Author's notes: Sorry this one took awhile to crank out. I have a hard time writing Chuck/Chair, but it was a necessary evil. I think I'm looking at one more chapter, but it's also possible it will end up being two. I know what's left in the story, but sometimes scenes play out differently once I get going. Thanks for all the reviews, Favorite Stories, etc. I appreciate it immensely.
Blair watched the video on her phone as though she was in a trance. Apparently Gossip Girl felt the need to cut out before things got too graphic, but Blair had seen enough. It basically confirmed every horrible image she had pictured when Nate confessed to her all those years go, but this stung worse. In the back of her mind, she had always seen that one coming. For some reason, once she and Dan were together, she had never thought Dan would do this to her. She didn't know how the guy who always looked at her with pure adoration could have sex with Serena before even waiting out the night. He wasn't careless with her feelings like Nate or vindictive like Chuck.
Almost immediately, she saw that she had an e-mail from Dan. It was direct and to the point, and it almost made her cry all over again in its simplicity.
Blair:
I'm sorry for what happened, and that you had to see that. At the time, part of me got caught in wanting to feel wanted, and the other part just wanted to hurt you. If it's any solace, it's only making me feel worse to know I intentionally hurt you (and how much I hurt Serena too). It turns out that hurting you doesn't seem to help dull my own anger and hurt. Maybe I need some advice on revenge, as it never seems to work for me.
-Dan
Blair smiled through her emotion and wrote him a quick text message in response.
Maybe you should try living well. I hear it's effective, but I wouldn't know from personal experience.
Dan didn't respond to her text, but she didn't really expect him to. He had said what he wanted to say, but that didn't mean he wanted to forge out any sort of relationship with her again. Serena must have decided she had said all that needed to be said, because Blair didn't hear a word from her.
A million thoughts raced through Blair's head as to what she should do about Chuck. Part of her wanted to not let on how much she knew, and try to figure out some way to strike back at him. She figured there would have to be certain vulnerabilities within Bass Industries if she worked hard enough at it. She had really thought that Chuck was done with the games, and that she was finally strong enough to work through their problems and reap the rewards for their struggles. But now she knew that Chuck really meant it years ago when he said that they would always need the game, that it would never be Chuck and Blair going to the movies or holding hands. At the time, Blair thought their pull would be enough to make her not want those things. Now she knew better.
She wanted to make Chuck suffer for once again playing with her. Instead, she looked at Dan's words and realized that she would likely end up just going deeper into the game if she tried to fight back. She decided that maybe she should take her own advice.
But first things first, she needed to talk to Chuck and lay everything out on the table, once and for all.
She sighed as she picked up the phone. She hadn't attempted to contact Chuck for days, though clearly he was trying to send a message to her by releasing the video of Dan and Serena.
The phone rang twice before he picked up. "Are you calling to cry to me about Humphrey?" he said by way of greeting. "It's like deja vu all over again, isn't it?"
"Are you at the Empire? We need to talk about some things," Blair said, trying to cut to the chase and not allowing herself to take the bait.
"Blair, I told you already the company has to come first right now. That's still my answer," he told her, sounding put out by her call. "Someday we'll get there, but there's no need to discuss things right now."
Blair sighed, feeling aggravated. "I think we do need to discuss things. Tonight," she said firmly. "Sometimes going all in just means you've overplayed your hand."
Blair smiled to herself over that line, knowing she likely grabbed his attention.
"What's that supposed to mean? I know you're not going back to Humphrey after that video," he said snidely, but she could tell he was getting antsy.
"Just be at the Empire at 7 pm," Blair said, not wanting continue this by phone. Rather than let him speak again, she hung up. When he didn't call back, she assumed that meant he was acquiescing. Either that, or she was set to spend the evening with Nate at the Empire.
Blair still had the entire day to kill before meeting Chuck. She stood up from her perch on the Met steps and contemplated getting coffee and then spending the morning inside the museum after it opened, but she was instantly flooded with memories of going there with Dan and stopped herself cold. She decided she needed to figure out a different distraction, one that actually served to distract her from the mess that was her life.
She walked home, trying to figure out what would be an appropriate distraction. She quickly discarded the thought of watching a movie or going to any other museums. Books were also out of the question, as she had found recently that after reading she would instinctively pick up her phone, eager to find out if Dan had read the same book. Even if she thought about what she wanted to say to Chuck, she would picture Dan trying to make her happy by reuniting her with Chuck, despite his own feelings. Of course, then she would remember that he wasn't in her life anymore.
When she got home, she finally decided that shopping would be the best distraction. She took a quick shower and changed clothes, ready to face the day. She walked into Bendel's as though she were on a mission, which she supposed she was. She was on a mission to put her mistakes out of her mind, and just shop. Plus, it was part of her job now to be out and about seeing the latest trends in New York anyhow.
