Author's Notes: Reviews make the world go round, and that includes Neverland! (Cries)
Disclaimer: I do not own Alucard, Hellsing, Peter Pan, St. Ormond Street Hospital, Neverland, or any of the like.
Integra soon learned that flying outside was much different than flying inside. She was not nearly so elegant as Alucard, she could not help kicking a little, and her head was bobbing.
Alucard, for his part, was having such a grand time that he led her around and around, over the moon and around chimney spires, though Integra had not yet mastered turning, and flew right through an open window, though this was all right since another one was open on the other side.
But Integra was never one to let her nerves get her for long, and so great were the delights of flying that she wasted time circling round church spires or any other tall objects on the way that took her fancy.
They flew over Kensington Park, the place where it all began, and Alucard flew to the water and rode two swans like rollerblades as he played on his pipes. He looked back and smiled at Integra, and she flew over the water to look at her reflection (she had never seen her reflection in a pond before) when Rip quite did away with her reflection by skimming over the water haughtily; however, a few high jumping fish tried to eat Rip, thinking her a bug, and she quickly flew safely up in the air with Alucard and Integra.
It was not until they stopped to rest on the face of Big Ben's Clock Tower did Integra journey to ask which way they were going.
"Second to the right, and straight on till morning."
That, Alucard had told Integra, was the way to the Neverland; but even birds, carrying maps and consulting them at windy corners, could not have sighted it with these instructions.
"Second to which right, Alucard?"
"Whichever right you wish, my master."
Alucard said this so intensely that Integra had to blush and look away, and in the distance she could see the smallest star in the sky winking at her suggestively.
"Great idea Integra!" Alucard cried excitedly, "second star to the right, and straight on till morning."
Integra clapped her hands with delight, Alucard took hers and, before Rip could object, they set off once more into the sky.
Oh! What a joy to fly! Integra remained excited even as they flew across the Thames, under Tower Bridge, over the clouds and away from the world Integra knew.
But the night proved to be longer than Integra thought, since their stop at the Clock Tower showed it to be quarter after seven when their journey began.
As the night wore on, Integra became really hungry at times, or was she merely pretending, because Alucard had such a jolly new way of feeding her? His way was to pursue bats who had food in their mouths suitable for humans and snatch it from them; then the bats would follow and snatch it back; and they would all go chasing each other gaily for miles, parting at last with mutual expressions of good-will. But Integra noticed with gentle concern that Alucard did not seem to know that this was rather an odd way of getting your bread and butter, nor even that there are other ways.
Certainly she did not pretend to be sleepy, she was sleepy; and that was a danger, for the moment she dozed off, she would change direction or fall entirely.
Of course Alucard would dive through the air and catch Integra just before she could strike the clouds, and it was lovely the way he did it; but he always waited till the last moment, and you felt it was his cleverness that interested him and not the saving of human life.
"If you ever let me get that close to the earth again," Integra said sternly after he caught her for the second time, "I'll slap you."
However, to make amends Alucard showed her how to lie out flat on a strong wind that was going their way, and this was such a pleasant change that she tried it and found that she could sleep thus with security. Indeed she would have slept longer, but Alucard soon cried in his captain voice, "We get off here." So with occasional tiffs, but on the whole rollicking, they drew near the Neverland; for after many hours they did reach it, and, what is more, they had been going pretty straight all the time, not perhaps so much owing to the guidance of Alucard or Rip as because the island was looking for them. It is only thus that any one may sight those magic shores.
"There it is," said Alucard excitedly.
"Where, where?"
"Where all the arrows are pointing."
Indeed a million silver arrows were pointing it out to the children; all directed by her friends the stars, who were so taken with Integra for choosing one of their own for the new Neverland that they wanted her to be sure of her way before leaving her for the day.
Feeling that Alucard was on his way back, the Neverland had again woke into life. We ought to use the pluperfect and say wakened, but woke is better and was always used by Alucard.
In his absence things are usually quiet on the island. The fairies take an hour longer in the morning, the beasts attend to their young, the natives feed heavily for six days and nights, and when pirates and lost boys meet they merely bite their thumbs at each other. But with the coming of Alucard, who hates lethargy, they are under way again: if you put your ear to the ground now, you would hear the whole island seething with life.
