Persistence

Chapter Four

My Friends, My Soldiers

--

The Great Hall looked just as I had remembered it, the four houses busy eating at their tables, the noise a welcoming memory from my past. Some looked upon as I entered the Hall, Ron and Hermione behind me, and the whispers started. It was like a ripple of silence that washed over the students then, leaving them silent and unmoving, staring at me. I knew, could imagine the thoughts that accompanied those glances, few concerned, some hateful and the others cautiously curious. The Boy-Who-Lived, the winner of the precious Triwizard Tournament who had claimed to be a spectator to the return of the Dark Lord. Who had faced and fought through a trial held before the Wizengamot. Who had spent his first night of this term in the Hospital Wing, perhaps ill, perhaps due to reasons much more sinister. The boy who was reputed to be insane. I had endured these glances before, long ago.

I hadn't realized that they would hit me so hard.

I looked up at the staff table, and it was so hard to keep my composure even though I saw exactly what I had expected beforehand. I looked upon the Professors, now silent, as if in some expectation. I remembered Minerva, as prim as she ever was, and the plump kindly Pomona, the dashing-in-a-limpy-kind-of-way Sinistra, the wizened Grubbly-Plank, the little charm-Master Flitwick. I saw Umbridge, as toadlike as I remembered, her pouchy eyes bulging in distaste in a manner that stirred my memories. A Cruciatus I could've managed at that moment, easily, thinking of the courtroom and the helpless victims being dragged away by the dementors as she had gleefully watched. But angry as I was, hateful as I was, I could not continue glaring at her – for to her right sat Albus Dumbledore.

He sat at the centre of the table, on his long golden–backed chair that Minerva had later eschewed in favour of a less imposing one. He wore a purple robe, with a matching hat, and even in daylight the silvery stars on both twinkled to my eye. He looked aged and weary, the look of a man engaged in a bitter and uncertain war, but he did not look defeated. In the face of the man I had once seen as my idol, my mentor I could now see someone ruthless and kind, a man who knew how to control the world as efficiently as he controlled himself, and applied his knowledge without hesitating mercy for that was the only road he saw that led to the survival of others.

Once I had been his man. Once. I remembered being his, body and soul, more devoted than any power–hungry follower Voldemort had ever had. I remembered the moment when I had realized that his plan could lead to victory only at the cost of my death. I remembered being even a little glad, for I could never choose to die – my choices had made me what I was, and suicide has never been among them, though sacrifice was. I supposed he had known that too, and had made my choice for me.

I wondered why that choice had seemed perfect then. I wondered what had changed my view of the man I still loved. I wondered why I wondered.

--

We sat together, Ron and Hermione to my right and Neville sitting opposite. I looked at Neville for a moment, remembering the details of a shy, quiet boy who had become so confident a wizard in his later years. Organising the students in his seventh year and the act of killing Nagini had bestowed the mantle of a hero upon him, and he had handled it well. Better than me, probably. That memory made me suppress a frown, for those were circumstances I could no longer allow to happen. I had had to acknowledge the very real possibility that I might never be able to leave this world, and even though few memories of my past remained potent enough to trouble me still, one fact was clear. Nobody would miss me in my world. I had cloistered myself in my own little hole after my tragedy; I'd put up walls against any private intrusion. Few knew me inside the Ministry in my years after leaving the Aurors, and only Teddy was someone I'd seen around with any sort of regularity. I must have left my body lifeless and decaying, and the prospect of going back wasn't appealing. After all, I'd left few to remember me as a man and not the legend, and none who might mourn me. But to remain here, with thirty-odd years of life and a chance to set it all right again, without the senseless killings and pain this time, was a powerful temptation – especially since the former owner of the body showed no intention of showing up again. Knowledge is the most powerful weapon in any war, and it would've been the understatement of all time to say that my knowledge of the past and the future could help a great deal. To do it my way though – that would mean change in the timeline itself, something that had to be done very delicately – for it was frighteningly easy to screw up.

