Lady Deadpool: This is amazing! (eats an entire slice of cheesecake in one bite)
Scott: Thanks, could you untie me now. I appreciate you left my hands so I could type, but my nose itches.
Lady Deadpool: Nope! I am not untying you until you tell me why I didn't make the cut.
Scott: Well it could be that you would mentally scar Spidey. Not sure, I let the voters decide.
Lady Deadpool: Stupid Democracy! I demand a decent boyfriend and NOT Deadpool. Selfcest is fine, but he's kinda on the dim side.
Scott: Well, I have an idea on that. Look in the yellow folder.
Lady Deadpool: (Picks up folder and reads) Wow! Alright, I can live with that. He's cool. OH MY GOD! You're gonna pair HER with HIM. What about…? Oh, I see. That could work.
Scott: Thanks. Now if you don't mind.
Lady Deadpool: Well, you are pairing me with someone cool, so alright. (draws Katana and slices ropes) Oh, before I forget. Scott the Wander does not own Marvel Comics or associate characters. If he did they would have better love lives, that's for damn sure. Oh he makes nothing from this and is just a poor man from a poor family
Scott: Thanks, you know you are much more personable than Deadpool
Lady Deadpool: Well after seeing how you blew his head off with his own gun, I sure am going to be. Now about my boyfriend, he better be hung…
Wanda Maximoff stretched as she woke to the smell of coffee. She never woke to that smell outside of the Avengers mansion. ~Was it a dream?~ That thought depressed her so much she almost went back to sleep. ~No, you can't hide from everything.~ She angrily chastised herself before she opened her eyes. Taking in the sight of her Master Bedroom she nearly giggled in joy. Her town house had been destroyed during World War Hulk. "It wasn't a dream!"
Bounding out of bed she did notice she wasn't wearing what she planned to seduce Peter. Instead of the nearly slutty lingerie she was in her lounging clothes. This stopped some of her giddiness as she was unsure what punishment Mary Jane would levy against her for not fulfilling her duties. She had wanted to. She had actually come close to practically taking him rather than a seduction. It hadn't started out that way, but getting to know him had made her want him more. Patrolling with Spider-man had given her a new appreciation for everything about Peter Parker. She saw in him all the things she had loved in her previous lovers: Steve's sense of honor and right, Vision's intelligence, and Simon's fun loving nature. She still found his jokes a little lame, but she understood their purpose better.
"Wow, you have it bad. It took me years to understand the reason for the quips." The sudden appearance of Mary Jane caused a barely stifled scream to come from Wanda. Chuckling the succubus took on a slight apologetic look. "Sorry. Still getting used to the fact I can travel like Kurt. So, I see you haven't tried out your Master yet. Pity, I was hoping to raid your memories for some new material for my fun time."
"I know there is going to be a penalty for this." Wanda clutched her chest, hoping to slow her rapidly beating heart. "So let's get it over with."
"Penalty? No penalty. You agreed to bond yourself to him as per the contract. You bonded the moment you said that." MJ chuckled as she saw the shocked look on Wanda's face. "Oh, this is precious. You thought you had to screw him to be bonded? If that were the case his other bonds wouldn't be there. Though, I do recommend getting as much of him as you can, Wanda. Better for him, better for you, better for everyone. Well, I better let you go you are about to have company."
()
"Who is this new girl working with that menace?" J. Jonah Jameson asked around the sucker he was using to help kick his smoking habit. His wife, who he actually dearly loved despite they way they fought, had demanded he stop smoking. "She seems familiar but I can't quite place it."
"I think that is the Scarlet Witch." Peter offered hoping to sound as if he was making a well educated guess. "I think she is trying to understand Spider-man's motives."
"Scarlet Witch, the mutant with reality altering powers." JJ clarified his own memories. "Alright, four hundred dollars for the lot."
~Cheap bastard!~ Peter couldn't help but think. "Eight."
"Fine, Six hundred." Jonah relented after a moment. When Peter nodded he handed the pictures to his second in command "Robbie this picture. Masked Menace woos Avenger. Make sure the story is complimentary to the Scarlet Witch. I am not going to pander to the CoH at all, Stryker reminds me too much of Hitler."
