Haunted

Author's Note: I know, I know, I've been away for a long time. I've abandoned you guys! I'm terrible….Anyway, yeah. You don't want to hear about my life (which is crazy), but the point is, I'm back on track with my writing. So, without further ado, here's Chapter 4, ready to go. Read on!

oOo

Chapter 4:

A few days passed. Kurt quickly descended into paranoia and found that he was easily angered or upset, even by things that normally wouldn't have bothered him. For instance, Bobby made a remark about his fur, and that turned into a bitter fight. Normally, Kurt would have laughed it off and made some remark about Bobby's ice powers. But Kurt was troubled. His mind was so full it hurt. All he could think about were the things he wanted to forget. He wanted to just be able to turn his brain off and get some peace. But he found none, and the constant string of thoughts in his head slowly pushed him closer to the breaking point.

Like most things that bend, there's a point where they snap. For Kurt, it was a simple encounter with Rouge. He'd started wearing his holowatch everywhere. It made him feel safe, and (in his mind) fewer students at the Institute stared at him when he wore it. In reality, some of his friends were getting worried. Why wasn't he hanging out with them? He spent hours at a time locked in his room. And it was odd for him to wear his watch everywhere. It wasn't him.

oOo

Kurt was sitting at the kitchen table, absently reading a schoolbook. He hadn't bothered to take his watch off after school, so he still looked like pale-skinned, black haired, normal teenage Kurt. He knew he was supposed to be focusing on the book, but it wasn't holding his interest. His mind wandered. Dark, unhappy thoughts floated into his brain. He shut his eyes, trying to clear his mind. He opened them again and went back to reading.

Rouge drifted into the kitchen, looking for a snack. She glanced around the kitchen before shuffling over to the cupboards. She acknowledged Kurt sitting at the table, noting his human appearance. It bothered her for some reason. Kurt was blue, fun-loving, fur ball….Kurt. Not some average boy. Rouge couldn't image why he would want to be normal.

"Whah do you wear that thing insahd?" she asked, pulling a packet of Pop Tarts out of a big box. Kurt peeked at her over his shoulder.

"Pop Tarts for dinner?" he asked, ignoring the question. "Sounds like zomezing I'd do."

Rouge took that as a sign to continue. Avoiding the question meant he didn't want to answer it, which meant she needed to ask it again. "Ah guess so. But seriously, whah do you wear that holo-thing in here? It's only fer school."

Kurt shrugged, but a dark look fleetingly crossed his features. "I can use it wherever I vant," he said sharply. "It's mine."

Rouge nibbled on a Strawberry Pop Tart. She sighed. "Whah can't yah just be yerself?" she blurted out.

Kurt growled in the back of his throat, and he turned to face Rouge. His body tensed defensively. "You have a problem vith ze vay I am?" he snapped.

"Yeah, ah do," Rouge challenged, posing herself defensively as well. "You've been acting strange and distant for like two weeks now. You're wearing that stupid watch everywhere, an acting moody an ignorin' your friends! Ah don't know what's been going through yer head lately, but that watch ain't gonna change what you are, ok?"

"Und vhat am I?" Kurt said, narrowing his eyes. He was on his feet, his fight or flight instincts kicking in.

Rouge didn't meet his eyes. She looked away for a moment and sighed sadly to herself. "You're mah brothah," she said quietly, cooling down from her angry state. "But ah don't know where he is right now."

Kurt stopped in his tracks. Rouge's words found their way into the deepest part of his heart. It hurt, like a punch in the gut. Kurt lowered his eyes, ashamed. He felt his face heat up. He wanted to explain to Rouge what was wrong—he was so confused and hurt. But he couldn't. He couldn't meet her eyes or open his mouth to say anything. Instead, he frowned and teleported away, abruptly ending the fight.

Rouge stared at the empty space in front of her and sighed. He needs help, she realized. And she had an idea where to get it.

oOo

"Dude, no way am I talkin' to Kurt," Evan cried, shaking his head and backing away from Rouge.

"You have to. Or somebody does. He just got into a huge fight with me, an ah can't talk tah him. You have tah," Rouge urged, losing what little patience she had. Evan was not willing to work with her at all, and it was frustrating. When she'd come to him, she'd hoped he would help her.

Evan sighed. "Ok, you're not the one sharing a room with him. He's gone scary, man. Like, nightmares and bad mood scary. I can't talk to him. It's like…talking to an angry dog. Not good."

"That's exactly why yah have tah talk tah him," Rouge went on. She put her gloved hands on Evan's shoulders to express her seriousness. "I know he's been acting like…"

"Devil Kurt lately?" Evan supplied.

"Yeah. That. But he's not improving, an he's shutting us out. That's a cry fah help, Evan." Evan rubbed his neck, thinking.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'll try to see what's eating him, k? All I know is, he hasn't been sleeping a lot lately. He keeps talking about nightmares. Maybe I can find something out."

