AN: Hey guys! Here we are with another chapter. As a few of you were okay with Octaven I decided to go with it some. Don't worry that won't keep me from moving forward on Clexa plot. Thank you so much for all the support I've had and all the favorites, follows and reviews. Never expected this response when I posted it.

But anyways, see the AN at the end for more of my rants :P now I'll leave you with the chapter :) Let's not forget all mistakes are mine

Chapter 4

Three cups of cappuccino and two cups of tea later Clarke and Lexa were finally walking out of the café. They had completely lost track of time and didn't even notice what was happening around them until the barista came to their table and told them that they were about to close. The two of them had blushed, stood up and started making their way outside. They had been too preoccupied with catching up, telling jokes and teasing each other to notice the time. Honest to God neither had ever had a better afternoon with just one person.

Back in college neither had actually hung out with the other one on one. Sure, they had hung out in groups a few times but Clarke, too nervous to do anything, had always kept to herself. Lexa always thought that the blonde just wasn't interested even in talking to her, so she never really pushed back them. And the other place they got to see each other were in the classroom, though Lexa sat on the back and Clarke sat at the very front. It always gave Lexa an advantage point to look at the blonde how many times she had wanted but it also never kept Clarke from finding ways to look back at Lexa.

And maybe it was stupid, and maybe some wouldn't understand how they could be so into the other when they didn't really knew each other. And maybe they were right. But they were also wrong. Clarke never had to have that one on one contact to feel her insides become jelly whenever she would hear Lexa talk passionately in their history class when she wouldn't agree with what the professor was saying. And it never kept Lexa from feeling those stupid butterflies in her stomach going wild whenever Clarke would smile shyly at her across the room if they happened to catch the other's eyes in some frat party. Maybe it was silly, and irrational and stupid and all the things you could think of. But for them… for them it was real. Even if the other never knew about it.

Lexa walked behind Clarke silently as they made their way outside. She walked behind her until they reached Clarke's car and lingered there, so not ready to let the night end. Sure, almost six years had passed and in that time it hadn't been impossible to find other girls. And sure, she wouldn't say what she felt for Clarke was love, because let's be honest… they don't even really know each other for God's sake. But she really couldn't help herself if from the moment she laid eyes on the blonde once again those stupid butterflies had come back to torment her.

Clarke turned around and send that shy smile her way, that smile that always sent the butterflies in overdrive

"I had a really good time, Lex" and the brunette could only melt because even if she had heard other people call her that it had never really felt like the way Clarke had said it

"I did, too. I hope we can do this again…" she looked into Clarke's eyes and stepped a little closer without even thinking it. Clarke was leaning on the side of the car, completely trapped between the door and Lexa

"I hope so, too. Text me and we can arrange something"

Lexa bit her lip nervously, she could feel her body leaning closer, she could see Clarke staring at her lips for a second, she could feel her heart beating like crazy for what she was about to do. The space between them was minimum and Clarke wasn't pushing her away. Clarke was leaning closer too, and even when Lexa's eyes were stuck on the way Clarke kept biting her lower lip she could feel Clarke's eyes on her own. This was it. She could do it. She would do it. All it would take was taking that miniscule step closer and they would be pressed together, and all she needed to do was lean in and their lips would be touching. And God how she craved for it.

But then her eyes darted to the side and they caught the action figure in the backseat of Clarke's car, and was that a coloring book? And suddenly thoughts of Clarke's kid, of Clarke's husband filled her head and her heart constricted and Lexa pulled back. She took a step away and cleared her throat. Looking away she completely missed how Clarke took in a shaky breath and closed her eyes, and she missed how Clarke held on tightly to her purse and how she was practically shaking.

"I uh… I'll text you and maybe we can hang out again, maybe you can tell Octavia and Raven and we can all hang out"

She has a girlfriend, Clarke. Don't be stupid. Don't be disappointed. You know you can't do this

"Sure!" said Clarke with her voice a little higher than she intended "I- I'll let them know and we can all hang out"

"Maybe you can bring your kid? I'm sure we can find something where he wouldn't be too bored"

Clarke let out a nervous laugh and shook her head "We'll see. Well-" she pointed back with her thumb over her shoulder "I better go back to him. I'm sure he's wondering why I haven't gone home"

And of course Lexa didn't understand that as Clarke's husband wanting to know where the blonde was. Of course not.

"Right… okay… thanks again, for tonight. I really had fun"

Clarke smiled at her and mumbled a 'me too' before stepping inside her car and starting the ignition. Lexa totally didn't stayed there until the blonde pulled away from her spot and drove home. She didn't stayed there until she could no longer see the red lights of the back of Clarke's car. And with a sigh and a heavy heart she totally didn't walked over to her own car with her head low and drove away in the opposite direction to go back home.

