The Long Road Home

by Scorpio21

When you take away everything you know and everything you thought you were, what exactly do you have left? This is the story of how they came into their own eternity. Jasper/OC Warning: Rated M for lemons, language, and extreme violence on occasion.

4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind. SM does.

Warning: Just so you know, I'm one of those fans that believe it's ridiculously impossible for a vampire who's organs have been frozen and dead for decades to regenerate semen, unless of course someone wanted to conjure that up as a vamp's special 'gift'. So sex with vampire does not equal baby in my story. Sorry to all those who swoon over that.

Also, I have formed the opinion - which is of no reflection to SM's - that the vamp's venom would only be truly dangerous when entered into the bloodstream. SM unconsciously supported this stance when she allowed Bella to have sex with Edward but not have his venom affect her in any way other than getting impregnated. SM also hasn't written anything that directly contradicts this personal view of mine. So there you go, you've been warned. Onward...

Chapter 4

Many things can change in a year's time, whether it's a small switch that gently sways us to a new rhythm or an innumerable one that alters everything. Sometimes it happens gradually, like the shifting of the seasons where the leaves and the weather and the stars prepare us. They foretell the coming of something new, something different. But there are times when change happens so abruptly that we're rattled to the core, not even given the chance to grasp it all before we find ourselves standing in the aftermath, waiting for the dust to settle at our feet. The people we surround ourselves with in those moments, the ones who are there when it all goes down, they become our measure of endurance whether we will it or not. They can either make the storm more bearable or be the ones that push us over the edge of reason, make us feel stranded in a nightmare of helplessness and incertitude.

It's a different story altogether when no one's there at all, when you're abandoned to deal with the repercussions all on your own.

For me, life had been relatively easy. Despite the improbability of vampire's existence and my own telekinetic possibilities, I had found my way through that calamity with the help of one man. After all had settled, I had gained a sense of belonging never felt before. My world seemed at peace until one mistake changed everything again, one mistake that affected everyone so drastically and made us all lose so profoundly. One single mistake in one small second the nine people paid the price for, a price that changed us all forever.

oOo

Weeks after the Cullen's big reveal, Jasper and I were constantly working hard on controlling what little telekinetic ability I could produce. Anytime I didn't have a shift at my parent's diner, our afternoons and weekends were spent training my mind, though it seemed I wasn't really able to make anything happen. It more or less just happened to me, so our lessons became more about learning how to maintain control once my emotions would trigger it. Jasper would manipulate me, and I would fight to restrain the power it produced. He said this exercise would also help to strengthen my ability if it ever became more active.

The man had also done his own research, knocking on my door not three days after our talk in the woods with a self-satisfied glint in his eyes that belied his otherwise bland expression.

"I took the initiative in searching for more lucrative answers to your situation, knowing the internet is less than accurate in regards to supernatural enlightenment." He stated without preamble, deftly side-stepping his way inside without so much as a hello.

Bewildered, I closed the door and slowly turned, looking at him speculatively. "And?"

He smirked at my expression, then sauntered away and proceeded to make himself at home in my kitchen, starting a pot of coffee that I could only assume was for me. Sweet of him really, especially considering the huge production I had made the day before about the spectacular pleasures one can find in a simple cup of the potently caffeinated liquid. At the time, I thought he merely indulged me by pretending to listen – probably thinking I was trying to distract him from the task at hand, which had been a quick exploratory test on what emotions I reacted to the most – but apparently he took what I said to heart. Again, it was kinda sweet.

So I followed him into the kitchen and cautiously took a seat at the table, watching him through bemused eyes as I realized he knew my house as well as I did after only one tour of the place. I waited for him to elaborate on his findings, but only after the coffee was brewed and a full cup was placed before me did he say another word.

Seating himself directly across from me, he leaned back in the chair and folded his arms across his chest, equal bemusement on his face as he said, "I got in touch with more…reasonable resources. There wasn't much to be found, but according to them, telekinesis has been around for some time now. Much like any myth we eventually find to be true, I guess."

His lips twitched at the corners and his gaze flickered with a tinge of humor, like it was amusing to him that I could be considered a part of folklore. Rolling my eyes, I took a sip from my mug before muttering under my breath, "Yeah, yeah. We've already established I'm a freak. Get on with it."

Jasper chuckled, but continued. "As far as they can tell, it's a subtle mutation of the neurons in your frontal lobe, the very lobe that functions as our emotional control center. It's hypothesized that this mutation alters the brainwaves in that region — which are generated by aforementioned neurons — and causes that electrical frequency between them to somehow resemble a physical force. More like a psychic propulsion if strong enough, but the telekinesis that results from such depends on the measure in this charge. It's said to be indicative to the amount of power the mutation will propel. Supposedly rare, though, and without rhyme or reason as to why certain people are born with it. More often than not, it only results in pounding headaches that the carrier would simply shrug off as a migraine, but it's been known to evolve into more like it has with you. According to their research, at least."

He shrugged his shoulders as if what he just explained wasn't completely alien to me. I opened my mouth, closed it, then opened it again, eventually finding my voice and asking with slow precision, "So what you're saying is that I'm not a complete freak, just a mentally deformed one?"

Jasper smiled wide, his teeth glistening like pearls and suppressed laughter gently racking his frame. "Yes, exactly."

"And who are your sources again?" I demanded, not terribly thrilled over this prospect.

Not bothering to conceal his amusement any longer, he replied over his own boisterous snickering, "Various friends of Carlisle that he obtained through the centuries."

I decided to leave it at that.

And Carlisle, of course, had been extremely curious and thrilled over my telekinesis. He was definitely a man that thrived on new knowledge and anomalous happenings. But I guess when you live to be as old as him, you've kinda seen it all, and that could make for one very bored vampire.

He managed to somehow document everything that Jasper and I had done during our training, sometimes joining us in the field for first-hand knowledge but often just writing down what Jasper relayed. They apparently spent a great deal of time conversing and speculating over it, both seeming to agree with my theory that this ability was probably the reason my thoughts were mostly static to Edward. That didn't make the mind-reader too happy, though. I think he was really rooting for a mental disability, but if he ever gleamed the full facts from Carlisle or Jasper's mind, he'd know he wasn't too far off the mark.

My parents had begun to notice the differences surrounding me as well, how tired and listless I'd become. I'd often come home looking haggard, the lessons with Jasper taking more out of me than I ever realized until it was too late. What time I managed to spend with them seemed more forced, like we were tiptoeing around each other because I was either too tired to participate in conversations or too antsy to get back to Jasper. I could see their concern, the surreptitious glances they'd shoot me and then at each other. I could practically hear the questions bubbling within them, but anytime they'd approach me about what was wrong, I'd just shrug my shoulders and tell them I was stressed. It killed me to do so, because in all my years and in all that time, I never once shut them out. My parents were always my shining beacon of guidance and devotion and trust, and I knew if they had even an inkling of what was truly happening, they'd realize their concern was unfounded. They'd know my exhaustion was reasonable and my reticence wasn't all that it appeared to be.

I wanted to tell them, so much so that I often had to walk away before I blurted the truth out. I knew I couldn't though, because I'd have to explain everything in order to do so and the Cullens made it perfectly clear how forbidden that was. One way or another I'd have to lie, and my heart just couldn't stand that thought. Not with them.

So I ran from the house, ran from my parents, and ran straight to Jasper and the rest of the Cullens. I got to know the clan a little better during those days. Esme was adorable in her motherly fashions, always going out of her way to make sure I was comfortable when around. She had an internal warmth that flowed gently over whomever she lavished her attentions on, a maternal grace in all her doting ways. There was nothing even remotely vampiric about her except her astounding beauty. She and Carlisle made a very beautiful, and very parental, pair.

Rose still hated me, and I had a feeling that nothing short of a miracle would change that. But I never could muster even a little indignation over that fact. I had a feeling she possessed very strong reasons for being who she was. There was an undercurrent in the air of protection she always exuded around herself, in the caustic tongue she so clearly used as a guarded barrier that made me think she hadn't always had it easy. That she had her justifications for not trusting any outsiders. Most do after all, so I tried not to take it personally.

Emmett made that exceptionally easier. It was difficult to love him and not his counterpart. They were definitely a comedic pair. There was constant playful bickering and challenging banter thrown between the two, and Emmett himself was a continual source of entertainment. It was hard not to endear yourself to the big, overgrown puppy. He also volunteered to partake in my sessions with Jasper, but when I couldn't even make a twig do anything more that randomly shift and shake, there was no point in trying to psychically move a large, hefty vampire. It just wasn't going to happen.

But in all the time I spent over at the Cullen home, I never really saw Alice or Edward. I didn't worry overmuch about Edward, knowing our mutual dislike for the other was more than enough reason to keep our distance, but I was concerned with the Alice situation. Something about it didn't sit right with me, and that feeling only progressed with the passing days as she pulled herself further and further away. She avoided me at every turn, running off whenever I arrived or making sure there were at least three other vamps around when she was. It made it impossible to confront her, but her pleading expression back in the cafeteria all those weeks ago would often flash in my thoughts, and I'd find myself questioning whether I really wanted to know. If she and Jasper truly weren't together anymore — because of her and her visions I might add — then there was no reason to second-guess my own behavior, and certainly no cause to suffer any guilt over my developing feelings for her ex.

Though I couldn't help but sense that maybe she thought I should, that maybe she blamed me for it all. Something was there in her eyes sometimes, what little I did see of her. Covered by her bright smiles and random acts of kindness. Call it a woman-to-woman intuition, if you will.

I couldn't bring myself to discuss it with Jasper. Alice was still a sensitive subject for him, and we had a unspoken agreement not to bring her up.

The one development that struck me the most in the additional weeks that passed was Jasper, though it came as much as a welcomed surprise as it was somehow expected. Like nothing could've been more natural, and it all just felt so right. With Jasper and I spending most of our free time together, the boundaries between us subtly changed and disappeared. Those days grew more causal, our time spent learning about the other without cloaks or pretenses, building a solid camaraderie between us that filled a void inside me I hadn't known existed. Whether we were engaged in lessons or simple conversation as we walked through the woods, whether we relaxed in silent companionship on my couch or submersed ourselves in debates on his, whether we were surrounded by others or no one at all…we never stopped learning from the other and sharing in the experience. It felt so easy, so familiar, as if I'd known him for years and could finally stop missing him. He was just one of those people I instantly clicked with, where our personalities suited each other and a harmony was so effortlessly woven between us. To me, he was that stranger you come across by chance and find yourself chatting with as if the oldest of friends, then wonder weeks later after countless hours together how you ever managed without them.

Jasper had become that best friend in a matter of weeks, and if his constant company and lack of resistance to unproductive hours was anything to go by, I'd say I became one of his as well. When I finally introduced him to my parent's, it was almost instantaneous approval. Jasper had intentionally stayed longer than usual, and when my parents came home from closing the diner, their eyes practically bugged out of their sockets when they landed on the striking blonde in their kitchen. But ever the polite and charismatic one, Jasper flashed them a charming smile as he rose from his seat at the table, shaking their hands while I stood fidgeting on the sidelines waiting for their reactions. I had expected suspicion or perhaps a reprimand for having an essential stranger in their home, but I hadn't been prepared for their shock to be swiftly replaced with an exchange of conspiratorial glances before turning wicked smiles on me. They wasted no time whatsoever on embarrassing me any way possible that night, though the worst was my mom's random comment about my previously bizarre behavior making sense now.

"Who wouldn't be off-balance when such a handsome young man was seeking their attention?" She said with a sly grin and a wink at my father, prompting me to groan and bury my face in my hands, silently contemplating the benefits of running away.

Neither me nor Jasper corrected their assumption, though his smirk suggested he was getting far too much amusement out of it to even consider such a thing. And after that night, the underlying tension between my parents and I had abated with their somewhat skewed understanding of my circumstances. They wholeheartedly kept their doors open to him, allowing us to spend much more time at my house than his. I was relieved to a certain extent, preferring to avoid Alice avoiding me, not to mention it gave me more time alone with Jasper. A chance to bring him into my world as he brought me into his.

So it went, him effortlessly securing a place in my life with an almost surreal balance neither of us could have predicted. But as easily as he became my best friend, he also became the man I was undeniably in love with in two short months. That fluttering in my stomach had turned into a full-blown knot of neediness, of compulsion, of yearning. I had to be around him, wanted so much more than I ever dared voice. I felt a strange possessiveness of our time together, of him, like he was mine more than anyone else's. Even the barest displays of his quirks brought a content smile to my face, for it was I that witnessed it, I that he let see. Every small laugh or smirk he gave at my expense, every relaxed pose he submitted to when around me, I found myself cherishing with an abnormal extremity. Whenever he chose my company over his family's, whenever he'd delay his departure with a flimsy excuse I'd see right through, I'd feel an exultant thrill run through me and an almost suffocating joy encompass me. People have said for so long that love makes us foolish and capricious, but I never realized how true those words were until I fell victim to such silly whims. Until I let Jasper overwhelm so much of my life and become intertwined in my own happiness.

He was aware of my feelings, of course, because he could feel them. Sometimes I'd even catch him looking at me in such a way that left no room to argue that he didn't. It was a look that told me he hadn't simply been tuning me out, but if he wasn't going to broach it then neither was I, because I knew he knew which placed the ball in his court. It wasn't until Bella Swan became a part of their lives that Jasper and I confronted the big white elephant between us. Or shall I say I forced us to confront it.

It had been an interesting week at school for me, made even more interesting when I had rather unceremoniously discovered Edward and Bella's burgeoning relationship. My first encounter came during lunch when I stumbled by a table, my mouth dropping open and expression surely flabbergasted when I realized just who was sitting there. Together. In front of the entire student population. When I continued to see the twosome in the parking lot and walking together in the hallways, I was completely floored. I knew the Cullens preferred to keep their human interactions to a minimum, not only for the sake of comfort but also to maintain their secrecy, and I had no idea how Edward could spend so much time with Bella without her eventually discovering what they were. My knowledge had been a fluke and happened completely against my will, but even so, I never openly interacted with any of them at school aside from the most trivial instances required during class. It made this puzzle hard to figure out.

I wasn't the only one who noticed, either. Rosalie often looked pissed those days — glaring at them from a distance — and Jasper wore his apprehensive clearly as we all became aware that Edward was following Bella around, seemingly trying to maintain her attention. After observing them, he really needn't be too concerned.