I tried to brush aside my convoluted plots and listen to what my friends were saying. Hermione was complaining loudly about the quality of Umbridge's teaching, in the low tone she used when she was trying to say something unpleasant about someone in a position of authority but who really deserved it. "She's limiting our potentials, you know, Ron! Can you believe it, Harry? She tells us to read on defense theory from Wilbert Slinkhard! Not that," she amended, "there's anything wrong with learning theory – but couldn't she have chosen something a little more practical? How are we supposed to deal with Death Eaters if she doesn't have us practice dueling and spells? She simply said we'd know what we need to know! Harry, you're the best in DADA, maybe if you tell her –"

I cut her off with a wave of my hand. "She wouldn't listen, Hermione. She works for Fudge, after all. I got the impression in the trial that she thinks I'm an insane freak with a penchant for attention. She'd probably tell me there's nothing to fear in the outside world, and Voldemort isn't out there trying to kill us – Merlin's beard, Ron, try to get used to the name, damnit."

"But Harry, we can't be going without any form of spellcasting practice at all! We'd be sitting ducks if we're attacked!"

"I don't plan on being a sitting duck, Hermione." I smiled grimly. "I'll have to learn better spells. We'll all have to, if we ever want to fight. You'll help me, won't you? Ron?"

"Of course we'll help you, Harry. What kind of question is that?" Hermione said firmly, answering for both of them since Ron, his mouth still full of pie, could only nod enthusiastically. I tried hard not to grin as her face turned thoughtful. "I wish we could do something to help the others, though – it's not fair to them if they can't learn how to fight back only because the Ministry is being stupid." Oh yes, she was getting an idea. Her idea, and she would bring it up to my very obvious surprise and initial reluctance. In time, I was sure. In time. Things would fall in their places.

Now, I thought, I had to do something about tonight. The room of requirement could wait.

--

"I wonder if Hagrid is all right," Hermione said as we started for the Charmsn classroom after leaving the Great Hall. "Grubbly-Plank is a good teacher, of course, but I miss him, kind of..."

"We all do," Ron said gruffly. "I hope he's all right, whatever Dumbledore has him doing. And Madame Maxime. What do you reckon –" He looked at me.

"Giants, I think," I whispered in answer to the unfinished question. "They supported Voldemort in the last war, didn't they? Hagrid and Madame Maxime are both half-and-halfs, so he probably sent them to convince them to fight for us, I think."

"That's what I thought too," Hermione said. "I just hope he's being careful."

"Yeah, me too. Me too." I tried to think a way to bring the topic up. "Listen, you remember third year? How –" I lowered my voice, "Snuffles got to our dorm?"

"What about that?" Ron asked for both of them.

"Well," I sighed, affecting a look of hurried impatience, "think about it. If he could get to our dorm so easily, why not a Death Eater? We need security. More security, at least at night."

"Hogwarts is the most secure place Britain, Harry. Maybe the most secure place in the world." Hermione looked at me, strangely. "We have Dumbledore looking out for us. And Snuffles was – what he was, that was why he could get inside the castle, even your dorm – and then only because Neville left the passwords lying around. Anybody else would have had much more trouble." There she went, she and her trust in authorities.

"My point stands, Hermione. We have Death Eater–wannabes in the school, you know it. Malfoy would jump at a chance to get me in trouble, and more than that." Maybe not totally true, but consistent with my opinion about him as far as she knew. "We got into their common room when we were twelve. Want to bet they can't get to ours now? Hogwarts is defended against wide-scale intrusion, not against assassins. Dark wizards have got in year after year, and Dumbledore didn't even know. We need to beef up our security. We need wards." Maybe not language a fifteen–year old would use, but I got my point across. I could see her thinking. Ron was frowning, too.

"Do you want to go to Dumbledore and tell him to set up some more wards around our dorm?" Hermione asked finally.

I shook my head. "If Umbridge somehow got to know about it, she'd count it as blatant favouritism on Dumbledore's part. And it'll give credence to her story about me being a paranoid maniac. I mean," I asked as sarcastically as I could manage, "what fifteen-year old needs a ward of all things around his dorm?"

"So what do you think we should do?" Ron asked. "I can tell you've got something planned." Clever. He could always tell.

"I did some reading in the Summer. I ordered a book by owl," I said seeing Hermione's questioning look. "I couldn't practice at the Dursleys, obviously. But I tried once or twice at Number Twelve. I got the hang of some spells. And don't you start, Hermione. You know as well as I do how bullshit that Underage Regulation is."

"I wasn't going to say anything," Hermione still gave me a disapproving look, but her interest in the book was winning out just as I had expected. "You have the book?"

