Fanfiction Four IV: I am Woman, Hear Me Lay the Smack Down.
Daria and Jane were in O'Neil's English Literature class. "Now class," he said. "What was
Moby Dick really about?"
"Um, a fish?" Brittany answered.
"Daria...." Mr. O'Neil sighed.
"First of all," Daria started. "The title character is a whale, not a fish. And that's only
what the story was superficially about. The focus of the story is a man who gets hurt and rather
than see it as a learning experience he let's his anger consume him. His desire for vengeance ultimatly
kills him."
"Very good!" Mr. O'Neil praised. "But next time, try to use smaller words, kay?"
"I'm so sick of having to explain everything." Daria told Jane as school let out. "It should
be so obvious. And because teachers always make me tell the class everyone thinks I'm just a boring
know-it-all."
"I don't think you're boring." said Jane. "But I thought the theme to Moby Dick was Man
verses Nature, or something. I do know a whale isn't a fish."
As they walked outside a carhorn honked. Trent was waiting in his green Ford. Jesse was
in the passenger seat. "Oh yeah," said Jane. "We've got training with Kenji today."
At the dojo, the Formidable Four awaited their trainer. Kenji Osaka entered the training
hall. He was a middle aged Japanese man in the traditional white gi. "Good afternoon, Formidable
Four." he said, bowing to his private students.
"Good afternoon, Kenji-sempei." they chorused, bowing. Kenji had long since taught them the
proper manners to use in a dojo.
"Today, we will work on our flips. This is useful knowledge when you are attacked from behind.
Daria-san. Try to attack me from behind. You may go invisible if you wish."
"Alright." Daria vanished and went for Kenji's back. It was an unusual sight. Kenji seemed
to jerk back for a moment and then thrusted his body forward, nearly bending in half. An imprint
appeared on the mat with a thump and Daria's grunt. "An unseen attacker is a most dangerous
foe." he said. "But not an undefeatable one. Daria-san, if you will become visible, I want you
to practice this technique with Jane-san."
Daria reappeared. "Keep those flames off, Jane-san." she said.
"You must call me Jane-chan!" Jane got in position.
"Know what this reminds me of, Jess?" Trent whispered. "Remember that old TV show, /Charlie's
Angels/? If Daria had more of a Farrah Faucet hairdo..."
"No talking in class." Kenji admonished.
When the session was over the Formidable Four bid good day to Kenji and went to the locker
rooms for showers and to change into street clothes. After that, pizza for dinner. Meanwhile,
Kenji put away the mats, looking forward to dinner with his family at home.
But Kenji would have no such dinner that night. A tall figure dressed in a black gi and
matching hood lept from the rafters.
"Who are you?" Kenji demanded.
"Your worst damn nightmare, you man you!" replied a woman's voice.
"Do not think I will hesitate to strike, simply because you are female." Kenji took his stance.
"You'd better not!" answered the ninja.
The ninja launched a flying kick at Kenji, which he skillfully dodged. (Insert bullet time
sequence here.) Kenji counterattacked by grabbing the woman's leg and throwing her. She was not
down long. She jumped up, connecting the palm of her hand to Kenji's chin. He responded with
a series of chops and kicks. She attempted to strike his head. He blocked, kicked and tossed.
She landed halfway across the room. She ran at him in a screaming rage. Kenji merely stepped aside.
"You are nothing but a chest pounding coward, like all men!" said the ninja. "You can dish
it out, but you duck and block as many of my moves as you can!"
"You are without discipline." said Kenji. "With offence must come deffence. You will do well
to learn this."
"And you will do well to learn," said the ninja. "that some people fight dirty!" She threw
a smoking bomb at him. The thick gas overcame Kenji. He blacked out.
Kenji woke up in a dark room strapped to a large heavy chair. The ninja stood over him.
"Who are you?" he asked. "If you are INS, I was sworn in 8 years ago and I pay taxes. If
you are the Yakuza, I am a simple instructor. I have nothing you want."
The ninja removed her mask. She was well into her forties with long brown hair and crow's
feet. "Ah, but you do have something I want, Mr. Osaka. Your skills. It seems you men have a few
uses after all."
"And if I refuse to fight for you?"
"Oh, that won't be an issue. You see, everyone thinks I'm just Janet Barch, high school
science teacher and bitter divorc`e. No one has an inkling of the fantastic machines I have created
in my secret laboratory here in this abandoned building. You are sitting in one right now. Meet
your two new students, Kenji Osaka!" Ms. Barch opened a closet door.
Inside the closet were two teenaged girls, both bound and gagged. One was an African American
with a pink blouse and long dreadlocks. The other wore a cheerleader's uniform and wore her blonde
hair in two pigtails. Ms. Barch removed the gags.
"Ms. Barch, you've really gone off the deep end this time!" said the girl with the locks.
"When my Kevvie hears about this...!" The blonde threatened.
"Your Kevvie can't do shit!" yelled Ms. Barch. "Now, I believe a little brainwashing is in order."
She strapped the girls down in 2 chairs simular to the one Kenji sat in. Ms. Barch pulled a lever,
causing a ray gun to strike them with a stream of lightening. The girls screamed and convulsed as
flashing volts of electricity ran through them. Kenji had to look away. It was just to horrible
to watch. "They're quite alive, Mr. Osaka." she assured him. She loosened them from their chairs.
They stood with blank looking eyes.
"Tell me, my dear," Ms. Barch said, toying with the first girl's dreadlocks. "What do you
think about Michael McKenzie?"
"Like all men," she said. "he is nothing but a sex-crazed pig. Women have been oppressed
by patriarchy for far to long!"
"Very good." Ms Barch turned to the cheerleader and played with her pigtails. "And you,
dear, what do you think about Kevin Thompson?"
"Eeew! Boys are icky!"
"So you kidnap children and brainwash them." said Kenji. "What do you want with me?"
"Shut up, you stupid male!" said the first girl.
"I wanna go beat him up!" said the other.
"That's the spitit!" said Ms. Barch. "Mr. Osaka, I have 2 uses for you. the first involves
4 of your students." She took out an old newspaper clipping. The headline was "Local martial arts
instructor offers free private lessons to Formidible Four" Kenji remembered posing for the photo.
"The old Kidnap Sensai trick always brings the heroes out of hiding."
"You will be no match for them." he said.
"That's where you come in, Osaka! Not only have I invented an instant brainwashing ray,
but I have also invented a learning accelerator. What took you years of training and discipline
to learn, these girls will learn in minutes." She lowered a metal cap onto his head. "Don't worry,
this will only hurt a lot!"
The girls sat back in their chairs with metal caps on. Ms. Barch pulled the switch. Kenji
tried very hard not to yell out in pain. When it was over he nearly collapsed with exaustion. Only
the straps held him up. The girls, however, looked quite refreshed.
"A display of your new skills, girls." Ms Barch requested.
The girls bowed to her and went into a tandem kata. They splintered a few boards. They began
to spar, but were to evenly matched for a winner to be determined. My own children, thought Kenji.
They are not so skilled. What does this madwoman have in mind?
"Brittany, Jodi," she said. "Go into the next room and change into the black gi you find
there. Then I want you to go into the night and kidnap all the young women you can. But leave
Phantom and Flamin' Jane for me!"