And one day of such behavior turned into a few more days of the same, finally resulting in Jasper appearing on my doorstep a week later, looking more than a little angry and slightly calculative.

"She knows. Bella Swan knows what we are." He stated in such a simple, placid tone, but there was an edge beneath it that spoke of barely concealed worry. Jasper appeared lazily relaxed sitting on my sofa with his arm propped over the back, but I could see the slight coiling of muscles in his neck and shoulders as he said this.

So I sighed loudly and sat down next to him. "How?"

His eyes flashed dangerously for a brief second before shaking his head, quietly answering with a hint of scorn, "A Quileute boy apparently told her a few stories that she obviously believed, and Edward decided to confirmed her suspicions after taking her out to dinner last night."

It was my turn to shake my head in disbelief, my eyes growing large at something so potentially disastrous. "Wow. So what's gonna happen? What are you guys gonna do?"

"Nothing!" He growled in frustration, narrowing his gaze at the coffee-table as if it were the source of his vexation. "Edward says she won't tell a soul, but how they can trust his judgment right now is beyond me. I know Esme and Carlisle are pleased to see their son show an interest in someone after all these years, and his happiness pleases me too. But she's human and she's his singer, I don't see how it could possibly end well for them. One slip is all it takes for her to die, then everyone will undoubtedly question Edward's involvement."

He scoffed then, saying, "But of course, Alice has seen her and Bella becoming the best of friends. They believe that just because she's seen one version of the future means there's no immediate danger present."

I didn't outwardly respond to what Jasper said at first. I was mulling over his words and dissecting every meaning his few sentences carried, realizing far too quickly how damning his opinion was for us. His brutal honesty ignited a splintering of hope for me, the truth behind his proclamation holding an inevitability that couldn't be ignored. His stance on this brought a clarity that was nothing short of devastating since he obviously believed that relationships between humans and vampires were impossible. Which meant we were impossible. Not only that, but Alice already thought of Bella Swan as her best friend when she hadn't even been introduced to her, yet she couldn't even manage to be in the same room as me.

Feeling the strike of unlooked-for frankness as if it'd been a slap to the face, I turned away from Jasper as bitter tears sprung to my eyes. That he and I would never become anything more than friends really cut deep, understanding only now just how much hope I had riding on that possibility. And no matter what I did or said or how much time had passed, I would always be the other woman to Alice. Maybe I was being childish, perhaps I'd been naïvely optimistic until now, but it still hurt.

"Keira? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Jasper placed his hand on my thigh in an act of comfort, fingers that held so much strength touching me with such gentleness that I clenched my teeth to keep from sobbing. And as his ability allowed, he felt my emotional torrent more vividly through the contact, his fingers giving the slightest twitch the longer he staid his hand.

Standing abruptly to put some space between us, I walked a few steps away, giving him my back as I refused to face him right then. I didn't want him seeing the emotions he could so easily feel, didn't want him touching me when I already felt so heartbreakingly confused. His words hit too deeply and made me realize how blinded I'd been. This twisted dance of courtship hadn't been that at all, my ignorance and lack of experience allowing me to perceive so much more than had actually been. I had fallen so fast that I forgot it took two to tango, and that what I felt wasn't necessarily what he felt. I had taken his gift for granted, assuming his silence on the matter as a veiled avowal instead of the gentle rebuff I saw it as now. I had been so utterly stupid to not recognize all the signs I could so clearly read now, and the humiliation burning through me made distance from him necessary before I could regroup.

I angrily wiped at the tears in my eyes, pushing dark curls back from where they had fallen over my face. Hoping for some composure before turning back around, I took a deep breath and lifted my chin, needing the false display of pride to somehow become real. I needed the façade to cover my suddenly broken daydreams.

"Keira, you're really upset right now." Jasper spoke-up quietly from behind, and I could hear him shifting uncomfortably on the couch. "Tell me what I can do without manipulating your emotions."

His rich, deep tenor washed over me and soothed me, but the heartbreak and bite his previous words gave did not abate, leaving me unable to respond. When I failed to face him, I more-or-less sensed rather than heard him stand, taking those few steps towards me to close the distance. Just before he reached out to touch me as I knew he would, as he had done so often before during different times, I finally and reluctantly turned to him while taking a step back. Refusing to let him touch me.

Meeting his gaze for a long moment, seeing the concern and unspoken questions in his dark eyes, it was almost as if we were locked in battle of dueling queries. Him wanting to know what caused this reaction, trying to find the answer by the sheer will in his stare, but I was wanting and waiting for something else. Seeking an inkling or understanding I didn't yet know and couldn't find. Thinking back on it now, I believe that's why I said what I did. I confronted issues that should've been left for another day. A day when fewer emotions were already present on both our parts, when smiles and the bright side of things could still be had despite the situation.

Instead of possessing such intelligence at the time though, I took another deep breath and tried to steady my frenzied heart. Maintaining eye contact with him, attempting to interpret his reaction to my words, I spoke cautiously. "You don't believe that a human-vampire relationship can work, period, nothin' else to it. Do you?"

Jasper's features immediately cleared of any expression whatsoever, a blank, impassive slate slammed in place. He gave no response for a full minute, showed no affect to my question aside from his swift withdraw, but I desperately held my ground as all my hopes became hinged on his answer. The seconds ticked by in this strange standstill, a rigid strain beginning to stifle the air between us as he stared at me without any sentiment, the tension smothering me with it's all too apparent uncertainty. I was silently begging for a rebuttal and mentally preparing for the worst, not knowing which to expect but beginning to doubt he'd even respond.

Then a slight shift in his stance, a shuffling of weight that clearly signified his discomfort, and a cringing of the eyes even though his face remained perfectly stoic in all aspects.

"I wish you hadn't brought this up, Keira. I can't be honest with you right now without hurting you, and I can't be honest with myself without hurting Alice. And if I'm being truthful here, I'm not even sure what there is to talk about." He dipped his head as if shamed, his tawny locks shielding his eyes from me as he gave a quiet sigh of resignation. "I think it might be best if I leave. I'm sorry, Keira, but I just can't do this right now. It wouldn't be fair to anyone."

Well, fuck me. That hurt, too.

Once again stricken beyond measure, unable to form any sort of reply, I could only watch as Jasper flicked his eyes up to mine with a quick grimace. As if unable to look any longer, he glanced away, exhaling a muttered curse and jerking his hand through his hair. I could see his frustration and felt his remorse seeping out, knew he was the kind of soul that'd regret hurting me in any manner, but I couldn't find it in me to give him any solace. Not now, not when I was trying to keep a brave face while my heart was breaking. Not when the only words I could think of weren't what he deserved. After all, he'd never led me on, this was all merely a product of my own foolish wishes.

Without receiving an answer, Jasper half-turned, shoving his hands in his pockets and glancing at me from the corner of his eye. His body language said he wanted to run, but if I knew anything about this man, then only his sense of honor and integrity were keeping him from doing just that. He was pulling away though, that much was obvious. Forming an aloof distance between us that had nothing to do with the amount of space. Before me was not the man I knew, but a timeless profile kept carefully blank by a peculiar nothingness, more stranger than friend at the moment. Maybe he was angry because of my impetuous question, maybe he just didn't want to deal right now, but I frankly didn't care. Not when he was pulling away from me. I couldn't allow this to cause a rift between us, the very thought of such a thing shaking me from my stupor long enough to speak.

"Jasper," I choked out, reaching over and touching his arm as tears rimmed my lashes once again. "Please don't do that. Please don't shut me out just 'cause I have a foolish infatuation."

"Oh, Keira." He murmured so quietly I almost didn't hear, his eyes squeezing shut as he took a deep breath and shook his head once. Then turning to face me fully, he reached out and gingerly cupped my cheek, his gaze full of remorse as he softly whispered, "I could never think your feelings foolish, but you and I both know this is more than an infatuation."

I wanted to protest no matter how much of a lie it would've been, but the words died before they could even form on my tongue. He was nothing but hollow determination now, and nothing I could say would change anything at this point. I realized I was losing him, and the sudden despair that swamped me at that thought, the panic that immediately followed made me gasp for air and frantically shake my head in denial. And for the briefest of seconds, I swore I saw my sorrow mirrored in him as he tried to soothe my hysterical movements, but Jasper never said anything in an attempt to assuage my dread. Instead — in an act of what felt like confirmation — he carefully leaned down and brushed his lips to mine, the touch so impeccably light that it was barely felt. It was sweet and gentle but filled with conflicting emotions, for it was a kiss that savored so strongly of goodbye. Almost as if he had spoken the farewell without making a sound.

It destroyed the last thread of control I had over my tears, and I could feel them falling freely down my face as Jasper pulled away. The barest of seconds where his gaze still locked with mine conveyed so many things I couldn't understand — wasn't sure if I wanted to — before he averted his eyes and swiftly turned away. He never said a word as he started down the hall, never once looked back as he walked out the door, only showed the slightest of hesitations before he swung it shut. Just the dull thud of wood closing against wood and the doorknob clicking into place filled the heavy silence around me, an ominous finale to all that had taken place.

I stood there for awhile, staring at the spot he disappeared from and wondering if it wasn't just my imagination that conjured up that goodbye. Brushing my fingertips against my lips where the touch of his still lingered, I became acutely aware that he hadn't denied shutting me out. That he hadn't even bothered trying to.

The days passed longer in his absence, a black cloud hanging over my head with everything unresolved. He had left so quickly and hadn't reappeared, his siblings unaccounted for as well. I felt like screaming half the time, crying more than that, and mourning a loss I wasn't yet sure of for all of it. Somehow I managed to keep my telekinesis in check, though I could feel the call of power begging me to let go. It was constantly crawling under my skin and swimming through my veins, waiting for me to release my affliction in the most effective of ways. It would certainly drain me, but I found myself willfully unable to do so. An innate sense of responsibility towards it, I guess. The fact that I could withstand at all spoke highly of my lessons with Jasper, that they were really starting to have the benefits we sought.

It was four long days later when I finally saw both him and his siblings again, standing by Edward's car in the student parking-lot, waiting and watching and listening before classes began. It was strange, but I realized the moment I saw them that I had begun to believe I wouldn't hear from them again. Had unconsciously resigned myself to it even, remembering a comment Carlisle had made in the past about always being prepared for abrupt departures, how numerous occasions have led to their need to vanish from one town or another with little-to-zero notice. What better reason than a human becoming too attach to one of them?

But to see Jasper now after no call, no word, no nothing after our slight falling out…well, it brought a hollow twist to my gut and, for some reason, left the sour taste of betrayal on my tongue. I wanted to blame it all on hormones and being a teenage girl, and maybe that's partly true. But if I were being truly honest with myself, then I'd admit that I really thought I meant more to Jasper than what he currently showed. I understood his past with Alice, but I no longer comprehended their present as I thought I did. It left me with the distinct impression I'd been duped somehow. Played even, like an inconsequential pawn in a high-ranking game of chess, and my heart just couldn't find the strength to fight it. Why should I when Jasper didn't seem to believe our friendship warranted so much as a single word for four days straight? So even though I had the fleeting desire to run-up and hug him with welcoming relief, to mend what was broken between us, I fought the urge perhaps too easily and simply continued walking to class. Not bothering to glance at them as I passed by.

Jasper never approached me during that day, choosing instead to unmercifully curse me with the feel of his unrelenting stare. His eyes constantly followed me with a vigilance equal to a hawk and its' prey, the familiar trickle of awareness it caused irking me as much as it provided a small sense of comfort. It showed he cared to some degree, but my constant squirming under the empath's regard brought strange looks from my classmates that were less appreciated. I couldn't fathom what he was thinking and never dared look upon his face to figure it out, but I had a good and obvious guess that he was constantly reading my emotions. There wasn't a thread of doubt that he could feel the unwavering hurt and confusion he caused, and with him being so close yet so far, it only got worse. Made it feel like I was sinking further with the constant reminder of what I couldn't grasp, so much so that by midday, all I wanted was for him to pull me into his arms and hold me tight. To tell me everything was going to be okay between us.

Feeling him all around me was comparative to an addict's drug of choice being within reach yet unable to successfully grab it, withdrawals sending a quiver through my bones that fairly begged for me to forget everything that was said between us. Even though I knew I'd never be able to just forget and move on, I wanted my friend back. I hadn't had a real friend in a long time, and I felt like I was losing the best one I'd ever get.

By the end of last period, my over-sensitive heart had dropped so low that it felt as if it became lodged in my feet, weighing them down like lead barrels. When the final bell rang, I had the passing thought that maybe I'd just stay where I was until someone forcibly removed me, giving me time to collect myself before the suddenly weary walk home. But pale knuckles rapping loudly against my desk sundered that prospect, and I dejectedly lifted my gaze, only to encounter Emmett's rapt and stern attention.

With a start, I glanced around and noticed the classroom had already cleared, that it was only us and the teacher still there. No other circumstances would have allowed Emmett to approach me with such familiarity.

"I believe my brother's waiting outside for you." He declared reproachfully, bringing my focus back on him in time to catch the less-than-neutral observance he bestowed on me before glancing out the windows.

"Brother?" I repeated before shock gave way, realizing what Emmett meant. Timidly now, I asked, "Why would he be waiting?"

The typically unaggressive vampire graced me with a sharp look that could skewer the thickest of steel, raised a patently sardonic eyebrow, and curtly responded with, "Oh, I don't know, Keira. Maybe because he cares. Maybe because these last few days haven't been all they've seemed to be and he'd like the chance to explain. Maybe because anyone not blind can see you moping about, waiting for him to approach you."

Flushing with embarrassment, I dropped my gaze to the floor and inadequately mumbled, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Emmett retorted, then softened his tone as he quietly added, "You're not the only one who's been affected during this, Keira. Jasper has a loyal streak a mile wide and heart that feels just as plainly as anyone else's. He'd never intentionally cause you pain and certainly wouldn't have abandoned you without an explanation if there'd been any other way."

Surprised that he read the situation so easily, I looked back up at him. "Jasper told you what happened?"

Emmett shook his head, tenderness taking over his previously stern features. "He didn't need to. I love my brother and have come to know his moods well. Whenever he turns inward, I know he's thinking too heavily on things for his own good. For him to not eventually disclose what's bothering him means they were matters of the heart, and those he guards fiercely from whomever it doesn't concern. That it began and seems to end with you, I deduced on my own. And again, anyone with working eyes can see how you're feeling."