"Sure. It's buried under all that junk though. I'll give it to you tomorrow. We need to find some place for practice. I think you really should use something tonight though, maybe a Protego Totalum. I can do mine and Ron's. I should've thought of it earlier."

Hermione nodded, frowning a little. "Okay, Harry. I can try a Cave Inimicum, too... we should look for an abandoned classroom or something, where we wouldn't be noticed. Look at the time, we really should hurry before Flitwick starts!"

--

All the others were already snoring by the time we'd returned to the dorm. That was good, because I remembered very well the scene with Seamus, and I wasn't really in the mood for another roll of that particular dice. Ron was looking haggard.

"The teachers are trying to kill us, I swear, Harry... I mean, saw how both Flitwick and McGnagall just couldn't shut up about the OWls? We still have a full year, for Merlin's sake! What was the point in giving us all that homework right now? We need to know how to defend ourselves, not –" He said angrily, "how to turn a teacup into a hedgehog!" Nice to see he was taking my point seriously, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it was as much about laziness as about anything else. That would have to go, if I had anything to say about it. Just because he survived once did not at all mean he would again, but I meant to improve his chances as much as I could. He had a point, though. The school curriculum was designed for students trying to become full wizards, not for soldiers of war. That kind of training could damage their power in other ways, and it would. I knew it in my bones.

Still, they would have a great teacher. And a wizard impaired in everyday spells was still better than a wizard dead. That would have to be enough.

"You want to do the spells now?" Ron asked me. I nodded, and took out my wand.

"I'll use the Protego Totalum spell, I think. And a proximity alarm– they're simple, but dead useful."

"What do they do?"

"Well, if someone breaches the ward physically from the outside, it'll buzz really loudly. It'll break once you get out of the ward though. The Totalum is for spells, and will hold for most of the spells a student might cast, not an Unforgivable or anything like that– and I'll tie a Blinding spell with it, so if anyone casts something at your bed it'll flash really bright and hopefully blind them. I don't think it'll hold against a Death Eater, but I haven't had the time to practice the more advanced ones. I'll do yours first, Ron, go lie down– "

"Okay." Ron pulled himself onto the bed. His back was to me for just a moment, but that was enough.

"I'm feeling really sleepy." He yawned. I faked one myself.

"Yeah, so am I. People aren't meant to do all that homework on just their second day at school." I cast the wards, and watched the Dormio settle. He was snoring in moments, as I had known he would. I had had a lot of practice with that particular Sleeping spell over the years.

He would sleep over the whole night. There were none else in the dorm who might want to wake me up at night for whatever reason. I cast a Confundus around my bed, just in case. Now came the more difficult part...

"Illusio Corpora." I whispered, fixing in my mind an image of a short and scrawny boy sleeping on my bed. I watched and concentrated as the image grew real in my mind, taking on details, the glasses askew, a hand stretched out carelessly, the white sheet covering the legs... and the boy appeared, an illusion sleeping in my place. It looked good enough for the night, but I knew that I really would have to return before my dorm-mates woke up.

I went to the window and gauged the distance to the ground, sighing. This would be the really hard part.

--

The day had been leadened and rainy, and the grass was damp under my silent feet in the night. Climbing down the walls hadn't been fun. The rain had left the wall rather slippery, and you don't climb a hundred feet of slimy wall straight down in the dark, or at least not easily and not unless you were completely mad. Falling would've made things really inconvenient. For the hundredth time, I wished for my broom. But flying away might not be the best of ideas, since I still had little idea about the wards – and flying in to the grounds with a broom would've been suicide. I headed for the lake.

The water was calm when I arrived, no sign of life stirring in the black depths. I strengthened the Disillusionment charm on me, just in case. Then I touched the tip of my wand to the water and inscribed a circle.

"Congelo. Congelo. Ambitus!"

Ice formed in the shape of a smooth disc, a meter wide. It bobbed in the water, gently.

"Relevo." I cast at myself, then stepped onto the disc as the lightening charm took effect. A flick of my wand sent the disc moving through the calm water, sending ripples all around.

"Sedo." I tried to steady myself and hoped fervently that I wouldn't fall into the lake. Harry Potter being rescued by mermen during nighttime jaunt across the lake wasn't a story that would bring any further peace to my life. In the cold damp dark, with a Lightening charm on me in the rising wind and standing on a thin disc of ice, I began to navigate my way towards the train station.