"Yes, Mistress." Jodi said with a bow.
"Yes, matress."Brittany said with a bow.
"That's Mistress you dumass blonde!"
The next morning, Trent woke up to the ringing of his cell phone. "Mm..hello?." he mumbled.
"Am I speaking to one of the Formidable Four?" The caller was a woman with an Asian accent.
"Sir Stretchalot speaking." Trent stretched his arm downstairs for a breakfast bar.
"This is Hoshiko Osaka, Kenji's wife. My husband did not come home last night. You were
his last class. Do you know what happened to him?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am. We left class as usual. Kenji seemed pretty normal."
"Kenji never does this. He always comes home for dinner. If he couldn't, I'm sure he'd call."
"Tell you what, Mrs. Osaka," he said, biting into his breakfast bar. "I'll round up the
rest of the team and meet you at the dojo. We'll get to the bottom of this."
"Domo Arigato, Stretcha-san."
"No prob." He hung up, got dressed, and went downstairs. Ah great. He thought. That Mr. Roboto song is stuck in my head now.
/Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto, for coming just when I needed you. Thank you./
Trent drove over to Jesse's house. He learned from past experiences that if all was quiet,
it was best just to walk in. Sure enough, Mr. Moreno was passed out on the couch, snoring in his
drunken slumber. Trent slipped past him and went upstairs to Jesse's room. He had left the door
ajar and was still in bed. Trent always smiled when he saw Jesse's room. It was somewhat neater
than his own. Every inch of wall space was covered with posters of his favorite bands. Among
Aerosmith, Queen, Smashing Pumpkins, Korn, Creed and an ad for The Crow was an incongruant
Mariah Carey. His weight set collected dust in a corner. Of course. Trent thought. Lifting those
would be like lifting pillows for Jesse. "Yo, Jess," he said, trying to rouse him. "We got trouble." Jesse snorted as he woke.
"Trouble?"
"Great big trouble." said Trent.
"Right here in Lawndale City?"
"Skip the song cue, dude. Mrs. Osaka just called. Kenji's missing."
"You wanna get the girls?"
"Yeah, let's go"
Trent and Jesse tiptoed past Mr. Moreno and got in Trent's car. "Dude," said Trent. "You've
really gotta do something about your dad."
"Don't start on that again, Trent." Jesse sighed. "I've told you. there's nothing I can do."
"The man's a ticking time bomb. You gotta do something."
"What? Threaten to beat him to death if he takes another drink?"
"Hold an intervention, something."
"Trent, I can't do that."
"Jesse, last year you couldn't bench press a mini-van. Now you can."
"Let's just get the girls so we can find Kenji."
"Fine." Great, Trent thought. Now he's mad at me. Which means he'll give me the silent
treatment untill he's not mad anymore. At least Old Man Moreno can't hurt him anymore- physically.
While Trent was speaking with Mrs. Osaka, Jane and Daria were switching classes. "Strange."
commented Daria. "Almost all the girls are absent today."
"And we had a sub in Ms Barch's science class." said Jane. "Could they be connected?"
"Nah." they both decided.
"Hey, girls," said Mac. "Have you seen Jodi? I came to pick her up for school and her
parents said she was gone. They tried to accuse /me/ of running off with her."
"Sorry Mac," said Daria. "We're just as mystefied as you are."
"I'm worried." said Mac. "She doesn't pull stunts like this." The warning bell rang. Daria
went to her history class. Jane went to her math class.
While she was in Mr. DiMartino's history class, Daria's pager vibrated. She took a look.
/EMERGENCY. COME OUTSIDE-TL/
"Mr. DiMartino," she said. "May I be excused? Formidable Four business."
"WELL, Daria," he said, right eye bulging. "If you really THINK being a SUPERHERO is more
IMPORTANT than learning about the HORROR that was the VIETNAM WAR then by all means, go right AHEAD!"
"Thanks for understanding." Daria got up and left.
Daria met up with Jane in the hall. "You got Trent's message, too?" Jane asked.
"I wonder what the emergency is." Daria said.
"Hell, maybe he just wants to ask us out for pizza."
"Fat chance, Jane."
Trent explained everything on the way to the dojo. A small, neat Japanese woman was waiting
outside. "Hi, Mrs. Osaka." said Trent. "Hope I didn't take to long."
"The door is open." she said. "Kenji did not lock up last night."
They went inside to look for clues. They did not have to look long. A note was pinned to
the wall with a shurikin. It read "If you want to see Osaka alive again come to the abandoned
bra factory on Anthony Blvd. Do not involve the police. -- The Man Hater"
"Oh yeah." said Jane. "This has 'trap' written all over it."
"But what choice do we have?" said Daria. "We can't leave Kenji to someone called Man Hater."
"Any guesses who Man Hater is?" Jane asked.
"Hitler." Trent offered. Everyone stared at him. "What? It's always Hitler." he shrugged.
"Sounds a lot like Ms Barch to me." said Daria.
"Who?" asked Trent.
"Our science teacher." said Jane. "Her husband walked out on her some years ago and she's
hated men ever since."
"Mrs. Waters!" said Jesse. "Trent, you remember Mrs. Waters, right?"
"Oh, yeah. Always bitching about her husband. Went into over drive when he wised up and
left her. When the divorce was final in our senior year she went back to her maiden name, Barch."
"Dude, remember the empathy bellies she made us wear?"
"I'm trying to forget."
"You guys gotta tell us this story later." said Jane. "Right now, we've gotta go save Kenji."
The Formidible Four arrived at the abandoned bra factory. The interior was dark, with
industrial sewing machines looming in the shadows. They hadn't been there long when four ninjas
in black lept from the rafters. Daria recognized one who had two blonde pigtails poking out of
her hood.
"We have come for Kenji Osaka." Trent said, getting into fighting stance.
"You will die, you worthless pig of a man!" said one of the ninjas.
Jane recognized the voice. "Omigod! Jodi?"
"You. Will. Join. Us." said Tiffany.
"Let's get 'em, Angie!" said Brittany.
The fight started. "They've been brain washed." said Jane. "Don't hurt them- much." She encircled
Brittany with a tight ring of fire. Brittany did a flatfooted leap in the air, did a backflip
followed by a handspring. Cheerleaders aren't that agile. Jane thought. Kenji is the only
person I've seen do that.
Trent had his hands full fighting off a savage Tiffany while Jesse deflected Jodi's shurikin.
"Little help, here?" Trent asked.
"Dude, I can't hit a girl!" said Jesse.
"Jesse, chivalry is dead."As if to demonstate, he performed a perfect sweep kick. Tiffany
effortlessly hopped back on her feet, ready to fight.
"You. Will. Pay. For. That."
"What's this about not hitting girls?" Jodi demanded of Jesse. "You think you're better
than us?" She tried to chop at his neck. He caught her by the arm. He put her in a restraint
hold and picked her up. He carried her kicking and screaming to a supply closet. He locked her
in, barricading the door with one of the half ton machines.
Angie went after Jane with a fire extinguisher. Coated in a thick foam, Jane found her
powers to be useless. She tried to fight the girl hand to hand but found Angie to be strangly
superior. Angie struck Jane with the extinguisher, causing her to black out.
