One day in the Harry Potter world, Harry Potter realized that he was not having a shitty day… he was actually having a rather excellent one. He was able to enter the Hogsmeade village not through an illegal secret passage through a shady map that two of his very shady friends who really loved practical jokes involving injury had given him, but because Albus Dumbledore realized that kids shouldn't need a permission slip to enter a village that was literally 5 meters away from Hogwarts. I mean, why should it be such a big deal anyway? Harry was able to buy sweets like all the other kids and was feeling like this was the best day he had had in a while…

…Until he woke up in his bed to Ron screaming. "BLACK! SIRIUS BLACK!" he shrieked. "That's racist Ron!" Harry mumbled, trying to get back to sleep and dream about going to the village without a permission slip again, but it was too late. Ron's high-pitched shrieking had made a dozen people come running. "God dammit!" Harry grunted. "HE SLASHED THE CURTAINS!" Ron screamed. "Well maybe he didn't like the little lace flowers you glued on them," muttered Harry, trying to shut out the sound of Ron's spaz attack by placing his pillow over his ears. Unfortunately a bunch of half-asleep pre-pubescent teenage wizards burst into the room and started shooting magical beams of light around the place, completely destroying the room and utterly incinerating the pretty lace flower curtains (where Ron's pet rat Scabbers happened to be taking refuge).

"Hey that's odd!" Fred Weasley said to his brother George. "That one kid Peter Pottin-goo or whatever his name was has disappeared from the Marauder's map!"

Meanwhile, at a late night executive teachers' meeting, Dumbledore was wondering what to do about the security problem. "How should we defend the entire population of Hogwarts from one guy with a stick?" Professor Snape opened his mouth. "No." Dumbledore interrupted. Professor Sprout opened her mouth. "No." Dumbledore shook his head. Professor McGonagall opened her mouth. "That's a great idea! Let's invite soul-sucking depression ghosts that are used to guard extremely evil criminals into the castle!" Professor McGonagall looked stunned. "That's not what I- "
Dumbledore interrupted her. "That's a great idea! And you'll get all credit for it!"

2 weeks later 1000 Dementors took refuge in Hogwarts and everyone got depressed within the hour (except Snape, since he already had been keeping mind-crippling depression in check for over 12 years, so he was used to it and the Dementors didn't affect him at all).
"Albus get up." Snape muttered, kicking Albus Dumbledore's leg contemptuously. "Noooooo" Dumbledore groaned, having not enough energy to even sit up. "I want to sleep… and a 90 minute cut of Avatar!" Snape facepalmed. "Pffaoemzmciewp" he shouted, and all the Dementors were killed in an epic fashion which had the appearance of the experience of being in close-proximity to a nuclear explosion. Dumbledore perked up instantly. "Much better!"
Snape walked out of Dumbledore's office, muttering something about incompetent Headmasters.

END!

*Post credit scene incoming*
Snape opened the door to exit his office to see Albus Dumbledore trooping around in a disgusting grey robe and pointed hat, hitting Draco Malfoy with a stick. Not a magical staff, just a large stick. The kind you'd find on a tree branch. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" he screeched over and over again. "Albus, did you go to Hagrid's hut and watch The Fellowship of the Ring again?" Dumbledore stopped flogging Draco for a bit. "No." Dumbledore shook his head innocently. Snape sighed.
"Albus?"
"No!"
"Albus!"
"Maybe..."
Snape paused. "Wanna come inside and watch The Two Towers with me?"
"YES!"

TRUE END!