I think it goes without saying, but the first time I dreamt of Marco's death, it was painful.
As in, gasping awake in the middle of the night, eyes squeezed shut with silent tears trickling out, gripping onto the bedcovers in pitch darkness kind of painful.
It had taken me four days to calm down. It didn't help that my dad and step mom were on their honey moon, my step sister being cared for by the neighbours while I stayed in the house alone at thirteen years old.
My eyes itched, threatening to water constantly and there was an uncomfortable lodge in my throat. It took me a day to notice my hands wouldn't stop shaking. Four days of replaying the same discovery in my mind. They were the worst days of my entire life.
I'd had plenty of dreams about Marco before that. I'd gotten to know Marco all over again, in the exact same way as I had done before in my past life.
I remembered the first time we met. I'd been sulking on my bed in the dorm and he walked calmly into the room, introducing himself to everyone with a surprising air of charisma. We'd clicked instantly once he came over to me on my bed, smiling happily, and the reason for my bad mood was forgotten.
We talked about everything about anything until it was time for dinner, then we shared a table and talked some more, people crowding around our table, interested in Marco and I liked the attention I got for the one liners I slipped into the conversation.
I could recall as clear as day the first time I'd broken down in tears in front of him; the stress of training becoming too much, the pressure of wanting to do better than Jaeger and the jealousy I felt towards him overwhelming and the heartbreak of being ignored by Mikasa finally getting to me. It had all been too much for me on top of everything else.
He hugged me without saying a word, and I didn't mind it even though I hated being touched, because he was really warm and soft. He'd crouched by my side as we sat outside the dorms until I fell asleep on his shoulder then he dragged my sorry ass back to bed, like the Freckled Jesus he was.
So in the world of my dreams, Marco Bodt became my best friend all over again while I lived another miserable life called middle school.
The second time I saw his corpse, the first time I dreamt about that day; it hit me much harder than the first time. I'd lost the same person twice and both times he hadn't deserved it, both times I hadn't been able to prevent it.
I couldn't help but feel guilty about it and at the same time I really missed him.
I was almost thankful that the reincarnation of Marco was a dick, because it meant he wasn't going to end up being eaten alive and at the same time, he was still the same person that was my best friend. I had the reassurance that Marco would stay alive, whether I intervened in his life or not. I wouldn't ever pull a "it'd be better if we weren't together because it could happen again" thing because that was impossible, given that the life we lived didn't include man eating giants.
Okay so, maybe he wasn't actually my best friend, If anything, he made it pretty clear that he hated my guts. But I'd find him, I would definitely find my Marco again within that asshole of a jock.
I met with him that Saturday at the court, like we'd planned, and I'd given him directions by text (leaving kisses at the end of my messages, of course. He loved that-not). I'd been given the duty of babysitting my little step sister who skipped in front of me on the broken path, her glossy brown hair swishing around her back, wearing a t-shirt and a skirt, because apparently five year old girls got away with a terrible fashion sense.
The hunched figure of Marco was slouching on an old bench inside the otherwise deserted court which had plastic, green fencing around it, two pretty decent hoops at each side and markings and tar on the ground which had been replenished just last year. Marco had his school bag sitting beside him, and under the navy blue hood of his jumper, I saw that he had headphones on (I reckoned he listened to death metal-teen angst and all being his thing).
I waved to him and he nodded back, putting his head phones into his bag, then pulled out a basketball. (I'd forgotten to bring one….Oops. At least he was prepared.) He threw it to my brunette sister who staggered back a few steps and almost caught it, until it slipped out her hands. He grinned at her from where he sat. He went over to grab it from where it rolled and sat back down, opening his legs out and leaning forward.
"Oh wow! You almost caught it, well done! What's up, Kirstein? Who's the mini Kirstein you've got here?"
Marco tended to be a little two faced, at the best of times. At least he was good with kids, that seemed very Marco-ish. My step sister glared at him when he said "mini", even though I knew he was just teasing. Looks like I knew a lot about him even if he was different from before.
"It's Miss Claudia Kirstein-Gray to you, spotty face!"
He raised his eyebrows in surprise at Claudia's sass (my parents had THE worst influence on this kid), putting his hands up in defence, mumbling at how his freckles weren't acne, like my face was covered in (yeah, right). I decided to introduce them before they tore each other's throats out.
"Dee, this is Marco. He's the one who can't play basketball but is still on the team. You can wait around where he's sitting while we practice."
He lowered his eyelids at me as if to say "so not funny" as Claudia reluctantly went to sit beside him, sulking dramatically.
"Sorry man, I got stuck with babysitting duties since the neighbours were out and mom and dad had work today." I shrugged my shoulders at him. "Claudia's my step sister, her mom's been married to my dad for two years now."
Claudia turned to face him with a scowl that was similar to his from a few days ago.
"My daddy's a lawyer." she told him pompously. She meant my dad, since her biological dad had died of a stroke when she was two.
She acted like her mom a lot, who was damn right snobby and self important, and boy, did it show.
