A/N: Hehe I am currently over-tired, so you can blame the total random-crazy-stupid ness on that.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except Sirius' poem.
Chapter 3 - Streetwalker
"GAHAHA! Feel the wrath of ME!" Sirius exclaimed, dashing around the room with what looked like a utensil, and randomly jabbing people with it.
"Sirius, what is that, and what are you doing?" Remus asked wearily. Sirius Black dressed as a girl, jabbing people was not a pleasant sight. Sirius grinned.
"Why, Moony, I had no idea you were interested! This here happens to be the greatest invention ever made." He said with wide eyes. Peter looked up, suddenly very interested.
"The greatest invention ever made?" He asked, in awe.
"The greatest invention ever made." Sirius confirmed. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Oh for the love of god," He muttered. "Are you going to tell us what it is?"
"Oh well, if you insist. This here is the patented, one of a kind, SPORK." Sirius exclaimed. Peter's eyes widened.
"You have a spork?" He asked, amazed. Sirius nodded. "What's a spork?" Peter asked, looking confusedly at the utensil. Sirius' eyes widened.
"What's a spork?! Are you serious? I've already told you, it's the greatest invention ever made!"
"The greatest invention ever made?" James asked, coming in from Quidditch practice.
"The greatest invention ever made." Sirius confirmed again. "Is it just me or did we already have this conversation?" He asked, confusedly.
"So are you going to tell us what a spork is?" Peter asked, beginning to get impatient. He was now doing what James called the 'Pee Dance' "Come on! I wanna know what it is!" He whined, hopping from one foot to the other.
"Well if you must know, a spork just happens to be.. " Sirius began dramatically.
"Go on," The other three Marauders said in unison.
"Half of a fork…" He continued.
"Uh huh," The other three Marauders said in unison.
"And half a…" Sirius said, pausing yet again for dramatic affect.
"Yes?" Peter asked, getting very excited. Any moment now, he would know what the greatest invention ever made was. He could barely contain his excitement.
"SPOON!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping up and down and clapping.
"That's it?" James asked deadpan. Sirius stopped jumping and looked down at James.
"What do you mean that's it! IT happens to be the greatest inven-"
"Yes, yes we know! The greatest invention ever made!" Remus said impatiently. Sirius sighed and sat down.
"I'm bored." He mumbled moodily.
"Find something to do then." James replied. "Get a job or something." Sirius gasped.
"James! THAT'S IT! You're a genius!" He exclaimed, getting up and dashing from the room.
"Well that was weird." Remus said.
-xox-
"I haven't seen Sirius for awhile, have you guys?" James asked, sometime later. The boys shook their heads.
"JAMES POTTER!" James turned around to see Lily – dressed as a guy, marching to where he and Remus and Peter sat.
"Yes?" He asked trying to figure out what he had done.
"You don't think she found out about the frogspawn do you?" He heard Peter whisper to Remus. He mentally smacked himself in the head.
"You better do something about that – friend of yours!" She said angrily.
"Sirius? What's he doing?" James asked in general confusion. Her eyes narrowed.
"I'll show you what he's doing! Let's go!"
She lead them to the seventh floor corridor, where Sirius was seen standing at a 'corner' dressed in the most heinous clothes James had ever seen. He was wearing a tiny red skirt with black fishnets, and black leather boots that went up to his knees. He was also wearing a tight tube top that said 'Open 24/7' and had also donned large silver hoops, and tied his now long hair into a messy bun. He was currently talking to the male Hufflepuff who had previously checked him out.
"How much?" The Hufflepuff asked. Sirius looked thoughtful.
"About 50 Galleons." He said, looking the Hufflepuff up and down. He nodded. "That should do it." The Hufflepuff grinned, gave Sirius the money, and started pacing back and forth in front of the Room of Requirement.
James couldn't handle it anymore. He burst out laughing.
"You think this is funny?" Lily asked, venom in her words. James just nodded, still laughing his head off.
"Padfoot mate, when I said to get a job, I didn't mean a hooker!" He managed to say between giggles. Sirius looked affronted.
"We prefer to be called streetwalkers." He huffed. James rolled his eyes.
"I'm terribly sorry. When I said to get a job, I didn't mean a streetwalker." He said sarcastically.
"For your information this is a very high paying job! Mr. Sarcastic-butt!" Sirius replied.
"Yeah, but you also have to sleep with guys!" James emphasized. Sirius' eyes widened.
"Is that what a hooker is?" He asked in shock. Everyone nodded slowly. Realisation slowly dawned on his face. "Bloody hell," He murmured. "Well, this certainly is awkward."
"I was going to say nauseating."
"Shut up James."
"Okay."
"Look, Marcus, I'm sorry, but I'm gunna have to bail on you," Sirius said, motioning to the Hufflepuff. Marcus glared at him.
"I want my money back," He said, looking pointedly at the galleons Sirius had stuffed down his bra. (Which didn't cover much, leaving the money in plain view) James thought with a shudder.
"Err yeah, about that… Well, you see, I was just – RUN!" Sirius shouted the last bit to the Marauders and Lily, before taking off down the corridor as fast as his knee high leather boots would carry him.
"HEY! GET BACK HERE! I WANT MY MONEY!" Marcus called angrily to their backs. They were so far now, that his voice was undistinguishable. He apparently had not thought to run after them.
"Sweet Sassy Molassy that was close!" Peter said, looking to Sirius for approval of his wording choice. Sirius shook his head sadly. Peter's head drooped sadly.
-xox-
"Honestly Padfoot, a prostitute?" James asked shaking his head. The Marauders were currently sitting in the common room, breathing heavily, from running straight from the seventh floor corridor to Gryffindor Tower.
"It seemed like a good idea!" Sirius defended. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Only you, Sirius, would think that sleeping with guys for money is a good idea."
"It worked in a book I read!"
"What book was that?" James asked, at the same time that Remus stared stunned at Sirius.
"You read a book? Oh my goodness, I have to preserve this into my memory."
"Shut up Moony! Yes I read a book."
"And what was it called?" James asked again, interested to see what book had hookers in it.
"… Streetwalking Through Britain,"
James snickered. Remus smacked his forehead.
"Shut up! Help me think of a new job!"
"I thought you wanted to be a poet," Remus said, not looking up from the book he had opened. Sirius flushed.
"Well, er, that didn't uhh, work too well." He said, not looking at them.
"What do you mean, it didn't work too well?" Asked James curiously.
"Uhh,"
"Come on, show us your poem," James said, eyes glinting maliciously. Sirius glared at him.
"Alright fine then. But no laughing!" Sirius cleared his throat.
"There once was a boy named Lester
He always thought he was bester
One day, a girl said, 'I'm bester than you!'
He cried, and cried, and cried boo hoo.
She sighed, guilty, and gave an apology.
He accepted on one condition-y
She asked what it was, and he smiled wide
Admitting that she must take his side, and admit,
That he, Lester, was a bester kid."
"Oh, my god. That was…" James started,
"Words can not justify that." Remus said, shaking his head.
Peter clapped his hands excitedly. "I quite enjoyed that!" He said, grinning.
Sirius took a bow.
"Padfoot, I'm sorry, but that was awful," James said, shaking his head. Sirius looked up indignantly.
"Shut up arse face! At least this one rhymed!" He retorted
James held up his hands in defence.
"Hey, alright, I'm sorry!"
-xox-