Daria found her invisivility not as an effective advantage as usual. She was constantly
being flipped over on her back. I don't understand. she thought. Kenji is the only one who's
been able to take me on while invisible. Suddenly, Daria felt as if she were being electrocuted.
The sensation faded. She looked over at Trent and Jesse. And burned with hatred towards them.
Trent felt someone trying to grab him from behind. He did the flip Kenji had taught him.
To his surprise, he saw no one fall in front of him. A hard punch landed on his jaw.
"Ow! Daria?"
"Shut up you scum-sucking man!"
"Have you forgotten who's side you're on?"
An evil laugh came from the rafters. Ms Barch lept down, dressed in her ninja attire. She
had a ray gun in one hand, a bottle of seltzer in the other. "May I introduce my Hate Ray 4.0."
she said. "More portable than the one I used on these girls, the ray will still cause females to
have a seething hatred for anything male. Observe." She fired a ray at the prostrate Jane while
spraying off the foam with the seltzer. Jane woke sputtering. She glared at Jesse and Trent.
"Alright! Which of you creeps squirted me?"
"We didn't." said Jesse. "It was..."
"Oh, that's so typical of a man." Jane cutted in. "Blame someone else for your mistakes.
Know what I have to say to that? FLAME ON!" She threw a fireball at them.
They both ducked. "Janey," said Trent. "Calm down, I'm your brother."
"You're gonna be my dead brother in half a minute!"
"Dude, we better retreat." said Jesse.
"I won't leave them like this!" said Trent.
"You can run like the little cowards you are." said Ms Barch. "Or you can fight me, a slew
of girls with the same fighting skills as Osaka and your teammates. All the same to me."
Trent and Jesse took their leave. "What we do now, kimo sabe?" Jesse asked in the car.
"I'm not leaving the girls with that bitch." Trent answered. "No way in Hell."
"They all fought exactly the same way Kenji does." Jesse observed.
"Man Hater might have gotten Kenji to train them, but that good? Over night?"
"If she has a ray that makes girls hate guys, no telling what she has."
"We'll come back tonight. We'll find her secret lab and see if we can find an antidote."
"Cool."
The day passed to slowly. Mrs. Osaka was told what happened and what the plan was. She was
worried, but trusted their judgment. The evening news was all about a bunch of girls who had seemed to
vanish that morning. As soon as the sun set, Trent and Jesse were in rescue mode.
They returned to the abandoned factory. "The window at the top floor is open." said Trent.
"I can stretch up that high. You can use me as a rope and climb up."
Jesse went with Trent's plan, half expecting Liberace to pop out of a window at every step.
They found themselves in Ms Barch's chemestry lab. It was full of beakers, tubes and the like.
A hamster cage sat in a corner with its fluffy tennant. Jesse tried to pet the hamster and nearly got
his finger bitten off. "Must be female." he decided. "Trent,which of these do you think is the
antidote?"
"Well, just a guess, but I'd say that jar that has 'antidote' written on the label." Sure
enough, there was a jar on a cabinet with such a label.
"Cool. Get it, Stretch."
Trent had just grabbed the jar when one of the ninjas from before bursted in, brandishing a
kendo stick. "Who's there?" she yelled. "You!" she pointed the kendo at Jesse. "You clobbered me
from behind and stuck me in a closet, you, you MAN you!" She rushed him. Jesse dodged
and took up a broom lying on the floor. He sparred with the girl until he could manuver himself
behind her. He pinned her arms to her side and picked her up. "Let me go!" she screamed. Trent
removed her hood. Long black dreadlocks spilled out. The girl's eyes burned with hate. Trent
took a capsule out of the jar and popped it in her mouth. Jesse rubbed her throat, forcing her
to swallow. Her body went limp. Jesse put her back on her feet. The hatred was gone from her eyes,
she no longer seemed dangerous.
"Who- who are you?" she asked. "What happened?"
"You don't hate us?" asked Trent.
"How could I?" she asked. "I don't even know you. My name is Jodi, Jodi Landon. Oh, wait,
I recognize you from the paper. You're Sir Stretchalot and Hercules- the other members of the
Formidable Four along with Jane and Daria. Let's see, last thing I can clearly remember is doing
homework in my room when someone grabbed me."
"Can you remember anything else?" asked Jesse.
"Like what happened to Jane and Daria?" Trent prompted. "Or Kenji Osaka?"
"Osaka," said Jodi. "Japanese man in a karate gi? Barch has him strapped to a chair in a
room down the hall. He's attatched to a learning accelerator. That's how we learned to fight so
quickly."
"And the girls?"
Jodi had to think a moment. "Jane and I were left here on guard duty. The rest went to
kidnap other girls. I remember now, Daria said she was going after her sister."
Jodi led them to where Kenji was being held. The man had no strength left and flopped over
like a ragdoll when released from the chair. Jesse got to work destroying the machines. "Jodi,"
said Trent. "I want you to take Kenji home. He'll tell you where he lives."
"No," Kenji weakly protested. "I want to fight."
"Kenji-sempai, you can barely stand. Jodi, take some of these pills in case you meet the
other ninjas." Jodi led Kenji away. "Jesse, take some of these pills," he gave him a handfull,
"and find Jane. I'll take the rest and find Daria."
"Cool."
As soon as Trent left, Jesse started searching for Jane. He went downstairs to the warehouse area.
"Back for more, you spineless excuse for a human being?" called Jane. She was hovering near the
ceiling, in her flame form. Jesse got a brilliant idea.
"You're not so great, Jane! If you were, you'd turn your flames off and fight me hand to hand!"
"Oh yeah?" Jane descended. "Flame off!" She made a grab for him. He grabbed her insted and
held her over his head. "No fair! If I can't use my flames you can't.." Jesse stuffed a capsule
in her mouth. She went limp. "Jesse, what, What have I done? I-I attacked you, and Trent."
"Water under the bridge." he said. "Man Hater and the other ninjas went to get more girls."
He handed her some of the pills. "This is the antidote for the Hate Ray. We'll be ready when they
come back."
Meanwhile, Daria had gone to her house and was attempting to wake up Quinn. "Mmph, Daria,"
Quinn mumbled. "Whaddya want? I need my beauty sleep."
"Quinn, you have to come with me." Daria said.
"And why would I go anywhere with you? I swear, Daria, ever since you started this Formfitting
Four or whatever you've started to think you're special or something."
"The Formidable Four is no more. I couldn't stand another minute with those moronic men.
Look, Ms Barch has started another superhero team and we all want you to join."
"I'm sorry Daria, my hearing must be going. It just sounded like you said you wanted me to
join your superhero team. You know how Mom and Dad feel about this whole crimefighting thing."
"They're part of the problem, Jake especially. We're the solution."
"Daria, you're scaring me."
"Everything will be clear once I get you to Ms Barch's hideout." She grabbed Quinn's hand.
"Wait! Let me at least brush my hair first!" Just then, Trent hoisted himself through the
window. "Eek!" cried Quinn, wrapping a comforter around herself. "Can't you see I'm in my jammies?"
"Yeah, I didn't know Hillfigger made sleepwear." he replied.