Even though it was still swelteringly hot outside, most of the clothing was for fall. Blair found herself gravitating towards a rack filled with tartan jackets and skirts. She picked up a jacket, taking in the pattern. As she stared at it, she was approached by a saleswoman from behind.
"Plaid is going to be very in this fall," the saleswoman said in a friendly voice. "Of course, it's a classic look regardless."
Blair put the blazer back on the rack quickly, knowing that somewhere out there Humphrey was smirking at the Bendel's woman indirectly complimenting his taste in fashion.
"Classic is just a word people use so they don't have to keep up on trends," Blair said, technically speaking to the saleswoman and not the Humphrey voice in her head. With that, Blair stalked out of the store, frustrated with herself and the world.
She went to a coffee shop and sat down, pulling out her phone.
After three rings, Dan picked up, sounding like she'd woken him up.
"Blair, is everything okay? It's like 8 am out here," Dan said groggily. "I'm not exactly keeping regular hours these days."
"If you kept me apprised of your whereabouts, I'd know where you were and be aware of what time it was," she said haughtily.
"Like that would have stopped you from calling me whenever you felt like it," he grumbled.
She couldn't help but smile at that. "Probably not," she admitted.
"What do you want?" Dan asked, clearly not in the mood for small talk.
"You're everywhere," she blurted out, instantly regretting the words.
"What?" he asked, understandably confused.
She sighed, deciding she might as well put it out there. "I was so busy in France with my mom that I could shut out so much. Now that I'm back in New York, I see how somehow you've permeated yourself into every facet of my life, and I don't know how to get away from it," she sad in a rush, the continued, "I miss you."
"Blair..." he started with his own sigh.
"I know I have no right. I'm still hurt about Serena, but I know if I had come like I told you I would..."
"Blair, don't," he said firmly. "It's not going to get us anywhere."
"I'm going to tell Chuck it's over for good tonight," Blair said, not sure why she was telling him this.
He chuckled, no mirth in the sound. "Good luck with that," he said dryly, but with less venom than she might have expected. She suspected he might pity her.
"I mean it this time; it's really over," she protested, knowing how hollow the words must sound to him.
"For your sake, I hope it's true. But I can't be your confidant anymore; you must know this," he told her.
"You don't think we can ever be friends?" she asked sadly, knowing the answer.
"I don't see how, Blair. I can't be the guy who consoles you about how you can't get over Chuck anymore, or advises you about how you should handle your next doomed relationship," he said, a bit of the bite coming back to his voice. He paused before speaking again, this time in a gentle tone that she had missed, "If you have any ideas how we can be in each other's lives without me getting steamrolled, let me know. Despite my better judgment, I miss you too."
Blair was touched by the admission, that after everything he still cared. Unfortunately, she had no ideas at the moment.
"I'm sorry," she said simply, not sure what else to say. "If it's any consolation, I'm finding that however all-consuming my feelings for Chuck might have been, I'm finding that your presence in my life is equally all-encompassing."
"I wish it were just about forgiveness, but it's not. It's a lot easier to forgive than to forget. I'm not sure we can ever trust each other again, and that should be the foundation of any relationship, friendship or otherwise," Dan said, sounding tired. "You told me your heart belonged to me, and not to Chuck. I let myself believe when maybe I shouldn't have, given all I knew about you and Chuck. But I didn't think you'd say those things to me if you didn't mean them."
She wanted to protest to him that she did mean those words at the time, but she wasn't even sure about her feelings herself anymore.
"I meant it when I said I missed you," she said, telling him the one thing she knew was true.
"Goodbye, Blair," he said, hanging up.
For some reason, this conversation made her feel marginally better. She still missed him, but she felt somehow less haunted by him. At the very least, he was still willing to answer the phone when she called. She picked up her coffee and headed back home, deciding she'd read through the piles of Waldorf Designs information her mother had given her to study. Focusing on her future made her feel stronger, ready to try and finally let go of her past that night.
While she was reading, she was struck with an idea. She quickly made a purchase online, smiling to herself. She hoped that maybe she had found the baby step she needed to nudge her way back into Dan's life. Feeling better than she had felt in months, she went to change clothes, hoping to find the right armor for the evening ahead. She really had no idea what to expect, but she felt strong and decisive. Chuck would not manipulate her into changing her mind.
Blair took a deep breath when the elevator doors opened, and she couldn't help but smile when Monkey came bounding towards her. She gently patted the dog on the head, again being reminded of Dan. She knew he was behind the purchase of the pet, and she had a feeling he had a hard time giving him up. She had walked through the park too many times with Dan being distracted by virtually any dog who walked by, grinning like a small child when he petted one. Apparently his building didn't allow pets, something Blair had teased him about, considering the other lack of standards the building appeared to have.