He gave a sort of impish, self-congratulatory grin for his own detective skills, and I couldn't help breathing out a chuckle. But his grin quickly dropped into a firm line, and he once more stated, "Now go, he's waiting for you." He gracefully turned on his heels and started for the door, but at the last second, Emmett looked over his shoulder. "Remember Keira, you're not the only one hurting right now. Cause him more distress than his due and you'll see a side of me you're unlikely to ever forget."

Thoroughly chastised and feeling unreasonably selfish after that successful guilt trip, I made my way outside, albeit with a little apprehension. Emmett had vanished from view as soon as he left the room, but when I turned the corner of the building, I could see Jasper standing by the edge of the forest. Waiting for me to walk home from school, just as Emmett predicted.

I approached him slowly with what I'm sure was a wary expression, but I also knew he could sense the slight lift in my mood just knowing he was there. It again meant he cared, that his brother's words rang true, but still I stopped a few feet from him and focused intently on my scruffy shoes. Awkward from our previous encounter and paranoid of further rejection.

"I'd like to walk you home, Keira." Jasper asserted without any force to his tone. It was calm and reserved, just like his demeanor. "If you'd allow, there are things I need to say that I wasn't able to before."

I snorted, bitterly mumbling under my breath without looking up, "I take it that it's now fair to everyone for you to talk to me, that it won't hurt Alice anymore?"

I winced as soon as the words left my mouth, eyes wide as I quickly glanced up. I went to apologize, even took a step closer to him as my mouth formed the words, but Jasper held his hand up and cut me off. "I deserve that and probably more. The way I left was horrible, and I can only imagine what you've been going through these last few days. I can't take it back, but again, if you'd allow then I could possibly make it right."

I pursed my lips from shouting an immediate hell yes, taking a moment to truly look at him. Jasper's features seemed dimmed somehow, lacking that incandescent quality that was entirely him. Exhausted almost, yet he stood tall and proud and unwavering, like he was preparing himself for battle. Determined, I surmised, feeling a pleasant spark of anticipation at just the thought. But when I failed to answer right away, he took a step forward and reached out, tucking a stray curl behind my ear and letting his fingertips linger along my neck. His eyes peered down at me in the silence, and whereas before there was only the edge of resolution in them, they now glimmered with a plea he'd never bring himself to utter. It wasn't Jasper's way, he was not a man to beg for anything. The fact that he was desperate enough to grace me with such a look crumbled the last of my reservations, trusting him instinctively not to fester the wound I already bore. Because despite Emmett's pep-talk, I wasn't entirely certain that Jasper's approach wasn't a means for a final severance. Now I could calm that insecurity, could believe there really were other reasons for his departure besides what happened between us. He truly wanted to talk now, he wanted to sort this out as much as I did, and I wanted answers.

But mostly, I just wanted my friend back, wanted my soldier and vampire returned to me in whatever capacity he allowed.

So nodding my head in slow acquiesce, I gave his arm a gentle pat and stepped around him, starting the short trek home knowing he'd followed. I'd glance back at him from time to time, but neither of us tried to ease the awkwardness with mundane chatter. Jasper was probably as lost in thought as I was, preoccupied with recent events and the conversation to be had. I didn't know what to expect from it, was too afraid to even ponder the possibilities whether good or bad. But leading us back into my bedroom once we arrived — giving us the added privacy even though my parents were closing the diner that night — I felt the tension ebb away with the familiar comfort of my surroundings. It was a haven for me as much as the woods were, providing an unconscious solace and protection I couldn't describe. Made me feel that no matter the outcome, things would be okay.

Plunking down on the edge of my bed, sitting cross-legged as Jasper quietly closed the door behind him, I kept silent and waited patiently for him to start. After a quick glance at me, he leaned casually against the opposite wall in all his long and blonde glory, crossing his arms over the broad expanse of his chest as his eyes swept across my room like he was cataloguing everything for the first time. And for a few agonizing minutes, it stayed this way, both looking around with an incertitude that spoke loudly of the rift that had acclimated between us. But still I waited, waited for him to say something or do something.

It felt like that was all I'd been doing lately: waiting on him, waiting for him, waiting because of him. I was beginning to wonder if it'd ever change, and it was saddening for me to realize how much had changed so easily between us. Made me second-guess how true our bond had been if it could be so effortlessly trifled with.

"Don't, Keira." Jasper's strong, bass tenor suddenly spoke out, the command behind those two simple words unhindered by how softly they were uttered.

Giving him a quizzical look, I asked, "Don't what?"

"Don't start doubting me now." He said, his gaze tight as it bore into mine. "Not when we're here, now, ready to clear the air. Give me the benefit before you judge the circumstances."

Once again feeling properly chastised for the second time in less than an hour, I sighed and grumbled sullenly, "Get on with it, then. I don't have the patience of a saint, ya know."

Jasper quirked an eyebrow at my pouting, though a glint of humor sparked within his dark orbs. It wasn't often that I resorted to childish antics, my natural inclination being more introspective than reactionary, which might be why Jasper always seemed amused by it when I did. In light of that, I had stubbornly refused to play anymore games with him, whether it be cards or chess or anything of the like. Never winning definitely brought out the less-mature side of me, and his unrelenting grin whenever it happened only further exasperated my already questionable displays of juvenility.

Jasper pointedly cleared his throat to regain my attention, and giving him a sheepish smile, I waved my hand for him to continue. He smirked, but quickly got to the point. "You're probably wondering where I've been the last few days, and I promise to explain everything to you. But first, I want to discuss you and me, Keira. I'm having a hard time deciding where to begin since there's still so much you don't know, and much more than that still left unsaid."

He hesitated there, obviously inconclusive, so I shrugged my shoulders and chirped rather too cheerily for it to be anything but a disguise for my sudden panic, "Just start from the very beginning. Anything and everything I don't know, tell me now. That should make it easy enough."

Jasper snorted with detectable skepticism but tilted his head back, resting it against the wall and looking at me through hooded lids. "As you wish. The true beginning goes further back, but you've already heard most of that and will probably put two-and-two together soon enough." He took a moment to gather his thoughts, then began in a mellow drawl, "If you remember that first day I came to school, it seemed everyone was talking about my family as if they'd never seen anyone from outside of Forks before. But we were the new faces among constant familiarity, and even the natural wariness that human instincts provide don't make us immune to the gossip that follows that kind of celebrity. We were used to it by then, so I kept my head down and didn't pay it any mind. I didn't pay anyone any mind until you basically demanded that your presence be known."

His lips curled with a tender remembrance for the past. "I confess I hadn't noticed you at all until you stood up against your peers and defended my family that day. Even though we had many classes together, I never looked at you or separated your emotions from all the others. You were simply part of the constant background I'd long ago learned to ignore, but when you did what you did, I couldn't help it. I took in everything you felt, heard every word you said, and found myself pleasantly surprised for the first time in a long while. You were strongly hurt and angered for us when we were nothing more than strangers to you, when we hadn't even exchanged so much as a single word. And even though I could feel the love you had for your friends, you refused to look the other way and abide by their behavior towards something you believed as wrong. For me, it went against the very grain of my experiences with those that age, adolescent emotions usually centered more selfishly and always perpetually more trivial. I guess you could call it the teenage angst stereotype, certain maturity only following with time and experience. But you truly loved your friends, weren't just fond of them and dependent on their company, yet you still stood before them for no other reason than what you perceived as unfair. It's not something I've witnessed often in all my years, and I knew then that you were different from the other children of this town. That you were more than what even you, yourself, believed, and could become more if given the chance. It earned a certain amount of respect from me, not to mention how beautiful and striking you were in your fiery nature."

My cheeks burned with the first compliment he'd ever bestowed upon me, unused to such praise from him no matter how slight it was. Jasper took in my flush, eyes twinkling mischievously as he no doubt recognized a new tactic to use against me. The man loved to push me out of my element, to force me to do things I never would otherwise, and perhaps found a little too much enjoyment in watching me stumble over my own words. What better way to do that than embarrass the hell outta me?

But that was just one of the many discoveries I'd made about him in our time together, that his well-concealed playful streak was simple that. Well concealed. He could be as coltish as he was calm, as passionate as he was laid-back, and as capable of somewhat evil retaliation for pranks that any dared pull on him...namely Emmett. Made me wonder what he was like when human, before he spent decades surrounded by bloodshed and massacres.

"Anyway." I said, clearing my throat and averting my eyes when Jasper gave a decidedly wicked grin at my growing discomfort. "You were sayin'?"

I could hear the deep rumble of suppressed laughter, but when I turned the full-force of my glare on him, he raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Moving on." And glancing out the window, arms crossing even tighter over his chest as if for personal comfort, Jasper quietly asked, "Do you remember telling me how you felt every time our eyes met?"

I nodded, feeling kinda' insulted that he kept asking me if I remembered things, but then he surprised me. "Well, I didn't tell you at the time, but I knew. I knew how you felt, what came over you and how your body would shift and change, because I felt that change within you. Though I couldn't feel exactly what you did and never knew the cause until you told me, I sensed the differences when they came about."

Looking back at me now, I watched a flicker of wariness come over his features, probably assuming I'd be a mite upset. Rightfully so, considering he had kept that important detail from me when I had spilled my heart to him that day in the woods. Jasper had let me believe that I, alone, experienced that weirdness. Though I should've figured — what with his empath abilities and all — it still didn't make his silence any more excusable.

Not bothering to say any of that just yet, much more curious as to where this was going, I flapped my hand and somewhat curtly demanded, "Explain."

He grunted and ducked his head, shrugged his shoulders as if to say it wasn't that important, but the expression in his eyes as he peered over at me from under a lowered brow and a curtain of honey locks said otherwise. As did his hushed, revered tone when he clarified, "Every single time, no matter how far away you were or how many other emotions I was taking-in, I'd always feel you above all others in those moments. Despite how brief our eyes would meet, it was like the world around me would fade into insignificant scenery, my focus centered wholly on you in those quick seconds. It happened entirely against my will and wasn't something I fully understood, but was nonetheless a connection I couldn't deny. And I think you know as well as I that it started that first day of school when I glanced at you while walking out of class. It's since altered, the nature of our connection changing when your telekinesis came to a head. Your reactions calmed with the understanding you gained, and you no longer sucked me in. But I believe that has more to do with the decrease in intensity than anything else, because I still feel you above all others. The moment your emotional signature comes into range, a part of my mind unconsciously locks-on and I can't switch it off no matter how hard I try."

Dumbfounded, I was quiet for a good, long minute while Jasper waited patiently. I stared at him without any true focus, the enormity of his confession boggling my mind with all it entailed. He felt what I had, which again, wasn't much of a surprise now that I thought about. But that he noticed me at all in those years, that he experienced the same magnitude in our seemingly insignificant interactions, that he recognized it as an unprecedented connection like I did, well...

"Holy shit."

It was all I could say, and even that came out breathless. But Jasper didn't react in any way, just continued to watch me as if knowing my exclamation was merely the beginning. His features were calm and his stance against the wall appeared unconcerned, but the way he was watching me said he was far from unaffected, that he was simply biding his time while I caught up. So with a thousand questions racing about and dancing on the tip of my tongue, I blurted out without coherent thought, "What does that mean? For you, for me, for us? You said you didn't fully understand why it happened, so does that mean you know something about it that I don't? And why didn't you ever say anything? I told you everything, the least you could've done was be equally honest with me! God, Jasper! All this time, I thought I was making more out of something than there actually was. I thought I was alone in this...this thing between us. You should have told me, should've said something! Why didn't you? Why...why any of this?"

Pausing to catch my breath, I shook my head in bewilderment but managed to add with more rationality and less accusation, "Help me understand, Jasper. Please."

He smiled softly at me then, dark amber aglow with a gentle welcoming I couldn't comprehend as he lithely pushed himself from the wall and made his way over. Kneeling before me so that we were eye-level, staring at me as if he were seeing into my very soul, he lightly wrapped my hands between his like a baby's cradle and murmured, "I didn't say anything for so many reasons, Keira. Mostly, I think I was afraid of you. Afraid of who you were and what you meant for my life. I don't think you've yet connected the dots, but that true salvation I spoke about before? That true light Alice foresaw I'd find here? You're it, little one, and I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't know that within the first year of meeting you. Granted, I was aware you'd be coming, but Alice started having more and more visions of you and I as time went on even though I never actively decided to seek you out. I was trying to fight fate, for me and for Alice. But fate intervened this year and brought you to me."

I think I might have choked a little, fervently overwhelmed. But the sadness in Jasper as he dropped his gaze down to our intertwined hands told me that while I may be overjoyed — albeit stunned, but overjoyed nonetheless — it was still too soon to rejoice.

"I have watched you grow into this beautiful young woman over the last two and a half years." He whispered before flicking his eyes back to mine, the sadness still there but muted next to the passion envinced when he quietly declared, "You're no longer the striking child I first met, Keira, but this vivaciously spirited, tender-hearted woman before me whom I've grown to know and adore beyond measure. Our time together may be short in comparison to all my years, but that doesn't make these last two months any less significant. That fate I tried so hard to fight was sealed the day you and I began our friendship, and it grew to be so much more to me. More than I ever thought possible."

I bit my lip and squirmed a little, disbelief warring with everything I wanted. Feeling as if it were too good to be true, I absurdly pointed out, "But just the other day you said that you'd hurt me if you were honest. How...if this is the truth...why would you...?"

Needless to say, I was being completely idiotic.

And Jasper, of course, chuckled at my eloquence, though he gave my fingers a delicate squeeze. Whether it was in understanding or reassurance, I don't rightly know, but his voice was tight when he explained, "I was as conflicted as you are now and didn't want to admit defeat. I know that sounds arbitrary, but I've loved Alice for decades and still do. She has given me more than I can ever repay, more than I ever deserved, and she only added to that by sacrificing her own heart to allow me yours'. She claimed it was for the greater good and our own happiness, but I still felt I owed it to her to fight this no matter the cost. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your view, the cost was more than either of us could bear."

My brows furrowed in confusion and he gave a slight grimace before reluctantly elaborating. "In order to fight this...development between you and I, I'd have to avoid you completely. As soon as we returned to Forks—"

"Returned?" I interrupted, causing a gentle sigh of exasperation from him, though his lips quirked with amusement.

"Yes, returned, which I'll explain soon oh-so-patient-one." He answered, playfully rolling his eyes while I narrowed mine in feigned offense. "It was my plan to come say goodbye to you once we got back to town, but the mere thought of doing so caused this ache inside me that I couldn't explain. Like I was being ripped apart and left with only half of myself."