Integra stood on tip-toe in the air to get her first sight of the island. Strange to say, she recognized it at once, perhaps because she chose its present location, and until fear fell upon them she hailed it, not as something long dreamt of and seen at last, but as a familiar friend to who they were returning home for the holidays.
"Look Alucard, there's the lagoon!"
"Integra, look at the mermaids with their tails a glitter."
"I see them," she said indifferently, "Alucard, I see the smoke of the natives' camp!"
"Where? Show me, Integra, and I'll tell you by the way smoke curls whether they are on the war-path."
"There, just across the Mysterious River."
"I see now. Yes, they are on the war-path right enough."
Alucard was a little annoyed with Integra for knowing so much, for he had wanted to impress her with his own knowledge of the island, but if he wanted to lord it over her his triumph was at hand, for have I not told you that anon fear fell upon them?
"Alucard, look!" Integra cried, pointing back at the lagoon, "There is Captain Anderson and his ship, the Iscariot!"
As if in answer to her greeting, the air was rent by the most tremendous crash she had ever heard. The pirates had fired the Harkonnen Cannon at them.
Thus sharply did the terrified Integra learn the difference between an island of make-believe and the same island come true; as she poked her head up fearfully from the cloud Alucard had pushed her into for her own safety.
"Listen, Rip," Alucard said in his captain voice, "You take Integra to the island, and I'll stay here and draw their fire."
I don't know whether the idea came suddenly to Rip, or whether she had planned it on the way, but she at once popped out of the hat and began to lure Integra to her destruction.
Rip was not all bad; or, rather, she was all bad just now, but, on the other hand, sometimes she was all good. Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change; only it must be a complete change. At present she was full of jealousy of Integra. What she said in her lovely tinkle Integra could not of course understand, and I believe some of it was bad words, but it sounded kind, and she flew back and forward, plainly meaning "Follow me, and all vill be vell."
What else could poor Integra do? She could not go to Alucard, since he was busy drawing cannons, and she did not yet know that Rip hated her with the fierce hatred of a very woman. And so, bewildered, and now staggering in her flight, she followed Rip to her doom.
Alucard whistled loudly. "ISCARIOT! ISCARIOT, YOU GOD-WADS! HERE!"
The roar of the next shots echoed through the mountains, and the echoes seemed to cry savagely, "Where are they, where are they, where are they?"
When Integra looked back at her guide, she noticed that Rip was flying at an alarming speed.
"Rip Van Winkle," she cried politely, "Not so fast, please Rip Van Winkle!"
When Rip did not slow, she tried again, "I can't keep up with you!"
At last, she cried at the top of her voice, "RIP VAN WINKLE! WAIT!"
But Rip would not wait, for she did not have patience enough for Integra to lead her slowly, despite her brilliant scheme, and so she sped toward the island like a sparkling blue bullet, with Integra, ever the inexperienced flier, trying desperately to keep up after her.
Let us now draw away from these children and come back to them later, for there are more pressing matters to attend to on the island.
On this morning the chief forces of the island were disposed as follows. The lost boys were out looking for Alucard, the pirates were out looking for the lost boys, the natives were out looking for the pirates, and the beasts were out looking for the natives. They were going round and round the island, but they did not meet because all were going at the same rate.
All wanted blood except the boys, who liked it as a rule, but to-night were out to greet their captain. The boys on the island vary, of course, in numbers, according as they get killed and so on; and when they seem to be growing up, which is against the rules, Alucard thins them out; but at this time there were six of them, counting the twins as two. Let us pretend to lie here among the sugar-cane and watch them as they steal by in single file, each with his hand on his dagger.
The first to pass is Walter, not the least brave but the most unfortunate of all that gallant band. He is fortunate in that he is the only one allowed to look like Alucard, but he was the son of a butler before making himself lost to Neverland, and is therefore at the butt of many jokes. Poor Walter, there is danger in the air for you to-night. Take care lest an adventure is now offered you, which, if accepted, will plunge you in deepest woe. Walter, the fairy Rip, who is bent on mischief this night is looking for a tool, and she thinks you are the most easily tricked of the boys. 'Ware Rip Van Winkle.