And she totally didn't spend the next hours thinking about Clarke's rosy lips and wondering what they felt like, what they tasted like.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clarke stepped inside her house taking a deep breath, still shaking from that moment in the parking lot with Lexa. What was she thinking? How did she ever expected that Lexa would lean in and kiss her? And why she felt that huge disappointment when Lexa stepped back? If she had done it, if Lexa had kissed her it would have been wrong! It would have been so wrong. Lexa had a girlfriend and that was it. Clarke refused to be that girl, she refused to be the other woman. She wouldn't be the other woman.

She stepped further in the house and peaked inside the living room. Raven and Jona were passed out on the couch, her little boy was on top of Raven and her friend had her arms around the boy. She could hear Octavia in the kitchen. When she walked in Octavia was finishing washing the dishes

"Hey princess" she whispered when Clarke stepped closer "how was the date?"

Clare glared at her and leaned on the counter next to her friend "It was not a date. And it was okay. We talked some, got to know each other a little more"

"So you didn't tell her about you know what?" Clarke shook her head and let out a sigh "it's okay, maybe it wasn't the time. You'll find the moment when to tell her. Don't let Raven pressure you" she gave her a smile and dried her hands with one of the hand towels that were on the counter

"How come she's here? I thought she would stay late in the university working?"

O sent a smile her way and shook her head "It's midnight, princess. She called me about an hour ago asking if I was back home and I said no. So she drove here instead. Jona was awake but soon after the two of them passed out watching some cartoon. I guess she was too tired"

Octavia moved around tidying up the kitchen until Clarke reached for her hand and stopped her "what's wrong?" she whispered to her friend, trying to keep quiet so they wouldn't wake the other two in the living room

O let out a sigh and a shrug, she sat down on one of the stools of the kitchen bar and ran her hands over her face and her hair "everything is wrong… look at her!" she pointed at Raven, Clarke could still see all the love her friend had for her girlfriend but she could still see something else there "am I wrong in wanting the things I want? In wanting to move forward? I mean… look at how she is with Jona!" Octavia sighed and looked back at Clarke, tears pooling in her eyes "how can I expect something else when I see how she does everything for him. Don't get me wrong princess, I love your son and I would do anything for him, too. But… am I wrong for wanting my own? For wanting Raven to be ready to start our own family?"

Clarke kept rubbing soothing circles on O's back and she leaned in to kiss her forehead "you need to talk to her, O. You need to tell her how you feel. As much of a genius she is for some things… Raven can be pretty oblivious for other things"

Octavia dried her tears with the back of her hand and took a deep breath, sealing up all the emotions she had let herself feel for a moment. She nodded to Clarke saying she understood and squeezed her hand

"I should wake her up. We should go home or else she'll be pretty cranky tomorrow morning and won't want to wake up"

Clarke moved to the living room and pried Raven's arms off Jona before picking up her boy. Every day it was harder and harder to carry him. He was heaver and soon she wouldn't be able to

"baby-" she heard Octavia call for Raven and saw her shaking the girl "baby we need to go home. Wake up" Raven opened her eyes and took a deep breath, she look around trying to figure out where she was. She got up and nodded at the blonde "Can I leave my car here? I'll come for it tomorrow. Doubt this one can stay awake enough to drive home" Octavia chuckled and wrapped her arms around Raven once the other girl was standing, Clarke just nodded and laughed when Raven hid her face on Octavia's neck and hummed, seemingly going back to sleep "come on, sleepy head. Let's get you home"

Clarke walked them out and sighed as she looked at her friends. It was clear that Octavia had less and less patience for Raven to catch up. And even when she knew it wasn't her business she couldn't help but want to help them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Octavia closed the door after the two of them stepped inside their apartment and heard Raven kick off her shoes. The other girl had sort of woken up on the drive home and was way more alert than she had been back at Clarke's. Octavia turned around and was surprised when Raven wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her close, kissing her neck and biting gently on her ear

"I think I'm up now… do you feel like staying up with me, baby?" Raven husked out as her hands started to wander south, gracing Octavia's ass and giving them a gentle squeeze

Octavia just rolled her eyes and placed her hands on Raven's shoulder "not tonight, Rae. I'm tired" she walked pass her girlfriend in a straight line to their bedroom. Raven just frowned in her direction but followed after her. It wasn't common for Octavia to reject her like that so she supposed her girlfriend was actually tired. After all she had spent hours sitting Jona before she got there and that little boy could be a ball of thunder

Raven got inside their bedroom and caught Octavia changing into her pajamas. She went to brush her teeth then came back once her girl was done. She decided to forgo pajamas and just stripped of everything before getting in bed, it was too hot to sleep with clothes on anyways. Octavia just rolled her eyes when she caught the sight of her girlfriend as she walked away into the bathroom. She could feel Raven's eyes on her as she moved around in there brushing her teeth and removing her make up. Once she got back to the bedroom Octavia slid in her side of the bed and Raven quickly moved behind her girlfriend, wrapping her arm around her and cuddling against her

"Not now, Rae. It's too hot"

"Then take off your clothes like me. Let's sleep naked"

Octavia just took Raven's arm from around her and pushed it behind her, trying to get some space between them "I don't feel like it"