Jasper's dark stare suddenly pierced into mine as he gripped my hands more forcefully, slowly pronouncing, "Like I was being forced to sever from my mate."

My eyes widened and a few beats of silence ensued, then "Oh."

It was my only reply, and though it was a poor substitute for all the words rushing through my mind, I was simply too astounded at this development to properly respond. Never in a million years had I thought this is where our conversation would go, and I had recently lost all hope of there ever being anything more than friendship between us. But in a single, seemingly simple word, Jasper enlightened me the full depth of what we were talking about and redefined us on a whole new level. Mate. The one unbreakable bond between vampires.

Understanding that my lack of speech wasn't due to incomprehension but from the side-effect of shock, Jasper continued in an almost thoughtfully manner, as if still pondering the aspects of what he was saying, "It was a strange feeling, realizing that the prospect of never seeing you again hurt more deeply than the thought of separating from Alice. How two months with you could overcome what's considered a lifetime with her was a conundrum to me, but I was still duty-bound and wouldn't be swayed despite the pain it caused. Though I didn't realize it at the time, the internal battle I was having made me more withdrawn, morose, definitely unhappy. Alice called me on it, but her foresight had already supplied her with the reasons behind my behavior. She knew what I was doing and instantly forbade me from going down that road. I wanted to argue for her sake but found I couldn't, just stood there silently in front of her as she waited for a rebuttal that never came. In that moment, we both made it easier to finally set each other free, neither of us wanting to cause the other more misery than we already were. I couldn't put her through anymore unnecessary stress with the visions that were plaguing her, and she wouldn't allow me to forego my destined path out of a pesky sense of honor."

He gave a wry grin, saying with a hint of nostalgia, "My eternal happiness was apparently a price too precious to pay." Shrugging his shoulders ever so slightly, he averted his eyes. "That's how she put it, anyway."

His unexpected demureness brought home just how hard this had to be on him. I was so used to the unyielding vampire that could take on an army of newborns, had grown familiar with the many layers and intricacies beneath the enigmatic empath, but had so easily forgotten about the man that stirred behind the armored skin. And kneeling before me now was that man. A man who just recounted his emotional struggle with the heart, a man who spent that last few days questioning every thought and feeling and action, a man who apparently let go of the only love he'd ever known. A love he protected fiercely for decades, yet released for the dubious regard of a mere girl. It was enough to strain even the steadiest of characters, though it only made Jasper seem more human. More vulnerable, almost.

While I may not be able to do a damn thing for the vampire other than love him, I could help protect and assure the man. So extracting a hand from his and cupping his face, gently coaxing his gaze back to mine, I softly told him, "I'm honored to be so entwined with your eternal happiness, Jasper, and you already know how provident you've become for mine." And trying to lighten the mood, I teasingly added, "But just so you know, I readily admit here and now that Alice is a far better person than I could ever be. If you were mine, I wouldn't care how unhappy you were, I still wouldn't let you go. I'd force you to stay miserably by my side if only to stare at that fine backside of yours' all day long!"

Jasper blinked, then slowly broke into a wide smile, his upper body starting to shake with the beginnings of laughter as he snickered out, "The same girl who blushed not five minutes ago because I called her beautiful just admitted to staring at my backside. Can't even call it ass like everyone else this day and age!"

While his deep, melodic sounds of gaiety filled the room, I sniffed and crossed my arms, looking down my nose at him as I haughtily declared, "Got ya to laugh, didn't I? And I'll have you know, I can say 'ass' just as easily as the next person! You've heard me cussin' before!"

"Oh, I know." Jasper retorted around his continual chortling, smiling eyes gazing at me with affection. "I'm well aware of what a foul mouth you can have, being on the receiving end of it on numerous occasions. But I think I might just have to teach you the finer points of dirty talk, 'cause old-fashioned propriety has no business being anywhere near it."

I grumbled, but couldn't help smiling along with him. I didn't laugh at my own expense though, because whether he realized it or not, Jasper had made a pretty apt observation. He'd need to teach me the finer points of a lot of things since I was untouched in all the ways of relationships outside familial ones, even if it seemed like something that'd come naturally. It suddenly made me feel so young, almost inadequate, definitely unsure. And when his laughter started to calm somewhat, I found myself shyly blurting out, "How are we gonna do this, Jasper? I mean, um...I assume...ah...well, hell. I've never been in a relationship before, but I figure that's where this is leading and I don't really know what's to be expected." Eye's widening as I realized how that sounded, I hurriedly backtracked, "I mean, I know what's to be expected...eventually...if that's where this is going. But I wasn't referring to...sex. I meant how do we go about being in a... if we're going to be in a relationship... how... Ah, shit. Never mind."

Jasper chuckled, palming my burning cheek with his cool hand. "I know what you meant, Keira. Before we get to that, I need to ask you a serious question and I need you to answer honestly." He took a breath and looked at me gravely. "Alice will always be a part of my life, and I will always love her. I can't erase my past and can't just forget the years we spent together. She will always mean more to me than the others. If you and I are going to do this, I need you to understand that. Can you accept the situation, no matter how unfair it is to you? Can you accept me as I am before you now, past included?"

All other inquiries forgotten, I tilted my head and pondered his question, wondering if I could really share this man's heart with another. It may be greedy of me to say so, perhaps a bit insecure, but I didn't think so. Could I really say goodbye to him and everything that could've been just because of a past relationship, though? A past relationship that would be flaunted in front of my eyes every time I saw Alice...

Standing abruptly and side-stepping Jasper, I began to pace the length of my room, ignoring the vamp as I contemplated how I really felt about it all. Jasper had somehow encompassed a large part of me from day one, his presence wrapped around my heart and mind in ways I hadn't understood until now. Still didn't fully understand, but if the foresighted pixie was anything to go by, then it was simply fate connecting loose ends. Meant to be and all that crap. Did I believe that? Did I really want to lay my life's happiness in the hands of something that I basically believed to be spiritual nonsense not three months ago? I may be ignorant in the ways of relationships, but I wasn't stupid. I knew if I accepted Jasper, then my life as I've ever known it would change forever. Forever...

Stopping in my tracks and staring down at my feet, I asked in a small voice barely above a whisper, "Will this acceptance be followed by an eternity?"

"Yes, it has to be, otherwise we stop here and now. As I've told you before, mating is serious among vampires. In the most basic of human concepts, it's the equivalent of marriage, only magnified ten-fold and essentially unbreakable. Think hard on this, because it can't be entered into lightly. It'll be forever for me, and it needs to be for you, too. I'll understand if that's not the course you want to take."

Nodding swiftly, not even bothering to glance at him, I resumed my pacing. So he wanted me to become his true mate, his vampire mate just like Alice was. Was I really capable of filling her place, or would he return to old habits once the thrill of us died down? I shook my head, internally berating myself for questioning Jasper's honor and integrity. I'd never met a soul more honest and forthright as him, and once he gave himself over to something, he did it fully and without looking back. But would he fully give himself over to me? Would I really have his heart, or just a place in it?

Not even stopping this time but still not looking at him, I ran my hands through my hair in agitation and gritted out, "You say mating is serious stuff, but from where I stand, it sounds like you're asking me to share with Alice. Maybe not physically, but emotionally."

"No, Keira!" He practically shouted, forcefully, and from the corner of my eye I caught him standing from the bed I hadn't realized he sat on until then. I swiveled in place and continued walking the same path across the carpet, noticing Jasper made no move to approach, but roughly added, "As I said before, I may love another more than what's fair to you, but my heart and body and questionable soul will belong to you. Only to you. I love you, wholly and without compare, whether you take me as your mate or not."

Faced with such poetic words, I ceased my pacing once and for all and turned to him. Jasper stood there with his fists clenched at his sides, looking for all the world like he wanted to run to me, shake me, drag me away, maybe even lock me up without a choice in the matter. Could I love this man before me for all eternity? Yes. Did I need to question whether I had his full heart? No. Could I accept his love for Alice? He wouldn't me the man I loved if he just tossed her to the wayside. Better yet, could I accept that fate — my destined path — was with him even if I've never really believed in such things before? Hell yes, and even if it's not true, I'd make sure we had it anyway!

"Say something, Keira." He pleaded quietly, as frantically as his nature would allow, the dark gold in his eyes vibrant with something akin to anger.

I shook my head, stepping towards him, taking his hand back in mine. "There's nothing to say, you've said it all."

Jasper growled, jerked his head in exasperation, then leaned down and captured my lips in a demanding hold. He pulled me flush against him, nothing gentle or easy about his manner as his tongue devoured mine and explored every inch and crevice within my mouth. He took what was his, what he'd known was rightfully his from the day we met, and there wasn't an ounce of apology in him when he pulled away. Instead, he looked a mix between exultant and still sorta' angry, muttering under his breath as he stared down at me in his arms, "Nothing to say? Damn women and their damn complicated ways."

A little louder now and obviously directed at me, he continued his grumbling, "I pour my feelings out to you, tell you I love you, ask you to be my mate while confessing all the strings attached to it, and you think there's nothing to say? Fuckin' women."

I giggled — yes, giggled — detecting that slight southern drawl of his that comes out when he curses. And probably exasperating him further, I coyly chided, "Well, you haven't actually asked me to be your mate yet, just told me you wanted it. I thought the South was real big on doing things proper?"

I was teasing him, he knew it, but he simply grunted with his reply, "I wasn't aware that the Irish were big on propriety. But if you insist." Jasper pulled back, a gleam to his eyes as he swept his arms out in a grandiose fashion, loudly and somewhat sarcastically announcing, "Keira, for what feels like the hundredth goddamn time, will you give me the honor of becoming my mate? To love, honor, and cherish for all of eternity...or until death do us part?"

He was smirking at me, being a smartass to no end, giving me more than enough cause to cheekily answer, "Sheesh, Jasper. No need to be so melodramatic. I already told you I would."

He chuckled, concluding our rather strange avowals with another kiss, probably as much to shut me up as it was for pleasure. This one was more leisurely, no less passion or want evident in the act, just taking our time and savoring the taste. His fingers weaved through my curls and the sweet taste of what I could only assume was venom layered my tongue, eventually making it tingle the longer we went at it. The chill from his body felt different, as did the hard planes of his form against mine, but in a pleasant sort of way. Like there was no mistaking it was Jasper, and these sensations were uniquely him, would always belong to him. It was a comfort, I guess you could say.

It was later on, after lazing around the house for awhile, that we brought up all that we failed to mention earlier. Sitting outside on the back-patio, cup of coffee in my hands and a blanket around my shoulders, I looked at Jasper sitting beside me on the porch steps. Though my breath was visible in the thirty degree air, his was nonexistent, bringing home just how different we were. Different for now, but not different for long, and that made me wonder. So hesitantly, somewhat afraid of the answer, I hedged, "When, exactly, will this eternity of our's get started?"

Jasper didn't react at first, just continued staring out at the woods behind my house. But he had pursed his lips, eventually glancing sideways at me before slowly replying, "It can't happen before graduation, but it doesn't need to happen right after, either. I know what your parents mean to you and how hard it's going to be to say goodbye to them."

Turning to me then, placing his arm around my shoulder, he almost sorrowfully explained, "We'll have to stage an accident, Keira. Everyone, including your parents, must think your dead." Here I winced, and Jasper tucked me closer to his body. "Again, it doesn't need to happen right away, whenever your ready is fine by me. But the sooner the better. Humans aren't suppose to be involved in our world, and the incident with Bella just proved how disastrous it can be."

"Incident with Bella?" It clicked then that the Cullens weren't the only ones absent the last few days of school, and I was surprised I hadn't put the coincidence together, or even noticed really for that matter. In fact, Bella had yet to return. Forgetting for the moment everything else Jasper had just said, I gave him a look that demanded immediate explanations. I had been too caught up in the moment earlier to realize we hadn't discussed the very issue we started out with.

With clouded eyes, Jasper glanced away and leaned slightly forward, resting a forearm against his knee while the arm around my shoulder draped a little more loosely. It was like the mere memory of what happened had affected him so much that he needed to collect himself, and that brought a jolt a panic to my gut. Oh God, did something terrible happen to Bella? Was she...was she still alive?

"Bella's fine, Keira. Don't worry." Jasper murmured in that deep rumble of his, a sense of relaxation melting through my nerves, the first time that day the empath had manipulated my emotions. He still wasn't looking at me, but he had a faraway glaze to his features and the contemplative scrunch to his brow told me that while I may not need to worry, he sure as hell was.

"Hey, Jasper." I soothed, reaching over and running my fingertips along his chin, using the slightest amount of pressure to tilt his face back to mine. "What's got ya so thoughtful over there?"

He shook his head, catching my hand as I pulled away, placing a soft kiss in my palm before letting go. His gaze met mine, deep and dark and apologetic as he said, "I'm sorry, I just got lost in thought there for a minute. I was thinking how easily it could've been you instead of Bella, what I would've done if it had been, and then thanking whatever Fates above that you and I had our disagreement when we did. It prevented you from possibly being there." Jasper gave a sheepish sort of grin, one that made him seem like the twenty-year-old young man he was before he became the almost two-century-year-old vampire he is now. "I guess I also need to apologize for not being around the last few days. It was never my intent to disappear on you, but certain things happened on Sunday that required my full attention. I couldn't put you in a dangerous situation you weren't already involved in, so I had to leave things the way they were between us to not draw any attention to you. I was upset, knew you were too, but it couldn't be helped."

"What happened?" I asked. He had me extremely curious.

Jasper gave a quiet snort before droning on with a near sarcastic edge about Bella and baseball and nomadic vampires. It was clear he hadn't approved with the idea, and it made me wonder how he interacted with the girl. Did he keep a polite distance while smiling and nodding, or did he speak to her with the same edge he had now while trying to ignore her? Before I really knew him, I never would've assumed anything other than the the first since he always seemed respectively courteous even when aloof. Now I could see his undertones, could read the body language he didn't even try to conceal because it was so subtle that most would never pick up on it. Jasper had a calm aura, but any who really knew him saw the perfectly controlled tension that played beneath his casual approach to unfavorable situations, even if he seemed as nonchalant as a pig in mud.