Would that he could hear us, but we are not really on the island, and he passes by, biting his knuckles, which are wound with deadly wires.
Next comes Pip, the gay and debonair, followed by Luke, the most conceited of the boys. He thinks he remembers the days before he was lost, with their manners and customs, and this has given his nose an offensive tilt. Jan, his younger brother, is fourth; he is a pickle, and so often has he had to deliver up his person when Alucard said sternly, "Stand forth the one who did this thing," that now at the command he stands forth automatically whether he has done it or not. Last come the Twins, who cannot be described because we should be sure to be describing the wrong one. Alucard never quite knew what twins were, and his band were not allowed to know anything he did not know, so these two were always vague about themselves, and did their best to give satisfaction by keeping close together in a apologetic sort of way.
The boys vanish in the gloom, and after a pause, but not a long pause, for things go briskly on the island, come the pirates on their track. We hear them before they are seen, and it is always the same dreadful song:
"We ask o' thee. Whit art thou?"
"We Art Iscariot! The Zealot Judas!"
"In that case, Iscariot. We ask o' thee. . . Whit dost thou hold in thy right hand?"
"Daggers! And Poisons!"
"In that case, Iscariot. We ask o' thee. . . Whit dost thou hold in thy left hand?"
"Thirty Pieces of Silver! And a Rope!"
"In that case, Iscariot. Whit art thou?"
"As apostles yet not as apostles!
As adherents, yet not as adherents!
As believers, yet not as believers!"
A more villainous-looking lot never hung in a row on Execution dock. At first glance, you should not see anything evil about them at all, for they seem to be good-natured priests in grey robes and gold crosses; but underneath their kind exterior are cold-hearted religious fanatics who will mercilessly kill anyone who does not follow their mad religion. In sooth they came to Neverland to convert its residents to their faith, and brutally murder and plunder the bodies of any and all who do not comply. On land we shall call them priests and at sea we shall call them pirates, for they are both. It is difficult to describe anyone in that grey, uniform crew, for the priests all look and act so similar to each other that it is impossible to tell one form the other; except the androgynous first mate Heinkel Wolfe, once an instructor in a private school and still dainty in his (or is it a her?) ways of killing; and the Japanese bo'sun Yumiko, an oddly genial woman who stabbed, so to speak, without offence, and was the only Non-white in Anderson's uniform crew.
In the midst of them, the greyest and largest in that dark setting, strode Alexander Anderson, or as he was also known to be called, Father Anderson, Paladin Anderson, Hit Man Anderson, Bayonet Anderson, Killing Judge Anderson, "Off With His Head" Anderson, Angel Dust Anderson; of whom it is said he was the only man that the Pope feared. He walked at ease here among his men, and ever and anon he encouraged them with hymns and praise to increase their pace; but hidden under his priestly robes were countless bayonets which he throws at his enemies like candy on the street. His eyes were of the green of the spring, and of a profound melancholy, save when he was plunging his bayonets into you, at which time two white spots appeared in them and lit them up horribly. In manner, something of the grand seigneur still clung to him, so that he even ripped you up with an air, and I have been told that he was a raconteur of repute.
Let us now kill a priest, to show Anderson's method. Enrico Maxwell will do. As they pass, Maxwell lurches clumsily against him, raving about authority and respect, evidently drunk on power; the bayonets shoot forth, there are many stabbing sounds and one screech, then the body is kicked aside, a few prayers are murmured, and the pirates pass on. His glasses have not even slipped form his nose.
Such is the terrible man against whom Alucard is pitted. Which will win?
On the trail of the priests, stealing noiselessly down the war-path, which is not visible to inexperienced eyes, come the natives, every one of them with his eyes peeled. They carry tomahawks and knives, and their naked bodies gleam with paint and oil and the blood of enemies. Strung around them are scalps, of boys as well as of priests, for these are the Millennium tribe, and not to be confused with the softer-hearted Delawares or the Hurons.
