Kevin and Mack are dating their respective girlfriends out of convenience. In the locker room, they discuss who they really want to go out with.

The Smart And The Ass

"So," Michael Jordan "Mack" Mackenzie said as he looked at Kevin, "How does it feel to actually earn your title, Mr. QB?" Mack asked Kevin Thompson. "What do you mean?" Kevin asked him, baffled. He was the QB. "Nothing," Mack said. "Oh, okay. So, you going to the Senior Prom?" Kevin asked him. "Yeah," Mack said.

"Cool. Who're ya taking?" Kevin asked him. "Who do you think?" Mack asked him. "Jodie?" Kevin replied. "Bingo," Mack said. "Just like always, huh?" Kevin replied. "Yep, just... just like always," Mack said. "You don't sound that happy about it," Kevin said. Mack widened his eyes in shock. Did Kevin just make an observation based on someone's subtle body language?

"What make you say that?" Mack asked him. "You got that look on your face, like you wished you could have done something awesome, but instead had to do something not as awesome, but still neat, although you would have preferred to to the first thing instead," Kevin explained in the way that only he was capable of doing.

"All right. I'm actually... I don't how to explain it, but that spark that Jodie and I used to have; it's... it's just not there anymore. Now, I'm just kind of dating her because she's the only other black person at school," Mack said. "That isn't true. What about that Jennifer chick?" Kevin asked him. "Which one?" "Um... the black one?" Kevin asked him. "Besides," Kevin said, "Why would you date someone just because of their skin color?"

Mack stared at Kevin. I know he's not intentionally trying to make a point, but, damn, that was insightful, even if it probably was an accident. But what if it wasn't? Is the world going to fall apart? "I mean, that's, like, really limiting your options and stuff, you know?" Kevin finished. Ah, now the world makes sense again, Mack thought to himself.

"You know, you have a point. I guess, if I could, I would like to date someone else," Mack said. "Really, who?" Kevin asked him. "Well... you know Daria's friend, Jane?" Mack replied. "You want to go out with a brain?" Kevin asked him. "Well, Jodie's a brain, isn't she?" Mack asked him. "Oh, yeah. But she's, like, also popular too. Popular brains are, like, you know, four leaf clovers! They're really hard to find!"

"Yeah," Mack said sardonically, "I know what you mean." "So, like, have you ever gone out with Jane before?" Kevin asked him. "Well, not really, but I've talked to her a lot, and... I actually like her a bit. I think she likes me too. We even have some common interests, and she's a pretty good artist. I've seen her blush or look away whenever I've given her compliments," Mack said. "Whoa! Cool," Kevin said.

"So, you going with Brittany to the Prom?" Mack asked Kevin. "Yeah, but she's been kind of, what's the word, like not very close to me lately," Kevin said. "Distant?" Mack suggested. "Yeah, distant. I mean, you ever notice how every few months she would start getting sick in the morning, and then it would stop for the past few years?" Kevin asked. Mack nodded his head in confirmation. He actually paid attention to that? Holy crap, I need to start re-evaluating my impression of him.

"I mean, it's been a few months since the last time she got sick in the morning, but what if she gets sick on Prom night morning and doesn't want to go? To be honest, I'm kind of looking for someone else too," Kevin said. And, tragically, the (un)natural order has been restored. Kevin, you stupid son of a bitch, you have no idea what Brittany's been going through whenever she got sick in the morning, do you? Or what she had to do to keep that information from getting out? When Jodie and I were there to comfort her while you were cheating on her with someone else while she was dealing with that? I've seen the cracks in her bubbly facade, Kevin. Keep this up, and she's going to break on you, and it won't be pretty when it happens. God, you make me sick sometimes, Mack thought to himself.

"So... who did you have in mind to take to the Prom if not Brittany?" Mack asked, keeping his thoughts to himself. "Well, I heard that Angie, one of other cheerleaders, is pretty easy, so I might go with her if Brittany doesn't feel like going. Of course, if I wanted to date someone else, I would go for Jodie. I mean, I know that you are going out with her, but I think that going out with a popular brain could really help my grades, you know? I keep getting this feeling that my grades won't get me into one of those really good football colleges, and I hear that you need, like, awesome grades to get into those," Kevin said.

Mack simply smiled and nodded his head. I really wish I had a golf club or something with me right now*, he thought. "Well, I'll see you later, Mack Daddy," Kevin said as he walked away. Mack merely took a deep breath. I'm not even bothered by being called Mack Daddy right now. Kevin, there are far worse things for me to be mad at you for than that, Mack thought as he walked away as well.

* See the episode Murder, She Snored.