"Out of our way, you disgusting MAN!" said Daria.
"You'll feel very different in a minute, Daria." he said, getting out a capsule.
"We'll see about that!" She went invisible and lashed out at Trent. Trent focused as Kenji
taught him. Daria kicked him. He grabbed her foot. After a brief struggle, he found an empty
Doc Martin in his hand. The other boot flew out of nowhere. "I fight better barefoot anyway."
said Daria.
Trent made his way to Quinn's vanity. He picked up a bottle of lotion and began squirting
it in every direction. "No!" yelled Quinn. "I need that to keep my pores cute and tiny!" Trent
ignored Quinn's pleas and kept squirting untill a line of it seemed to rest on thin air. That's
where Daria was.
"Big honkin' deal!" said Daria. A green jacket and yellow shirt hit the floor. A fist struck
Trent's shoulder. He managed to grab it and restain it behind what he hoped was her back. "Let
go of me you pervert!" Daria yelled. Trent groped her face until he found her mouth. He nearly
got bitten, but he managed to force the capsule into her mouth. Daria went limp and reappeared.
Trent let her go. Daria suddenly realized she was wearing only a bra and jeans, and Trent was
in the room. With an "Eep!" she took Quinn's comforter away and tried to cover up. "Omigod, what
just happened?" Daria asked.
"Everything's fine now." said Trent. "Man Hater hit you with a ray that caused you to hate
all men. Jesse and I found an antidote. C'mon, we gotta help the other girls."
"Umm, could I put on some clothes first?"
"Yeah, sure." Daria went to her room to put on a shirt.
"Why can't I just have a normal family?!" wailed Quinn.
In the car, Daria felt like she had some appologizing to do. "Trent, I'm sorry I called
you a scum-sucking man and any other insults."
"Forget about it." he said.
"I'm also sorry I attacked you."
"It wasn't your fault."
"I'm also very, very sorry you had to see me topless."
"Please, don't ever appologize for that."
Back at the factory, Jesse and Jane laid in wait for Man Hater or her ninjas. Brittany and
Angie came in, dragging a very angry girl. "Let me go now!" she demanded. "You better not have hurt my father!"
"That's Mima." Jane whispered. "Kenji's daughter." They revealed themselves. "Let her go!"
Jane demanded. Brittany let go.
"You can't take us both!" said Brittany. Mima elbowed Angie in the throat and karate chopped
Brittany's neck. Jesse and Jane stood in amazment. For once, a citizen who could defend herself.
"They are very skillful." said Mima. "As skillful as my father. But they are very, very stupid."
Jesse administered capsuls to the unconscous cheerleaders. "Have you found my father?"
"Jodi took him home. You might want to go there."
"No." said Mima. "I came to help."
Jesse and Jane shared a look and shrugged. Mima may have looked like a cute Asian teenager,
but she could pack a punch. Tiffany came in later with Stacy willingly following.
"Gee, I don't know, Tiffany." she was saying. "It feels weird going to a party so soon after-you
know- what happened to Sandi." Stacy looked like she was fighting tears over the thought.
"It. Will. Be. Fuuuun." Tiffany assured her.
Jane, Jesse and Mima made short work of Tiffany. At the onset of the ambush, Stacy ran
screaming into the night. Jane dosed Tiffany with one of the capsules.
"Whaat's. Going. On?" she asked.
"Yup, back to normal." said Jane.
Tiffany noticed Angie and Brittany piled up in a corner. "Are. They. Sleeping?" she asked.
"Uh, yeah." said Jane. "Why don't you join them?"
"O.K. Night-night." Tiffany laid next to them and dozed off.
Trent and Daria arrived. "You guys missed one heckova party." said Jane.
"Invite us next time." said Daria.
Man Hater entered with Andrea and Brooke in tow. "What the hell!" she yelled when she
saw the sight. "Girls! ATTACK!!!"
"Not today, Man Hater!" said Jane. "Flame on!" She volleyed a fireball at her. Man Hater
bounded out of the way. Jane freed the captives after dosing them with the capsules. An invisible
fist struck Man Hater. She went for her Hate Ray. Mima kicked it out of her hand. Jesse took up
the metal gun and crumpled it up in one fist. He picked up the protesting Man Hater and put her
in an airplane spin. He tossed her to Trent, who tied her up in his elastic arms.
They took Man Hater to the police station where she was booked for assault and kidnapping.
"And I would've gotten away with it." she said. "If it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"
"I can't believe she just said that." said Daria.
"C'mon." said Jesse. "I wanna take Nibbles home with me."
"Nibbles?" asked Jane.
"There was a hamster upstairs. I brought her cage down to the car after dropping one of
the pills in her food bowl. She doesn't bite anymore."
"So, how come you call her Nibbles?" Jane asked.
"Well, it's not the first time I made friends with someone who bit me."
"Who was?"
"Well- it was you."
"I never bit you!" Jane protested. "Did I?" She looked at Trent, who smiled knowingly.
"And you tried to take my firetruck." Jesse reproachfully added.
"I did not!"
"Oh, this should be an entertaining story." said Daria.
"Jesse and I were 5." said Trent. "We were in the kitchen, playing with some toy cars when
Janey crawled in and grabbed Jesse's firetruck. When he tried to take it back, she chomped down
on his arm."
"Well, he should learn to share!" said Jane. A laugh was had by all.
IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE FORMIDABLE FOUR:
"You wanna talk about my girlfriend's ass some more, bitchlet?"
"Pretty good, even if you do taste like Cherry Coke."
"That reminds me, you owe me a shirt."
"Now that you've declared vengeance and became a wicked-cool super villian, I was wondering
if you need a sidekick."
"What's wrong with the V word? I'm the V word."
"...we /will/ wear the same pair of pants two days in a row."
"Never thought I'd come back to this hellhole."
(A/N) "Mr. Roboto" is property of Styx, thank you very much. The OCs I promised are Kenji Osaka
and his family. In case you haven't noticed, I don't do accents. Mima Was brought from Japan to
America when she was 5, so she barely has an accent any way. She wears her black hair to
just past her chin where it flips up slightly. She wears a middy blouse and blue pedal pushers.
Mima has been trained in martial arts since she could walk so she's very graceful and confident.
She's usually a nice girl, unless she's ticked off. I may put her in another story.
In this story I described Jesse's bedroom. He's the only one of the four who's room has not
been shown on the series. My explanation is he has a lot of problems at home so he comes to the
Lane house a lot to get away from them. I pictured his room as not neat and not messy, but
somewhere in between. I gave him an interesting hobby, collecting rock posters. Jesse looks like
he works out, so I put a weight bench in his room too. Now that he has super strength, weight
lifting has lost it's challenge for him. He'll use the weight bench to hold his new pet's cage.
Man Hater was based on the FF character Hate Monger. Who in one issue /did/ turn out to be
Hitler in disguise! He used a hate ray to make The members of the Fantastic Four hate each other.
So don't blame me if you thought that part of the story was lame. :P
If you're wondering, I didn't pluralize the words gi and shurikin for a reason. The Japanese
language has no plural forms. You can have one kimono, two kimono or a closet full of kimono.
So, properly, a Japanese word will never be used in plural. (Shurikin, BTW, are better known as
'throwing stars'.)