When he got to the part about James and running to Phoenix, Jasper's features tightened with anger. Clearly his protective instincts had erupted when this occurred, and it made me realize that even if he didn't agree with the situation, he'd guard Bella fiercely as if she were family. I didn't know whether to feel jealous or proud, but eventually settled on proud since I knew he'd do no less for me. But when he spoke about the ballet studio, I couldn't contain the harsh bark of laughter that erupted no matter how spiteful it might have been. Bella getting tricked into separating from the Cullens was a sad affair, but it was just plain stupid to walk right into the lion's den in an insane attempt to save her mother from a vampire. Alone. She was obviously a load light in the head if she thought she could do anything about that without the Cullens. Maybe it was brave of her, but it was a bravado that wavered on stupidity.

One thing that touch my heart was when Jasper mentioned Esme and Rosalie staying behind to watch over Victoria since she stuck around town, and how he made sure they kept an eye on me from afar so I'd be safe as well. Their thoughtfulness and Jasper's concern brought a silly smile to my face, erasing any remnants of jealousy that might have remained. He loved me before I knew it, cared about my welfare even without showing it, and looked out for me even though I'd never been aware. Made me think back on what Emmett had said, feeling kinda' ashamed for ever doubting my vampire. My vampire...

I sighed, perhaps a bit too dreamily given the current topic because Jasper gave me a weird glance. Clearing my throat, I spluttered out, "Uh, well, wow. That's, uh, pretty intense."

And it was, now that I refocused on the topic at hand. I hadn't really grasped just how dangerous a vampire's lifestyle was until now, especially when you weren't one yourself. It brought back Jasper's earlier words, about my change being inevitable if we were going to be together and how the sooner it happened, the better. I realized that it wasn't selfishness that drove his desire for my change — and yes, a tiny part of me thought his timeline was for purely selfish reasons, though I didn't mind — but it was actually the urge to protect and make me as safe as possible. The longer I stayed human, the higher the chances that something might occur both naturally and supernaturally. Like he said, people don't belong in his world, not with a beating heart and fragile bones.

So giving his knee a little pat, snuggling further into his side and taking a sip of my coffee, I made the absent comment, "I guess we need to do this change of mine sooner rather than later, like you said. I'd be really pissed if some blood-coveting vampire broke my leg and tried to eat me. And you, mister, wouldn't be getting laid for awhile if you let that happen!"

He chuckled, warm eyes alight with humor as he gazed at me under his arm. "That's one thing you'll never have to worry about, little one. I promise to slaughter any nomad who so much as looks at you the wrong way." Jasper tilted his head, one corner of his mouth curling slyly as he rumbled out, "But I think you'll find yourself amendable to withholding sex as punishment once you actually experience it, especially with me."

I jabbed him with my elbow, rolling my eyes at the typical male macho-ness that apparently even Jasper wasn't immune to. He, of course, just smirked, but quietly said, "Thank you for understanding, Keira. You're giving me a gift I'll be spending the rest of my existence trying to repay."

I knew he meant understanding why the change needed to happen in the near future, and I knew the gift he was talking about was my life. Shaking my head, burrowing it into his chest, I mumbled, "You don't repay gifts, Jasper. Besides, it's mine to give and I give it freely to you. The only string attached is that you love me forever, no matter how many mistakes I make along the way."

"I promise." He replied softly, wrapping both arms around me and hugging me to him, placing a kiss barely felt on top of my head. "Until that time comes, though, we'll have to be cautious. There will be moments when I won't be able to be close to you. If I haven't hunted recently and I'm around my family, there's a high chance that close intimacy with you will be difficult. I'll try to hunt as often as possible, but the situation will be relative to the others as well." His tone became tighter, as did his hold on me when he warned, "And I'm telling you now, do everything in your power not to break skin around me. Best case scenario, we'd be alone and I'd be able to resist. Worst case...I'd attack and we'd have to stage an impromptu accident."

"You'd be able to stop before killing me?" I asked curiously, making him flinch slightly and mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, 'I hope so' before answering in a strong affirmative. As if his resolve was enough to make it true.

We fell silent for awhile, me enjoying the feel of Jasper's body folded around mine and both of us watching the sparse life scurry around the winter-brittle forest. How new it was, how different this passing of time felt from just a week ago made me think back over the day and how everything had changed in the last few hours. I never imagined when I woke-up this morning that any of this would happen. Finally having my heart's desire had filled me with a peace, a satisfaction, a buoyancy so intense that I doubt even the powerful empath could replicate it. That I could finally call Jasper my own brought such an indescribable rightness to my thoughts, probably inflaming my already possessive inclinations towards him. Never have I felt such all-encompassing emotions before, never have I been driven to feeling such extremes as I have now. But not everything about this situation was sunshine and roses. There were sacrifices that needed to be made, and I wasn't foolish enough to believe there was any way around them.

Was he worth it? Was my eternal happiness worth saying goodbye to one's so dear to me? At any other point in my life, I might have said no. I might have said there was no such thing as eternal happiness if you had to hurt others to achieve it. Here and now though, beside my friend and now my mate, everything felt so centered and in place that I couldn't argue the value of those sacrifices. Call it instinct, an innate sense of belonging, a knowledge that I was somehow on the best course for me. I knew I was his and he was mine, knew this was the path I should take, and could only hope that I was able to recollect this feeling of certainty in times of doubt. Times when he wasn't around to remind me why I needed to destroy the two people who'd always been there for me, who brought me into this world and raised me and gave me the chance to even have this moment at all.

"Hey." Jasper suddenly spoke-up, softly, pulling back and staring down at me in concern. "You're thinking a tad too heavily there for comfort, Keira. What's got your mood so conflicted?"

I absently shook my head, not really knowing how to answer. Looking down at my empty coffee cup, mindlessly twirling it in my hands, I answered without much thought, "Just wondering how somethin' so right can be so wrong for others who don't deserve that kinda' pain." Glancing back up at him, seeing that he understood what I meant, I said, "I'm gonna ask you to make another promise. Whether it's through touch or words or just a look, I'll need you to reassure me from time to time that I'm doing the right thing here. It's not that I doubt you or us, I just need to be reminded of what I'm gaining in exchange for everything I'm giving up. I know it's probably not fair to you, but can you promise to do that while not holding it against me?"

As soon as the last sentence left my mouth, I thought how fitting it was that I now asked Jasper to accept this just like he asked me to accept his continual love for Alice. Practically the same words, slightly different circumstances, full circle. A balance between us now, both having pleaded for something that bore an unfairness on the other.

If Jasper recognized that as well, he didn't show it. Simply quirked an eyebrow and seemed a little disbelieving, saying after a moment's pause, "I knew the moment I decided to accept you as my future mate that if you agreed, it wouldn't be easy. Your parents have always been a constant for you, and letting go of them will probably — hopefully — be the hardest decision you'll ever face considering the manner in which you'll do it. Being what you need at those moments are a given, Keira. It's called being a good partner, a good mate whether human or vampire, and part of the package if anyone ever wants to have a lasting relationship. It's understanding at it's finest and most basic, something that's expected of me no matter the circumstances. So don't worry, I'm prepared to see you through the worst and enjoy the better with you, and certainly won't ever hold those moments against you."

Feeling more than sufficiently mollified with that answer, I gave him a gratified smile and a quick peck on the lips, then ducked my head in embarrassment because I still wasn't completely confident with initiating any sort of intimacy. Jasper chuckled, probably at both my response and the embarrassment born from that response, patting me on the head like a kid. "Now come on, little one. It's getting late and I need to have a talk with the others."

Glancing at him, confused and a bit disappointed that he had to leave, I asked, "The others? You mean your family?"

Nodding, he explained while nimbly jumping to his feet, dragging me along with him. "Alice and I decided back in Phoenix that after I spoke with you, we'd call a family meeting and explain the...changes that have occurred."

Looking at him wide-eyed, suddenly feeling the dropping temperature of the evening more than I had a second again, I squeaked out in a high, strangled voice, "You mean they don't know about you and Alice already? About her visions of you and me?"

Jasper frowned as if just realizing he'd left that hugely significant part out, then shook his head slowly. "No, my family doesn't seem to know that mine and Alice's circumstances have drastically changed. They'd be blind not to notice some difference, especially Edward, but we've been diligent in keeping this quiet and out of our thoughts." As if in afterthought, he tilted his head to the side and mused, "Should make tonight interesting."

I choked back the urge to laugh hysterically in a fit of panic, gasping out, "Oh my God. They're gonna hate me."

And that would make things just soo freakin' dandy, now wouldn't it? Maybe I was overreacting, being too concerned about what others thought, but who wants the family of the man you're with to not approve? And Jasper, who'd been staring at me passively as if he didn't believe I meant it, now realized the strength of my distress and placed a hand on the crook of my neck. His thumb stroking just below my collarbone in a comforting rhythm.

"Shh, Keira. It'll be okay." He soothed, tone warm and eyes as gentle as his touch. "They won't hate you, that much I can assure. You're already considered a part of my family, and whether you realize it or not, they too, care about you. I don't doubt they'll be surprised, and I might even hear a few protests at first, but that's why Alice and I are confronting them together. It's a show of unity that let's them know we both want this, and once they see that, everything will be okay. They aren't going to blame you or hate you for something that isn't your fault."

A slow smirk of pure wickedness graced his lips then, giving him quite the devilish distinction. "Besides, they'd be dealing with one very pissed off vampire that could easily kick their asses if they did."

Despite my dubious opinion on the matter, I felt a grin tug the corners of my mouth at the mental image of Jasper — the quiet and reserved one — flipping out on extremely shocked Carlisle and Esme. Not that it would ever happen, but it was still funny to picture.

Deciding to let the issue go for now since there was no point worrying over something I couldn't prevent, I just sighed and waved my hand dismissively, wanting nothing more than to return to happier topics. Jasper had to go though, and it was getting dark. The temperature was still dropping with the sun's glare, and giving one last look around the backyard as if it were our personal paradise we were being forced to leave, I grabbed the cool hand still on my neck and tugged my man inside with me.

I shivered when we entered the house, the receding chill from the winter air still clinging to me. Perhaps more forcefully now that I was in a heated room. Jasper shook his head and meandered towards the kitchen, probably knowing better than I that I'd wake in the morning with a cold, but he didn't chide me on the frailty of being human. He never had before and I don't know why I suspected him to now — maybe because the nature of our relationship had changed, and with it came inevitable changes as well — but I was thankful he hadn't nonetheless. I wanted our effortless friendship and the romance, the carelessness of comrades as well as the security between lovers. It might be asking for too much; wanting my cake and eating it too, as the the saying goes. But I was giving him everything I had, everything I was and could be. I was giving him the very breath in my lungs and the pulse through my veins, any future with my parents and any possibility of children. So if wanting certain things to remain the same between us was too much to ask...well, he'd just have to find a way to suck it up and deal with it.

After telling him as much right then and there and without preamble, standing in the middle of my living room while Jasper just stared across the way a little stupefied, I felt another weight lifting from my shoulders. Like I had erased a potential charade between us, not wanting him to take me as anything other than what I am. It took him a second to recover from my impulsive tongue-lashing, but Jasper's subtle bewilderment eventually gave way to a small twitch of the lips and a gaze that warmed with the radiance of affection. With half the room between us, this hard-edged, sharply chiseled beauty of a man stared at me in such a way that made him seem more ethereal than ever. His beauty was masculine and his tall frame held a lethal confidence — almost a regality — that bore testament to his many years as an incomparable soldier. But the soft aura of adoration that poured from his entire being at that moment made the constant fire that burned within him, made the hallowed heat that fueled his very essence seem more of an enveloping glow. His light became the purest kind of fire when he gazed at me like that, but I couldn't put a name to the vision I was beholding until his gift enlightened me.

It took him closing the distance between us, his brilliant eyes still locked with mine as he wordlessly placed his hand over my heart. When I felt the slow spread of his feelings for me encompass every cell in my body, I realized that glow I had seen in him just now was the look of love. What I saw was Jasper's love for me put into art, written on his face and exuding from within.

The revelation took my breath away, the strength of it capturing my soul in a firm embrace.

"I love you, Keira." Softly spoken as he dropped his hand, amber hues glimmering with open emotion since letting me into his heart for the first time. He allowed me to feel him on a level that only he could grant, and the word 'love' seemed sorely inadequate.

"Me too, Jasper. Me too."

And as he ducked his head and nuzzled my hair, a smile stretched my lips from ear to ear, knowing I'd get my cake and eat it, too.

oOo

It piqued me to say goodbye to him so soon, the part of me that still entertained girlish fantasies hoping he'd take me in his arms and hold me throughout the night, caressing me 'till the break of dawn. A honeymoon of sorts, one I felt was richly deserved. But Jasper departed shortly thereafter, and though he did it with reluctance, it was still far too quickly in my book. He had his own family to confront though, and it seemed as if he wanted to get the whole ordeal over with as soon as possible. I had a feeling he was just as wary about some of their reactions as I was despite his assurances from before. There was a look in his eyes when he left, as if he knew a battle was about to commence and wasn't looking forward to it.

I found out later that Edward was the only one that reacted harshly, apparently arguing that it was too dangerous for Jasper to be involved with a human because he struggles so much with their diet. It was an ironic stance considering the boy was dating his singer, but Jasper had a solid comeback, telling them I wouldn't be human for long. Supposedly, it was that comment which made everyone realized the depth of what they were discussing, shock keeping the room quiet for longer than a minute before tempers erupted once again. Carlisle, the voice of reason, broke-in and asked if they — and me — had really thought this through, which prompted Alice to tell them everything. From the path she knew she'd be taking all along with Jasper to the consequences they both became aware of when they decided to move here, right down to the visions she'd been hiding from Edward and the arguing that she and Jasper had been doing for a whole year. She even told them about her future, the vague flashes she's had about her true mate. No one could really argue once it was all laid out on the table.

I was told that Esme immediately started drawing up plans for a new room, decorated to both mine and Jasper's taste, which was the only sign of contentment that came from her but was more than enough considering her doting ways. Carlisle naturally felt discomforted with the notion of turning someone when there wasn't a dire need, what with him being a standing protector of all things moral and human. He cherishes life and strives daily to maintain some semblance of it within his un-dead family, but despite his stance on the issue, he supported Jasper like the father he portrays himself as. Though he did calmly and diplomatically suggest that we let some time pass before we enacted this irreversible choice. What he didn't know and Jasper didn't tell him was that it was already irreversible, that I made my choice knowing there was no going back. Not unless I wanted to destroy the man I loved, which I certainly didn't.