"Is Nate here?" Blair asked as Chuck approached.
"No, he's off somewhere with his mom," Chuck told her as he refilled his scotch. "What was so urgent?"
Chuck sat down on the couch, and Blair sat in the chair opposite him. Monkey followed Blair, looking up expectantly at her. She rubbed behind his ears affectionately and patted him on the head once, hoping to signal that she had to focus. The dog obediently walked to the other side of the room and laid down, apparently sensing the tension between them.
"I want you to be honest with me about something," Blair started. "Don't play any games, because I'm really not in the mood. That night I told you I loved you on the roof and wanted to be with you, was that whole scene with your father staged?"
Chuck almost choked on his drink, his calm veneer fading instantaneously. She saw something dark flash in his eyes, a mixture of anger and disgust, with some small amount of passion there as well.
"Did you hire someone to do some sleuthing?" he asked patronizingly.
"No. Your father, who otherwise seems to be quite the mastermind, picked a really inopportune time and place to make a phone call," she answered evenly, hoping to maintain her composure. She just wanted the truth right now, and if her emotions overwhelmed her she knew she likely would only get words spewed out in anger. "Please just tell me exactly what happened; I deserve to know to what extent I've been played."
"You're not being played," Chuck said defensively. "I just continued to play the game of cat and mouse we've been playing forever. Like you haven't been playing with me for the past two years."
"Not intentionally. Not like this," Blair shot back, instantly ashamed at the outburst. She paused, taking a breath and calming herself before she continued, "I never seem to know what the rules of the game are until it's too late. I just want to know what happened and why."
Chuck sighed, clearly contemplating how much to share. He smirked slightly, seemingly proud of how effectively he had played puppet master with her. Again.
"I explained to my father that you were dating Humphrey. Needless to say, he saw the parallels to his own situation. He told me we needed a grand gesture on both our parts to win what had been lost," he started, smiling again. "He told me it was clear you couldn't resist me in a time of need, so he decided to help me create one. I knew there was no way you'd leave for that trip with Humphrey if I had just lost everything, that you wouldn't put an end to us forever with me at my lowest point. And it worked; Humphrey lost the second my dad made the announcement at the press conference."
"It wasn't a competition," Blair protested. "Beating Dan had nothing to do with it. He wasn't playing any games."
"I told Dan before he couldn't beat me, or even compete. He thought back then he'd won, but I knew he would someday have to play the game if he wanted to win. That's just how it works with you," Chuck told her, shaking his head. "That's also why I turned you down on that roof; I was still mad that you chose Humphrey and you needed to earn my love back. Plus, we both know nothing good happens for us when the game stops."
"All I've ever wanted is for us to declare ourselves victors and stop the games," Blair said sadly. "Is that not what you want?"
"That's not us. I told you that years ago and nothing's changed," he said matter-of-factly. "I also told you going to the movies and holding hands would bore you, and that's clearly true. Otherwise, you'd be watching some esoteric flick with Humphrey right now, draping yourself all over his flannel chest."
"Dan never bored me," she said truthfully. She had her reasons for trying to make things work with Chuck, but none of those involved being bored with Dan. It was nearly impossible for her to be bored with Dan; her constant fluctuation between adoration and irritation with him always kept her on her toes.
"I guess it doesn't matter now that you know he betrayed you, and it's public to boot. The powerful new you couldn't possibly take back a second boyfriend who fucked Serena," Chuck sneered.
"Well, you certainly covered all your bases," she shot back, feeling vindicated by the look of surprise on his face. "Serena told me that she sent you the video. It was pretty predictable that you'd send it the second I spoke to Dan again."
"When you came to the Empire that night, I thought Serena had also sent you the video," he confessed. "That's why I couldn't just take you back so readily, or at least partly why."
"Why didn't you just say something?" she asked, exasperated. This seemed to be the story of their entire relationship-never speaking about anything important.
"I figured out pretty quickly that you had no idea about Dan and Serena. The few times you spoke about him, your eyes filled with guilt and not anger."
"Why say all those horrible things to me? It seems like you meant them, and it wasn't just the game," Blair sighed, feeling sad that things had come to this. "You could have turned me down without blaming me for everything that's gone wrong in your life."
"You are the reason behind everything that happens in my life, good or bad," Chuck said, his tone shifting to a more sincere one, the words being strangled out. "Same as I am the reason behind everything you do."
"Dan wasn't about you," Blair said, for some reason feeling the need to make it clear how much Dan really meant to her, on some level wanting him to know how much she gave up by giving Dan up for Chuck.
