Numbuh 1 looked down to find the gagging noise to be real as he saw a strange figure with a lion's mane performing an intense blowjob on his penis.
"Who the fuck are you?" Nigel shouted in alarm. When the stranger looked up, Nigel recognized him as the intrusive worker at the amusement park from his vacation years before.
"Who's a happy boy?" he cried cheerfully.
"Get the fuck out of here!" Nigel screamed.
"Who's a happy boy?" the theme park worker asked again. Nigel promptly kicked him in the teeth and watched them fall to the ground. The worker then tried to run out of the guest room but accidently ran into the shut door, causing it to break into many miniscule wood chips. Every wood chip impaled the theme park worker, including his eyes, which blinded him. "Ahhhh!" he screamed in pain.
Nigel then pushed the worker flat on his face, causing each wood chip to impale him further. The worker lied on the floor, not uttering a single word as he slowly died. The whole carpet was covered in blood, leading down the stairs.
Drying his wet dick on Wally's pillow as he then made his way down stairs, he was relieved to find Joey happy and completely unharmed.
"Oi Nigel! How about some flapjacks?" Mr. Beetles called as his wife slowly sucked him off from below the stove.
"Eh, sure," he said back. Just then, he took his eyes back to Joey, who had now crawled into the blender.
"Alright, just let me fire up the old blender and..."
"No!" screamed Nigel. But it was too late. Mr. Beetles pressed his finger down on the button and a flurry of different colors began to splash every side of the blender. It was now completely covered in flapjack ingredients, blood, bile, and many other human bodily fluids. "There we go," stated Mr. Beetles. "Set it up to the highest level, just to make sure it was completely blended!" Nigel looked down at the floor in utter disgust. He was delving into a deep state of depression. "Hope ya like drinking ya flapjacks!" Mr. Beetles said.
Mr. Beetles then took a swig of it himself, licking his lips appreciably. "Well I'll be fucked if these aren't the best damn flapjacks I've ever tasted. Try some darling." He removed his sore penis from Mrs. Beetles' face and dipped it in his cup, coating it in liquid Joey. Then he returned to screwing his wife's mouth.
"Mmmm," she said smiling as the semen-Joey-smoothie mixture slid down her throat.
"Jesus Christ!" said Nigel, "Where the fuck is Wally?"
At that moment, Wally stumbled down the stairs, looking exhausted. His eyes were red and he was still in his pajamas. "Numbuh 4," said Nigel. "We need to get going, it won't be long before Father comes for us."
"Jesus Christ Numbuh 1, I just woke up with a massive hangover, can't ya gimme a sec?" Wally asked tiredly.
"Ahhh, son," Mr. Beetles said to Wally. "Good thing ya came down, it's time for ya monthly dick cleaning!" Numbuh 4 grunted. "Now pull down ya trousers," Mr. Beetles said as he grabbed a scalpel. He then proceeded to chop Wally's dick in half, scrubbing the interior with a brillo-pad covered in anthrax.
"Dad, can't this wait?" Wally nagged his father impatiently.
"Don't worry, you're all done!" Mr. Beetles assured him. "Now, Joey's turn... where did he get to?"
Numbuh 1 turned to Numbuh 4, "Alright let's go back to the tree house, if they haven't checked there yet, we may still have a chance to set up the security system."
The two ran out the door and down the road. At last, they could see their tree house. They were almost there. But then they noticed an enormous blockade stopping their path in the distance.
"What the fuck is that shit?" asked Numbuh 4. Numbuh 1 squinted his eyes to try and make out what it was.
"It's Lizzie," Nigel stated. "How do we get her out of the way?"
"We should rape her," Wally replied.
"Great plan, Numbuh 4."
They ran towards the gigantic figure in the distance. They finally reached without breaking a single sweat.
"Hi Nigel!" Lizzie yelled.
Wally pulled out a switchblade and cut her shirt off, revealing her globs of fat and cleavage.
"Wh-wh-what's going on, Nigee?"
Neither Wally, nor Nigel uttered a word as they ripped her pants off. She yelled in panic as they shoved various colored traffic cones in her vagina and anus.
"This feels fucking fantastic", exclaimed Wally while he tore Lizzie with a stop sign.
Suddenly Lizzie snapped back to her hallucinating self, and spoke: "The Jews must be killed for good." She shot out the traffic cones as projectiles, piercing Wally's body all over. He thus fell to the ground with a soft thud.
"You fucking bitch!" Nigel shouted at her. He slashed her stomach wide open in one move. Bile and tissue flooded the street along with Hoagie's dead grandmother floating among it.
"Grandma!" screamed Numbuh 2, running toward them with his legs around his ankles and oatmeal, blood, puss, urine, and saliva dripping from his cock.