Daria and Jane were in O'Neil's English Literature class. "Now class," he said. "What was
Moby Dick really about?"
"Um, a fish?" Brittany answered.
"Daria...." Mr. O'Neil sighed.
"First of all," Daria started. "The title character is a whale, not a fish. And that's only
what the story was superficially about. The focus of the story is a man who gets hurt and rather
than see it as a learning experience he let's his anger consume him. His desire for vengeance ultimatly
kills him."
"Very good!" Mr. O'Neil praised. "But next time, try to use smaller words, kay?"
"I'm so sick of having to explain everything." Daria told Jane as school let out. "It should
be so obvious. And because teachers always make me tell the class everyone thinks I'm just a boring
know-it-all."
"I don't think you're boring." said Jane. "But I thought the theme to Moby Dick was Man
verses Nature, or something. I do know a whale isn't a fish."
As they walked outside a carhorn honked. Trent was waiting in his green Ford. Jesse was
in the passenger seat. "Oh yeah," said Jane. "We've got training with Kenji today."
At the dojo, the Formidable Four awaited their trainer. Kenji Osaka entered the training
hall. He was a middle aged Japanese man in the traditional white gi. "Good afternoon, Formidable
Four." he said, bowing to his private students.
"Good afternoon, Kenji-sempei." they chorused, bowing. Kenji had long since taught them the
proper manners to use in a dojo.
"Today, we will work on our flips. This is useful knowledge when you are attacked from behind.
Daria-san. Try to attack me from behind. You may go invisible if you wish."
"Alright." Daria vanished and went for Kenji's back. It was an unusual sight. Kenji seemed
to jerk back for a moment and then thrusted his body forward, nearly bending in half. An imprint
appeared on the mat with a thump and Daria's grunt. "An unseen attacker is a most dangerous
foe." he said. "But not an undefeatable one. Daria-san, if you will become visible, I want you
to practice this technique with Jane-san."
Daria reappeared. "Keep those flames off, Jane-san." she said.
"You must call me Jane-chan!" Jane got in position.
"Know what this reminds me of, Jess?" Trent whispered. "Remember that old TV show, /Charlie's
Angels/? If Daria had more of a Farrah Faucet hairdo..."
"No talking in class." Kenji admonished.
When the session was over the Formidable Four bid good day to Kenji and went to the locker
rooms for showers and to change into street clothes. After that, pizza for dinner. Meanwhile,
Kenji put away the mats, looking forward to dinner with his family at home.
But Kenji would have no such dinner that night. A tall figure dressed in a black gi and
matching hood lept from the rafters.
"Who are you?" Kenji demanded.
"Your worst damn nightmare, you man you!" replied a woman's voice.
"Do not think I will hesitate to strike, simply because you are female." Kenji took his stance.
"You'd better not!" answered the ninja.
The ninja launched a flying kick at Kenji, which he skillfully dodged. (Insert bullet time
sequence here.) Kenji counterattacked by grabbing the woman's leg and throwing her. She was not
down long. She jumped up, connecting the palm of her hand to Kenji's chin. He responded with
a series of chops and kicks. She attempted to strike his head. He blocked, kicked and tossed.
She landed halfway across the room. She ran at him in a screaming rage. Kenji merely stepped aside.
"You are nothing but a chest pounding coward, like all men!" said the ninja. "You can dish
it out, but you duck and block as many of my moves as you can!"
"You are without discipline." said Kenji. "With offence must come deffence. You will do well
to learn this."
"And you will do well to learn," said the ninja. "that some people fight dirty!" She threw
a smoking bomb at him. The thick gas overcame Kenji. He blacked out.
Kenji woke up in a dark room strapped to a large heavy chair. The ninja stood over him.
"Who are you?" he asked. "If you are INS, I was sworn in 8 years ago and I pay taxes. If
you are the Yakuza, I am a simple instructor. I have nothing you want."
The ninja removed her mask. She was well into her forties with long brown hair and crow's
feet. "Ah, but you do have something I want, Mr. Osaka. Your skills. It seems you men have a few
uses after all."
"And if I refuse to fight for you?"
"Oh, that won't be an issue. You see, everyone thinks I'm just Janet Barch, high school
science teacher and bitter divorc`e. No one has an inkling of the fantastic machines I have created
in my secret laboratory here in this abandoned building. You are sitting in one right now. Meet
your two new students, Kenji Osaka!" Ms. Barch opened a closet door.
Inside the closet were two teenaged girls, both bound and gagged. One was an African American
with a pink blouse and long dreadlocks. The other wore a cheerleader's uniform and wore her blonde
hair in two pigtails. Ms. Barch removed the gags.
"Ms. Barch, you've really gone off the deep end this time!" said the girl with the locks.
"When my Kevvie hears about this...!" The blonde threatened.
"Your Kevvie can't do shit!" yelled Ms. Barch. "Now, I believe a little brainwashing is in order."
She strapped the girls down in 2 chairs simular to the one Kenji sat in. Ms. Barch pulled a lever,
causing a ray gun to strike them with a stream of lightening. The girls screamed and convulsed as
flashing volts of electricity ran through them. Kenji had to look away. It was just to horrible
to watch. "They're quite alive, Mr. Osaka." she assured him. She loosened them from their chairs.
They stood with blank looking eyes.
"Tell me, my dear," Ms. Barch said, toying with the first girl's dreadlocks. "What do you
think about Michael McKenzie?"
"Like all men," she said. "he is nothing but a sex-crazed pig. Women have been oppressed
by patriarchy for far to long!"
"Very good." Ms Barch turned to the cheerleader and played with her pigtails. "And you,
dear, what do you think about Kevin Thompson?"
"Eeew! Boys are icky!"
"So you kidnap children and brainwash them." said Kenji. "What do you want with me?"
"Shut up, you stupid male!" said the first girl.
"I wanna go beat him up!" said the other.
"That's the spitit!" said Ms. Barch. "Mr. Osaka, I have 2 uses for you. the first involves
4 of your students." She took out an old newspaper clipping. The headline was "Local martial arts
instructor offers free private lessons to Formidible Four" Kenji remembered posing for the photo.
"The old Kidnap Sensai trick always brings the heroes out of hiding."
"You will be no match for them." he said.
"That's where you come in, Osaka! Not only have I invented an instant brainwashing ray,
but I have also invented a learning accelerator. What took you years of training and discipline
to learn, these girls will learn in minutes." She lowered a metal cap onto his head. "Don't worry,
this will only hurt a lot!"
The girls sat back in their chairs with metal caps on. Ms. Barch pulled the switch. Kenji
tried very hard not to yell out in pain. When it was over he nearly collapsed with exaustion. Only
the straps held him up. The girls, however, looked quite refreshed.
"A display of your new skills, girls." Ms Barch requested.
The girls bowed to her and went into a tandem kata. They splintered a few boards. They began
to spar, but were to evenly matched for a winner to be determined. My own children, thought Kenji.
They are not so skilled. What does this madwoman have in mind?
"Brittany, Jodi," she said. "Go into the next room and change into the black gi you find
there. Then I want you to go into the night and kidnap all the young women you can. But leave
Phantom and Flamin' Jane for me!"
