Waiting For Superman Chapter Four: Gravity
Author's Note: Sorry guys! I've had midterms all week and I've just made it out (mostly) alive! Thanks so much for all your follows, favorites and reviews. Here's Chapter 4. I'm trying to stay as true to the storyline as I can to make my original content seem as realistic as it can. Last kind of fillerish chapter before the story really picks up! As always, I'm a writer—I thrive off of your follows, favorites and reviews, so lemme know what you think and I'll try to get Chapter 5 up as soon as I can!
With love,
~platarozaluna~
~2 Months Later~
-"He doesn't know his own name?"
-"Or his parents' names. Or where he lives."
Olivia's second day back at work after two months of mandatory leave. She resented the way they all looked at her—the whispers, the stares—she knew they were wondering what she was thinking about, if she was okay. She also resented that after 15 years in SVU, she needed to prove that she could do her job. The Captain told her she could come back after 2 months, but then he'd sent her home early yesterday and today, hinted that he didn't think she could handle a lost kid. After 15 years. Olivia was disgusted.
-"He's young, what, seven? Eight?"
-"Doesn't know his birthday. Just says he wants to go home."
-"But he does speak English?"
-"He speaks, yeah. Something's off developmentally…"
Olivia and Nick had answered a call to Times Square, where a little boy had run up to a man in a Momo costume, clung on, and wouldn't let go. When he was finally forced to, he couldn't find his father anywhere. She smiled and approached the boy, determined to show Captain Cragen and the rest of the squad that she could still do her job and that in fact, getting her mind off of everything through work might be exactly what would prove best for her.
-"Hey there," she said, still smiling. The boy had thick dark hair and big, round dark eyes and looked a bit like Nick's son, she thought.
-"My name's Olivia. I'm here to help you—do you understand what I'm saying?" He nodded. He told her his name was Buddy and that his "Pa" ran away when the police came, but that was all she could get from him—no address. They brought him back to the station and sent him to be checked by a doctor.
-"Liv, a word?" The Captain was standing in the doorway of his office gesturing her over and Olivia sighed, not thinking she'd done or said anything to warrant the Captain trying to send her home. But then again, she didn't think so yesterday, either.
She followed him into his office, shutting the door quietly behind them.
-"Captain, I—"
-"Liv, I just wanted to apologize for this morning. I didn't mean to insinuate that I didn't think you could handle being here. I just wanted you to know, in light of the situation, that you shouldn't feel pressured to come back if you're not ready."
-"Captain! I think—"
-"And before you object, this isn't about me. It's about you. Only you can know what you're feeling up to physically and mentally, as well. I know you're ready to be back and I know you belong here, but you need to go easy on yourself to start. However, I'm going to step back and let you set your own limits, because only you can know what they are."
Olivia brightened. "Thank you for trusting me."
-"Anytime, Liv," he replied, and together, they made their way back out to the squadroom.
-"Alright team, what do we know?" The Captain called out, bringing everyone to order.
"Doc said he's a little underweight for his age, but other than that, everything's okay," Nick said, but Cragen frowned.
-"Alright, well, a confused kid with a man who fled the scene at the sight of cops probably isn't a good sign."
-"The guy in the Momo suit is downstairs giving a description to a sketch artist," Fin said, to which Rollins piped up that she was going to go interview with the kid.
-"Actually," said the Captain, "I think Detective Benson is going to take the interview." ~
-"Hey Buddy, what's that you're drawing?" she pointed to his picture.
-"It's Ma. And Auntie and Sissy. I live with them in House."
-"Can you tell me who you were with earlier?"
-"Pa. But he'll come back. He'll be mad," the boy tightened. "He goes sometimes, but he always comes back."
Olivia could feel her heart clenching in her chest as she got that familiar sense that something was very, very wrong here.
-"Where does Pa go?" she asked.
-"Don't ask. Be quiet. If you're quiet, you get ice cream," he replied. "Sissy taught me a trick to make the walks go faster…Count the cracks in the sidewalk. We count everything."
-"Buddy, when you went to see Momo today…did you count the cracks from House?" ~
-"Liv. Please. Just tell me what's wrong. We can talk about it, but you have to tell me." Olivia was staring out Brian's kitchen window holding a glass of wine and could she could almost palpably feel his concern. He thought she was thinking about the attack, she was sure of it.
-"Nothing, I'm fine." She felt him lay a hand on her shoulder and gently guide her into the living room and over to the sofa. "I told you, I'm fine."