"Yeah," Rouge agreed. "Just take it slow. Kurt can be….sensitive, yah know?"

Evan shrugged. "Well, up until now, I really didn't know Kurt had a dark side, but yeah. Good point."

Rouge smiled a tiny smile. "Yah gotta get through tah him. You're his best friend. You can do it."

Evan exhaled. "Man, I hope so."

oOo

Kurt sat on the roof of the Institute for a long time to think. For a while, he just shivered and tried not to think about what he'd said to Rouge earlier. He listened to the sound of his own voice, and a sharp chill ran down his spine. How could he have lashed out like that? And on his own sister…He buried his head in his hands and cried. Why was he such a mess? He'd been fine and then, bam! Nightmares, sleepless nights, bad moods, old memories, fighting…Where had it come from?

Kurt looked up from his hands and up at the starry sky. He felt very alone and distant for a moment. The stars shining down were cold and lonely, not very comforting. He looked away and sighed, wondering what to do. Logan's words filling his head. Talk to someone. It seemed simple enough, but who was crazy enough to talk to him? Rouge was out of the question. He'd probably pissed her off to the extreme. Logan was away for the evening so he didn't count. That really only left Evan.

Kurt groaned at the thought. Evan had been subjected to lots of verbal abuse from him lately. He might not want to talk. But then again, who else could he turn to? He finally decided that Evan was the best choice. With that, he stood up slowly and teleported back inside.

He made his way toward his bedroom, knowing that was the most likely place for Evan to be. On his way there, he passed the living room and spotted Evan sitting on the back of one of the couches. Kurt stopped dead and stared at his friend for a moment. Evan looked upset about something. Maybe now wasn't a good time to bother him. No, his mind snapped. Go. Talk.

Kurt trudged over to the couch and sat beside Evan. Evan looked up, his face a mix of shock and confusion. Kurt sighed to calm himself.

"Dude, what are you doing here? I need to talk to you," Evan began, his eyes serious.

"I know. I need to talk too," Kurt admitted.

Evan raised a bleached eyebrow. "Really? You wanna talk?"

"Ja," Kurt said. "Listen, I know I've been acting weird lately, but I'm just really confused right now. There's a lot going on in my head. It's hard…"

"So what is going on in your head, exactly?" Evan pressed, but keeping his tone casual and calm.

Kurt shook his head. His bangs fell over part of his face, shrouding one of his eyes. "I don't know vhat started it, but I keep remembering things from vhen I vas younger. Like, bad memories and stuff."

"The nightmares?" Evan assumed, feeling like this was starting to make a bit more sense.

"Ja. I haven't had any in years, and then they just stared coming, over and over." His eyes went hollow and distant, as he was somewhere else.

"What exactly are you having nightmares about?" Evan wondered, trying to imagine what kind of memories were making his friend scream in the middle of the night and keep him from sleeping.

Kurt hesitated. He looked down at the floor, trying to find the words. How could he summarize years of torment and fear? He closed his eyes. "Vhen I lived in Germany, mein parents had a hard time keeping me avay from other people. We lived in a large village, and I liked to explore." He swallowed. "Some people didn't understand me. Didn't like me. So, zey…" Again, he stopped. He sighed heavily. "I vas attacked a couple of times. Got into fights a lot and stuff. We eventually had to move, because people were threatening to hurt us. It was pretty much ze same thing in our new home," he added sadly. "Zat's vhat I keep dreaming about. Those memories zat I wish I could forget."

Evan didn't say anything for a moment. Then, "Damn," he drew it out into a long word. "I didn't know, dude," he said, meeting his friend's gaze. "I'm sorry."

Kurt shrugged. "Don't be. It is vhat it is, I guess."

"Yeah but, you never told anyone that. That's like, really terrible."

Kurt didn't have anything more to say, but Evan continued. "So, what brought this on, anyhow?" he asked.

Kurt sighed, frustrated. "I don't know," he said, rubbing one of his arms to comfort himself. "I just started feeling weird and self-conscious and zen I started having the bad nights…I have no idea vhere it came from."

Evan bit his lip. "But you do know you've been acting really…not-Kurt lately, right?"

"Yeah. I know." He looked down at his image inducer. "I don't know vhy, but I feel safe vith this on," he said, tugging at the watch. Then, suddenly, the thought came into his head. With his image inducer on, he was less vulnerable. He wasn't Kurt. He didn't feel pain or fear. It was a protection mechanism. Kurt sighed and removed the watch. Taking it off, he looked down at his hands. They changed from pale, five fingered hands to furry, blue, three fingered hands. He put his hands in his lap.

"Well, hullo," Evan said. He hadn't seen Kurt actually look like Kurt for a while. It was refreshing.