"Yes, Mistress." Jodi said with a bow.
"Yes, matress."Brittany said with a bow.
"That's Mistress you dumass blonde!"
The next morning, Trent woke up to the ringing of his cell phone. "Mm..hello?." he mumbled.
"Am I speaking to one of the Formidable Four?" The caller was a woman with an Asian accent.
"Sir Stretchalot speaking." Trent stretched his arm downstairs for a breakfast bar.
"This is Hoshiko Osaka, Kenji's wife. My husband did not come home last night. You were
his last class. Do you know what happened to him?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am. We left class as usual. Kenji seemed pretty normal."
"Kenji never does this. He always comes home for dinner. If he couldn't, I'm sure he'd call."
"Tell you what, Mrs. Osaka," he said, biting into his breakfast bar. "I'll round up the
rest of the team and meet you at the dojo. We'll get to the bottom of this."
"Domo Arigato, Stretcha-san."
"No prob." He hung up, got dressed, and went downstairs. Ah great. He thought. That Mr. Roboto song is stuck in my head now.
/Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto, for coming just when I needed you. Thank you./
Trent drove over to Jesse's house. He learned from past experiences that if all was quiet,
it was best just to walk in. Sure enough, Mr. Moreno was passed out on the couch, snoring in his
drunken slumber. Trent slipped past him and went upstairs to Jesse's room. He had left the door
ajar and was still in bed. Trent always smiled when he saw Jesse's room. It was somewhat neater
than his own. Every inch of wall space was covered with posters of his favorite bands. Among
Aerosmith, Queen, Smashing Pumpkins, Korn, Creed and an ad for The Crow was an incongruant
Mariah Carey. His weight set collected dust in a corner. Of course. Trent thought. Lifting those
would be like lifting pillows for Jesse. "Yo, Jess," he said, trying to rouse him. "We got trouble." Jesse snorted as he woke.
"Trouble?"
"Great big trouble." said Trent.
"Right here in Lawndale City?"
"Skip the song cue, dude. Mrs. Osaka just called. Kenji's missing."
"You wanna get the girls?"
"Yeah, let's go"
Trent and Jesse tiptoed past Mr. Moreno and got in Trent's car. "Dude," said Trent. "You've
really gotta do something about your dad."
"Don't start on that again, Trent." Jesse sighed. "I've told you. there's nothing I can do."
"The man's a ticking time bomb. You gotta do something."
"What? Threaten to beat him to death if he takes another drink?"
"Hold an intervention, something."
"Trent, I can't do that."
"Jesse, last year you couldn't bench press a mini-van. Now you can."
"Let's just get the girls so we can find Kenji."
"Fine." Great, Trent thought. Now he's mad at me. Which means he'll give me the silent
treatment untill he's not mad anymore. At least Old Man Moreno can't hurt him anymore- physically.
While Trent was speaking with Mrs. Osaka, Jane and Daria were switching classes. "Strange."
commented Daria. "Almost all the girls are absent today."
"And we had a sub in Ms Barch's science class." said Jane. "Could they be connected?"
"Nah." they both decided.
"Hey, girls," said Mac. "Have you seen Jodi? I came to pick her up for school and her
parents said she was gone. They tried to accuse /me/ of running off with her."
"Sorry Mac," said Daria. "We're just as mystefied as you are."
"I'm worried." said Mac. "She doesn't pull stunts like this." The warning bell rang. Daria
went to her history class. Jane went to her math class.
While she was in Mr. DiMartino's history class, Daria's pager vibrated. She took a look.
/EMERGENCY. COME OUTSIDE-TL/
"Mr. DiMartino," she said. "May I be excused? Formidable Four business."
"WELL, Daria," he said, right eye bulging. "If you really THINK being a SUPERHERO is more
IMPORTANT than learning about the HORROR that was the VIETNAM WAR then by all means, go right AHEAD!"
"Thanks for understanding." Daria got up and left.
Daria met up with Jane in the hall. "You got Trent's message, too?" Jane asked.
"I wonder what the emergency is." Daria said.
"Hell, maybe he just wants to ask us out for pizza."
"Fat chance, Jane."
Trent explained everything on the way to the dojo. A small, neat Japanese woman was waiting
outside. "Hi, Mrs. Osaka." said Trent. "Hope I didn't take to long."
"The door is open." she said. "Kenji did not lock up last night."
They went inside to look for clues. They did not have to look long. A note was pinned to
the wall with a shurikin. It read "If you want to see Osaka alive again come to the abandoned
bra factory on Anthony Blvd. Do not involve the police. -- The Man Hater"
"Oh yeah." said Jane. "This has 'trap' written all over it."
"But what choice do we have?" said Daria. "We can't leave Kenji to someone called Man Hater."
"Any guesses who Man Hater is?" Jane asked.
"Hitler." Trent offered. Everyone stared at him. "What? It's always Hitler." he shrugged.
"Sounds a lot like Ms Barch to me." said Daria.
"Who?" asked Trent.
"Our science teacher." said Jane. "Her husband walked out on her some years ago and she's
hated men ever since."
"Mrs. Waters!" said Jesse. "Trent, you remember Mrs. Waters, right?"
"Oh, yeah. Always bitching about her husband. Went into over drive when he wised up and
left her. When the divorce was final in our senior year she went back to her maiden name, Barch."
"Dude, remember the empathy bellies she made us wear?"
"I'm trying to forget."
"You guys gotta tell us this story later." said Jane. "Right now, we've gotta go save Kenji."
The Formidible Four arrived at the abandoned bra factory. The interior was dark, with
industrial sewing machines looming in the shadows. They hadn't been there long when four ninjas
in black lept from the rafters. Daria recognized one who had two blonde pigtails poking out of
her hood.
"We have come for Kenji Osaka." Trent said, getting into fighting stance.
"You will die, you worthless pig of a man!" said one of the ninjas.
Jane recognized the voice. "Omigod! Jodi?"
"You. Will. Join. Us." said Tiffany.
"Let's get 'em, Angie!" said Brittany.
The fight started. "They've been brain washed." said Jane. "Don't hurt them- much." She encircled
Brittany with a tight ring of fire. Brittany did a flatfooted leap in the air, did a backflip
followed by a handspring. Cheerleaders aren't that agile. Jane thought. Kenji is the only
person I've seen do that.
Trent had his hands full fighting off a savage Tiffany while Jesse deflected Jodi's shurikin.
"Little help, here?" Trent asked.
"Dude, I can't hit a girl!" said Jesse.
"Jesse, chivalry is dead."As if to demonstate, he performed a perfect sweep kick. Tiffany
effortlessly hopped back on her feet, ready to fight.
"You. Will. Pay. For. That."
"What's this about not hitting girls?" Jodi demanded of Jesse. "You think you're better
than us?" She tried to chop at his neck. He caught her by the arm. He put her in a restraint
hold and picked her up. He carried her kicking and screaming to a supply closet. He locked her
in, barricading the door with one of the half ton machines.
Angie went after Jane with a fire extinguisher. Coated in a thick foam, Jane found her
powers to be useless. She tried to fight the girl hand to hand but found Angie to be strangly
superior. Angie struck Jane with the extinguisher, causing her to black out.