The one reaction that surprised everyone, including me when I heard, was Rosalie. She evidently knew since Alaska there was something wrong with Alice and Jasper. She noticed the subtle change between them that only seemed to grow with time, and when I came along, she put two-and-two together. That didn't mean she liked me or accepted our relationship, but she understood the circumstances and that meant a lot coming from her. Emmett, on the other hand, had apparently kept quiet throughout the whole course of the night, occasionally beaming at his wife with pride or staring gravely at Edward. But Jasper had said that he sensed his brother's acceptance, that he figured Emmett's mind had been traveling to thoughts of Bella's future now that mine was decided. I didn't know what to make of that, but I had quickly come to realize that the Swan girl was a favorite among them. With the notable exception of Rosalie, they've all been wishing since the day they met her that she'd become a part of their family. I, again, was just a fluke, a shock, something they never expected to happen. It was my lot with them, one I'd graciously take as long as I got Jasper.

And since then, our days just kind of fell into a routine. We still had half the school year left, but Jasper would always be at my house first thing in the morning to walk me there. Our strolls through the forest became a significant past-time for us, something so peaceful and beautiful about being together but alone in the woods. Nothing but us and the wildlife, a mutual reverence between the two. Like we had become a part of the scenery with them and they had accepted us into their world. Every couple has a certain place that has a special meaning to them, and I had come to think of the woods as ours.

At school though, Jasper and I kept everything low-key. The student population had enough talk for the gossip-mill when Edward and Bella came out with their relationship that we didn't need to add on to it. We also wanted to respect Alice as much as possible and not put her in an awkward situation. Our classmates already figured that I had somehow become friends with Jasper, seeing us casually together on more than one occasion. We just let everyone continue to believe that was all we were, and I would act aghast if anyone asked if there was something more between us. No one witnessed our brief touches and quickly stolen kisses in hidden corners, they didn't see the way we looked at each other or the love that shone through our every feature when we shared a meaningful glance. They only saw an unprecedented friendship between the scary Hale twin and the Irish girl no one really hung out with anymore. And that was fine by us, and the rest of the Cullens as well. The vampires really just wanted to try to keep their lives as normal as possible, not wanting to draw attention to themselves.

Even so, every day that wasn't bright and sunny, Jasper would walk me home and spend the afternoon with me if I didn't work at the diner. The weekends were always ours though, no matter the weather or our schedules. Occasionally we'd spend time at the Cullen's, more-so at mine, but mostly we'd take to camping out beneath the stars. Once the season had warmed and the weather allowed, it was almost certain you'd find us on a Saturday night holding each other beneath the rare occurrence of clear skies in Forks. Eventually I admitted to my parents the nature of mine and Jasper's relationship, which they hadn't been surprised about at all. They were, of course, ecstatic that I finally found somebody, and they took to Jasper as if he were their very own son. They had liked him before, but now they loved him and embraced him and invited him to everything we did. Family dinners, movie nights, holidays, special events...you name it, he was badgered into it. I was a very happy and content girl, and with each day that passed between us, those doubts of mine faded away. I was secure in the fact that I wasn't going to make an irreversible mistake, that I wasn't being purely selfish in giving my life to Jasper and taking it away from others. I could confidently say we were meant for the long-haul, and that even if everything wouldn't always be perfect between us, I could be happy forever beside him.

That he was sharing my life now and sharing this time with my parents made it easier, too. We'd have those memories and be able to look back on them together, and it would almost be as if I still had them with me. He'd help me carry them through the years and never let me forget, and simply looking at him would remind me of these moments. I was grateful for that, and began to think of myself as the luckiest girl in the world.

It was graduation night that cemented those already firm beliefs. Jasper and I had only become closer and closer throughout the months, our intimacy evolving with delicate ease. He took it slow, starting out with lazy kisses here and there, letting me get confident enough to take the initiative. When my body began to demand more and our kisses would turn into heated sessions that left me panting and aching, Jasper had mercy on my poor soul and introduced me to the wonderful experience of foreplay. It began with gentle caresses here and there, gradually becoming a thorough exploration of my body, leaving not a single inch of skin untouched. What made it beautiful, though, was the reverence that he bestowed upon me, the tenderness in which he always progressed. Never pushing me too far too fast, never looking at me as an object before him but as if I were his beloved queen. It made me want to show him the same kind of servitude, the kind that can only be truly expressed when done out of love.

I was tentative to take action on my own, though. My shyness came through, my hands clumsy and unsure and inexperienced. Jasper had a good chuckle at my embarrassment, but in all his wisdom and practice had guided my touch, never taking his eyes away from mine. He taught me all about my own body and his, let me become comfortable with this new side of our relationship, and we quickly learned everything there was to know on how to make the other moan in ecstasy.

But the time had never been right to take that final step, the only exploration we had yet to fulfill. It hadn't felt right until Jasper gave me my graduation present.

My parents had thrown a party at their diner in honor of us, the whole town invited as if we were freakin' celebrities. Alice, who had probably seen how many would show, had begged and pleaded with my mom to help decorate. Which she had, of course, conceded since nobody could resist Alice's puppy-dog eyes. It seemed as if everyone came, the place packed as all celebrated and had a good time, but I figured it was just as much their graduation party as it was ours. And the envious glances I got from a few classmates told me the proverbial cat was out of the bag, that they finally got the gist of my relationship with Jasper. I don't think either of us cared at that point, but hopefully the fall-out wouldn't be too terrible for Alice next year.

By midnight the diner had cleared, the only ones left being me, my parents, and Jasper. I had started to clean up the garbage that was lying around when my mom came up to me, yanked the trash-bag out of my hand, and placed her hands on my shoulders. I gave her a curious look, but as tears began to form in those pale green eyes identical to mine, I knew I was about to hear another emotional speech from her.

"Oh honey. I'm so proud of you!" She flitted out breezily, placing a hand to her chest as if trying to hold herself together. "I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. I love you so much, you know."

Taking a deep breath to compose herself while I refrained from rolling my eyes, my mom glanced over her shoulder before turning back to me, quietly saying as if sharing a secret, "Jasper has something real special planned for you both tonight, so I don't want you to do another thing 'cept leave with him. Your father's talking with him right now, so I wanted to take this opportunity to ask you something." A slight hesitation from her before pushing out, "Is there anything you might need to talk about? You know…any questions you might have about…well, sex? Anything at all, don't be afraid to ask."

Oh God! My mom wanted to talk about sex? Shit, could I be anymore embarrassed?

Glancing around the room for Jasper, I spotted him behind the counter with my dad, looking as comfortable as could be. I glared as menacing as I possibly could at him, wanting nothing more than to have enough telekinetic power to toss his ass through a window. He just had to talk to my parents about his plans for us tonight! Though I doubted he mentioned anything about sex, I'm still eighteen! He didn't need to ask their permission for Christ's sake!

With all the heat I was throwing off, he must've felt my glare — probably my utter mortification, too — because he looked over at me with clear, vivid amusement, apparently trying to keep from laughing. The bastard had heard every word my mom just said, and if he thought it was funny, well I'd show him!

I shot him a sly smile and focused back at my mom, who'd obviously seen the glare I gave Jasper and was now looking more than a bit sheepish. Jeez mom.

Leaning in and lowering my voice to a conspiratorial whisper, knowing Jasper could still hear everything, I feigned ignorance and asked, "Yeah mom, I do. I was wondering…well, there's no easy way to put this so I'm just gonna say it. What happens if he's just too big to fit? I've sometimes felt it, ya know," Gesturing towards the general southern region just incase she didn't already get the gist. "...with my hand, and it seems to be a bit…well…big."

Distantly, I heard Jasper choking on whatever he was saying to my dad, but if I knew my mom, payback was only beginning to be served.

She was blushing, but held herself together well after my intrusive and somewhat crude comment. "Oh, well honey, tell you what. That's something a guy needs to understand in those kinds of…situations. I promise you the pain will go away, but how about I go mention something to Jasper about how to help you through the process. I'm sure your dad wants to say goodnight, so I'll send him right over while I have a little chat with Jasper. Okay?"

I smiled and nodded. "Sure mom." Revenge was so sweet!

Fifteen minutes later found my dad and I watching from a safe distance as mom "chatted" heatedly with my unfortunate boyfriend, her fingers pointing and arms flailing about in an agitated manner, even baring her teeth on occasion like a mother wolf protecting her cub while the big bad vampire curled inward. Father and daughter shared a lopsided grin on the sidelines, the big man leaning down and whispering, "Wha's got yer mom so riled up with yer boy, there?"

I snickered, shaking my head in the only explanation I would give as the words "Fire" and "Brimstone" and "Kettle of curses" carried over to us. Deciding it was time to step-in and give Jasper a break before my mom threw all threats to the wind and just acted, I turned to my dad and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, slowly making my way over with smugness radiating from within. Dark eyes narrowed as I approached, but Jasper's slightly amused smirk diminished any intimidation the act carried, his arm swinging casually around my shoulders when I stopped next to him.

Craning my neck and tilting my head back, I blinked up at him in sweet innocence. "Hello."

He deep, low chuckle reverberated throughout his chest, the vibrations jolting my body as Jasper stared fondly back. "Hello to you, too."

My mother glanced between us, nodding her head in some sort of mental approval before saying a cheery goodnight, her willowy frame buzzing with as much excitement as a kid on Christmas morning as we walked out the door. She was a strange one at times.

"You are evil." Jasper hissed once outside, lightly shoving me towards the passenger side of, surprisingly, Carlisle's Mercedes.

"Now, now." I chided playfully with a wag of my finger. "Paybacks a bitch, Jasper. I hope it's a lesson learned. Now where we headin' to in this sweet ride?"

He snorted, opening the door for me. "If you think you're getting any answers out of me after that stunt you pulled in there, you're incredibly insane. And just so we're clear here, my motives weren't to embarrass, simply to respect the wishes and concerns of loving parents. If I happened to get some entertainment from it, well..." He shrugged his shoulders with nonchalant grace. "Then it was simply a bonus graciously given from a necessary situation.

Jasper took a step forward as I sat down, his long legs crowding the open doorway as he leaned in, his eyes flashing with a promise as they locked with mine. His next words were drawn out slowly, equal promise implied when he said, "Yours' however, were purely vengeful motives, and such behavior won't go unpunished. You're right Keira, paybacks a bitch, and before the summer's over that pretty little head of yours' will be swimming with all the unimaginable ways it can be conjured up. I hope it'll be a lesson learned."

With that ominous threat, he flashed a quick smile and pulled back, slamming the door on my slack-jawed expression. He strolled leisurely to the other side, soundlessly got in and started driving away, not saying another word but humming quietly to himself. As I stared out the window, refusing to acknowledge the man that just made my next four months a sure nervous wreck, I began seeing the dark contours of the coastline pass us by. I recognized the winding roads that trailed the northern cliffs, caught sight of the occasional shimmer of moonlight against the ocean surface, noticed the shrouded scenery was becoming less and less familiar. The longer we drove, the more my curiosity grew, and the bastard beside me knew it too.

Finally turning to him, I made the obvious statement, "We're headed north."

"Yes." He answered without taking his eyes off the road.

"You still won't tell me where?"

"No." Still not glancing at me.

"Well, it's gotta be somethin' special for Carlisle to lend you his car." I hedged, hoping a new tactic would give me even the slightest hint.

"Yes, it is." Well, that didn't work.

Switching to an age-old method of persuasion, I puckered my lips and sniffed, begging in the most pleading voice I could muster, "Pleeease? Pretty, pretty, please?"

"No."

And that was that. It was all I got out of him on the subject, though there was a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. So I decided to sulk for the remainder of our hour-long drive, arms crossed and staring straight ahead in feigned indifference, as if I couldn't care less where this little adventure led us. Jasper would chuckle from time to time — probably at my intentional moping — but I'd determinedly swivel away, looking anywhere and everywhere but at the pesky man by my side.

Eventually the car turned off on a narrow drive, my curiosity growing ten-fold and found myself leaning forward, peering out the windshield into the pitch black of night. I didn't know where we were, but the jagged stone wall lining my side of the road and the drop-off into murky oblivion on Jasper's made me think we were heading down some rocky mountain I wasn't aware Washington had. I thought I heard the sound of crashing waves, thought I could see the faintest glow of a reflective sea in the distance, but the moon had vanished behind a thicket of clouds some time ago and left the land in a blanket of darkness. I couldn't tell the sky from the horizon at that point.

A few minutes more of navigating around sharp bends and steep levels, I finally saw a flicker of light ahead. Coming closer, I could see it was several candle-lit windows, a vague impression of a small cottage barely visible. Parking in front of it, headlights illuminating the quaint, grey-shingled structure, I sucked in a breath and cut a wide-eyed gaze to Jasper, who was now staring at me with thinly-veiled satisfaction.

"I rented this place for two days, so you'll be able to explore once you can actually see what's around. We're completely secluded, wedged on a strip of land that juts out about half-way between the top of the cliff and the ocean, so we're free to do as we please for the next forty-eight hours." Giving me a tender smile, Jasper reached over and brushed the back of his fingers along my cheek, softly adding, "Happy graduation, Keira. I hope you like it."

"Like it?" I gasped, returning my disbelieving stare to this tiny piece of paradise he'd given me. "I love it, Jasper. How could I not? It's wonderful."

"Good." He murmured, cutting off the car and stepping out, my legs slowly obeying the same process.

Once standing but still a little dumbfounded, I glanced around the area in a daze. That Jasper would go to such lengths for a simple graduation present was outworldly, almost too much for something so common and insignificant. It made me feel ashamed that I hadn't even thought about getting anything for him, figuring his twentieth or so graduation held no value.

Glancing back at him as he retrieved a few things from the trunk, I hesitantly broached, "Jasper, I didn't know we'd be exchanging gifts. I didn't get you anything at all."

His head popped over the trunk-door with an indulgent expression before he slammed it shut and locked the car, making his way over to me with a couple duffle-bags slung over his shoulder. "We aren't exchanging gifts, we're both going to enjoy mine. Besides, if I received something from everybody each time I went to high school, I'd have a large enough collection to open a small flea market."

I snorted, agreeing wholeheartedly, then motioned to the bags he held. "I guess you've thought of everything. I hope you packed my toothbrush."

Jasper just shook his head, ruffling my hair as he side-stepped me, calling out over his shoulder as he started walking away, "Come on, oh-ye-of-little-faith. Let's get inside and check this place out."

