Dsiclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter...

WARNING: gay relationship, some kissing, cuddling, crying, and sex in a tub. So, don't like it, don't read it.

Once back at the house, Harry went to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a sleeping potion.

"So, you're still drinking those," said Draco fighting to sound neutral. Harry looked at Draco and then back at the sleeping potion he had been depending on for several months to calm himself down and sometimes to get to sleep. It also came in handy when he needed to hide his emotions from everyone.

"Dray... I..."

"Please Harry, you use that to shut everyone out. I'm the only one here. Please don't shut me out this time." Harry stared at the bottle in his hand for a few moments before he reopened the medicine cabinet and put the bottle back on the shelf. He shut the door and looked at his reflection in the mirror on the door. His expression was haggard and he felt more tired than he looked. He saw Draco's face over his shoulder in the mirror and saw the concern on his lover's face. "Harry, please talk to me."

"I wanted to disappear today. Not like disappear for a while, or to some other place. I wanted to disappear forever. All those people, they all wanted to know and they all wanted something from me. One person actually pulled out a piece of hair once. He thought it could be used to create some kind of powerful protection spell. It didn't work. Just like I told him it wouldn't work. I just couldn't convince him that what he thought was wrong." Harry turned on the faucet, set his glasses on the side of the sink, and washed his face with the cold water. He turned off the faucet and felt a soft towel being put in his hand. He dried off his face and put his glasses back on. "Every time I go out and stuff like this happens, I just panic. I don't know what everyone wants me to be. I don't know if I can be everything everyone wants me to be." Draco put his arms gently around Harry's waist. "I don't even know what you want from me. Who you want me to be."

"I want you to be you. I want to be with you. I want you to be the man I fell in love with."

"I don't even know who that person is anymore. I feel like I don't know who I am."

"Why?"

"I've been so busy being everything everyone else wants me to be... or what everyone thinks I ought to be... or... you get the idea. What I wanted, who I am, got pushed to the side. And so did you." He reached for a pack of clove cigarettes on the sink and held out the open pack to Draco. Draco took one from the pack and so did Harry. Then Harry pulled out his red lighter and flicked it on so that they could both light their cigarettes. Harry leaned his back against the sink so that the two of them were finally looking at each other. He took a long drag from the cigarette and exhaled. Draco sat down on the edge of the tub and took in a long drag as well. "I remember wanting to feel nothing. Then I found the recipe for that sleeping potion. It seemed like a good idea when I had insomnia. But then it wasn't just insomnia. I was using it to calm down, to sleep, to keep everything out. I've always wanted to ask you something; how bad did I get?"

"Don't you remember?"

"Not every night. I made them stronger and stronger as time went on. How bad was I?"

"I think the worst was the last night I spent here. I was... well, I'll be honest, I was horny and I wanted to make the night special and be with you all night. When I came home you had drunk too much. I had to get you to vomit up all that you had drunk. Then you were mad at me and swung at me." Harry stared at him with wide eyes. "I ducked. You get good at that when... when you have a father like mine." Draco took in another long drag and exhaled. "After that, I put you to bed and you slept it off. I couldn't sleep all night. I just sat up in a chair staring at you and wondering what the hell I was going to do. I didn't want to be here anymore, but I was still in love with you. And well, you know the ending. The next morning you woke up and I told you that I was leaving. Didn't you ever wonder why I did it that morning?"

"I had been expecting it for months. After a while I just assumed that it was a matter of time before you left." Harry took a long drag off his cigarette and slowly exhaled. "Honesty is scary."

"True. But it's better than the way we were living. There were days that I wanted to scream or bleed or something just to get a genuine reaction from you. You were so determined to keep everyone shut out and never let anyone know anything. Even me."

"I felt so weak, tired, and lost. Telling anyone that was like betraying the great Harry Potter image. I was so desperate to keep up the facade that I would do anything I could to keep it. I couldn't admit anything, even to you. That would end the facade. And the walls that I so carefully built in order to preserve the image and keep everyone out and keep everyone from knowing what was really going on would come tumbling down to the ground." Harry took a long drag from his cigarette and exhaled slowly.

"And now?"

