought for me.

Setting the pizza onto a counter, I flipped the box open, mouth watering at what I saw.

Lea, in her typical dramatic fashion, called off the name of ingredients on it.

"Chicken, ham, mushrooms, green peppers, olives, and pineapples. All beautifully adorning cheese stuffed crust. All this can be yours if the price is right, Damon."

"How'd you know this is what I liked?"

"Remember the night all of us ordered pizza while figuring out how to stop Klaus' ritual? None of us had the same tastes so we each got individual boxes and you especially ordered the most vile concoction ever to exist."

I smiled, doing the next thing she said on the list and got me a drink. "Your memory is so good it's scary."

"Can you sit on down so I can watch Spongebob please. And shut up too. You know how you like to talk through shit."

"Shut up. You enjoy my commentary." Sitting on my couch, the seat directly next to her because she'd freak out at by how close we were, I snatched away the controller.

"Hey!" she began her whiny fest as I exited out of her cartoon. If we were gonna watch something, it would be something I liked. "I was watching that! It's a good episode too!"

"And now you're not watching it. Besides, it's not even a good episode. The Nasty Patty was classic."

"Truuuuue." I cringed as she mimicked that one rapper that was on every song nowadays.

"Leaaaa," I sang her name, turning to see how she was still stuffing her face. She had the appetite of a vampire. "Why is Yo Gabba Gabba in my top ten?"

"I rated a few of your shows too and rerated some things you had all fucked up. Thirty Rock is a one star and how did you not rate Walking Dead a five star."

"You don't touch another man's Netflix!"

"WALKING DEAD IS A FIVE STAR DAMMIT!"

I was going to kill her. Slowly and painfully. By watching thirty rock. Her least favorite show.

"Damon... what are you doing?" Tapping my shoulder, she panicked as soon as I began typing 3-0 into the search.

I took a bite of the pizza she bought for me. Which was heaven. I owed her. But still, how could she do something as nice as that and then do something completely fucked up like rerate my shows. Now everything was out of whack. I'd have to go through everything again. "What do you think? Watching tv."

"B-b-but we're not watching that show. Anything but that show. You know how I feel about Tracy Morgan."

"You got something against black comedians?"

"Why's he gotta be a black comedian? Why can't be just be a comedian? You racist."

"Your sister doesn't seem to think so." As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew that she wasn't going to react well. Fuck, she was way too hot-tempered for her own good and blew up at the tiniest things.

Which was why I was pleasantly surprised to see that she didn't explode. "Let's see what Stefan thinks about it."

"You won't be saying a word to him about this."

"Hmmm... for a price."

She wanted to be difficult? Typical. "Name it."

Shaking her head, Lea laughed at me. "Oh no, sweetheart, I want to hear your opening bid. Make a good deal for me."

"Ten grand."

"You think I need money? Wow, Damon, you're smarter than that, think of something else to bribe me with."

"I can offer you me," I smiled, pulling her closer to my side, keeping her warm body against my cold one. She liked me, we all knew it, she was just brilliant at hiding it.

"I've seen the package." She gave me a once over, mouth diving into a frown as she did. "Not interested."

"Come on." Pushing her backwards onto the couch, I crawled over her frame, settling myself between her legs. I dipped down lower onto her, watching her eyes widen as I kept my mouth but a few centimeters away from her own. "I want you."

The heat the spread inside of her let me know everything I needed to know. She wanted me too and that was all that mattered.

"Get off me, Damon."

My fingers danced across the length of her body, and her eyes were practically pleading for me to continue. "Don't pretend as if you want me to stop. Chris isn't handling his job properly, huh?"

It was only a matter of time before we had sex anyway. It was undeniable what was going on between the two of us and Lea was number one on my list of girls to fuck. She just had to loosen up.

Figuratively. Not literally.

"I've heard the horror stories Caroline has told me. Your stroke game isn't anything I'd like to experience for myself. Please get off me, Damon. "

"Beg me some more. I like it when you do it."

"If you don't get off me, I'm going to bite your nose off and have you looking like Michael Jackson may God rest his mother fucking soul."

"Don't tell Stefan I'm still in town." Technically, I wasn't. I lived in a city just five minutes outside of Mystic Falls so I was honoring my agreement with Stefan. "And I'll leave your sister alone."

"Thank you," she said, for the first time of the night sounding sincere and grateful. "Now get the fuck off me, you smell like bitches."

Elena's perfume. "Take that up with Liv. It isn't my fault."

"Ya mama."

And that was why I watched five episodes of thirty rock lying on top of her.

C . B . D

Boring ending, I know. But Lea and Damon can talk forever about nothing so I didn't want to keep going.

What did everyone think of VD? I was very surprised that I enjoyed the episode seeing as though I hated both season two and three. Things may be looking up.

Question: Are Lea and Damon going to respect their deal? Damon ain't trustworthy and Lea runs her mouth like bathwater.