My initial impression had been correct, the cottage was small, consisting of only two spacious rooms altogether. The main room when you walked in was large and open, the layout simple with only the most basic furniture and a miniature kitchen tucked into the far corner. It had a cozy, rustic feel to it, the numerous windows around you giving the eery sense of being in a house with no walls. Like you were standing on a platform in the middle of an open field with only the couch there to keep you company. It made it all the more wild and perfect, but it was the bedroom that quickly became my favorite.

The room itself wasn't that big, but there was a large, four poster bed with a fluffy comforter that begged to be jumped on and too many pillows for one person to know what to do with. The fireplace directly across from it was somehow already lit, the wood burning mutely and casting shades of orange and yellow against the white fur rug laying in front of it. The country feel of it offset the much more modern appeal given by the two, full-glass doors that took up most of the aligning wall, which opened to a wide porch that overlooked the cliffside. I'd have bet a life's earnings in that moment that the view at sunset, with the hues of receding light painting the ocean's horizon, would be ridiculously phenomenal. The potential beauty was already taking my breath away, the prospect of it all making me giddy with awe.

Turning to Jasper, who'd so far been content with watching me take it all in, I gave him a blinding smile and said in a voice raspy with emotions, "Thank you, Jasper. It's lovely."

A noise rumbled from deep in his chest, a low, gravelly sound of assent or pleasure as he leaned against the doorway, his eyes steady on me and reflecting the flames of firelight. He didn't respond in any other way, just continued to stand guard while I looked around, amazed. I had no words to describe the amount of utter astonishment I was feeling, the enormity of this gesture striking me hard and leaving me speechless with gratitude. With this single act, Jasper had managed to make me feel more special than I ever had in my entire life. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought a man would whisk me away on a romantic getaway, and that it hadn't been at some five-star resort or fancy tropical island made it all the more meaningful. All the more unforgettable because this place — this simple, rustic little place — was everything Jasper and I were, bundled-up in a weathered package and dropped in the middle of nowhere. Just how we liked it. Easy, effortless, uncomplicated and comfortable, yet so full of character and discovery. Perfect in all its' imperfections.

"Thank you." I repeated, turning to him once again.

Jasper glanced around the room as if seeing it through my eyes, nodding as he quietly said, "It suits you."

"It suits us." I reiterated, bringing a gentle quirk to the corner of his mouth.

"It does, doesn't it?" He murmured, pushing off the doorjam and walking towards me. "Maybe we'll have to build ourselves a little cottage down the road, a place we can escape to that's all ours."

"Mmm, I like the sound of that." I answered huskily, my breath hitching when Jasper wrapped him arm around my waist and lifted me off the ground, kissing me soundly as he backed us towards the bed.

Laying me down on the comforted that I knew would swallow me whole, he smirked at the vision I presented before lithely crawling on top, his lips hovering a breath from mine as he whispered, "You look positively delicious, little one. Good enough to eat."

Any comment I might've had to that was cut short when his mouth descended a precise attack on the juncture below my ear, the very spot he knew could get me moaning and tingling all over just by a simple brush of his fingers. He leaned in as one hand traveled the curves of my body, his tongue tracing a gentle path along my neck and collarbone, pulling back just enough to blow his cool breath against my skin. It made me shiver with sensations only he had brought me to, and when his leg slid between my thighs and his hip pressed against mine, I couldn't withhold the instinctively buck beneath him or the gasp of pleasure as I wove my arms around him to bring him closer.

Jasper chuckled at my impatience, a throaty tenor of pure-male satisfaction that tickled my skin where his lips were placed. But he leaned back and shifted his weight, maneuvering himself beside me so that his long body lay next to mine, his elbow propping him up so he could still gaze down at me. Our legs were still entwined and his fingers were still trailing along my curves, more slowly and absentmindedly now, but his eyes were searching mine in a grave way. Like he was probing deep within my mind for something I didn't yet know, the uncertainty of it keeping the whine that'd been building in the back of my throat from coming out.

"What is it, Jasper?" I asked while sidling closer to him, trying to give a small measure of comfort.

He shook his head, quietly sighing in what sounded suspiciously like exasperating before saying, "I can't believe I'm offering you the chance to object since I know I could have my way with you right now, but I need you to realize that this isn't why I brought you here. I did it because I knew you'd love it, because I wanted you to fall asleep beside me in a bed for a change, instead of the hard ground we're used to when camping. I did this just to see the joy on your face, not for any expectations of what might occur." A tiny smirk started to curl his lips and brief laughter sparked in his eyes. "Despite what your mother may think."

I laughed outright at that, nodding my agreement as I remembered my mom's earlier behavior. But as the humor died down and Jasper's declaration sunk-in, I though about what he meant. I was glad he stopped and told me his thoughts, because I hadn't realized that was where this was leading. Not consciously at least, and though I wouldn't have made any objections, that kinda' thing just happening in the spur of the moment didn't feel right. Not for our first time, and certainly not for my first time. It would've made the passion seem more base, in a sense. I wanted it to be a full-fledged offering, a yielding of my body to his the way my heart already was. That he somehow perceived that — and I had no doubt that he did — was a wonder all on it's own. Jasper was a sexual man behind closed doors, a hot-blooded Texan just like any other, but he still found the wherewithal to pull back before I had any regrets. Now it was time for his reward.

Shifting to match his pose, propping myself up on my elbow and staring at him with the straightest face I could muster, I expounded with all the seriousness in the world, "Mr. Whitlock, you're little chivalry just there got yourself a guaranteed booty-call this evening. I give you full permission to line me, twine me, and bind me in whatever way your gallant heart and perverse mind desires."

I was still trying to keep a straight face and probably would have succeeded a few seconds more if Jasper's eyebrows hadn't risen to almost comical heights. I bit my lip to bite back my laughter, but I couldn't stop my shoulders from shaking or the blush that burned my cheeks as my spontaneous words replayed in my head.

"I think I've corrupted the innocence out of you." Jasper replied over another sigh, this one obviously an act since the look in his eyes said he was anything but exasperated. And with a speed too swift for me to see, he flipped me on my back and hovered above me once again, his gaze raking salaciously over my prone form as I gripped his arms for a balance I shouldn't have needed.

His eyes flicked to mine and his soft, deep voice came out in a low husk. "So I can line you beneath me, or on top of me, or even in front of me for all you care?" Long fingers slid down my side and over my hip, curling expertly around my thigh and hitching it around his waist. "What about twining your legs in positions you've never even imagined before? Or binding you to this bed for a week, naked, and at my complete mercy? Hmm, Keira? Does my gallant heart and perverse mind have your permission for that?"

The way his body was grinding rhythmically against mine, how he whispered that last part with such dark sensuality, the feel of his cool hand gliding under my shirt and against my now burning skin left me incoherent for words. I could only nod, making some sort of mewling noise in the back of my throat as I tried to focus on one sensation at a time. It was all too much, too many things sending different shocks through my system as Jasper's hands did one thing, his hips did another, and his mouth started a new assault in places I'd never mention in public. When he pulled me into a heated kiss that brought me flush against him, I could only find the power to moan my content as our tongues mingled and our bodies moved in a carnal dance I couldn't rightly comprehend.

Minutes or hours later, however long he had me completely senseless, found me staring shamelessly at the magnificence of his naked form as he eased himself between my legs. The way his muscles shifted beneath his smooth skin, pale flawlessness that seemed so much more celestial in the flickering firelight. The way his taut waist fit so perfectly between my thighs as I wrapped them around him, his soft lines of definition flexing with the fluidity of a wildcat. Even the way his broad shoulders shadowed mine like a protective barrier as he leaned over me, dwarfing me with their comparative size but making me feel so much more safe than I ever had before. But it was how his honey locks fell like a curtain around his face as he stared down at me, how his onyx eyes smoldered in the dark but still managed to carry a hint of concern for me, and how the sight of his lips curving into a smile that softened the sharp edges of his jaw that made my heart race and my stomach coil with want. Jasper had the ability to compel people with a single look, and the way he looked now compelled me to want more of him, all of him, everything he had to give. He filled me with an emotional intensity I shouldn't be able to handle, much less control.

"Shh, calm down, Keira. Calm, that's it...there you go."

I hadn't really registered Jasper's words until I felt the effect of his manipulation, my nerves smoothing out and my jaw unclenching as the tension in my head eased. I blinked once, focused on Jasper's slightly amused expression in front of me and felt my brow furrow in confusion.

"What'd I do?" I breathed out airily, only half-concerned and my mind elsewhere considering what we were leading up to.

Jasper chuckled, shaking his head as he leaned his body against mine, his arms braced beside me and holding most of his weight. "I think I've been going about this a little too well. Your excitement starting shaking the side-tables."

I blinked again, glanced over Jasper's arm to the right and then the left, looked back at him and shrugged. "Oh well."

His chest rumbled with laughter, his lips pressed tightly together and his eyes twinkling. Pale fingers brushed stray curls from my face, and Jasper dipped down and placed a whisper of a kiss along my jaw, quietly confessing as he pulled back, "I love you beyond reason, Keira."

I reached up and buried my hands in his silky locks, pulling his face back to mine and immediately molding my lips to his, delving my tongue deep in the only show of gratitude I could think of at the time. I felt Jasper's hips shift between my legs two seconds in, felt his hand grip my waist as the other entangled my hair, and felt his body sink heavily against me as he somehow managed to hold me even closer to him. And there, wrapped around his body yet feeling as if I were wrapped in his cocoon, I felt him sheathe himself within me in one, swift movement, causing a cry of pain to erupt from my lips as I threw my head back and instinctively tried to buck him away. I'm sure it wasn't exactly the right way to go about it, especially if his labored breath and soft moan were any indication, but I wasn't really thinking of anything except the awkward sensation of being filled to the brink and the thought that I might just split in two.

With my eyes clenched shut, I tried to wait the pain out, absently hearing Jasper murmur small comforts in my ear as he weaved calming threads into me. It relaxed me to the point that the pain was less, and it diminished further the longer I adjusted. The chill he naturally emitted had soothed the last remnants of discomfort from within, allowing me to enjoy the feel of Jasper filling me as I wrapped my arms around his back and nuzzled in the crook of his neck. I gave an experimental thrust of the hips when he shifted slightly, deeply satisfied by his sharp hiss of pleasure and the way he seemed to bury himself even further within me. He wasted no time setting a careful pace, keeping his loving, watchful eyes on mine as he languidly kissed me and rocked us into another slow build of senselessness.

It was an experience completely foreign to me but something I didn't know how I ever did without. The tension in my body felt glorious, as if it were being used and pushed to new heights in the one way it was actually meant to. The boneless feel and lack of thought that coupled it made me feel like I was dancing along the clouds with only the sweet kiss of the breeze daring to touch my skin, leading me into euphoria. But it was the way I felt so complete and in rhythm and as one with Jasper that brought me there, our essences merging and entangling in a way that no other intimacy allowed. It was possession in its' most primal form, the need to own and be owned taking root and causing me to the grip Jasper closer, to match his thrusts harder, to moan my content when he read my mind and held me impossibly closer as he sheathed himself even deeper within me. His purrs rang loudly in my ear and quivered through my flesh, his whispered words of pleasure only serving to tighten the coil in my stomach. Every shift of his hips brought a gasp from my lips, every touch from his hand making me desperate for more, and every surging movement he gave made me clench around him as if to keep him there for all eternity. It was all so much, too much, and so goddamn beautiful to me that I cried out Jasper's name as I reared beneath him in my release, barely registering the sensuous flare of his eyes as he watched me collapse in all these sensations. Barely noticing that he quickly followed me in sated pleasure.

For an indefinable period of time we simply stayed as we were, clinging to each other in the heavy aftermath with Jasper still seated inside me, slow kisses given between labored pants and gentle caresses. I could feel his contentment and love flowing outward and warming my heart, and I knew he could feel mine as I laid in his arms and my body calmed. He was still purring, a muted rumble that lulled my senses better than any manufactured emotion he could produce, and I had never felt so at peace than I did at that moment. I wanted to tell him, wanted to say something, anything to express how far beyond my expectations that had been. I had never imagined sex could convey so much, that the ultimate lover's dance could bring such a feeling of togetherness. But all the words that came to mind sounded so terribly cliché that I didn't dare open my mouth...not until I remembered an earlier comment from Jasper and a devious thought entered.

Tilting my head from under his chin and resting nose-to-nose with Jasper on the pillow, I peered mischievously into his lazy, hooded eyes as I slyly quipped, "I think we can honestly say that now you've completely corrupted the innocence outta me."

He chuckled softly, raising his hand and palming my cheek, his thumb stroking slowly over my bottom lip. His tawny locks — smoothly rumpled and curling slightly at the ends — were laying haphazardly across his face, but I could see the curve lifting his mouth and the way his irises had returned to their dark golden hue. I could see the way he stared at me with such easy devotion; a devotion that filled me with an indefinable and unlooked-for pride. As if I had done something to deserve his attention.

"Good, then." Came his quiet, raspy reply accompanied with a lustful smirk and a languid thrust of his hips, bringing a hitch to my breathing as I felt him move within me. "It'll make abusing this sweet piece of heaven you've got so much easier. I've never felt anything quite like it before, and I'm going to enjoy getting used to it."

It was a compliment, I knew that, but a moment's pause caused an insecurity to form, a niggling in the back of my mind that taunted me. And frowning, wanting nothing more than to have Jasper banish this doubt, I hesitantly asked, "Is it different simply because I'm human? Because I gotta admit, I've never heard of anyone being that good their first time, and you've got over a century of experience to compare me to."

Jasper matched my frown then, wrapping an arm around my waist and rolling on his back, gently sliding out of me as I maneuvered on his stomach. I folded my arms against his chest and propped my chin on top, giving me full view of his face as he stared at me in consternation. His hands glided tender paths along my spine, comforting me, but his expression was too thoughtful for my liking. I didn't want him needing to think about it, I wanted it to be blatantly untrue.

"I'll be honest with you, Keira." He hedged, his voice still a low rasp. "As a vampire, I've never been with a human until now, and the heat that enveloped me was almost overwhelming. The pleasure it brought shouldn't have surprised me." Here he quirked a half-smile, reaching up and tucking my curls — my probably horrifically mussed and disheveled curls — behind my ears. "And yes, I could definitely get used to that, but I can't wait for the chance to experience this with you when you're more... durable. This is only the beginning, a memory I'll cherish forever because it was with you that made it so special, but I also love the idea of all the other discoveries we'll make together. I've never felt anything like this before because I've never felt so optimistic of the future. You make me feel settled, giving me an inner-peace that I haven't felt before because you just put it there. You, Keira, make me dream of happy endings, and what we just shared was a beautiful beginning to it all."