"No, that one was about Serena," Chuck said with a shrug.
"Stop saying that my actions are all about playing some game," Blair said tersely. "They're not."
He looked at her skeptically, then laughed bitterly. "I will say you surprised me when you didn't leave Humphrey when you found out about the dowry. Well played," he said appreciatively. "You made me keep working longer than I thought this time."
"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.
"You really think I told Nate and expected it to remain a secret? I've been burned by that one too many times. In fact, you were almost literally burned by that last year," he said, smirking again at his own play on words.
"So I take it you're working for Bass Industries now as we speak," Blair said, rolling her eyes at her own stupidity.
"I'm consulting, let's say," Chuck said. "My dad needs it to look like we're on the outs so Lily will continue to try and mediate. She thinks if she stays on my dad's good side she will be able to persuade him to let me back in. That's the main reason she's still married to him."
"You can't keep doing this to me, Chuck," Blair said, steeling herself for what she came to say. "This is the last time."
"You lost this one, but let's not pretend that you're really walking away for good over this," he said confidently. "Who will you run to? Humphrey showed he still prefers Serena."
"I'm not running," she said, sitting up straight. "I'm walking away, for good this time."
"Blair, do we need to play this part of the game again? It always ends the same, and it's getting boring," he said, shaking his head, clearly not believing her. "You will always love me. We always find our way back."
"Not this time," she said, happy with how firm her voice still was. "You knew I was slipping away from the moment I kissed Dan, and you worked overtime to lure me back in. You knew that there was a chance your pull might be waning."
He began to look truly panicked for the first time, her words setting in. She knew she had hit her target, as Chuck's actions towards her did not exude confidence in the strength of her feelings.
"You said you were all in, but of course yet again you're not betting on me," he said angrily.
"Like I said on the phone, you overplayed your hand. We both did," she told him, not unkindly. She didn't even feel angry anymore, just sad. "It just means we're both left with nothing."
"I meant it when I said I can't keep doing this, that I need to move on," he said warningly.
She stood up and looked at him, the moment bittersweet. It really felt over this time, even more than when she had told Dan he had her heart. Somewhere in the back of her head, she had thought that she and Dan would probably break up somewhere down the line and she would still end up with Chuck someday, once whatever spark she and Dan had dimmed. She hadn't quite expected the depth of her feelings for Dan, or the strength of her attraction to him. Of course, now she would be lucky if Dan would even be her friend again. Her love life was a complete blank slate for the first time that she could remember. It should have terrified her, but instead made her feel strong.
"Goodbye, Chuck," she said firmly. She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, then turned and left. Chuck just started at her in silence. She hoped he understood the force behind her words.
When she got home she laid on her bed, exhausted. It was only nine o'clock, but she felt the tension leave her body now that she had finally said goodbye to Chuck. Some part of her never expected this day to come, especially not with the words coming from her. The other part expected it to be something angry and passionate, just like their relationship had always been. Instead, they had basically faded away with a whimper. She sensed that he too had grown tired of the game, even if he was the only one still playing.
She was startled by the sound of her phone ringing. She smiled when she saw Dan's name on the caller ID.
"I did it," she said by way of greeting. "It's really over." She suddenly felt giddy, wishing he were there, knowing he wouldn't be able to hide his smile.
"Congratulations," he said. She couldn't quite tell just how much sarcasm was contained in that one word. She was thinking around fifty percent, which she figured was more than she probably deserved.
"Thanks. It feels surprisingly good. I didn't know I could be so strong," she admitted.
"I did," he said quickly. She imagined him on the other end, upset at himself over this admission.
"I know. And thank you," she said sincerely, wanting to say so much more but not having the words.
"Well, and thank you," he said, a smile in his voice. "Apparently, a Blair Waldorf has sent me a copy of The Landlord, due to arrive tomorrow."
"And we will be watching it on Wednesday, at nine pm sharp, my time," she said crisply. "And you will receive a new DVD each week. I can't believe you never got to any of your Netflix queue."
"I got to some, I just couldn't bring myself to watch The Landlord for some reason. Maybe because part of me felt bad for not responding to your e-mails that summer," he admitted. "So is this your idea of how we can be friends again?"
"Do you not think it will work?" she asked, afraid of his answer.
He let out a frustrated sigh before answering. "I don't know, Blair. I guess if we set some ground rules, like we start out by only talking about the movies, not our lives," he said cautiously.
"That can work," she said, happy for even this olive branch. She had no one else to enjoy movies with, so she was happy to have at least one hole he left filled.
"Okay, then I will talk to you Wednesday," he said, then hung up.
"I'll talk to you later," Blair said to the empty room, feeling great relief that her words were true.