-"Okay, fine. You're fine. Can you still come sit with me?" She couldn't turn down those boyish, pleading eyes, so she sat down on the sofa and rested her head against his chest. As always, she had to admit, it felt really, really nice. Brian draped his left arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer to him.
-"Liv, you're spacing on me."
-"He kidnapped her," Olivia murmured, playing with her hair and not meeting his eyes.
It could have been her, easily, handcuffed to a basement floor, presumed dead. Chained to a basement floor, while he, Lewis, could come and go as he pleased.
-"What? Kidnapped who? Who, Liv?"
-"He kidnapped her and locked her in a basement and raped her over and over again! Nobody looked for her…we let this happen and yet she trusted us?! Trusted him?!"
Olivia's thoughts were scattered, like torn pieces of images stuck haphazardly together in a child's magazine picture collage.
Olivia was in that basement, writhing against the shackles around her hands and feet as vodka spattered across her face, missing her closed mouth and stinging as it came into contact with the burns on her chest…
She drew her knees to her chin and caved to Brian holding her, kissing the top of her head and telling her how strong she was.
-"Rough case?" he asked. Olivia nodded, still not meeting his eye.
-"Something like that."
-"Want to talk about it?"
-"No, not really." Olivia picked up the remote off the coffee table, intending to see what was on TV, but then decided not to and set it back down again. Brian pulled her into his lap.
-"You know, I remember that was the hardest part for me when I worked SVU. How you're expected to put it out of your mind as soon as you close the case and move on to the next twisted thing…I know you don't want to hear it, but maybe talking about the case with your partner would help…well, maybe not him, but Fin, Rollins…they were right there with you."
-"No. They're finally starting to treat me normally again. I can't do anything to change that."
She frowned. She didn't mean to be so elusive. She'd talked with her doctor about this just the other day—how she was afraid her confusion, her spaciness, her distance, would drive Cassidy away. His advice had been to consider if staying on at SVU would be the best thing for her and quite frankly, she'd given it a lot of thought, too. She thought about putting in her papers now, as a hero, instead of risking staying her course and going crazy, like thousands of other cops had. But Lewis had taken so much from her—she wasn't going to let him take her dignity, too—no, Olivia leaving the force was exactly what he wanted. SVU was where she belonged, preventing what had happened to her from happening to anyone else. If she quit now, she'd be sending the message to thousands of victims that it was okay to give up.
-"You're spacing on me again, babe." Brian's hand on the small of her back broke her out of her reverie.
-"Sorry."
-"It's alright, I was just asking if talking to Elliot has helped any." Olivia yanked out of his embrace.
-"Elliot? Why would you even bring him up? Bri, I haven't seen or heard from Elliot in over two years!"
-"Do you really not remember when he came to the hospital to see you?" Brian asked, his features splashed with worry.
-"Elliot visited me in the hospital? No…No, he didn't."
-"Yeah, he was part of the team out looking for you. He was in my squad car when Amaro called me and told me they found you. He was the first one after me to visit you when you were in the ICU—"
-"How would he have known?"
-"He knew because I called him."
-"And you never told me?!"
-"I figured he would!"
They stared in silence at each other for a few minutes after that, seated at opposite ends of the couch. Olivia almost dared him to try to come near her. How could he bring up Elliot to her and expect it not to hurt?!
-"Call him. Call him now and tell him to meet me at my place." Brian just looked at her.
-"Why don't you call him?" Olivia snatched her keys off the coffee table and stood up, making for the front door.
-"Because I want to have a head start." ~
Olivia decided to wait outside of her apartment building rather than go up. She'd never tell Brian, but she didn't think she could be alone in there, not yet. In fact, a pretty significant part of her doubted she'd ever be able to fully trust that place ever again, but she didn't want to think about that. Another part of her wondered if Brian Cassidy had even called Elliot or if Elliot would even come or if this whole thing wasn't just an enormous hoax from the beginning.
But she knew that it wasn't. And she knew Brian had called him, and she knew that he would come.
She was leaning against her car door when she saw him walking up the sidewalk and she was relieved to see that he looked about exactly the same as when she'd last seen him two years ago…though the observation did sadden her somewhat—he'd clearly been perfectly okay for two years without her…but her? Look how much she'd changed…
-"Stabler!" she called and then those broad, muscular shoulders were directly in front of her, those blue eyes poring into her own brown ones as he leaned in for a hug.
