The Problem With Vincent

Chapter 4:
The Badger King's Coat

Disclaimer: I do not own either FFVII or X.

Vincent had always liked tight spaces. Comfortably tight, preferrably. The chocobo stable in the Sierra was perfect: warm, close, and comfy. being unused was a definant perk, because he didn't have to worry about sitting on anything. Vincent sighed and sat back. He grinned and hummed a few bars of "It's a Small World" while Chaos made strangling noises inside his head.
"Vincent! Vince, where are you?"
"Vampy! Where'd'ja go?"
"Yuffie, he's not a vampire."
"Nyaa! Sez you!"
"Would y'all shut up? It's you girls' fault he ran off."
"Can it, Cid. You were laughing at him, too."
"I wasn't laughing at him. I was laughing at his name."
"Say, Cid, who's flying this thing if you're here?"
"It's a little thing called autopilot, spikey."
Vincent chuckled a but at his friends' banter. For some reason, no atter what the circumstances, they always found something to argue about. Just then, Alana peeked her head around the corner and grinned.
"There ya are, Vince!"
"Been lookin' all over for ya," Cid said, looking around as well.
A bell chimed over the intercom. "Five minutes to destination. Please advise," a computer-generated female voice echoed. "Autopilot disengaging in two minutes."
"Crap," Cid muttered and ran off.
"So, Vincent," Tifa asked, looking worried, "You alright?"
"Of course," Vincent replied, brushing straw off his cloak.
"You sure--"
"HEY, EVERYBODAY!" Barret shouted through the intercom, accompanied by a sharp squeal of feedback. "WE'RE GETTIN READY TO--"
"Give me that, ya bastard!" Cid snapped.
"Shut up, ya old fart."
"Yer gonna make 'em deaf with all that yellin' retard!"
"No I ain't!"
"Yeah, ya will!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!"
Cloud smacked his forehead and stomped to the speaker and hit the red microphone button. "Will you who get on with it?! I've met five-year-old with more maturity!"
"Damn, Spikey, I didn't know you could get mad," Barret laughed.
"Anyway, we're landing," Cid announced.

()()()()()()()()()()()(20 minutes later)()()()()()()()()()()()

"Ah, shut up, ya old badger," Alana slurred, having had a bit too much to drink.
Actually, they all had a bit too much to ethanol pumping through their systems. They were all sitting around a table in a remade AVALANCHE HQ under Tifa's bar in Edge, sharing some friendly drunkeness.
"Who's a badger?" Cid replied indignantly, his eyes slightly unfocused.
"You're right, Alana," Tifa agreed. "Cid's a badger."
"Traitor," the pilot muttered into his beer.
"I only know one person who's more of a badger," Alana stated, thumping her glass down.
"Whozat?" Barret demanded.
"Auron."
A ripple of acknowledgement went around the table.
"Well, here's to Sir Auron, King of the Badgers," Yuffie toasted, standing unsteadily and saluting with her glass.
"He's not all that bad, though," Alana mused. "He gave me his coat."
"I can't imagine him doing that," Cloud hiccoughed.
"Well, I kinda got him loaded first."
"Even then."
"Okay, so a drank him under the table and stole it off him," Alana admitted. She stared into space with a dreamy look on her face. "But it's such a cool coat..." she giggled. "He looks like a badger, too."
"He does, doesn't he?" Tifa agreed.
The night went on, and talk ranged from Auron's greying hair to Red XIII's fur to the breeding habits of slugs. As all of this was going on, Vincent remained sober. He wasn't very much fun drunk, anyway. From what he could remember--no, from what people told him--he tended to cry a lot.
"Hey, Vinnay!" Barret roared from across the table. "Have summat ta drink!"
"Ah, no thanks."
"Don't be such a stiff, Vin!" Yuffie giggled. "You never have any fun!"
"I fail to see how waking up puking my aching brains out is fun."
"Nuh-uh!" Yuffie popped open another bottle. "I'll be just fine."
"Suit yourself, I'm going to bed. Don't come crying to me tomorrow." He got up, and with a habitual dramatic cape flourish, was gone.
"Y'know what the problem is with yer boyfriend?" Cid said in the general direction of Alana. "He acts like he's got a wrench up his ass. No, a whole metric socket set, case'n'all."
"I know, but I love him the way he is," Alana replied, and everything was lost in an ale-brown haze.

End chapter 4: The Badger King's Coat.

Next chapter: The Portable Battery