Marco smiled at her, his freckles stretching across his cheeks. "Oh yeah? Well, my dad's a doctor. They get way more money than lawyers."
Was he seriously competing with a five year old over their parents' jobs? Maybe Claudia had finally met her match.
"It's about the baskets and the balls today you guys, so stop bickering."
Marco took the hint, rolling his eyes as he made his way to stand beside me, dribbling the ball along the way. I'd come at least a little prepared, wearing basketball shorts and shoes, plus a vest since we'd eventually be sweating buckets. Marco was in a similar attire, but despite the unseasonably warm weather, there were goose-bumps visible on his arms as he threw his jumper onto the bench.
"Let's warm up first; we'll do laps around the court."
We jogged around the court a few times. Claudia sat on the bench with her mom's phone ( I had chalk and Lego when I was her age!) and sighed in boredom every few seconds. After we'd done, he was already wheezing and I hadn't even broken a sweat.
"Wow Marco. Who knew you'd be so unfit? Maybe this training will stop you from getting diabetes."
"Shut up, pony boy." he said, which made Claudia giggle quite openly.
"Oh would you stop saying that? You're making me sound like some kind of Brony."
"I honestly wouldn't be surprised if you were."
I shoved him as he sniggered, then I grabbed the ball from the sideline where we'd left it and threw it at him.
"For that; you're not getting a break. Let's try a game first so I can see just how bad you are at this." He groaned as he moved to one side of the court and I mirrored him, bouncing the ball as I walked.
Oh my god. I knew he was bad enough to need training but I was beginning to doubt any sort of judgement Erwin had seen in this boy.
He tried doggy guarding me-an illegal move, tried snatching the ball from my hands and failed several times. When he finally got the ball and shot it, he missed the basket, not even hitting the board and it landed outside the court, so I made him run out and get it.
When he returned with the orange ball, I could tell he wished that looks could kill. With a menacing glare he dribbled it to the middle of the court then tried to race past me, only to have me stepping backwards in front of him and tapping it in front of me and bounced it away. He groaned audibly, getting angrier, redder and sweatier by the minute. Hmmm. He needed a better motivation than just getting back at me.
"What team?!" I yelled at Claudia, who instantly stood up and shouted back "Wildcats!" then we both sang our own version of "Gotta get your head in the game", her version being the word perfect one, her voice high pitched and nasal.
I panted and laughed between lyrics, and sure enough Marco was riled up and he managed to snatch the ball from me, dodging me as he ran three feet away from the basket and shot, finally scoring a basket. He pounded a fist in the air, chanting out "Champion, champion!" as he chased after the rolling ball.
"I'm sorry, you mean the champion with two points compared to my forty two?"
I had a nice view of his ass as he bent over to pick up the ball. Hmmm. Legs. Tan coloured and drenched in freckles, just like his face. Wait, that was gay. Stop it Jean. It's just legs, you have them too. I looked away until he spoke.
"Hey, shut up! I'm just glad I managed to score a basket at all!" he blushed as he yelled.
He jogged over to his bag, his legs shaking as he collapsed onto the bench, ignoring Claudia's incessant singing as he fumbled through his bag for his phone. He clicked the lock button, seemingly to check the time.
"Shit, it's this late already? Right, um, I need to go. Text me for when the next practice is, alright? I'll see you at club next week, sadly." he wheezed at me.
He wiped the sweat from his brow with a bare wrist, stuffing his jumper and the ball into his bag as he shrugged it over his shoulders and ran out the court.
"Come on Claudia, let's follow him." I moved towards the gate. She stopped singing.
"Why? Where's Marco going?"
"I guess he's going home. I want to see where he lives. I deserve to since he ditched training with half an hour left still to go."
She took my hand in hers subconsciously and rolled her eyes.
"That's stupid, he obviously doesn't like you. He won't want you to be at his house."
"That's the point."
We tailed Marco through the quiet street, passing my house along the way. He stopped running and we had to slow down, I kept shushing Claudia who didn't seem to understand the concept of spying.
"Claudia, pretend you're a mouse." She squeaked loudly in reply. I clapped a hand over her mouth.
"Urgh, just never mind. Keep quiet, okay? Otherwise Marco's gonna hear us and I don't want that because he'll be mad."
Actually, I did quite like making him mad. His expressions were always priceless. We passed expensive looking houses, then eventually we were out the housing estate and heading towards the town centre.
"I guess he's not going home then. He just wanted out of training to go shopping." I grumbled.
Claudia caught eye of the toy shop, almost making me yelp as she tugged my shirt.
"I want to go in!"
"No, Dee, not now. Maybe on our way back." I looked ahead for Marco, who was closing in on a specific shop.
I pulled her hand away from my shirt, clasping it in my own as she shrieked at me, demanding to go inside, pulling me backwards.
"Jeez Claudia, I don't even have any money on me! Neither do you!"
That eventually quietened her. Passers-by nodded at me, apparently impressed by how I handled my little sister's screaming fit. Marco disappeared from view as he went inside one of the shops. When we reached the shop, I waited for a few seconds, glancing at the interior of the shop before following him through the door.
