In the land between awake and asleep…she searches for the thing that'll take it away. And every day it becomes less, and every hour feels like a lifetime, but every minute is easier than the last, and she bends in the breeze, warm, and soft and restorative.
"Wake up, Jane," came Loki's voice next to her.
Her eyes slowly opened. "Hi Loki," and she smiled.
He returned it, genuine. "How are you feeling?" It had been a few days since he had left her in her desperation, and he returned only to administer his magic while she slept.
She sat up. "You are talking to me, now?" and she stretched.
"I am."
She nodded, and swung out of the bed. "I'm feeling pretty good, actually," (and she was, she needed to convince him just how much, so she could move forward with her plan), "How have you been?"
"Well enough," and he stood as well. "You haven't left your rooms…I thought that you might enjoy some time outdoors."
"Yeah?" and Jane thought about this. "Yes, actually. That'd be nice."
So the pair walked outside to the garden. And there, on a wide table, sat many foods…fruits and breads and some pastries and meats…wine and juice…vibrant colors formed a cornucopia of bountiful goodness.
Loki looked at her. "I arranged for this, seeing as how I honestly don't know what you enjoy for food, and the only thing I've seen you eat these past weeks is broth."
Jane looked at the table and her hands went to her face. She laughed. "I haven't eaten in so long…not really…" and she went to the table and took a piece of succulent fruit, looking not unlike a pear, and bit into it.
And the warm juice filled her mouth and overtook her senses…and she closed her eyes, and chewed softly, savoring the delight of the fruit.
Her jaw worked hard in its labor, pleased to be at its assignment once more.
Her tongue relished the gorgeous feel of solid food, happy to be enjoying the saccharine food instead of the bitter vitriol of Jane's choler.
She sat at the table, and Loki watched her.
He watched as she took a plate and filled it with some bread, a few more pieces of fruit, a piece of meat…and she poured herself half a glass of wine.
He watched her eat.
And then he sat across from her.
She looked at him and took a sip of wine. "Oh! I'm sorry…do you want some?"
"I'll have a glass, thank you."
She poured it out, and handed him the glass.
"How is it? To eat solid foods?" he asked after taking a healthy sip.
"Incredible," Jane replied between bites. "I hadn't even been thinking about food…I've been…"
"Angry and fighting addiction."
"Yeah…and in denial about a lot of things…" she played with a crust of bread. "How long have I been here now? What time of day is it?"
"It's been almost two months now since you arrived in your state. And it is…" he looked to the sky. "About five in the evening."
And Jane felt the knowledge of her losing her time…so much time…it hit her hard. She nodded and she swallowed. She sighed. "Well, I feel so much better. I think after I'm done, I'll take a walk."
"I'll be joining you, then."
"My babysitter?" and she smirked.
"You are still quite weak, Jane. In a few day's time, after you're able to withstand solid food for every meal…perhaps I'll cease giving you the magic altogether…I imagine you will experience discomfort for a day or two, and then…" his hands turned palm side up and he raised his eyebrows.
"I'll be healed?"
"I would say mostly…though I cannot account for your heart."
"I'm not so angry."
"No."
Jane sat back, nearly full, since her stomach had shrunk in her neglect, and finished her wine in a gulp. "How do you know so much about all of this?"
"I know a great deal about a good many things," he replied in a smirk.
"But, how do you know about this, specifically, Loki?"
"I know because I've seen it in others, and I too, have felt the pull of the infinity stones," he poured himself more wine while Jane poured herself some water. "And once, I helped someone…"
"Who?"
"A lady…" he drank deeply.
"Oh. Were you in love with her?"
He laughed. "No. Not exactly."
"Have you been in love, Loki?" she looked steadily at him.
He averted her gaze. "Once. A very long time ago."
"What happened?" and Jane sipped her water.
"She left me," he stated simply.
"For someone else?" her tone was hopeful, for then he would truly understand the state wherein she dwelled.
"No. She died."
"Oh…oh my god, Loki. I'm so sorry…" she paused. "It felt like she left you?"
He shifted. "No, it didn't feel like it, Jane. I had been tasked to protect her in the middle of a dreadful war, and she decided to leave against my judgement, and she was killed."
"Oh," she honestly didn't know what to say to that.
He cleared his throat. "Are you finished?"
She nodded.
"Well," he said, standing. "I think it's time for the constitutional you mentioned…are you feeling well enough to go?"
"Yeah," and she stood, smiling. "Thank you, Loki, for all of this."
"You're very welcome," and he began to walk next to her.
They headed to the center of the garden, and Jane looked at all of the vibrant hues peppered along the floor. "It's so beautiful," she whispered.
"I does gives one pause," Loki began. "So much beauty to behold in Yggdrasil…"
"Have you seen all of the Realms, Loki?"
"I have, and then some," he folded his hands behind his back. His dark tunic falling in sharp contrast to the richness of the garden.
"What are they like?" and Jane sat on the ground, and pulled her knees up toward her chin, and looked at him open-eyed and eager.
He cleared his throat.
He didn't care to admit the stir he felt at her gaze…nor that he had dreamed of her whether in waking or asleep these past three days and nights since he had left her…nor that he missed her…nor that he cared for her and her welfare more than he ought…
…that he had succumbed to her…he felt responsible for her…
And Loki strung together the branches of Yggdrasil, he sewed the leaves, and watered the trunk to give it life…
He had long sat down opposite her and had conjured water for their thirst.