In the van, on all fours, is Great Big Little Schrödinger's Cat, a brave of so many scalps that in his present position they somewhat impede his progress. Directly behind is the Witch Doctor, who is nagging orders that Great Big Little Schrödinger's Cat will never obey; and in the center, the place of greatest safety, waddles Heap Big Chief Montana Max, who is so grossly fat that it is a wonder he is able to maintain such a position of authority. Directly behind is the royal wet nurse Zorin Blitz, who has killed as many babes as she has nursed into adulthood.
Bringing up the rear, the place of greatest danger, comes Seras Victoria, a warrior and a princess in her own right. She is the most beautiful of dusky Dianas and the belle of the Millennium babes, innocent, wild and childish by turns; there is not a brave who would not have the wayward thing to wife, but she staves off the altar with a hatchet.
Observe how they pass over fallen twigs without making the slightest noise. The only sound to be heard is their somewhat heavy breathing. The fact is that they are all a little fat just now after the heavy gorging, but in time they will work this off; all except for Heap Big Chief, that is, for he is always fat. For the moment, however, it constitutes their chief danger.
The natives disappear as they have come like shadows, and soon their place is taken by the beasts, a great and motley procession: lions, tigers, bears, and the innumerable smaller savage things that flee from them, for every kind of beast, and, more particularly, all the man-eating monsters, live cheek by jowl on the favoured island. Their tongues are hanging out, they are hungry this morning.
When they have passed, comes the last figure of all, a gigantic crocodile. We shall see for whom she is looking presently.
The crocodile passes, but soon the boys appear again, for the procession must continue indefinitely until one of the parties stops or changes its pace. Then quickly they will be on top of each other.
All are keeping a sharp look-out in front, but none suspects that the danger may be creeping up from behind. This shows how real the island was.
The first to fall out of the moving circle was the boys. They flung themselves down on the sward, close to their underground home.
"I do wish Alucard would come back," every one of them said nervously, though in height and still more in breadth they were all larger than their captain.
"I am the only one who is not afraid of the pirates," Luke said, in the tone that prevented his being a general favourite; but perhaps some distant sound disturbed him, for he added hastily, "but I wish he would come back, and tell us whether he has heard anything more about Cinderella."
They talked of Cinderella, and Walter muttered contemptuously that his mother must have been very like her; a maid.
It was only in Alucard's absence that they could speak of mothers, the subject being forbidden by him as silly.
"All I remember about my mother," Pip told them, "is zat she often said to my father, 'Oh, 'ow I wish I had a cheque-book of my own!' I don't know what a cheque-book is, but I should just love to give my mother one."
"Fuck yeah!" Jan said, "That's why you're willing to kill yourself for a dirt-cheap piece of shit reward, ain't ya?"
I told you that Jan was a pickle.
While they talked they heard a distant sound. You or I, not being wild things of the woods, would have heard nothing, but they heard it, and it was the grim song:
"We art disciples of death!
The death disciple group!
Only bowing and praying forgiveness of the Lord.
Only bowing and defeating the enemies of the Lord.
Wielding our daggers in the night and poisoning the evening meal.
We art Assassins! The Assassin Judas!
When the time comes we shall cast our thirty pieces of silver at the alter . . . And hang thy head from our rope!
Thereby we shall fall into Hell in cabal!
Lined up in square formation. . . We seek to do battle with the seven million, four hundred-five thousand, nine hundred twenty-six demons of Hell.
Apocalypse Now!"
At once the lost boys—but where are they? They are no longer there. Rabbits could not have disappeared more quickly.
I will tell you where they are. With the exception of Pip, who has darted away to reconnoitre, they are already in their home under the ground, a very delightful residence of which we shall see a good deal presently. But how have they reached it? for there is no entrance to be seen, not so much as large stone, which if rolled away, would disclose the mouth of a cave. Look closely, however, and you may note that there are here seven large trees, each with a hole in its hollow trunk as large as a boy. These are the seven entrances to the home under the ground, for which Anderson has been searching in vain these many moons. Will he find it tonight?