Olivia took a step back, watching him, absorbing him, half-tempted to reach out a hand and brush it against his jaw just to see if he was real. But she held herself back.
-"Everything alright, Liv?" It was without a doubt the worst thing he could have said. Driving over from Brian's, she'd had time to prepare herself for anything that might possibly come out of mouth—for his apologies, his expressions of sympathy and understanding, his anger with Lewis—even anger with her for not doing things differently, his pleadings for her friendship, his laundry list of excuses, even a statement that he didn't care about her at all…but this…this was beyond anything she could have foreseen. So impersonal, so forced, so…painfully indicative that he didn't know her as he used to, if he had ever known her at all.
-"Alright, El? You're standing here, asking me if I'm alright?"
-"Yeah, Cassidy told me you—"
-"Cassidy told you? Just like Cassidy had to tell you what happened to me? Just like Cassidy had to tell you to come to the hospital, had to tell you to come in and see me because it looks like he –knew- you wouldn't do that on your own," she hissed.
-"Liv, I—"
-"I'm not done. And Cassidy had to tell –me- that you were there, you, my former partner and best friend, who I shared twelve years of my life with, who spent more time with you than your wife even could, how you were there and didn't even have the balls to say anything to me. Just like Cragen had to tell me two years ago that you left and were never coming back—because you didn't have the balls to tell me then, either. And now you're here, asking me if I'm alright?"
The night was still and quiet, save for the faint whisperings of the last few crickets of a summer rapidly fading into fall. A siren in the distance. Louder now. Softer again.
It was a new moon, so the parking lot was mainly dark save for Elliot's silhouette in front of her. As much as she resented her instinct to do so, she found herself standing much closer to Elliot than she'd intended, knowing that no one would dare hurt her with him right there. Maybe she resented needing him there.
-"Olivia, I'm sorry," he said finally and that was it. More silence.
-"That's it? You really have nothing else to say to me?"
-"Liv, what do you want me to say? That I wish I hadn't left SVU? Come on, my leaving SVU was what was best for everyone. My wife, my kids, the squad—"
-"What about me, Elliot?! Did you ever once stop and think about me? No call, no text, nothing. For two years!" He softened his gaze and for a moment there looked so pitiable that she had to fight back the tears she'd been holding in since that day Cragen told her that she was getting a new partner.
-"Olivia…For the last two years, not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought about you. I can't even go and get a cup of coffee without thinking about you and early mornings in the squad car picking you up before work. I think about from the minute I wake up until the minute I fall asleep at night so how dare you imply that I don't care or that I forgot about you!"
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to swallow up every word that he said and then sit up on her porch talking for hours, talking until they could barely keep their eyes open, just like the old days. But she couldn't do that.
-"But at least you can sleep at night," she murmured. "At least you don't wake up, trying to hide the fact that you're shaking from nightmares that felt so real that you have to turn on the lights and check your own wrists for restraint marks to make sure they're not."
-"You don't know what I wake up thinking." Olivia shook her head.
-"Nothing you say can justify what you did, Elliot."
-"Then what can I do?"
-"Tell me, why didn't you talk to me? Didn't I deserve that much? Don't I now?" Elliot reached forward and lightly took her wrist in his hand. She didn't pull away.
-"Maybe…Maybe it hurt too much."
She looked at him, looked into those sweet blue eyes and wanted to fall into them, but she knew he wasn't here, not really. He was here only until he walked away again.
-"So why did you come to the hospital?"
-"I was worried about you. I needed to see for myself that you were okay." She wrenched her wrist out of his hand.
-"You wanted to make sure that I was okay? Just like now, right? You show up, give me a once-over, see that I'm alive and that's…that qualifies as okay?!" She was practically screaming now. "You spent 12 years telling people that some wounds can't be seen with the eye and now you're telling me that in one glance-over, you can tell me I'm okay?!"
-"Liv…I…"
-"Forget it, Elliot."
-"What do I need to do to get you to trust me again?"
-"Leave. Turn around, walk away, and go back to that little world you've been living in for the last two years where I don't exist and everything's always okay." She could hear her voice faltering. He needed to be gone, now, before she lost control and broke down completely.
-"Liv! Olivia!" He reached for her hand again, but she wasn't having it.
-"Go to hell, Stabler!" she snarled and got back into her car, slamming the door with enough force to make her whole world shatter. And it did. As soon as she could see him in the rearview mirror with his back turned, walking away from her, again, she could feel the world shifting, shifting wildly out of her own control, just out of reach of ever being right again.