IDEA: Horatio ends up leaving for Miami without telling Eric, and only leaving him a note because he doesn't know if he'll make it back alive, and he can see what Eric and Calleigh have, and he wouldn't want either one of them to have to go through what he is.
Chapter Four:
A/N: So I saw Dashboard Confessionals live last night, and oh boy were they amazing! Absolutely awesome! Well, now I will write the next chapter of this story. Hope you enjoy it!
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It was Calleigh's cell phone that woke the pair. For one second, everything seemed perfect. In that one-second, the transition between subconsciousness and consciousness where the only existing elements were her, and his sleeping form, everything was fine. But after that second, when she really woke up, the content smile vanished into the memories. The memories, which seemed all more real this morning, as they'd been dug up the night before. Memories, packaged neatly along with pieces of our hearts, fragments of our trust, slivers of our love delivered to the very depths of our soul where she liked her memories to stay. So easily forgotten, so easily misplaced in the dark… but she couldn't continue to forget, she couldn't continue to obliviate, not when Eric was in such pain over such a similar situation. Sometimes it was worth it, to sacrifice just a bit of your sanity, just a bit of your façade for someone you love as much as she loved Eric. Yes, Eric was worth it. She hoped she was enough to get him through this. In the most desperate times, all you could do was hope. All you can do is wish.
Eric's eyes fluttered open and he only wished they hadn't. Realization, sadness, and pain hit him full on. Surprisingly he wasn't thrown back physically by the realization like he was mentally. He still had his arms wrapped tightly around Calleigh as if she was his lifeline, the reason he was surviving. She was. She was the only one who was brave enough, knowledgeable enough, caring enough, to follow him around, to persist when no one else dared to. Persistence, however, from any one else in this particular situation, would have angered him, persistence at this time, attempts to reason, he would have brushed off. But from Calleigh, everything seemed so much more sincere. Sorry wasn't simply an overused word nearly drained from emotion due to overuse. False apologies, he hated most, but from Calleigh, he knew it wasn't false, he knew it wasn't overused. Calleigh meant every word she said. It was like that time, that time when he was ready to give up after Speed's death, long after Speed's death and he was getting better, he really was, and then Speed's case got reopened, his memories, his feelings, got opened with it. "Eric, I trust you with every fibre of my being and you know that." Was what she had told him. And he knew she meant it. He looked into her eyes then, and if any further confirmation was needed, he knew then that he loved her. He knew.
"Eric?" She asked, and he grunted in response. "You hungry?"
"Not really." He shrugged. He didn't feel like eating, he didn't feel like living. She was the only thing keeping him alive and he appreciated that, he really did. But he needed confirmation; he needed to know if this was temporary, or if this was reality. He didn't know if he could ask. She had been so good to him, she was his common sense, and she was his rationality when he was too far-gone to care. But if she left, if she broke his heart, he couldn't go on. He couldn't. Torn. Broken. Two sides, once again, pulling him opposite ways. Should he ask, risk breaking his heart now? Or should he wait, push these negative thoughts into the back of his mind, wait until he was just a little bit stronger, just strong enough to survive on his own, and then risk it. He didn't think, nope, he knew he couldn't deal with that now. Not on top of everything else. Abandonment, he felt, was the only connection he had with other people. With anyone other than Calleigh. He was very connected to her, especially now, when his arms were wrapped around her, but their connection went far past physical. She could have left last night, and he'd still feel this wrapped around her. But did she feel the same way about him? Or was this just another game, just another way to forget for her.
"Eric?" She asked tentatively.
"Yeah?" He croaked, not as a wake as his mind.
"I love you." She whispered. He smiled, his previous worries blown away. How three words could change your life.
"I love you too." More than anything in the world, he added silently. But he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. Not due to the fact that it wasn't true, but because it didn't feel right. He didn't know if his sister, if Speed even, could hear what he was saying. He wasn't too much of a spiritual person, but he did contemplate religion, and spirits from time to time, especially so soon after Marisol's death. Where had she gone, and could she tell what he was saying, what he was thinking? Would she resent the fact that he loved Calleigh more than he had loved her? No. Marisol would never have wanted him to feel guilty for loving Calleigh. She, herself, had asked him many times when he was going to do something about his feelings, sending him disapproving looks when he introduced her to the less than a week, purely physical, relationships he fell in the habit of getting into. He knew he would never want that with Calleigh. That's why, in fact, he had waited so long to initiate anything with her. He didn't want to end up wasting his chance with her by starting something when he was in the habit of ending relationships before they had any possibility of getting serious. But he knew, somewhere deep inside, that with her and Calleigh, a non-serious relationship was not a possibility. She was nothing like those other girls, well almost nothing like them. She was just, if not more, stunningly beautiful than they had been, but on top of that, she wasn't a bimbo, in any sense. No, she was intelligent, everyone knew that. She was also caring, supportive, very secretive and just overall amazing. His dream girl. And he here was, with her in his arms, and he couldn't help but feel complete.
