I am finally getting into this story like I wanted it to be. I love cliff hangers so we might just have to trust that I will update in a timely manner. Cough cough maybe not but I'll try. Lucky you guys, getting three chapters in one afternoon. It turned out that I had time after I was done getting homework done and I felt like writing. As always: If y'all haven't read any of my other stories yet, the characters belong to Cassie Clare, and her books are great. To the story, enjoy this one, I put a lot of thought into it.
Chapter 4 - Clary POV
So, there you know, this will forever be the night that Jace fell in love with me. Now I have to lay in my bed, drunk as hell, and accept the fact that I still can't have him. I think about it all the time, the things he could do to me, the fun we could have, the level of popularity we would accomplish, the love I would have for the boy I have known 2/3 of my life.
People just assume that he's a player and fuckboy, whatever. I knew him before he hit puberty and got all hot. Okay well that is kind of a lie, he's always been hot in my opinion, but never did I ever think that he would see me the same way. Like, I know I'm beautiful but beauty doesn't get you the guy in your dreams. My family has a lot of money, but money can't buy this kind of happiness. I know I am popular in school, but that doesn't get me in the line for Jace Herondale. He's my brother's best friend, he's seen me in my embarrassing moments and my attempts at being sexy, and me with him. But he never wanted me like that. I was always just the sister that he always wanted to pick on.
"Good morning," My brother says knocking on my door. "Are you feeling okay? You kind of drank a lot after everything happened, I brought you, Izzy, and Jace home to sleep. If that's okay for him to be here?"
"It's okay Jon," I patted to a spot next to me on the bed and remembered last night's events like a movie replay. "I'll deal with it."
"Just don't get trashed again please," he said giving me a bear hug. "You both got pretty bad, I couldn't keep an eye on all three of you so I called it for the night."
"Thank you for being there for me," I said, his eyes shining a shade lighter. "Just, if Jace doesn't remember anything, can we just pretend like it never happened, like I never told you my secret."
"Believe me I'd rather not know myself," he agrees. "Just knowing what happened makes me want to beat some sense into him." I give him my look and he soften back up. "You'll let me know if he tries anything with you, that you don't want I mean?"
"Of course," I said smiling the fake smile I have gotten so good at.
I followed him out my door and into the hallway where he pointed to the two spare bedrooms that are often used by Izzy and Jace in my house. Simon usually doesn't stay the night when we hang out unless it's a group thing, which I have never understood. I can see Jace asleep through the crack in the door. He's not wearing a shirt. I mentally slap myself.
I'm sitting at the bar on my favorite stool when Izzy wanders into the kitchen looking like a freeking supermodel. "How are you not hungover?" I scowl at her through my coffee mug. She gives me a grin and takes the stool next to me.
"Hangovers are so last year," she says simply. I laugh a little at her comment, of course she's hungover but she has to do everything fabulously.
The next thing I know, there's another set of footsteps coming into the kitchen. Izzy and I go silent but I don't look up from my coffee. Jon stops flipping pancakes and the only noises in the room are coming from the stove top. I can see Jon out of the corner of my eye giving Jace a questionable look. I know exactly what he is saying. Do you remember? I see Jace's shadow reposition in the doorway and Jon's face turn and nod. He just had to remember. Fuck me.
"Clary, can I talk to you," Jace says finally breaking the silence. I blink my eyes a couple of times before setting my coffee down. Izzy gives me a panicked look but I can't reassure her, my insides feel like they're about to burst. I follow him back up the stairs and he stops at my bedroom. I open the door for him and close it when he walks in.
"If you wanted me alone in my bedroom, you could have just asked," I say trying my part at a witty remark. His expression doesn't change. He's just looking at me, like he can see through my sass and my soul and see me. I feel so vulnerable under this look so I cover my chest with my arms.
"Can you not do that please," He says instead.
"So, you do remember," I say to the floor. I try not to look into his eyes because I know I'll get lost in them.
"I just needed to ask you," he said quietly, "If you're okay, after everything that happened last night."
"No," I say to the floor still. "I'm not okay. "I'm surprised you're so okay with everything, but I am not okay." I find the courage to look him in the eyes but this time I'm angry. "What the hell were you thinking, Jace. I was content with my relationship with Netflix and keeping my emotions buried deep. I was okay with never getting a chance with you, hell, I was even okay that you didn't like me like that." He looks so different right now. I wait to see what he has to say to me but he's just looking at me. "I was even okay watching you with a different girl every week. But I'm not now. I felt my insides break the moment you said those words and now I have to deal with the pieces."
He takes a step forward and raises a hand to brush his curls back on his, but I instantly take a step back.
"Clary," he tried to say but it came out scratchy and broken.
"I'm not okay with being on your list of broken hearts, Jace," I said instead.