"You got it, Jonah." As much as the story editor disagreed with Jonah on Spider-man they did agree about racists. Neither one of them liked Trask or Stryker.
"Parker. What are you doing still in my office? Get your check and get out of here. I want more pictures of the menace and his new girlfriend."
Peter didn't bother trying to correct Jameson's assumption. He was just happy to have a good payday. And extra three hundred bucks was nothing to sneeze at. He could actually afford real food this month instead of chilidog fixings and ramen noodles. Then reality set in. ~Wanda is going to be pissed.~
"If the function of underwear is to preserve some measure of modesty when wearing short skirts, why does your choice in the garment barely conceal anything?" Laura was puzzled by her new guardian's choices in clothing. Of course she had not gone through seduction training before her escape.
"Well, Little Sister, I have not much modesty at all." Amora chuckled softly as she looked held up another thong for inspection. "Men are visual creatures. They are easily aroused by titillating glimpses of the supposedly forbidden." The Asgardian began her sage advice. "You are a bit young and a little naïve in matters of the heart to attempt attract men yet, but I promise I will teach you the skills you will need in time."
Frowning at being called naïve in any manner of the word, Laura went back to the clothing racks looking for underwear that was not little more than dental floss. She wasn't succeeding. "If I am too young why am I buying these now? Would it not be better to acquire boxer shorts or panty briefs?"
"Boxer shorts are for sleeping, lounging, and wearing loose jeans. These are for the hip huggers you practically begged for." Amora chuckled. She was so glad she abandoned the Elizabethan while shopping, why the Asgard spoke that way on Midgard still puzzled her. Still while acting as the Enchantress she would have to continue to uphold the image. "And just because you are a bit young does not mean you cannot get into the practice of dressing sexy."
"I suppose that makes sense." Laura said after a moment before picking a blood red thong. "Will this one coordinate with hip huggers?"
"Those, that dark purple one and the black one all would, depending on which top you wore." Amora answered truthfully as she saw the pair. "You seem to favor a look that is part Goth and part Punk. It means we will have to shop in some of the alternative stores. It is a good thing I supplied my accounts very well during my last visit."
"We need ta talk, Wanda." The southern belle known to the world as Rogue just walked right inside the door not waiting to be invited in. "Ah remember everything."
"I thought you might, Anna." Wanda replied and when she received a glare. "You killed me. I reserve the right to call you by your given name. Especially, if you are going to continue your now pointless hatred if me."
"Fahne, Ah can accept that." Rogue scowled. "What's the deal? Why'd you turn back the clock?"
"The why was simple; our world was becoming a Hell." Wanda sighed as she motioned towards the kitchen. "The how is much more complicated. Are you going to kill me, or join me for breakfast?"
"I should kill you before you snap again." Rogue almost growled.
"I won't debate that I could have snappped. It was something I was very afraid of when I made the deal." Wanda nodded. "Bringing me back to the point where I was at the height of my powers and emotionally shattered? It was a recipe for another disaster." Shaking her head she chuckled. "Then I heard the price. I would be bound to another for the rest of time. Their morals and motivations would be mine. I would find no love with another. It scared me even more. I was set to refuse until I saw who. Then my worries seemed as pointless as my father's dreams of mutant supremacy."
"Who?" Rogue asked, still fully prepared to kill her former ally. Mutants had suffered horribly since Decimation, and even if it had not happened this time, the memories would not leave her. "What bastard has you brainwashed to believe you won't be used for their ends?"
"Spider-man." Wanda smiled as she saw the shock on Rogue's face register. "He has no idea. None at all. Though, it is not all roses for me. The succubus who made the deal has taken great pleasure in telling me that I won't be alone in holding his affections or sharing his bed. Still, to change the past, it is a small price. So are you going to kill me, or join me for bacon cinnamon rolls?"
"Spider-man? Great Power-Great Responsibility Spider-man? The guy who always claims he's strictly street-level but has fought and beaten nearly every major villain in the universe Spider-man? The guy more than half the girls I teach at the Institute have crushes on Spider-man?" Saying Rogue was shocked would be a lot like saying Iron Man has some nifty gadgets. Pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment she tried to ward off either tears or laughter, she was not sure which. "I need a drink."