"Should we get up and get some coffee at least?" She suggested. She knew he was still deep in thought. She was as well. About him, about Conner, about Horatio even. They both needed their time, to get over everything, to register everything even, but it had been years since Conner died, and she had tried to deal with it alone. Look how far that had gotten her. They needed to do this together.
"Yeah." Eric sighed.
Fifteen minutes later, they were in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew when the doorbell rang. Eric, still so lost in thought, didn't even register the sound, but Calleigh did, and moved to answer it. Pulling the door open, Horatio stepped inside.
"Horatio?" Calleigh asked, moving aside so he could move further into the entrance way.
"I'm going to Brazil." Horatio announced sullenly. That brought Eric out of his thoughts immediately.
"Horatio, I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Calleigh began, but Eric cut in before she could continue.
"I'm coming with you." He announced. Calleigh didn't say anything to that, but the look in her eyes wasn't lost on Horatio. He was a very perceptive man. He had been trained to be so from a very young age, and the connection his friends shared wasn't lost on him. Neither was the fact that Calleigh was answering Eric's door at seven in the morning.
"Okay." Was all Horatio said before he turned to leave. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning, be at my house at six am." Calleigh's face dropped further. She thought Horatio was going to at least protest. She wanted him, she need him to have. What if Eric died in Brazil? What if Horatio died in Brazil? What would she do then, losing the love of her life, and possibly her second best friend, and the person she had known longest in Miami? But the door shut quietly behind Horatio as he left. Calleigh's world, which she had envisioned as slowly piecing itself back together with Eric's help was quickly tumbling around her, and she couldn't do a thing.
Eric sat back down. The coffee was finished brewing now, but neither of them cared to notice. He was going to Brazil. Tomorrow. He was leaving Calleigh. He was leaving love. But he was chasing love as well, wasn't he? He was chasing Marisol's killer. Justice needed to be served because once again, the government had failed to do so. He and Horatio had to do this themselves. But was it right of him to leave the love that still lived for love that had passed? Probably not. Marisol would probably come kill him herself if she could. He knew she wouldn't want him to leave Calleigh here alone and risk never coming back to see her again, but he promised Marisol so many years ago when she had first been diagnosed that he would do whatever it took to protect her. He had failed. Because of this man, he had failed, and for that, this man deserved to die. It wasn't that he didn't trust Horatio to do the job. He did. He could only imagine how much restraint it was taking Horatio to wait until tomorrow morning to go. He knew if someone killed Calleigh, he would have them killed before they could leave the scene. Looking up at Calleigh, she looked hurt. She looked broken. He hadn't see that look on her face before. He had seen glimpses of it when she had to go and take her father home from bars during work, and when Speed had died. And then again last night when she had told him about Conner. Then he realized how similar this situation must have seemed to the one where she lost her last love. Conner must have known it was dangerous in the Middle East. He must have known that there was a chance he wouldn't come home to Calleigh. He must have known, and yet he went. The situation was practically identical, save the destination. He would be careful, but was that enough? Would Calleigh even ever forgive him for leaving? And how long would he be gone? Uncertainty, it clouded his brain. Would he even feel the satisfaction he was hoping to gain by killing this man? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if any satisfaction he got from being a murderer would replace the loss he would feel if he lost Calleigh too. Why was he choosing to put himself through the possibility of loosing someone else just to avenge lost love? He shouldn't. But he couldn't not. Not now, after he'd agreed to going with Horatio. He would go to Brazil, and that was that.
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A/N: Sorry if that was kind of ramble-ish. I want to continue quickly hah so the next chapter wil probably be up REALLY soon but right now I have to go to my friends house and watch movies aha they're waiting for me, I think. So yeah. I best be off. Please review!