He efficiently put to rest all my worries and I was back to relaxing complacently against him when I heard him whisper into the crown of my hair, "Thank you for this gift you gave me, little one."

In a voice muddled with encroaching sleep, I sighed out, "Love you, Jasper. Thanks for makin' it so perfect."

His responding purr quickly lulled me over the edge and into blissful oblivion, where dreams of Jasper's happy endings were scripts of eternity watching colorful sunrises after spending the velvet darkness in each other's embrace. It was a perfect ending to a wonderful beginning.

oOo

For those two days, we relinquished our sanity over to the new bond we had formed, a bond that somehow cemented the tie between us. I hadn't realized until then that there was a loose thread that needed to be weaved, a miniscule gap that needed to be closed between us to truly experience the full height of our relationship. Some say sex does not equate love, that the two merely go hand-in-hand but are separate structures that shouldn't define the other. Maybe that's true for most, but for me it was different. I now knew there was a part of me that was made to be given, that demanded unity in the same way my heart was bound. Sex did define our love on a level that no amount of words or gifts or years together could ever accomplish. It was an expression that couldn't be named, a calling that couldn't be denied, that primitive urge to share my whole self with my chosen mate. The depths I felt couldn't have been reached until I surrendered my entire being into Jasper's hands, which channeled an inherent instinct about him that could've only been achieved through such familiarity.

Giving myself to him had broadened the measure of my devotion, my loyalty, my absolute adoration for him.

And our time there certainly completed that connection, spending most of our hours exploring this new level between us instead of exploring our surroundings. We teased and played and dived into our activities with an enthusiasm of a child in a candyshop, Jasper showing me an arsenal of vast skills I hadn't known he possessed while teaching me a few for my own. He said he relished that about me, that instructing me in the art of intimacy was an aphrodisiac unlike any other and he savored being my first for everything. And better be my only, he was quick to add, eliciting a teasing grin from me followed by a show of dominance from him. That poor cottage was in dire need of being aired out before we left, my poor body in dire need of rest, too.

We did manage to spare a few hours to inspect the cliffside, watching the only sunset we'd be allowed to from a rocky edge above the crashing waves. It was as phenomenal as I predicted, the view coupled with the entirety of the day bringing a few poignant tears to my eyes as I leaned back in Jasper's arms. He had thanked me for the gift I had given him, but there weren't enough words to express how much those two days meant to me. They were beyond the best of fantasies, yet so simple and unassuming that they were believable. Like the bubble around us wouldn't burst as soon as we left, and the other shoe wouldn't drop as soon as we got home.

When we did return, our families could detect a perceptible difference about us, that first week spent dodging questions about what happened and what it was like from all sides. It was strange, but I could tell that something had changed about me in those first few days. That possessive streak Jasper brought out of me seemed to increase ten-fold, making me what to snarl and snap at anyone who dared asked about our sexual escapades. It was for me to know only, he was mine to experience — not theirs'. But in odd contrast to that, there was a steady undercurrent of confidence within me that kept the jealous beast at bay, like I knew I had staked my claim on him in a way that no other could touch. I knew he was mine, and he knew he was mine. It was all a very aggressive tide turning within, a passion towards Jasper that seemed to have been consummated during our brief respite together.

The first time he had felt those conflicting emotions from me, he had paused in mid-retort to Emmett's crude inquiry, turning to look at me as if I had grown a second head. He simply stared for a moment, making me incredibly self-conscious, before blinking away whatever had caught him unawares. Amusement quickly took its' place, a bright twinkle in his dark eyes as he barked out a laugh, smugly informing me, "I believe I'm starting to rub off on you, Keira. You're becoming more vampiric by the day. Welcome to my world and the way I feel about you."

I didn't question it after that.

When our days weren't divided between perpetually bored vampires and trying to get away so Jasper could be around me without the pain of thirst, our summer was mostly spent plotting over the future. The details we had left unanswered were finally filled-in, a solid plan made where before we hadn't really decided. Maybe it was because I hadn't been a hundred percent until now. I had needed this length of time with Jasper to truly be at peace with what I had to do, to be confident it was the right choice despite the surety in my heart. He never outwardly held it against me, but when I spoke about my change for the first time without the slightest hesitation, Jasper had given such a blinding smile of happiness that I knew my previous resistance — no matter how miniscule it may have been — had bothered him. But not anymore, because I was in this for the long haul, finally released from the urge to second-guess my actions.

We decided that college would wait knowing I had eternity to accomplish whatever goals I wanted to, but we would use the pretense of it to disappear from Forks around the first of the year. I hadn't applied anywhere because I hadn't known what I wanted to do, which not only made the ability to hold-off on it even easier, but also gave credence to the cover story that I waited too long to apply and therefore had to wait a semester before I could attend. We'd forge the transcripts, fake an acceptance and some sort of scholarship so my parents wouldn't think they needed to pay for tuition, then we'd disappear to wherever we wanted after spending one final Christmas with them. There was no specific date for when I'd be turned, but when I left this town, I wouldn't be returning. An accident of sorts would occur, probably on my "way home" for summer break, and everyone would think I had died.

It saddened me that I'd be saying goodbye to the very people that gave birth to me, that raised me and loved me in the best of ways. I wanted to scream at the unfairness that they wouldn't know just how final that last hug, that last kiss, and that last farewell would be. They wouldn't know that as I drove away, it'd be forever. I wanted to cherish my parent's for as long as they lived, not destroy them before half my life had begun. The mere thought made me inconsolable at times with both yearning and depression, even contempt for a world that always demanded balance. One was never allowed perfect happiness it seemed, always a counterweight to any amount of joy you receive. But I was adapting to the game of give and take, realizing that nothing ever came without a price and my parents were payment for Jasper. It was a steep cost that damn near splintered my heart every time I thought of it, but I kept reminding myself that every child in the world eventually says farewell to their inherent guardians. It didn't make it any easier, but it helped with the acceptance of it, helped soothe my guilty conscience.

And wherever we went, which was a toss between the inner valleys of Ireland, the coast of New Zealand, and the wild terrain of South Africa, it was decided that Emmett and Rosalie would be joining us. Jasper wanted the support for both he and I when I became a newborn, and Emmett and Rose wanted a vacation. It worked out well for us all, if only we could pick a damn place and be done with it.

As for the others, Carlisle and Esme were staying in Forks for as long as they could since Edward and Alice still had their Senior year to complete, but I think the main reason was Bella.

No one knew what Edward was going to do in that regard, considering he was adamant about not changing her. Despite the girl's wishes and Alice's visions, he wanted Bella to live out her human life as she was meant to. How he thought that might work, I haven't a clue, but I had to give him points for refusing. Even though he was foolish to believe that he — seventeen and unaging — could stay by her side while she matured and lived her life, even though he was misguided in the assumption that it was fair to Bella to want that for her, I also had the sense that she didn't truly understand the enormity of the situation she was asking for. She didn't see the sacrifices she'd have to make or acknowledge the consequences that came with it, and she didn't even blink an eye at anything other than being denied. All she saw was Edward, not her parents or her possible future or all the aspects she was obviously taking for granted now, and that's where she and I differ greatly.

I knew every loss I would have and every heartache that would follow later. I saw every negative that came with the positives, and I mourned for the experiences I'd never have. But I had chosen Jasper above those very things and knew he'd be my glue when I was unable to hold it together. Later, when I felt those losses more profoundly, he'd be right there beside me. Forever supporting me and thanking me for all I'd given up for him. But whereas I've come to terms with such things, I don't think Bella's even realized she's begging Edward to take her away from everything she's ever known. She doesn't understand or perhaps even care that it's not just her beating heart she's asking him to take, but her whole life aside from him. Maybe she's being naïve, or maybe she's simply ignoring the bad parts because she believes there's nothing worse than being without Edward. She just wants him, and everything else falls to the wayside. Later though, later she'll comprehend every simple part of her human life that she sacrificed. If the boy ever gives in.

Unfortunately, this growing conflict between them had caused a conflict for Jasper and I, as well. When Bella had overheard us talking with Carlisle about the process of being turned, she realized that I was getting the one thing she desired above all else. The one thing that Edward was denying her because of moralities. It must have struck her hard that it wasn't humans in general that the Cullens refused to turn, but Edward that refused to turn her. Immediately, Jasper had sensed the explosion of emotions inside her, our conversation coming to an abrupt halt in that mere second. The resulting fallout within the entire household had been astronomical, what with Bella being furious and Edward blaming us for not being more discreet. And Emmett, ever the diplomat, thought it the perfect time to point out to him that none of this would be an issue if he'd just stop being so stubborn. So with Carlisle struggling to maintain passivity between all three brothers and Esme busy consoling an extremely put-out human girl, I was stuck staring helplessly at Rose, who just smirked in vindictive amusement.

After that, Jasper and I became extremely cautious with our talks, avoiding them all together when Bella was around. There was no need to rub it in her face.

So in-between keeping things hush-hush, trying to sort out all the details, and finding some time alone with Jasper, those three months of summer went by fast. With my man constantly stealing me away whenever he could, my parents had enforced a mandatory rule that I spend at least two nights a week at home, otherwise there was no telling if they'd see me or not. We swallowed the stipulation with ease, enjoying our time with them almost as much as our time alone. But when my 19th birthday came about, I made it perfectly clear to my mom that I wouldn't budge on my plans. After celebrating the entire day with them, Jasper and I skipped out on evening plans, opting instead to camp out beneath the warm July moon. Just the way I wanted it.

School started again in mid-August, taking Alice, Edward, and Bella out of the day-to-day equation but somehow making things go back to normal. Back to the way things were when we were all attending school, except now we hung out around our homes instead of classrooms and parking lots. Jasper and I still continued our traditional walks through the forest, but we never could manage to do it twice a day like before when there was no need to. Much of our excess time was spent on my on-going training, though my telekinesis had yet to strengthen in any way. I had learned control as much as I believed I would, slips usually occurring only when we're in the height of intimacy. And that I blame wholly on Jasper.

Things remained in an almost clockwork routine until September crept-up on us, bringing a flurry of chaotic activity in preparation for Bella's birthday. Alice had been spending weeks organizing a Cullen family party for her, running us all around during the day to get things she needed without the girl noticing. But despite the constant buzz of excitement within the household, I couldn't help feeling just a tad... insignificant. Less wanted, I guess you could say, because this instance just engrained once again how different my relationship with the vampires was from Bella's. Even though everyone had given well-wishes for my birthday, none had gotten nearly as excited for mine as they did for hers'. I had no doubt that it was mainly Alice's enthusiasm at work here, but it still hurt to think that maybe Jasper's family thought less of me than they did for the other human who spontaneously entered their lives.

I tried to ignore those feelings, pushing them aside in favor of another celebration of life. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tiny bit grateful that I wouldn't be able to attend the soiree since my parents needed me to close the diner that night. I'd be heading over afterwards to join in the proclivities and eat some otherwise wasted cake, but I was still relieved to miss out on the main shebang. I didn't want to see what I didn't have.

The day of, as I drove myself to work, I wondered why I had yet to hear from Jasper. I knew I wouldn't see him until after closing since Alice had him doing some last minute shopping that I really didn't want to partake in, but that didn't explain the lack of a phone call. Made me concerned that perhaps the pixie was running him around too much, leaving him unable to hunt like I knew he needed to. Like she should know he needed as well. Although Jasper had meant to go last night, he instead found himself busy with satisfying his lady love, a less productive but much more beneficial past-time that left no complaints from this end. It was almost blasphemy to think that Alice might not have seen it, but I was still a bit worried that my soldier would be in an unnecessary amount of pain for a few hours.

Those concerns would creep-up and distract me throughout my shift, so when I got the store closed by ten-thirty, I drove straight to the Cullen's in a mad dash. I couldn't rightly explain it, but a strange sense of unease made me push harder on the gas pedal. There was an ominous feel in the pit of my stomach, the air around me felt heavier, and the wind blowing fiercely outside almost seemed to be howling with rage. These were the type of nights that you never watched a scary movie before bed, or you'd jump at your own shadow and find yourself unable to fall asleep alone.

When I arrived, Bella's truck was nowhere to be found. I didn't think she would leave her own party so soon, but the fact that I hadn't been here caused a slight amount of guilt to surface for my earlier thoughts of discontent surrounding her relationship with the Cullens. Made my feelings seem petty now that I had gotten my wish for absence during her celebration into adulthood. Sure, I didn't really interact with the girl that much and I wouldn't consider us friends, but an eighteenth birthday is almost as meaningful as a sweet-sixteenth. It's an important milestone, and I regretted not seeing Bella for hers' and perhaps bridging a small portion of the gap between us.

But all traces of guilt evaporated as soon as I laid eyes on Jasper, standing a few feet from the porch and cloaked in shadow. The dim light coming through the windows barely illuminated the area behind him, and with the darkness of night I couldn't read his expression, but the glow from inside outlined the tense stance he held and the clenched fists by his side. He looked ready to bolt even to me, yet I didn't know what was wrong. I only hoped to God that everything was okay.

I started to approach him, my steps hurried at first until Jasper tensed even more. I faltered for a moment, unsure as to why he reacted that way, but continued walking over to him nonetheless. When I was a few feet away, Jasper took an abrupt step back, the dull stream of light highlighting one side of his face. It wasn't much, but even that small clarity showed the bitter, utter hopelessness he carried, something I've never seen in him before. It brought a jittery wave of anxiety through me and I stopped my progression, just standing there looking at him with ill-concealed worry as I tried to think of what could be wrong.

The fact that he was silent, not trying or possibly unable to alleviate any of my turmoil told me there was a big problem here. His pained and stricken expression screamed with no sound that something very crucial and detrimental had happened. Watching the remorse flicker in his amber eyes until the devastation harden them to a steely nothing made me realize that whatever occurred had made us all lose. Not just him and not just I, not with that amount of profound loss. I tried to brace myself, but I could never be prepared for what Jasper's words confirmed for me, and I knew in that moment that nothing would ever be the same again.

"Jasper?"

"I tried to kill Bella tonight."

---

Author's Note:

I hope you like it. Their relationship may seem like it came on sudden, but really it didn't. I just squeezed a lot of time into a couple chapters. But next chapter will be in Jasper's POV, and hopefully will give you guys a little more clarity in the whole scheme of things. Please review!