Chapter 4: Train Rides

We are back on the train the next morning and I am happy to see that Holly has made it through the night. Either I convinced Snow or he does realize that killing her would be of no use to him. I give her a long look before I move closer. Throughout last night I had not given much thought to the fact that she loved me. I guess I am not that surprised because of what Finnick said earlier in my tour, but I guess she had never really expressed her love fully. Although we did spend a lot of time alone, I just assumed it was because we both were trying to hide away in our own pity.

When I get closer to her, I can see that she is working on the whiskey. Each time we ride the Capitol train I swear she steals like twenty bottles of the stuff. I personally am more into wine because it is so exotic. You can get whiskey at our black market area. As I am about five or so feet away from Holly, I go to make a joke about her poor taste in alcohol until I notice the bruises that cover her arms.

"What the hell is this?" I ask as I touch her arm. Maybe she hadn't gone unscathed after my talk with the President.

"Don't worry about it." She answered as she brushed my hand away.

I could tell she wasn't going to answer me until she had more whiskey than blood in her, so I just sat down beside her and grabbed a glass. My victory tour had not been all that bad, but I was definitely glad it was over. I told Holly this and she just scoffed at me.

"It is never really over Johanna." She answered and took another swig of whiskey from the bottle.

"What do you mean?" I ask even though I understand where she is coming from. I just want to hear her logic.

"You know exactly what I mean. Mentoring isn't such a bad thing though. We get to enjoy more of the luxuries of the Capitol. They are just so damn good to us. Don't you think?" She held up her whiskey bottle with a malicious look in her eye. So she must know that Snow told me about her love for me.

"Definitely can see their pleasures have reddened your cheeks," I remark. Her face was flushed from the alcohol.

"Oh there's no need to pretend that's only the alcohol"

"Am I upsetting you? Because I could easily leave you alone. I never even wanted to be around you in the first place, but it seems like we are both stuck here, doesn't it?" I yelled.

She just shook her head and got up to leave which only infuriated me more. "You really don't have anything left to say to me?" I followed her out the door and to her room.

"No I don't." She went to go close her door in my face but I stopped her. I stepped inside her bedroom and closed the door behind me.

"Well I have something to say to you!" I am not sure why I am so mad at her.

"Oh yeah? Go on then, spit it out" Holly slurs at me and she stands up straight.

"Maybe you should come out and be truthful for once instead of trying to do what is best for me behind my back. What if it isn't what I want?" I say in an angry tone.

"Would you rather have died in the Hunger Games? Or in a miraculous fire? What do you want? Do you want me to apologize for falling in love with you?"

I did not know what to say instead I proceeded to push her lightly on the bed which wasn't hard because she was stumbling as it is. This was something I had been thinking about doing for a while. After all she is beautiful.

I got on the bed with her and took her shirt off but what happened next was not something I had expected. I didn't quite hide the horror on my face quick enough. Her entire torso was covered in bruises. "What happened?"

"You should go." She said and before I could say anything back she got sick all over the bed and herself. We should really stop drinking I think to myself before I go to start a hot shower for her.

I managed to get Holly up, but she locked me out of the bathroom while she took a shower. She stumbled out in a towel and I could tell she was very disappointed in herself. Most of the time, I am the one who ends up getting sick. As she got dressed, I tried to be respectful but I couldn't help notice the bruises all over her body.

"Can I stay in your room?" She asked which brought me out of my daydream. She indicated the soiled bed. I nodded and we went off to my room. When we got into bed, Holly placed her arm over me protectively. I didn't even get a chance to apologize before her breathing became even and peaceful.

The next morning I wake up but Holly is not in the bed with me. I go out to the dinning cabin and she is well on her way to eating a feast of a meal. Blight and her laugh at something together which I must have missed. For some reason I feel like everything is calm and for a moment we could just be average people from the past just traveling to visit friends. However, like the speed of the train the moment passes.

"Johanna, you should come sit and enjoy the last breakfast. After all, Holly has come up with this crazy plan to make us look like good mentors." Blight jokes with his own glass of wine turned towards me. I notice Holly is sticking to water this morning.

I oblige and grab everything that my hands come in contact with. It is amazing how quickly you can get accustomed to eating like a Capitol citizen. "So what is your big plan?" I ask Holly as I start scooping eggs into my mouth.

"We will train a little together. Work as a team. I myself am going to cut back on the alcohol." Holly answered with a small smile.

"See I told you she was crazy." Blight chuckled and snuck a bottle of wine into his coat.

We spent the rest of the time hanging out in the food cart. Blight and I got quite tipsy as the train came rolling into District 7. There was no warm welcome which I should not have been surprised. All of the men were out working and all of the kids were still in class. If this is what my life was going to be like for the next twenty or so years, I don't think I should have many complaints. However, I still have this panging feeling of guilt when I think of the woman who is walking home next to me.