A/N: another fairly short one, but I can only take so much of being inside Tate's head. Again, let me know if you spot any mistakes.
It's been about a month since she sent him away. He's asked Nora to explain to her that he did have good intentions, even if his actions were unspeakable. He watches as she tells Violet that he was only trying to repay her for saving his life as a child, for helping him adjust to life as a dead person, and for being more of a mother to him than Constance ever was. He thinks she believes it.
The thing is, Chad and Patrick... they couldn't give Nora what she wanted. Especially after they started fighting and decided not to adopt. So he killed them, jus to hurry along the inevitable fate that comes with living in the Murder House. Whether he enjoyed donning the gimp suit and wreaking havoc...well, that's not the point. The point is he was only trying to help.
And then when Violet and we parents moved in...Vivien seemed like the logical option. She could obviously carry children, and she seemed strong, willful. He didn't know about the miscarriage until after, or he wouldn't have chosen her at all. He would have just killed them all. When the deed was done, and he was sure she was carrying a baby for him to steal away to Nora, he felt no guilt. No, that would come later. He never considered Violet, not for one second. He wanted to protect her from the start.
Violet. She threw a wrench in his plans. She made him feel, somethin uncommon for him unless blood and death and screaming were involved. She changed him, she really did. She made him feel guilt, regret, remorse, love, hate, passion. He loved her, and he was genuinely sorry for all the secrets he had to keep from her, for all the pain he had amused her and her family.
He never in a million years thought that the abomination he created was possible. He'd never heard the legend/prophecy that the child of a spirit (him) and a human (Vivien, her mother) would grow into the antichrist, bringer of death, destruction, and the apocalypse. He never expected the...thing to feed off its twin (the one fathered by Ben) and rip Vivien apart in the process.
Fathered. It's strange to think that he's a father, that somewhere out there he has a son. A son who is the fucking antichrist, and is being raised by a woman who couldn't take care of her own children, let alone someone else's. God, he hates Constance for stealing him away. He would have killed Michael, to protect Violet and the others, but no. Constance wants a shot at greatness- and she'll take it anyway she can get it.
And - he literally gags whenever he thinks this - technically Michael is Violet's brother. How sick is that? How must she feel, knowing he things he's done? He hopes she doesn't think she's his second choice, that he wanted Vivien but settle for her daughter. He doesn't blame her for sending him away... but he still wishes she hadn't. There's so much more he wants to say to her. He thinks a lot about her parting gift, the only time she ever said "I love you," followed by the worst possible punishment. He can see her, hear her, smell her; but he can't touch her or speak to her. He can't comfort her when she sits in the crawlspace next to her rotten corpse, avoiding her mother. He can't reassure her when Hayden torments her about her father, and claims that she's "gotten a piece of her boy toy" or when the teenage son of one of the families befriends her and then hangs himself in her bedroom.
He can only watch, and pray she'll let him come back to her one day.