As the priests advanced, the quick eye of Heinkel sighted Pip disappearing through the wood, and at once his, or is it a her? pistol flashed out. But an iron grip stayed his, or shall we call him a her? shoulder.
"Father, let go!" she cried, writhing.
Now for the first time we hear the voice of Anderson. It was a black voice. "Ye best be putting back that pistol first," it said amiably.
"It vas von of those boys you hate. I could haf shot him dead."
"Ay, and the sound would have brought Seras Victoria's redskins* upon us. Do you want tae lose your scalp?"
"Shall I after him, Father," asked pathetic Yumiko, "and sic him with Yumie?" Yumiko had pleasant nature, but her darker personality was called Yumie, because she did all the killing. One could only mention lovable traits in Yumiko. For instance, after Yumie's killing, it was her spectacles she wiped instead of her weapon.
"Yumie's a silent killer," she reminded Anderson, "when she wants to be."
"Nae now, Yumiko," Anderson said kindly. "He is only one, and I want tae mischief all the seven. Scatter and look for them."
The priests disappeared among the trees, and in a moment their Father and Yumiko were alone. Anderson heaved a heavy sigh, and I know not why it was, perhaps it was because of the soft beauty of the morning, but there came over him a desire to confide to his faithful bo'sun the story of his life. He spoke long and earnestly, but what it was all about Yumiko, who was rather stupid, did not know in the least.
Anon she caught the word Alucard.
"Most of all," Anderson was saying passionately. "I want their captain, Alucard. 'Twas he cut off my arm." He brandished the bayonet threateningly. "I've waited long to shake his hand with this. Oh, I'll tear him!"
"And yet," said Yumiko, "I remember that your hand grew back beautifully, Father, because you are a regenerator."
"Ay," Anderson answered. "If the operation were not so perilous, I would pray to have my children undergo this instead o' that," and he cast a look of pride upon his re-grown hand. Then again he frowned.
"Alucard flung my arm," he said, wincing, "tae a crocodile that happened tae be passing by."
"I have often," said Yumiko, "noticed your strange dread of crocodiles."
"Not o' crocodiles," Anderson corrected her, "but o' that one crocodile." He lowered his voice. "It liked my arm so much, Yumiko, that it has followed me ever since, from sea tae sea and from land tae land, licking its lips for the rest o' me."
"In a way," said Yumiko, "it's sort of a compliment."
"I want nae such compliments," Anderson barked petulantly. "I want Alucard, who first gave the brute its taste for me."
"I do not understand," Yumiko said, "why you are so afraid of the crocodile, Father, since you are a regenerator and could survive the encounter."
He sat down on a large mushroom, and now there was a quiver in his voice. "Yumiko," he said huskily, "that crocodile liked my taste so much that it has neglected its hunting in its quest to find me, and when it gets close, its hunger flares up in such a way that it will blindly consume anything that happens to be close by. It would have had me before this, but by a lucky chance it swallowed a clock which goes tick tick inside it, and so before it can reach me I hear the tick and bolt." He laughed, but in a hollow way.
"Some day," said Yumiko, "the clock will run down, and then he'll get us all."
Anderson wetted his dry lips. "Ay," he said, "that's the fear that haunts me."
At that moment, Gentleman Heinkel came bursting through the bushes, "Father, ve've spotted Alucard!"
At once, the bayonets shot out of his hands. "Where is he? I'll gut him!"
"He vas just seen flying back on the island," Heinkel said, "und he vasn't alone."
"Ay," said Anderson petulantly. "Nae doubt accompanied by that band o' scurvy brats."
"Nein," said Heinkel, looking through her scope. "This time he's . . . Mein Gott, he's accompanied by a fraulein."
Anderson's eyes widened, and then his mouth twists into a sinister leer. "Oh, he's at it again, eh?"
Heinkel began to answer, but she never finished it, for another sound broke in and stilled them. There was at first such a tiny sound that a leaf might have fallen on it and smothered it, but as it came nearer it was more distinct.
Tick tick tick tick.
Yumiko stood shuddering, one foot in the air.
