"There is no perfection, only beautiful versions of brokenness."
― Shannon L. Alder
I reluctantly handed him a spare room key I had in my purse. He took it after taking another gulp.
Once inside, Rick grabbed the Do Not Disturb tag and hung it on the outside of the door. I had just come out of the bathroom, after a brief shower to get the day off of my skin to only overlap his day on to mine in the most savage way.
His sexual appetite convinced me every single time he was a keeper. I knew if I were to hold out any longer I would only be delaying my own needs that weren't being met by holding on to an unrealistic grudge.
"Why do I let you drive me crazy?"
We were both looking up at the ceiling from the hotel bed we shared. Our bodies glistening from each other's sweat. I turned to look at Rick the moment he turned to look at me. Our breathing became less rapid.
"Because you are open to being crazy," I smirked.
"You hurt me Michonne. I didn't know what to do with what you said."
"What are you talking about, Rick?"
"I'm talking about us. What I am to you. I know it is more than sex."
"Where is this coming from?"
"I would have left my wife a long time ago. I want you to know that."
"Rick-"
"Hear me out, Michonne. Lori had you on speaker. I heard you tell her that it was strictly sex between us."
"What do you want me to do, tell her I lied?"
"I had just told my wife I may be in love with you. It was the reason she called you."
"May be in love?"
"At the time, yes. Now there is no doubt."
"Why exactly are you here, Rick?"
"I'm here with you because this is where I want to be."
"Okay."
"I'm expecting more than okay, Michonne."
"More than?"
"More than sex."
"It is."
"It is what?"
"More than sex."
We were connecting more than ever, and for me, it was scary to allow my guard to remain down with him. We continued our pillow talk.
"I took the kids on a picnic the other day. Lori didn't want to go. It was just four kids and me."
"Oooh so scary." I teased.
"They were looking forward to it. I didn't want to disappoint them. I also didn't want to rehash things with Lori while our girls were there. It's enough that Carl and Judith have to feel the tension. I don't want it to affect, Jasmine and Abby too."
"Was it not her idea?"
"Something I have to remind her about."
"Lori isn't taking it out my girls, is she?"
"Of course not. It was Lori's idea to have Abby and Jasmine over as much as possible. For Carl and Judith to get to know them. She said she was ok with raising them together as long as you were okay with it. I commend Lori for that. She's not a bad person, Michonne."
"Are you trying to convince yourself or me?"
"There was a point I was trying to make."
"Make it real quick because I am about to go to sleep."
"You are not about to go to sleep."
Rick was right. I wasn't about to close my eyes when his blues were staring directly into mine.
"Well, not until you tell me all about the picnic."
"Well, it went well. We had sandwiches."
"Lori at least had you prepared for a picnic, right?"
"Not at all."
"You made sandwiches?"
"No, I did not. I said we had sandwiches, nothing about I made sandwiches. Subway made the sandwiches the way each and every single kid wanted including a bag of chips, a cookie along with a drink. We went to the nearest park. Spread out a blanket and had our picnic."
"Tell me there are pictures."
"There are."
"You have exactly two minutes to send them to my phone."
"You've got me on a timer?"
Rick reached for his phone propped on a charger on top of the nightstand. Within seconds my phone chimed indicating that I had received them.
"I am happy the picnic still went as planned."
"It did. Believe it or not, I was faced with a delicate situation. A dilemma of great proportions."
"What could it have possibly been if Subway took care of the most important task of sandwich making." I couldn't help giggle at the stern look Rick wore.
"Well, Jasmine asked me which mommy did I love the most?"
"Oh my God. This has to be so confusing for them."
"Confusing to them or for me?"
"There is no way to answer that question without hurting them."
"Hurting them or you?"
"Stop it, Rick."
"Stop what?"
What did I want him to stop? My heart was racing wondering what his response was to the question asked of him. I was curious about his answer.
"I don't think they fully understood what I said, but it was a win-win situation."
"A man who knows how to have his cake and eat it too."
"Do you really believe that?"
"What was your response?"
"I told Jasmine and Abby that I am in love with their Mommy. I told Carl and Judith that I will always love their Mommy."
I remained silent upon hearing this. What Rick had said caused my heart to swell. While it may have been enough to appease our children, I had questions that I refused to ask.
Why am I so in love with this man? Why do I allow this? Why do I let him, the father of my children to do this to me? What is this?
"Tell me this is more than sex."
"We just had sex, Rick."
"Tell me, Michonne."