Raven just sighed and rolled on her back. She couldn't help but think that Octavia was upset about something but she couldn't figure out why. They hadn't fought recently and as far as Raven knew, she hadn't screwed anything up either. She hadn't forgotten a special date or else Octavia would have told her already, she had even gone to Clarke's and stayed with her until the blonde got back. She had cleaned up the apartment some and even kissed her goodbye in the morning before leaving. So no. Raven didn't know why her girlfriend was upset now. But knew that Octavia would tell her when she was ready. So Raven rolled on her side, facing away from O and closed her eyes, willing sleep to take over

"Good night, baby" whispered Raven

"Night, Rae"

And Octavia just laid there, feeling guilty about rejecting her girlfriend but also knowing she wasn't up for anything that Raven wanted to do. She was upset with the brunette, yes. But like Clarke said, maybe Raven was oblivious to what was going on. Maybe she did need to talk to her, ask her what she wanted. But what if Raven didn't want this things? Or worse, what if Raven did want this things but it wasn't with her?

She could feel her tears welling up in her eyes but Octavia just fought them off. She took several deep breaths until she could feel like she wouldn't cry anymore and she heard Raven's breathing even out and the softest of the snores coming off her side. Octavia turned to lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, thinking about all the things she had talked with Clarke and all the things she needed to talk with Raven. It hadn't even passed five minutes when Raven turned around, still sleeping, and cuddled up to her side, burring her face in Octavia's neck and taking a deep breath. And Octavia just let her be, because even when she was upset and even when all those doubts were running in her mind how could she deny that Raven loved her when her girlfriend would do things like this? So Octavia just closed her eyes, hugged Raven close and willed her own mind to shut off so she could finally sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lexa was in her office writing a report and seeing the charts that one of her coworkers had send her about the sells projections on a brand of their products when Anya walked in her office, she greeted the brunette but Lexa was too busy writing her proposition for expanding their selling points and covering more area to even notice the other girl walk in.

It wasn't until Anya dropped her notepad on the desk and sat that Lexa finally noticed her

"Hey, what's up?"

"You know, just sent you my projections and was wondering if you'd like to talk about your date from last night?" the blonde smirked at her and Lexa could only roll her eyes

"It wasn't a date. It was just two friends hanging out and catching up"

"Two 'friends' who happens to have slept together before" the blonde laughed at Lexa when the other girl glared at her

"Yes, that happens to have slept together before. So what? That means I can't be friends with anyone?"

"Yeah, you are right… or else we would leave you with limited friendship options" Anya laughed as Lexa glared at her again and throw her a balled up post-it

"What? I haven't even slept with that many people. You're saying it as if I was some sort of slut"

"No, never said that. But you did enjoy a few one night stands back in the day"

Lexa rolled her eyes and turned back to her computer "Well… I don't anymore"

"Right, cause you are back in town and Clarke is here. And now you have another chance"

Lexa looked down and sighed, leaving her laptop all together. It was clear she wasn't going to be able to keep with her report

"No, I don't. She's married and has a kid"

Anya made an 'ah' face as she leaned back on her chair "that minor detail"

"Minor detail?" Lexa huffed and shook her head, she looked around as her smile dropped and gave her friend a shrug "she has someone… and I'm not that person. I'm not the kind of person that gets in the middle of a family, I won't… I won't mess with her family"

Anya gave her a sad smile, as if saying she understood

"Last night… was pretty awesome. We talked a lot, we joked around and I could have sworn she kept flirting back with me. We never… we never really talked about her family or anything too personal" Lexa looked back at Anya and gave her a sad smile "I don't know if I'm relieved or not about that part" she sighed and ran her hand through her hair "and then we were out on the parking lot and I walked her to her car-"

"Like the gentlelady you are" Anya teased Lexa and the brunette just rolled her eyes

"And we were standing there, she had her back pressed on her car and I was standing so close I could smell her perfume… and then I was standing closer, and she was looking right at me… but then she was looking at my lips and I was looking at hers… and just as I was working up the courage to lean in my eyes caught something on her backseat and I saw her son's toy… and I was reminded that she was not free for me to kiss…"

Lexa looked down and Anya pressed her lips together, wishing things would be different for her friend "I'm sorry, Lex"

And just like that Lexa was reminded of the way Clarke had said 'Lex' and how different it had sounded from her lips

"Yeah well… that's life. Nothing I can do".

AN2: so there we go! another chapter. Did you like it? hate it? too much Octaven? are you eager to have Clarke finally tell Lexa she's a mom? let me know please!

On one of the reviews someone asked if Costia (lets remember she was back in the first two chaps) was Lexa's girlfriend. Is she? is she not? what do you think? what do you think of Lexa still thinking Clarke is married?

Let me knoooow! anyways. I'll leave you now. Again thanks for readind and reviewing. I checked the charts for this fic and it amazed me where my fic has reached. It blew my mind away, thanks for that! anyways. Enough. Till next time

-Alex :D