"The walls aren't gone Dray... but I've put in a door that you have the key to." Harry stared at the white tile floor not sure what to expect. "I know, it's not enough-"

"Harry, I'm glad that you can talk to me. I'm glad that there's a door that I have the key to. I'm not expecting everything to change over night. I'm not expecting you to take the walls down immediately. What you say is not enough, is incredible to me. You shut out everyone, but you let me in. It's more than enough, it's wonderful. Everything else will come with time." Draco was standing in front of Harry. Harry stared intently at the bare feet in front of him. He was afraid to look up. Afraid of such pure acceptance of what he could and couldn't do right now. He shut his eyes and shook with tears when he felt gentle lips on his forehead. The cigarette was taken from his hand. The sink behind him was turned on and he heard two sharp sizzles as the cigarettes were put out.

"I'm so scared..." Harry whispered. "Please... Draco I'm so scared."

"What are you scared of?" asked his gentle lover's voice.

"Myself. I'm so scared of myself. I'm scared of you."

"Why are you scared of me?"

"I let you in. I want you with me, I want to love you... but I'm scared of letting you down. I'm scared of what you'll find out. I'm scared of what you might do to me."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Hold me." He felt arms gently encircle him and hold him tightly. He buried his head in the familiar shoulder and let his tears flow down his cheeks. Draco's gentle hands stroked Harry's back. When the tears subsided, Draco gently sat Harry down on the toilet. Draco then ran a hot bath in the big bath tub. He threw in some bubble bath that was rose and sandalwood scented. While the bath was filling up, he turned and pulled Harry to his feet. He gently undressed the boy and set his glasses on the edge of the sink. Once the tub was full, he turned off the water and gently helped Harry into the tub. Draco got a sponge from the sink, soaked it with water, sat down on the side of the tub, and began to wash Harry's back. Harry shook his head and let out a half-hearted chuckle.

"What is it?" asked Draco.

"I don't deserve this... any of this."

"Yes you do. I love you."

"And I love you."

"That's all I have to know. I'll do this for you every night if you want me to."

"I'd like the chance to get to do it to you too."

"You will love. I want tonight to be about you." He felt the muscles in Harry's back tighten in reaction. "Calm down love, I don't want you to be anything other than yourself."

"And if I don't know who that is?"

"Be what you feel. And do what you want to do." Harry looked over his shoulder with a mischievous look in his eyes. Draco raised an eyebrow at him in response. Before he could get up Harry pulled Draco fully clothed into the tub with him. Water splashed on the floor of the bathroom and Draco's head went underwater. He came up spluttering and wrinkled his nose at Harry's satisfied look. Harry couldn't help himself and started giggling.

"Oh, so this is funny to you?" said Draco mockingly.

"Incredibly!" Draco splashed Harry in response. Harry splashed back and soon they were in a splash fight that sent more water all over the place. When both were soaked and laughing, they looked around and saw that the bubbles were all gone and while they'd splashed water everywhere, both were still up to their chests in water. Harry suddenly rushed forward and grabbed Draco in a fiery kiss that lit up all of his senses. Draco responded quickly and kissed him back with matching heat. Harry helped Draco pull off his water logged clothes and dropped them on the soaking wet floor. Now with both naked and in the hot water they began attacking each other's bodies in full force. Hands roamed over each other's bodies, they kissed fiercely, kissed and bit each other's necks, and dug their nails into each other's skin. At some point Harry pulled Draco into his lap and was ready to sink into the hot waiting body before him. He looked into Draco's eyes and tried to ask with his eyes if this was what he wanted. Draco kissed him gently and then sunk himself down Harry's hot length. Both broke the kiss to gasp with pleasure. Draco gripped Harry's shoulders to gain leverage and began a maddeningly slow rhythm. Both gasped and panted with the pleasure that they were feeling. Draco suddenly gripped Harry's shoulders a little tighter and quickened the pace.

"Oh Gods... yes... oh Draco yes..." murmured Harry.

"I love you Harry. I won't leave this time... I want you to remember that..."

"I know... Gods... I love you... oh yes..." Harry rammed into Draco and struck the secret spot that made his eyes roll back in his head and cry out in ecstasy. He rammed in a few more times before coming inside of his lover and catching Draco as he shook with the force of his orgasm. They held each other tightly for what felt like an eternity. Finally they unwound their limbs from each other and got out of the cooling water. After drying off, they both climbed into bed and wound themselves around each other again. Harry rested his head on Draco's chest and breathed in deeply. Draco pulled the blankets and quilt up over them.

"Why do you listen to me?" asked Harry as sleep began to over take him.

"Because it's better than being shut out."

"You should look for a normal boyfriend."

"The world ran out of normal boyfriends, and all the other boys are straight. Besides, you are the only one that I am in love with." Harry snuggled in closer to his lover and slowly fell asleep. Draco stroked Harry's hair and kissed the top of his head before he slowly drifted off to sleep.