Kurt continued to stare at his hands. He felt insecure again, not quite comfortable in his own skin. It was a hard feeling to deal with.

"I see where you're comin' from," Evan pointed out. He could understand Kurt's insecurities. "But that watch is just a disguise, man. It's not gonna make you any less like you."

"I know," Kurt muttered. "It's hard to be myself sometimes," he added in a low whisper. Evan heard it anyway. He nodded understandingly, and patted Kurt on the back for comfort.

"We all struggle with that a little," he said.

Kurt shrugged. There was a long silence between them—they were both thinking. Then, Kurt hopped down off the back of the couch. "Danke, Evan," he said quietly. He looked down and walked toward the doorway. Evan watching him leave and shook his head uncertainly. He wasn't sure if their conversation had done any good or not. It seemed to open Kurt up, but he didn't know if talking actually improved the situation. He sure hoped it did.

oOo

That night, Evan approached Kurt, who was sitting on the floor near his bed, with a suggestion. Kurt looked up from his thinking.

"Hey, dude, I was thinking. About earlier," Evan began, crawling up to Kurt and sitting beside him at a comfortable distance.

Kurt glanced from Evan to the floor. "Oh?"

"Yeah, and I think I know what's got you feeling so weird lately."

Kurt looked up immediately, his eyes went instinctively wider. "Vhat?"

"Well, remember how we were talkin' one morning before school, and I asked you why you wore your image inducer to school?"

Kurt's eyes blanked out at the thought. "Uh, ja. I remember that conversation."

"Yeah. You seemed mad about it at the time, and you kinda gave me the cold shoulder after I mentioned it. I mean, maybe that's what started all this. You started wearing your watch around here like a day after that," he added. It all made sense to him. Kurt's focused gaze and slight sigh suggested it made sense to him, too.

"Maybe," Kurt allowed, shrugging cavalierly. "But how could that set me off?"

"I dunno. Did you ever go to school as a kid?"

"Nein. I vas homeschooled. My parents knew better."

"That's all I've got," Evan confessed. "It's just an idea."

"Ja."

The boys went to bed an hour later. Kurt stayed awake thinking. He knew Evan was right about the school thing. He'd never been to school as a child, but being shrouded away from the world had always made him feel like a freak. He'd felt awkward and unsure of himself, and when he'd ran into other people, they had done little to make him feel good about himself. For that reason, he'd never felt truly comfortable as Kurt. Before coming to the Institute, he'd never had positive feedback about his looks. People had always called him a freak. An animal. It was hard to ignore years of listening to that.

oOo

Despite a rocky start to the night, Kurt slept relatively peacefully and woke up feeling pretty good. He and Evan got ready for school, and went down to eat breakfast. Well, actually, Evan skipped breakfast to talk to Rouge. He needed to tell her about last night.

"Oh, wow," Rouge concluded when Evan told her what Kurt had told him. "Well, that's a problem we need tah deal with."

"Yeah, but what are we gonna do?"

"We've got tah get Kurt to feel better about himself. More confident," Rouge explained. "Ah don't know how tah do that, but…"

A light bulb went off in Evan's head. "Don't worry. I think I have an idea."

Evan approached Kurt after breakfast. Rouge was standing nearby for backup. "Hey Kurt," Evan said casually. Kurt smiled a little, and it made Evan feel good about going through his plan.

"Where were you?" Kurt asked.

"I wasn't hungry," he said, which wasn't entirely a lie. "Had some serious amounts of ice cream last night and I didn't want anything for breakfast, you know?"

Kurt nodded. "So listen," Evan went on. He looked Kurt in the eye to signal he was serious. "I had this idea for how to get you feeling better," he said, trying to get Kurt interested. Kurt gave him a quizzical look. "What if you did go to school without your watch on?" Kurt blinked.

It took him a moment to process the statement. "Say vhat?"

"I mean, don't you think it would help you to see that you're not so different form everyone else? Go to school like you are now. See that you won't get teased any worse than the rest of us. C'mon," Evan urged.

"Yeah," Rouge chimed in from ten feet away. Kurt glanced in her direction. "Ah think Evan's got a good idea. What's the worse that can happen?"

Kurt's mind had little trouble thinking up 'the worst that could happen', but then he remembered that all mutants were protected under the law. He couldn't get physically thrashed in school. Part of him wanted to run far away and die, and he knew deep down that he should take the risk.

"I don't know," he said slowly, shaking his head.

"You can do it, man," Evan insisted.

"We've got your back," Rouge added.

Kurt looked between his sister and his friend. He sighed. "Ok. I'll do it."

oOo

It's not over yet! Kurt still has to go to school all blue and fuzzy and we'll see how that works out. Anyway, please R&R. I'm so grateful for all the attention this story has been getting. Thank you, thank you my wonderful dedicated readers! *Hugs*

-The Ember Raven