When we went inside, Marco was nowhere to be found. Just as well, because I sure as hell didn't want him to see me with Claudia in the cheesy family restaurant called "Danny's Diner" with a picture of a winking cartoon tiger beside the name sign.
There were kids EVERYWHERE. Hurling foam balls inside a ten foot ball-pit prison. Chasing each other around the cushioned and caged climbing frame and screaming. Throwing tantrums at tables when they weren't allowed desert, their parents embarrassed as they tried to quieten them. Red faced babies bawled in messy high chairs with unrecognizable gloop all over their faces and clothes, their mouth open showing gums that were bright pink and toothless.
Claudia shrieked in excitement, hugging my side and yelling her thanks, that I was the "best-est step brother ever" as she left my side to go in and play.
In a daze I wandered over to the bar area that was a non kid zone, just as a person in a tiger suit came out from the door from behind it. They must've not seen me, because they ignored me and went out into the centre of the madness to let out a loud, fake roar. They were immediately bombarded by children that intended to either climb onto the poor soul or rip their striped tail off.
They laughed, a low, rich sound from within the costume, and patted them on the head with a large paw, swinging their arms by their sides as they made the children follow behind them to a table that was littered with crayons and scribbled on paper and sat down in the biggest chair, pretending to feel faint. The kids ate it up, laughing in with shrieks mixed in as they watched the melodramatic tiger.
I jumped when someone from behind the bar said "excuse me" and I turned to face them. It was Armin, of all people.
"Hey man, long time no see!" he grinned at me, leaning over the bar so I could hear him. He wore a red cap with the name of the diner with his hair tied up and sticking out the hole at the back. His t-shirt had a printed picture of the black and orange winking tiger, apparently the same one as the thing currently being child-tortured beside the climbing frame.
"Yeah, it's been a while." I sat down on the twisting bar stool.
"What brings you here? You're a little young to have a kid, aren't you? You're not even old enough to drink." he raised a blonde eyebrow.
"Of course I don't have a fucking kid, you would've seen my on my new show "teen dad" if I had one." he looked a little taken aback at my sarcasm, which had come out harsher than I'd intended.
"I'm, um, I'm here with my little sister."
"Really?! I didn't know you had a sister. Which one is she?" He nodded excitedly at the group of kids swarming the tiger person.
I turned around to face them, pointing at Claudia.
"She's the one with brown hair, the my little pony t-shirt and the weird nose."
He tilted his head when I spun back around to face him.
"She doesn't look much like you."
"She's my step sister." He said "oh" and asked what he could get me.
Eventually, I called Claudia over to a table where I sat with two chocolate ice creams in patterned glass bowls. I still hadn't seen Marco, the tiger had disappeared a few minutes ago and Armin hadn't mentioned him when we spoken at the bar.
I scanned the room for the freckled boy. Maybe he'd gone to the back? Maybe I'd gone into the wrong place? I shook my head as I scooped up a bit of ice cream, almost gagging at the terrible flavour.
Dee raced over when she saw I had ice cream, telling me that this was best day of her entire life and babbled on about how her friends would probably want to go here for a birthday party and stuffed the ice cream into her mouth, her spoon shovelling at lightning speed. I let my mind wander, pretending to listen to Claudia, nodding and saying "oh really?" every now and then.
A black haired man with a cap and shirt that matched Armin's began wiping the abandoned, littered tables with a white cloth. Interested, I called over to him to tell him I was finished with my bowl. He turned to face me and his jaw dropped. He stormed over to me, his face turbulent.
"Jean?! What the hell are you doing here?" Marco whispered in a shout. Found him.
I pointed to my ice cream bowl innocently.
"Got hungry." I told him. I cocked my head, thinking for a second.
"Marco, are you the tiger mascot guy?"
His face flushed scarlet. His eyes narrowed and he pointed a sharp finger at me.
He threatened me. "If you tell anyone, anyone, then you'll be known as a faggot stalker around the school."
"I'm not known as that already? Huh, I guess gossip doesn't spread around so fast in our school then." I handed my bowl to him with a smile.
"I hate you and your awful two toned hair. You are so dead if you tell anyone."
I patted my hair in defense.
"I'll have you know this is natural. I'll prove it to you in the summer, my roots get lighter. Hell, my old man has the same hair as me and he's way too proud to touch dye."
He snorted, rolling his eyes as he took the bowl. "Looks like you take after him in more ways than one."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I frowned at him.
He exhaled sharply in annoyance. "It doesn't matter. Look, just get out of here a.s.a.p and don't tell anyone about this."
I rested my chin on my hand as I playfully pondered this.
"I don't know man, I might have to tell Reiner about your costume; I heard he's into that sort of kinky stuff with Bertholdt. Hmmm, I think after seeing your awesome performance today, maybe I am too. I'd yank that tail of yours, any day." I waggled my eyebrows as I grinned at him.
He opened his mouth, mortified as he glanced at Claudia who was completely oblivious to our conversation. He hid his face in his free hand, groaning about how gay I was. I bit back a laugh as I leaned back into my chair.
I was definitely coming here again.