Daria found her invisivility not as an effective advantage as usual. She was constantly
being flipped over on her back. I don't understand. she thought. Kenji is the only one who's
been able to take me on while invisible. Suddenly, Daria felt as if she were being electrocuted.
The sensation faded. She looked over at Trent and Jesse. And burned with hatred towards them.
Trent felt someone trying to grab him from behind. He did the flip Kenji had taught him.
To his surprise, he saw no one fall in front of him. A hard punch landed on his jaw.
"Ow! Daria?"
"Shut up you scum-sucking man!"
"Have you forgotten who's side you're on?"
An evil laugh came from the rafters. Ms Barch lept down, dressed in her ninja attire. She
had a ray gun in one hand, a bottle of seltzer in the other. "May I introduce my Hate Ray 4.0."
she said. "More portable than the one I used on these girls, the ray will still cause females to
have a seething hatred for anything male. Observe." She fired a ray at the prostrate Jane while
spraying off the foam with the seltzer. Jane woke sputtering. She glared at Jesse and Trent.
"Alright! Which of you creeps squirted me?"
"We didn't." said Jesse. "It was..."
"Oh, that's so typical of a man." Jane cutted in. "Blame someone else for your mistakes.
Know what I have to say to that? FLAME ON!" She threw a fireball at them.
They both ducked. "Janey," said Trent. "Calm down, I'm your brother."
"You're gonna be my dead brother in half a minute!"
"Dude, we better retreat." said Jesse.
"I won't leave them like this!" said Trent.
"You can run like the little cowards you are." said Ms Barch. "Or you can fight me, a slew
of girls with the same fighting skills as Osaka and your teammates. All the same to me."
Trent and Jesse took their leave. "What we do now, kimo sabe?" Jesse asked in the car.
"I'm not leaving the girls with that bitch." Trent answered. "No way in Hell."
"They all fought exactly the same way Kenji does." Jesse observed.
"Man Hater might have gotten Kenji to train them, but that good? Over night?"
"If she has a ray that makes girls hate guys, no telling what she has."
"We'll come back tonight. We'll find her secret lab and see if we can find an antidote."
"Cool."
The day passed to slowly. Mrs. Osaka was told what happened and what the plan was. She was
worried, but trusted their judgment. The evening news was all about a bunch of girls who had seemed to
vanish that morning. As soon as the sun set, Trent and Jesse were in rescue mode.
They returned to the abandoned factory. "The window at the top floor is open." said Trent.
"I can stretch up that high. You can use me as a rope and climb up."
Jesse went with Trent's plan, half expecting Liberace to pop out of a window at every step.
They found themselves in Ms Barch's chemestry lab. It was full of beakers, tubes and the like.
A hamster cage sat in a corner with its fluffy tennant. Jesse tried to pet the hamster and nearly got
his finger bitten off. "Must be female." he decided. "Trent,which of these do you think is the
antidote?"
"Well, just a guess, but I'd say that jar that has 'antidote' written on the label." Sure
enough, there was a jar on a cabinet with such a label.
"Cool. Get it, Stretch."
Trent had just grabbed the jar when one of the ninjas from before bursted in, brandishing a
kendo stick. "Who's there?" she yelled. "You!" she pointed the kendo at Jesse. "You clobbered me
from behind and stuck me in a closet, you, you MAN you!" She rushed him. Jesse dodged
and took up a broom lying on the floor. He sparred with the girl until he could manuver himself
behind her. He pinned her arms to her side and picked her up. "Let me go!" she screamed. Trent
removed her hood. Long black dreadlocks spilled out. The girl's eyes burned with hate. Trent
took a capsule out of the jar and popped it in her mouth. Jesse rubbed her throat, forcing her
to swallow. Her body went limp. Jesse put her back on her feet. The hatred was gone from her eyes,
she no longer seemed dangerous.
"Who- who are you?" she asked. "What happened?"
"You don't hate us?" asked Trent.
"How could I?" she asked. "I don't even know you. My name is Jodi, Jodi Landon. Oh, wait,
I recognize you from the paper. You're Sir Stretchalot and Hercules- the other members of the
Formidable Four along with Jane and Daria. Let's see, last thing I can clearly remember is doing
homework in my room when someone grabbed me."
"Can you remember anything else?" asked Jesse.
"Like what happened to Jane and Daria?" Trent prompted. "Or Kenji Osaka?"
"Osaka," said Jodi. "Japanese man in a karate gi? Barch has him strapped to a chair in a
room down the hall. He's attatched to a learning accelerator. That's how we learned to fight so
quickly."
"And the girls?"
Jodi had to think a moment. "Jane and I were left here on guard duty. The rest went to
kidnap other girls. I remember now, Daria said she was going after her sister."
Jodi led them to where Kenji was being held. The man had no strength left and flopped over
like a ragdoll when released from the chair. Jesse got to work destroying the machines. "Jodi,"
said Trent. "I want you to take Kenji home. He'll tell you where he lives."
"No," Kenji weakly protested. "I want to fight."
"Kenji-sempai, you can barely stand. Jodi, take some of these pills in case you meet the
other ninjas." Jodi led Kenji away. "Jesse, take some of these pills," he gave him a handfull,
"and find Jane. I'll take the rest and find Daria."
"Cool."
As soon as Trent left, Jesse started searching for Jane. He went downstairs to the warehouse area.
"Back for more, you spineless excuse for a human being?" called Jane. She was hovering near the
ceiling, in her flame form. Jesse got a brilliant idea.
"You're not so great, Jane! If you were, you'd turn your flames off and fight me hand to hand!"
"Oh yeah?" Jane descended. "Flame off!" She made a grab for him. He grabbed her insted and
held her over his head. "No fair! If I can't use my flames you can't.." Jesse stuffed a capsule
in her mouth. She went limp. "Jesse, what, What have I done? I-I attacked you, and Trent."
"Water under the bridge." he said. "Man Hater and the other ninjas went to get more girls."
He handed her some of the pills. "This is the antidote for the Hate Ray. We'll be ready when they
come back."
Meanwhile, Daria had gone to her house and was attempting to wake up Quinn. "Mmph, Daria,"
Quinn mumbled. "Whaddya want? I need my beauty sleep."
"Quinn, you have to come with me." Daria said.
"And why would I go anywhere with you? I swear, Daria, ever since you started this Formfitting
Four or whatever you've started to think you're special or something."
"The Formidable Four is no more. I couldn't stand another minute with those moronic men.
Look, Ms Barch has started another superhero team and we all want you to join."
"I'm sorry Daria, my hearing must be going. It just sounded like you said you wanted me to
join your superhero team. You know how Mom and Dad feel about this whole crimefighting thing."
"They're part of the problem, Jake especially. We're the solution."
"Daria, you're scaring me."
"Everything will be clear once I get you to Ms Barch's hideout." She grabbed Quinn's hand.
"Wait! Let me at least brush my hair first!" Just then, Trent hoisted himself through the
window. "Eek!" cried Quinn, wrapping a comforter around herself. "Can't you see I'm in my jammies?"
"Yeah, I didn't know Hillfigger made sleepwear." he replied.
"Out of our way, you disgusting MAN!" said Daria.