Jane was lying on her back, staring at the endless sea of stars above her in a cloak of raven dark stippled in pixels…"I love the sky," she sighed. "I used to be pretty smart, you know."
"I'm certain that you haven't lost your brilliance, Jane."
She sat up to find him twirling a flower between his fingers. "Why wouldn't I have? I've lost everything else," and her gaze dropped.
"You haven't…you merely need to reimagine yourself."
She laughed. "Oh, is that all?"
He shrugged. "I'm not suggesting that it will be easy, but it isn't as daunting as it sounds."
She laughed some more.
Until she couldn't.
She breathed in deeply and she shook her head. "I dunno, Loki. I just don't know. What am I gonna do?"
"I cannot say."
"Neither can I."
"Well, perhaps we should return indoors. You may want to bathe, it's been a while now," and he stood.
"I guess that's a start," and she stood as well. "Do I smell that bad?"
"I didn't want to mention it, rather tactless, don't you think?" and he smiled at her.
And Jane laughed and followed him, thinking about her plan, thinking about what she would do…and part of her thought that she couldn't see beyond this plan, that she was inhibited by its completion and it was clouding her sight.
The castle was dark, and they didn't speak until they arrived at her quarters.
"Where is Odin?" Jane asked at the door. "I haven't seen him at all."
"He's been busy…after waking from Odinsleep, he often feels as though much requires attention."
She nodded. "You're leaving?"
"Yes…you have a bath in your chambers," and he turned.
"Don't…" she whispered, taking his arm. "I've been so alone…"
He looked down at her. Her pleading eyes lamenting his departure, and he realized fully how much she needed him. It wasn't an unpleasant thought. "Very well."
Jane went inside and Loki heard the bath run…he sat on a chair by the hearth and conjured a fire.
And his mind did wander…
…she needed him. She enjoyed his company. She needed him. How long since anyone actually needed him? He couldn't rightly say. And yes, she was using him for the relief his magic afforded her, but it seemed a bit more now, as though she needed him above and beyond that.
He supposed that he needed her as well, even if it was incidental. He didn't like that.
She was an interesting interlocutor, bright, despite her recent observations.
She had a sense of humor.
And she was lost, just like him…
Jane emerged with a thin gown on and a robe, and she was drying her hair.
She smiled at him and sat in the other chair by the fire.
"You started a fire."
He cleared his throat and nodded.
"Thank you," and she sat back in the chair. "Are there any books you can give me…you know, for these next few days?"
"Next few days?"
"I'm finishing up, isn't that what you said? It'd be nice to have something to do besides feel sorry for myself."
"Yes, I did say that."
"Loki?"
"Yes?" he looked at her.
"What is Sif like?"
He closed his eyes for a second. "Well," and he looked at his hands. "She is a very capable warrior. She is…not the most profound mind, but hardly daft. She is rather spoilt, but she has pined away for Thor for centuries."
Jane nodded.
Jane was weak.
She had lost her mind.
She wasn't spoiled, she had no one to offer her such luxury.
"Jane…"
And she looked at him. "Yeah?"
"You are wholly different from her. Do not engage in such idle comparisons…it is a useless enterprise."
"How can I not?"
"You must be above it. Recognize that his abandonment had little to do with you and everything to do with how Thor is as an individual."
She nodded. "How did it happen? Was he completely turned off by me and my addiction?"
"I cannot say."
She looked at the fire. "I guess…I guess that if I had seen myself, I would've been disgusted, too."
"I wasn't disgusted, Jane," and he waved his hand and a few books appeared on the table between them.
"You weren't?" she sounded hopeful.
"No," and he stood. "Shall we…?" and he nodded to the bed.
"Ah…" and she laughed.
Loki rolled his eyes. "Magic, Jane."
"I know, I know. It was just a laugh," and she went over to the bed and laid down.
He stood beside the bed and his hands hovered over her…
…a few more times, and she wouldn't need this anymore…
He saw how her breasts were outlined by the gown…how her nipples stood erect…her eyes closed…
He was careful not to allow these thoughts seep into the medicine…
And he stopped, his hands falling to his sides.
Jane looked at him, smiling. "Thank you," she breathed.
He nodded and turned to leave.
But she took his hand…
"Don't go…"
He looked down at her, a questioning look on his face.
"I mean…just stay, just for a little while…you're all I have."
"I'm not sure…"
"Oh, Loki. We are adults. I mean, you're a bit more than I am I guess, numerically speaking," she giggled. "But, this is platonic…and I'm tired of being alone."
Loki looked away and swallowed.
How utterly ridiculous. She wanted him to stay, sans sex.
Not that he had any interest in that…
He turned to her once more.
She had scooted over in the bed to allow him room.
"Only for a short while, my little mortal. I do not require slumber the way your fragile frame does," and he sat down, pulled his legs up onto the bed, and laid back.
Jane's face beamed her pleasure, and she snuggled up close to him, placed her cheek on his shoulder, and her right arm draped across his chest. "Thank you, again, Loki," she whispered.
And the mischief maker sighed his annoyance, masking his contentment.
And Jane closed her eyes and thought that this was nice, even if she was buttering him up. He had a strong shoulder…
A blanket was conjured and fell on them.
Loki took his right arm and wrapped it around her, his left he covered his eyes with…
…and the two lost souls found sleep in tandem.