Someday Chapter 4

Each footprint on the soft, sunlit sand could tell a story of it's own. How many times had we walked the length of this beach, just talking freely, no limitations at all? Or, sometimes, we wouldn't talk at all - content in the quiet, enjoying each other's company. The words I long to say are poised on the tip of my tongue, but the thought of saying them causes me to nearly blush.

Jacob filled up the silences, filling me in on everything while I clung onto every word. I'd missed the sound of his voice. So full of life and happiness, and a love for life, in spite of how many times it knocked him down. He'd stayed at his Aunt's and he described the cabin, her questionable odour, how his relatives drove him crazy, and one incident where he almost set Billy on fire.

God, how I'd missed this boy. This crazy, entirely one-of-a-kind boy.

"I said I was just experimenting, but he got kinda mad." Jacob said, wearing the grin that I loved. I just stared, transfixed. "Rambled on about respect for elders. Accidents happen right? But oh no. Anyway-" He nudged me playfully, grin still in place. I searched his eyes for a remnant, a giveaway, something that would hint at the repressed bitterness I had half-expected. Nothing. Unless he was hiding it. "How've you been?"

No. I don't want to talk about me. There's not much to tell. I've just been waiting here, pining for you, wolf-boy.

"Oh…" My thoughts were scattered now. I rummaged through them. I kept stuttering and tripping over my sentences now, around Jake. Why was I this incredibly nervous? He had seen every emotion of mine that I had. He was the reason for so much laughter, the one who made me smile whenever I cried. The one who got rid of the spider my eyes happened to fall upon one afternoon, the one who afterwards teased me about it with light-hearted humour.

He knew everything about me. His friendship had kept me alive. Did he even know how much I owed to him, how much he meant to me? How genuinely sorry I was I hadn't realized sooner the extent of what I felt towards him. That it wasn't only friendship, but something significantly more meaningful - that I had deliberately chosen to ignore rather than to dwell upon. Something that scared me, something I wasn't prepared to deal with.

"I've been fine," I said, and it wasn't much of a lie. I had been, really. Life was sort of the same, just without the sunshine. Images ran through my head. Forks High School. The Newman's Store. Angela, Jessica - the faces of my friends. Charlie. Housework, and homework, and day-to-day activities that kept my mind off other things. Edward. "There's nothing much to tell, Jake. I'm quite dull."

"Dull!" He repeated, laughing at me. It was impossible to imagine, but it seemed that he'd grown even taller. He literally towered above me. Strange, how I'd watched him fill out before my very eyes. He wore jeans and a faded blue t-shirt. The rainy weather didn't apply to him. While I shivered, he walked around, warm as Arizona. "I highly doubt that. You always find some kind of drama - no late night visits to the emergency room since I've been gone?"

"Unfortunately, not." I watched a group of girls, around my page, walk past. They were pretty, in a very obvious way, and I felt my jaw clench as they eyed Jacob up and down hopefully. He didn't even see them, but I was suddenly left with a pang of dread. Jacob could get a girlfriend like that. How did I know he hadn't already moved on? Maybe I'd waited too long. Perhaps my best friend had pieced together the fragments of his broken heart and found somebody else. Somebody better. "No drama either."

"Huh." He said. "That's out of character, Bells. Are-" He hesitated, but his curiosity got the better of him. Like always. He could never resist. "How's Cullen?" He finally asked me.

Unwanted.

"Er… alright, I guess," I said quietly. The mention of Edward just made me want to be miserable again. The feeling of being trapped, surrounded overwhelmed me once more. Like I couldn't make one step without constantly being shadowed and watched and worried over. "I haven't seen him a lot. I'm not really… We're not really getting along lately."

I didn't have to sneak at him to know this caught Jacob off guard. I bet he was expecting an entirely different answer. Maybe defensive - another rant about how he should be able to acknowledge Edward's kindness, and that he should accept I loved him. Or a babble about how happy we were. Both would be a lie. "How come?" He asked, trying to sound indifferent.

"It's him." I admitted, and it felt nice to say it aloud. How much he's been bothering me. I could hardly spill to Charlie, or any of my friends. "The way he's acting."

Jacob grabbed my arm and whirled me around so that I was facing him. Suddenly, he looked furious. I wondered for a moment if such anger was aimed at me. My face shaped into a one of absolute puzzlement. "What did he do?" Jacob growled dangerously. I was almost frightened, but only almost. I was safe around him - I knew, and he knew, that he would never harm me. "Bella, what's he done to you?"

"He hasn't hurt me, Jake. I'm just having second-thoughts. I mean, about him and this and everything else. He's closing in on me. I feel so restricted… Like, I can't be myself. I'm having to put on this display of normalcy when inside… I'm screaming."

A silence.

Hey. This chapter isn't finished yet, but I'm posting what I have so far for opinions. I'm not sure where this story is going, and I'm debating whether or not to discontinue. Thoughts?