He took another step forward and this time I stood my ground. Another step later, he was within touching distance. I couldn't feel myself breathing so I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. Another step, and his hand came up to touch my cheek, I didn't even try to stop my eyes from filling with the emotions of my broken heart. If only he hadn't ruined it like that, maybe we could do this for real.
One last step, and his body is up against my own. I can see him up close and so clear. Every muscle wrapping around his arm, the vain in his neck pulsing quickly, his eyes that have turned to the deepest color of gold. His touch sent my body into overdrive and I could see it in his eyes that he feels it too.
"I know," he says finally taking his hand down. "I know I'll never deserve you, I just thought maybe since you knew the real me, that you would give me a real chance." He took a step back and I forced myself to look away. He walks around me to the door but stops when he touches the doorknob. "I guess, if you ever find yourself wanting me, no matter the time of day, you can give me a call."
And then he was gone. And I let myself break again.
Jace never came back over after that morning. Izzy spent the entire day with me watching Nicolas Sparks movies and making endless bags of popcorn. After the fifth movie in a row, she cut me off of popcorn and handed me a chocolate milk. She didn't make me talk about it, and she didn't offer to beat up her brother, she just stayed with me for the rest of the week. But now school was starting and our positions as this years "It Girls", we need to take some serious showers. I let the water burn through my sulking and burn through the rest of my grudges. I haven't seen Jace in a week, although I wouldn't doubt it if Jon killed him and hid the body. I never did tell him what happened with us, but I am sure that Izzy told him it was something that wasn't good.
We're standing in front of the High School's front doors now about to start our senior year; and the only thing that I can think of, is avoiding Jace for a few more days.
"Maybe I was too harsh on him, Iz," I confessed once we were at her locker. She slammed the door shut and gave me her look.
"My brother doesn't deserve you, and he knows it," she said laying a hand on her hip. "If he really wants to do this with you, he'll man the fuck up and try again."
"I don't think so this time-," I tried to tell her.
"I do," she said simply.
Inside the cafeteria, Jace and Jon were standing in the middle of a group of football guys surrounded by a group of cheerleaders looking for attention. Looks like Jon didn't kill him after all.
I open my locker and shove my bag and a couple of books inside. When I close it, I see Jace standing at the end of the hallway across from the same barbie girl from the party last week. She was trying to talk to him, but he blew her off completely. He locked eyes with me as he was walking by me but fixed his head straight again before I could get his attention.
Izzy had to stay after school to wait for Jace to be done with football tryouts because Alec had somewhere else to be today. So, I am sitting with her on the bleachers watching the boys run laps and run drills while the coach blows his whistle at different people.
She led me back through the doors to wait inside when she decided that she was going to get a sunburn if she stayed out there any longer. I was leaning against the wall adjacent to the outside doors when I heard dozens of different shoes echo on the floor. Izzy fell silent and tried to play cool but I could feel someone breathing behind me. "Jace," I said without turning my head. Izzy pretended to be interested in a sign hanging up on the wall.
"Here I thought you forgot about me," he said in a deep voice. My insides rattled at the deepness of his voice and I turned around to look him in the eyes. I open my mouth to say something but Jon breaks my silence.
"Jordan saved us showers but we have to go, man," he said giving me a sympathetic glance.
Izzy and I are now viciously rebelling against homework as we watch The Lucky One in the living room of my house. The TV is huge, and the couches are comfier than my bed. The door opens and Jon, Jordan, and Jace walk through.
"Are we interrupting you?" Jordan says with his mock tone and standing in the way of the screen.
"Not really," I say trying to sound board. "But you are welcome to join us," I challenged. He stepped to the side and the boys made their way to the basement. Probably to play video games or something. And then my phone buzzes in my pocket.
Jace: You don't have to ignore me forever
Me: I am not, I just have nothing to say to you yet
Jace: How much does Jon know, he won't talk about it
Me: Pretty much nothing I didn't tell anyone
Jace: Do I have any chance or are you just playing with me?
Me: That was blunt
Jace: I can leave if you want me too...
Me: No, it's okay, I've actually missed talking to you all the time
Jace: What does that make us?
Me: I haven't decided
Jace: Can I persuade you? ;)
Me: You can try ;)
Jace: Don't tease me now Clary
I couldn't help the blush that came across my body.
Me: Of course, you would mean sexually
Jace: Not a chance, but I do have ways Miss Fray
Me: I'd like that
Jace: Same.
Me: Then it's a date then
Jace: Tomorrow night, I'll pick you up at 6
Me: You don't need more time to plan some epic romantic date or something?
Jace: Sweetheart, I've been planning my first date with you all week. It's perfect.
The movies are over by now and I decide to go to bed. It's crazy late and I am sure the boys left hours ago. So, I fall asleep dreaming like I could actually make myself whole again.