"The crocodile!" she gasped, and bounded away, followed by her crew.
It was indeed the crocodile. It had passed the natives, who were now on the trail of the other pirates. It oozed on after Anderson.
"Yumiko!" the crew cried, "do not panic! The crocodile isn't even after you!"
"That's right! It only wants Anderson, you don't need to run!"
"Go on back to the Iscariot; the crocodile can't get us from there!"
Anderson gritted his teeth. Any other time, he would have turned to face the crocodile, but his concern for his crew and rivalry for Alucard were such that he put off the fighting and swore to face it another day.
"Ve haf tracked his coordinates at three point's starboard bow," Heinkel continued once they were aboard the Iscariot, "und ve haf taken out the big guns, ze Harkonnen Cannon."
"Ye best be calling off that attack," Anderson said darkly, "Far he, that boy, an a' with him are mah swoorn enemies. Mah arch enemies! Ah will defeat him. Ah am the only one tha may. Nae one can interfere! Nae one can have tha right! Nae one! Nae one!"
"But Father," Heinkel said nervously, "it ist too late now."
Once the coast was clear, the boys emerged into the open; but the dangers of the night were not yet over, for presently Pip rushed breathless into their midst, pursued by a pack of werewolves. The tongues of the pursuers were hanging out; the baying of them was horrible.
"Save me, save me!" cried Pip, falling on the ground.
"But what can we do, what can we do?"
It was a high compliment to Alucard that at that dire moment their thoughts turned to him.
"What would Alucard do?" they cried simultaneously.
Almost in the same breath they cried, "Alucard would look at them through his legs."
And then, "Let us do what Alucard would do."
Walter rolled his eyes, flicked his wires, and the next moment the werewolf that was trying to eat Pip's head fell off its shoulders, covering him with blood. With another flick more werewolves fell to the ground in pieces, and the other werewolves dropped their tails and fled.
Walter approached the lost boys scornfully. "Through his legs?" they bowed their heads in shame.
Now Pip rose from the ground, dusting himself off, and the others thought that his staring eyes still saw the werewolves. But it was not werewolves he saw.
"I 'ave seen a wonderfuller thing," he cried, as they gathered round him eagerly. "A great white bird with golden 'ead feazers and blue tail feazers. It is flying zis way."
"What kind of a bird, do you think?"
"I don't know," Pip said, awestruck, "but it looks so weary, and as it flies its 'ead feazers flutter in ze wind."
"I remember," said Luke instantly, "there are birds called Wendies."
"Fuck yeah! Here it comes!" cried Jan, pointing to Integra in the heavens.
Integra was now almost overhead, and they could see her defining hair. But more distinct came the shrill voice of Rip Van Winkle. The jealous fairy had now cast off all disguise of friendship, and was darting at her victim from every direction, pelting savagely each time she touched.
"Hullo, Rip," cried the wondering boys.
Rip's reply rang out: "Alucard wants you to shoot the Wendy."
It was not in their nature to question when Alucard ordered. "Let us do what Alucard wishes!" cried the simple boys. "Quick, bows and arrows!"
All but Walter popped down their trees. He was a bit skeptical of Rip's orders; but he had a quiver on his back and a wire that could be used as a makeshift bowstring if held tight enough, and Rip noted it, and rubbed her little hands.
"Quick, Valter, quick," she screamed. "Alucard vill be so pleased!"
Walter eagerly held his wire taut against a tree branch and fitted the arrow to his make-shift bow. "Out of the way, Rip," he shouted, and then he fired, and Integra fell toward the ground with an arrow in her breast.
* Sorry to use the "redskin" racial slurr, it was just to show that the priests are racist jerks.
Also, regardless of what I've written before this, I apologize for all the stereotypical Native American behaviors that are and will be presented in this fanfic. I'd like to disclaim that this was in J.M. Barrie's original novel, back when political correctness only applied to white Christian males. Plus, these guys are native to Neverland, not the Americas, so stereotypical stigmas don't necessarily apply to them. Plus, I make fun of white priest stereotypes too, so I'm an equal-opportunity offender.