"I have Bailey's we can add to our coffee."
Jean Grey gazed forlornly at the small house. The lone occupant had been family in her home dimension, an elderly woman who could not be intimidated even by the Enemy. More importantly she had raised the love of her life into the man he was. Not many people knew the influence she had in the hero community through her nephew. However this Aunt May had never met her, had not given her motherly advice, nor held her grand nephews and nieces. ~I don't belong here.~
"Nope, not yet, Jean." Mary Jane giggled a bit as she made the telepath jump in surprise. "That was pretty brave of you, triggering a Big Crunch just before jumping through the dimensional rip."
"Mary Jane?" Jean stared in disbelief at the woman who had been Peter's oldest friend and became one of hers. Despite it being centuries since witnessing her death at the hands of the Enemy, Jean would recognize her anywhere. Smiling widely Jean pulled the woman into a tight hug. "Oh, how I have missed you!"
"I'm not your MJ, Red." Mary Jane chuckled even as she let the hug go on. Getting a playful look on her face she reached down and started fondling the other redhead's ass. "Oh, I can see why your Peter thought you had the perfect ass."
"Hey, no fondling unless Peter's around to see it." Jean chastised playfully. Then her mind caught up to everything. She was not getting any impression off of this MJ. ~Even well shielded minds leave an impression unless they are synthetic or…~
"Demonic. Let's just say I sold myself to the Devil's Daughter in order to save the world." MJ shrugged. "Bad habit I picked up from years of marriage to this world's Peter."
Jean took a step back and she drew on the fragment of Phoenix force she still possessed to augment her telepathy. Demons were resistant to most telepaths, but as she was linked to one of the foundations of creation she could overcome it. She wasn't about to trust anyone who claimed to have sold themselves to a demon for any reason. However as he mind touched MJ's she was not prepared for what she saw.
{MJ's Memory}
"I realize you find my soul distasteful. A little too clean for you." Mary Jane smirked as she saw the glint of respect forming on Satana's face. "I did my homework. Succubi prefer the souls of murderers, rapists, and generally evil people. Oddly, they prefer relations with those who are much, much purer."
"True. Even then the murders have to be for purely selfish reason. There is a little girl with the blood of thousands on her claws that would taste just awful as she was made to kill by others." Satana shuddered. "Believe me, Mary Jane there are humans that are far worse than most demons. That is not why I have come, thought. I have an offer for you. I will make you my daughter in body, blood, and magic. You will gain powers comparable to mine and I will train you in their use. The price however is steep. You must sacrifice every moment of love, comfort, and companionship that Peter has given you since your daughter was taken. You may never raise your hand against me. Finally, you must prepare Spider-man for what is coming."
"I was hoping to trade my marriage for a happy successful life for both of us, free of all the bullshit this registration crap has caused." MJ countered. "Collected after Peter gives his answer to Mephisto."
"For that pittance, your marriage is a bargain." Satana smiled a bit. "I will collect after Peter gives his answer. Know this, you will NEVER be reunited with your husband after I collect. However, before I take my payment you may decide to take my first offer."
{flash}
"Hello Wanda." Mary Jane smiled as she froze time to speak with the dying Avenger. "I'm here to make you a deal. Your powers have been weakened. Otherwise you could have completely undone Decimation just moments after uttering it. My Grandfather has been playing a dangerous game, and I need him stopped."
"Grandfather?" Wanda gasped out. Despite the bleeding being stopped the pain was still there.
"Mephisto. He who pretends to be the Morning Star especially when siring children." Mary Jane chuckled softly. "She really doesn't like that, but like the One above All, she restricts herself to just influencing things. Back to the subject, Mephisto has been playing you all along in hopes to making this reality a new Hell. And he is succeeding in part because he had crippled the Center of the Web."
"What does this have to do with me?"
"So glad you asked. I will grant you back your full measure of power that Grandfather had stolen. You will immediately use said power to rewind the Hands of Time to the morning before your little freak out." Mary Jane said in a tone that brooked no argument about the when of things. "The price is for this will be the bonding of your heart, mind, and power to the man I have chosen for you. You'll have your free will, but you'll find his morals will become yours over time. You will not be able to raise a hand to harm him. And this service will last for all time."