"You'll feel very different in a minute, Daria." he said, getting out a capsule.
"We'll see about that!" She went invisible and lashed out at Trent. Trent focused as Kenji
taught him. Daria kicked him. He grabbed her foot. After a brief struggle, he found an empty
Doc Martin in his hand. The other boot flew out of nowhere. "I fight better barefoot anyway."
said Daria.
Trent made his way to Quinn's vanity. He picked up a bottle of lotion and began squirting
it in every direction. "No!" yelled Quinn. "I need that to keep my pores cute and tiny!" Trent
ignored Quinn's pleas and kept squirting untill a line of it seemed to rest on thin air. That's
where Daria was.
"Big honkin' deal!" said Daria. A green jacket and yellow shirt hit the floor. A fist struck
Trent's shoulder. He managed to grab it and restain it behind what he hoped was her back. "Let
go of me you pervert!" Daria yelled. Trent groped her face until he found her mouth. He nearly
got bitten, but he managed to force the capsule into her mouth. Daria went limp and reappeared.
Trent let her go. Daria suddenly realized she was wearing only a bra and jeans, and Trent was
in the room. With an "Eep!" she took Quinn's comforter away and tried to cover up. "Omigod, what
just happened?" Daria asked.
"Everything's fine now." said Trent. "Man Hater hit you with a ray that caused you to hate
all men. Jesse and I found an antidote. C'mon, we gotta help the other girls."
"Umm, could I put on some clothes first?"
"Yeah, sure." Daria went to her room to put on a shirt.
"Why can't I just have a normal family?!" wailed Quinn.
In the car, Daria felt like she had some appologizing to do. "Trent, I'm sorry I called
you a scum-sucking man and any other insults."
"Forget about it." he said.
"I'm also sorry I attacked you."
"It wasn't your fault."
"I'm also very, very sorry you had to see me topless."
"Please, don't ever appologize for that."
Back at the factory, Jesse and Jane laid in wait for Man Hater or her ninjas. Brittany and
Angie came in, dragging a very angry girl. "Let me go now!" she demanded. "You better not have hurt my father!"
"That's Mima." Jane whispered. "Kenji's daughter." They revealed themselves. "Let her go!"
Jane demanded. Brittany let go.
"You can't take us both!" said Brittany. Mima elbowed Angie in the throat and karate chopped
Brittany's neck. Jesse and Jane stood in amazment. For once, a citizen who could defend herself.
"They are very skillful." said Mima. "As skillful as my father. But they are very, very stupid."
Jesse administered capsuls to the unconscous cheerleaders. "Have you found my father?"
"Jodi took him home. You might want to go there."
"No." said Mima. "I came to help."
Jesse and Jane shared a look and shrugged. Mima may have looked like a cute Asian teenager,
but she could pack a punch. Tiffany came in later with Stacy willingly following.
"Gee, I don't know, Tiffany." she was saying. "It feels weird going to a party so soon after-you
know- what happened to Sandi." Stacy looked like she was fighting tears over the thought.
"It. Will. Be. Fuuuun." Tiffany assured her.
Jane, Jesse and Mima made short work of Tiffany. At the onset of the ambush, Stacy ran
screaming into the night. Jane dosed Tiffany with one of the capsules.
"Whaat's. Going. On?" she asked.
"Yup, back to normal." said Jane.
Tiffany noticed Angie and Brittany piled up in a corner. "Are. They. Sleeping?" she asked.
"Uh, yeah." said Jane. "Why don't you join them?"
"O.K. Night-night." Tiffany laid next to them and dozed off.
Trent and Daria arrived. "You guys missed one heckova party." said Jane.
"Invite us next time." said Daria.
Man Hater entered with Andrea and Brooke in tow. "What the hell!" she yelled when she
saw the sight. "Girls! ATTACK!!!"
"Not today, Man Hater!" said Jane. "Flame on!" She volleyed a fireball at her. Man Hater
bounded out of the way. Jane freed the captives after dosing them with the capsules. An invisible
fist struck Man Hater. She went for her Hate Ray. Mima kicked it out of her hand. Jesse took up
the metal gun and crumpled it up in one fist. He picked up the protesting Man Hater and put her
in an airplane spin. He tossed her to Trent, who tied her up in his elastic arms.
They took Man Hater to the police station where she was booked for assault and kidnapping.
"And I would've gotten away with it." she said. "If it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"
"I can't believe she just said that." said Daria.
"C'mon." said Jesse. "I wanna take Nibbles home with me."
"Nibbles?" asked Jane.
"There was a hamster upstairs. I brought her cage down to the car after dropping one of
the pills in her food bowl. She doesn't bite anymore."
"So, how come you call her Nibbles?" Jane asked.
"Well, it's not the first time I made friends with someone who bit me."
"Who was?"
"Well- it was you."
"I never bit you!" Jane protested. "Did I?" She looked at Trent, who smiled knowingly.
"And you tried to take my firetruck." Jesse reproachfully added.
"I did not!"
"Oh, this should be an entertaining story." said Daria.
"Jesse and I were 5." said Trent. "We were in the kitchen, playing with some toy cars when
Janey crawled in and grabbed Jesse's firetruck. When he tried to take it back, she chomped down
on his arm."
"Well, he should learn to share!" said Jane. A laugh was had by all.
IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE FORMIDABLE FOUR:
"You wanna talk about my girlfriend's ass some more, bitchlet?"
"Pretty good, even if you do taste like Cherry Coke."
"That reminds me, you owe me a shirt."
"Now that you've declared vengeance and became a wicked-cool super villian, I was wondering
if you need a sidekick."
"What's wrong with the V word? I'm the V word."
"...we /will/ wear the same pair of pants two days in a row."
"Never thought I'd come back to this hellhole."
(A/N) "Mr. Roboto" is property of Styx, thank you very much. The OCs I promised are Kenji Osaka
and his family. In case you haven't noticed, I don't do accents. Mima Was brought from Japan to
America when she was 5, so she barely has an accent any way. She wears her black hair to
just past her chin where it flips up slightly. She wears a middy blouse and blue pedal pushers.
Mima has been trained in martial arts since she could walk so she's very graceful and confident.
She's usually a nice girl, unless she's ticked off. I may put her in another story.
In this story I described Jesse's bedroom. He's the only one of the four who's room has not
been shown on the series. My explanation is he has a lot of problems at home so he comes to the
Lane house a lot to get away from them. I pictured his room as not neat and not messy, but
somewhere in between. I gave him an interesting hobby, collecting rock posters. Jesse looks like
he works out, so I put a weight bench in his room too. Now that he has super strength, weight
lifting has lost it's challenge for him. He'll use the weight bench to hold his new pet's cage.
Man Hater was based on the FF character Hate Monger. Who in one issue /did/ turn out to be
Hitler in disguise! He used a hate ray to make The members of the Fantastic Four hate each other.
So don't blame me if you thought that part of the story was lame. :P
If you're wondering, I didn't pluralize the words gi and shurikin for a reason. The Japanese
language has no plural forms. You can have one kimono, two kimono or a closet full of kimono.
So, properly, a Japanese word will never be used in plural. (Shurikin, BTW, are better known as
'throwing stars'.)