Back! Where are those lovely reviews, peeps! I miss you all... short chapter! Majorly short! Too busy wining and dining after receiving my GCSE results... thanks y'all. xxxNTxxx
xxxNTxxx
Perry Cox
Stupid, stupid, stupid man. He was such a stupid man. How could he make an outburst like that? Could he not have held it in until the time was right? Or till he could properly explain his reasoning. He hadn't meant for JD to hear whatever it was he was trying to say like that. The timing was inappropriate, the words were idiotic and the temper was unnecessary. Things like that needed to be dealt with delicately; not like a torpedo on heat. But the kid kept bothering him, asking questions, poking his interests into a business that wasn't his. It was things like this that made Perry wish the drugs had worked. Or at least that stupid Dr Barbie hadn't stuck her oar in. Now JD was a mess, having just leapt from the room with a mouthful of yesterdays dinner, and there was no real reason why he should feel responsible for anything that had gone down recently – not completely, anyway. Just partially.
Perry was beginning to think that he had gone about this the wrong way when an angry face was pressed up against the window to his door and four white, raging knuckles were repeatedly banged against the glass in a furious and noisy way. It was Carla Espinosa, and she looked pissed. One hand was busy grabbing his attention whilst the other had hold of the scruff of JD's scrubs, who stood in the background with a certain emptiness in his eyes. Perry groaned – he couldn't deal with this now! Unfortunately, the Latina people are not one to hold back, and Carla came crashing through the door and marching towards his bed, dragging the poor Newbie around like a dog on a leash.
"What the hell are you doing?" She shouted at him, eyes pointed directly at his soul that she may take it if necessary. "First of all you defy all sanity by doing this to yourself, and then you go and pin the blame on Bambi? This is totally sick and I will not let you get away with this lightly."
"I did nawt pin the blame on Hayley," Perry began, "I just simply-"
"Oh he told me everything, so don't even try to defend yourself," She grated, apparently not giving him a hearing before punishment. "He told me that you tried to kill yourself because of him. Now, what in the name of God does that mean?"
The entire time, JD stood silently at the sidelines, awaiting the opportunity to throw up again; Perry could see it in his eyes. They just stared at the floor. He didn't even appear to be blinking.
"I wasn't going to lie to you okay, it was a moronic thing to do!" He snapped, trying to get the image of a broken Newbie out of his head. "But he kept talking at me, I didn't know what to say, or do, so I… I…"
"But why would you say something like that?" She half-whispered. "You could have said anything to shut him up. But you said that."
"Because, part of it, a tiny teeny part of it, is… well, is true." He croaked. There was no way she'd ever leave him alone now he's admitted that bombshell. At this, he heard JD whimper, and looked up to see a single tear slide down his cheek. Something in Perry's stomach tingled.
"Explain yourself." Carla's voice broke now, and she sat down. Her anger was wearing off and turning into concern.
"Where do I start? Everything's just blurring so much into one that my entire life seems like the darnedest reason to top myself right here right now – at least, that's what was going through my mind when I was taking my stress tablets. So yeah, I took a little more than I should. It made me feel a bit better, more relaxed. So I took more."
"You're stressed?" Carla asked. "Well, it's the job, isn't it? You have to blame the career choice."
"It's not just that," Perry frowned, feeling a headache coming on. "Listen, Carla, you've got to listen to me. People die – good people – under my control. I could stop it happening but sometimes I'm either too late or too blind. And that's why people die in my care. Some survive, but the stats are usually against that happening for me. I know I'm a good doctor – hell, I'm the best. But I can't go on like that without feeling some hint of regret. Y'see?"
"Then why shout at JD?" She glanced back at the poor guy, who was currently still in his staring contest but with shinier eyes. The tear had worked its way down to his chin and was resting there, waiting until its time would come to drip off the edge and into the unknown. Perry winced.
"Like I said, it's everything to do with my life." He tried to get through to his only friend in the world. "When I'm not saving lives, I'm surrounded by childish idiots, incompetent morons and happy-go-lucky guys who make me so jealous. I just can't stand that people like him can coast through life without any problem whereas I can hardly make it through one day. So yeah, I did this because of him, and I did this because of my overly demanding ex-wife, and I did this because I can't control my anger. You happy now?"
Carla shook her head, and let some tears of her own flow like tiny rivers against her dark skin. She reached out and touched Perry's hand if only for a moment, before standing to leave. She whispered something to JD and he nodded once, and then began to follow her out of the room. Perry didn't understand their sudden leaving, and groaned to himself.
"Don't go… please?"
Carla stopped and looked back. She shrugged slowly. "Why not? You look like you need to company."
JD was frozen behind her, apparently unable to move without her assistance.
"Newbie?" Perry sighed. "I'd like you to stay too, if you don't mind."
The kid didn't turn around at first, but eventually caved and came crawling back if only to stand in the corner and weep silently again. Perry didn't mind if he didn't speak, because the fact that he stayed was a good enough acceptation of an imaginary apology for him. And for the first time in what seemed forever, Perry found himself smiling.
Another chapter will be uploaded shortly. Until then, review, review, review! :)