"Who will it be?" Wanda bit out, the worry in her eyes exceptionally clear.
"You'll see."
{Back to reality}
"I really wasn't expecting you to cross dimensions like you did, Red." Mary Jane shrugged as she once again used the nickname Logan gave her. "But it's not an unwelcome surprise. You know one of the secrets of the Spider totem. Maybe you can help the others accept it."
"Alright, everyone drop to the ground and hands behind your head." Herman Schultz, aka the Shocker, bellowed out as he threw off his overcoat. "We're here to rob the bank, but your funds are insured, so just don't make work for the coroners. I'm strictly a professional, but some of my friends are very trigger happy."
As if to illustrate that point the Hobgoblin fired off an energy blast blowing up one of the unoccupied desks. There were several whimpers as the remaining villains entered the bank. Obviously this was a big job as the Rhino, Elektro, Mysterio and Sandman were working together. That normally only happened when they were gunning for Spider-man.
~Great! Parker Luck strikes again.~ Peter inwardly groaned as he heard the commotion from the bank restroom. ~I just want to cash my check, buy some apology flowers for Wanda for when she sees the headline of the Bugle, and get some rest. Can I do that without running into trouble? Hell No!~
Even as she was ranting, Peter was pulling off his clothes revealing his costume. In moments he was fully dressed and ready to do his civic duty. Quickly crawling through the air ducts he makes his way to the where the Shocker was currently trying to crack the safe. Given what he could see he knew he was looking at a Sinister Six situation. ~Well, let's see if I can get through this without bruises.~ Hitting the vent cover with a small fraction of his strength, Spider-man grinned at it hit Shocker dead on, knocking him off his feet. A moment later he flipped down from the vent landing feet first on the padded villains face.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Quilt Boy, I was trying to kick you in the ass." Spider-man chuckled. "You can understand my mistake, right?"
"Wall crawler!" "Webhead!" "Insect!" "I'm gonna tear you apart!" "DIE!"
"How wonderful! The Justin Beiber fan club!" Spidey back-flipped over an energy blast hurled by Hobgoblin and had to twist in the air to avoid a blast of lighting.
Landing on one hand, Spidey fired impact webbing at the Hobgoblin, entrapping the mercenary and his glider in a cocoon of webbing. Spider-sense blaring he pushed himself off his hand just a split second before the Rhino could gore him. Not wanting to keep dodging the surprisingly fast brute, he fired four rounds of impact webbing praying that it would keep him tangled for a short bit. Back on his feet he delivered a powerful punch straight to Shocker's face taking him out of the fight for a moment.
"Freeze Spider!" Mysterio had long ago tired of getting his ass kicked by the wallcrawler. He grabbed a teenager from the crowd in a sleeper hold. "Lay down and let them kill you or I will snap her….ARRRRGGGGHHH!"
Laura Kinny grinned ferally as she released a foot claw and kicked upward, driving the adamantium blade through the bullet proof fishbowl and stabbing Mysterio's left eye. As the villain released her she threw him to the ground and delivered a palm strike to his sternum that would drive the air from his lungs.
"You bitch!" Elektro screamed as he saw what Laura had done. Charging up he fired a substantial blast of lightning into Laura's back making her scream in pain.
"FOOL! THOU DOST DARE TO STRIKE AT MINE SISTER!" Amora the Enchantress did a very passable impression of a completely pissed off Thor in demeanor and sheer intimidation. Raising one hand she released a bolt of eldritch energy that slammed Elektro into the bank vault door, imbedding him in the osmium surface from the power of the blow. He'd live but most of the bones in his body were at least fractured.
Spider-man had been so shocked at being helped by the Enchantress he had stood stack still even when his spider sense blared at him. This cost him several as a granite fist struck him hard enough that he flew through the door of Loan Officer's office. As his vision was fading to black he heard something even more shocking.
"AND THOU HAST COMPOUNDED HIS ERROR BY STRIKING MINE HUSBAND!"