for all things must come to an end
A Will/Rachel Fanfiction
Written for Finny
Part Two: The Recovery
Chapter Four - I Love You
Kurt Hummel wakes up with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.
It's nearly eleven in the morning on a school day, but his dad and Carole have given both himself and Finn permission to sleep in.
Rachel hadn't been found until early in the morning hours.
-x-
It was almost four in the morning before the two got back home from the all-Glee search party.
Rachel had gone missing sometime around one am, leaving a destroyed room in her wake.
Her dads had called Kurt and Finn both, and apparently also called Mercedes and Puck. It wasn't long before they'd all been searching for her.
Though Mr. Schue had arrived at the Berry's just after three [with a sleeping and scantily clad Rachel in tow] they had all stayed for another half an hour and shared their fears of the night with one another while Rachel slept off her whiskey binge. And they had also told the Berrys' how strangely Rachel had been acting the past few days.
-x-
Except, neither Kurt himself or Mr. Schuester brought up the kisses. and Kurt had wondered what else she had done, what else had occurred before he brought her home.
But in the end, the need for sleep-like always-eventually won out for the group.
-x-
It had been nearly eight in the morning before Kurt was able to sleep.
He is making lunch for Finn and himself when it occurs to him that maybe Mr. Schuester knows more than he's letting on.
Why wouldn't he tell her parents about her untoward advances? How else can they help her?
But he won't tell them. He promised her.
She's his best friend, and he is hers.
And right now, she needs him.
"Kurt?"
He's conjugating verbs for French class when Carole sits on the edge of his bed. She looks hesitant, and Kurt can't blame her.
"Hmmm?" is all he can manage to get out as he quickly writes the correct answer down.
"Do you know what's going on with Rachel?"
How does he answer that without breaking his promise?
"She's having a hard time handling classes and the applications for NYADA. She's a little lonely, too. But I've been trying to help her." It's as honest as he can be.
It makes his stomach turn.
School the next day is hard. He can't concentrate in French IV, and German II is an utter failure.
He thinks, briefly, about running for student council. But he already knows he's stretched too thin.
American Government is a rather easy class, but mostly because of the substitute. He doesn't pay attention-which isn't normal for him.
But today, he makes an exception.
By the time he gets to Spanish III [really, why did he end up taking three foreign language classes his senior year?], he's exhausted beyond measure.
And he feels a little guilty when he can't look at Mr. Schuester.
-x-
Rachel shows up just in time for Creative Writing, their last and only required class together.
She's wearing her usual clothes, but she still doesn't look herself.
He clears the seat next to him and squeezes her hand when class starts.
-x-
Rachel walks to the front of the choir room when Glee starts. Her smile is still uneasy and weary, but she seems to relax when he nods at her.
"I am a star. I was born to be one and I am one. And every star has a fall, so now I can be an ever better star. I. . . I would like to sing you all a song for looking out for me."
-x-
Kurt finds Rachel waiting in the parking lot. She's a lot calmer than he's seen her lately, and seems a lot more at ease than before.
"My dads are picking me up." She says softly.
"I didn't tell anyone, you know. He didn't say anything either."
She looks up at him surprised.
"Why didn't you?" she chokes out.
"You're my best friend. I love you, Rachel Berry." he pulls her into a hug.
"I love you, too." she sobs into him. Her arms are wrapped so tightly around him that he wonders if she will ever let go.
While Kurt studies for his German exam, Finn makes himself comfortable at the end of his bed.
"Is she okay?"
Kurt can't tell if Finn is just worried for Rachel, or if he knows that Kurt knows what's going on.
In the end, he decides it doesn't matter.
"She will be." is all Kurt can say.
-x-
Rachel finds him as he's coming into the school the next morning. She's starting to look better, and for that he is glad.
"Kurt. . . are you okay?" He wasn't expecting her to even think about his happiness when it is so evident that she is struggling with her own.
"We can talk later, Rach. I'll come over after Glee, okay?"
"All right, Kurt. But you didn't answer my question."
It occurs to him that he doesn't know the answer.
Kurt sits his German exam, and almost immediately, he knows he failed it.
Kurt. . . are you okay?
It echoes.
He's not okay. He's better than Rachel has been, but perhaps he took the break up with Blaine, and the Juilliard/NYADA issue harder than he thought.
Glee is. . . awkward.
With Santana being kicked out because of the purple piano debacle, and Rachel still not up to her usual self, everything seems forced.
It gives him too much room to think.
-x-
Was he going to fall like Rachel had?
Mercedes asks him to go shopping on Saturday, and he considers it. He hasn't gotten to see much of her since she started dating Shane, and she is one of his closest friends.
But he eventually says no.
The look of shock on Mercedes' face at the rejection is also mirrored on several of the other glee members.
"Kurt and I are going to a mixer for NYADA candidates on Saturday morning." Rachel blurts out. He tries to hide his own confusion when she says it.
They are?
"Oh. Why didn't you just say that, Kurt?" Mercedes asks.
He doesn't have an answer since he had no idea, but he manages to find words to reply to her question with after a moment.
"I haven't actually told my dad yet."
-x-
Although her dads are expecting her home right after Glee, Kurt stops at his dad's shop to talk to him for few minutes before he goes to her house.
"Rachel and I have plans to talk to some other NYADA candidates on Saturday. I completely spaced until she brought it up in Glee."
"I notice you're spending a lot of time with Rachel lately, Kurt. Anything you need to talk to me about?"
Yes.
"No, Dad. I'm just trying to help her with some things she's working through."
And it's true.
Mostly.
"Kurt. I really appreciate that you have been here so much for me lately."
He smiles. Of course he's here for her. She's his best friend.
"I talked to my new therapist today. She said it's natural for me to be worried so much."
"Are you doing okay with the therapy?" he asks. He's honestly wanting to know. Rachel matters to him, a concept he would have been terrified to think about just two years ago.
"Kurt, can I say something without you getting upset?"
"Of course, Rachel. I'm not going to get mad."
"I can't be your boyfriend, Kurt."
And it hurts when she says it. He knows she can't be his boyfriend. She's a girl.
He wants to yell at her, to be exasperated with her self-centeredness.
But the more he thinks about it, the more he realises that he has been acting like she was his boyfriend. Calls and texts and hanging out almost every night.
"I'm sorry Rachel."
And he is.
"Don't be, Kurt. I was doing the same thing to you. You know, your boyfriend is going to be one lucky guy."
End of Chapter Four