Nigel was very surprised that Hoagie was still alive, but then again, he didn't see him die in the first place. Hoagie continued running toward his dead grandmother, but Lizzie did a jumping jack, causing the concrete to crack and Hoagie fell to the fiery depths of Hell. He spent the rest of eternity being raped and beaten by Satan's minions. Nigel took this distraction as an opportunity to get back to the tree house. He quickly ran past Lizzie and finally made his way up to the block. He rang his front door to see if anyone would answer.
Time was running out. Father was hot on Nigel's tail. Nigel had many questions he need to know the answer to. Why was all this happening? Who would be Father's next victim? Why did Numbuh 3 have a penis? But before Nigel could figure out the answers to these qustions, Count Spankula opened the door at once and dragged him inside. He stuck an abnormally large dildo in the boy's mouth and stowed him in a bag. He carried him up the stairs with Nigel having no clue where he was being taken.
Suddenly, he was yanked from the bag and found himself in Numbuh 3's bedroom, with rainbow monkeys everywhere. "I vant to suck your cock!" said the Romanian pedophile.
Suddenly, the rainbow monkeys in Numbuh 3's room began coming to life. They all walked over to Count Spankula with sinister grins on their faces. "Vhat?" Count Spankula asked, puzzled. "Vhat is this madness I see before me!"
The rainbow monkeys began to jump into Count Spankula's mouth, down his throat. Count Spankula's neck was swollen from the amount of stuffed animals that had been jam packed into it, and his face began to turn blue from lack of oxygen. He kept gagging desperately for air, which reminded Nigel of his nightmare, and being blown by the theme park worker.
Suddenly, Count Spankula's throat exploded and his head went flying across the room. His burst blood vessels shot blood around the room so fast that it was still blue when it spread over the bedroom. Nigel walked over to Count Spankula's dismembered head and picked it up. The look on the Count's face was so dull and blank. It was almost as if he wished he could take back everything horrible he's done in his life. The Count met a grim fate, and Nigel knew the stupid cunt wasn't able to handle it.
Suddenly a choir of high, yet sinister voices said "Nigel." Nigel turned around and saw over 60 rainbow monkeys, completely covered in blood, ready to murder him.
Numbuh 1 sprinted through the doorway and slammed the door shut. The dolls on the other side humped the wall until their stuffed penises got splintered and fell off, leaving them all to die from infection. Nigel made it to the main elevator and pushed the button that would take him to his room. Suddenly the elevator dropped all the way down to the main floor, throwing Numbuh 1 down hard, crushing his bones upon impact. He suffered a terrible amount of brain damage and worsened the trauma to his chest, but it was pretty fucking funny considering he's ten years old.
At this point the Common Cold stood there waiting for him. He grabbed Nigel's mangled body and smashed it against the wall, forcing his remaining ribs to tear his tendons to shreds. "It's too bad I don't have a cold anymore, but don't worry," he said calmly. He reattached the hose from his gun to his herpes-ridden phallus, which immediately filled it with infected semen that he projected through Numbuh 1's eye socket and shot through his ass.
Numbuh 1's life wasn't going to last much longer. He suffered too much physical trauma and internal bleeding, plus he contracted 2 different STDs. The mushroom face STD was bearable, but the herpes was going to be extremely uncomfortable, especially when he's trying to masturbate.
'If only Lizzie was still alive so I could fuck the living shit out of her with my herpes infested dick and asshole,' Nigel thought to himself.
Nigel ripped off his pants and used a pocketknife to cut his dick off. Herpes-infected blood covered the Common Cold's face, but since he already had herpes, it wasn't a problem. Nigel directed his spray towards the Common Cold's mouth and watched as his enemy drowned in herpes positive blood. Nigel then took the Common Cold's herpes blaster, and shoved the nose of it into the vacant cavity where his dick used to be. The herpes blasts traveled up through Nigel's body, causing him to vomit the herpes liquid into the Common Cold's mouth. This started a chain of herpes vomit between Nigel and the Common Cold. The Common Cold vomited so many times into Nigel's mouth, that it caused him to cough up his stomach, and bile covered the elevator shaft.
Similarly, the Common Cold's shaft was covered as well, so Nigel stomped on it as hard as he possibly could, then left to ascend the stairs to reach the security room. It was a long painful walk, especially since his injuries and diseases had weakened him. He walked into the security room and observed the hundreds of hamsters that powered the facility. It was his only hope, he typed in the codes and activated the shields, all was going great. But suddenly the alert light on the ceiling went off, and every hamster unanimously ran from its wheel, each intent on being the first to crawl up the Brit's asshole. Running was futile. Nigel tried to run but tripped, and found himself engorged with 300 hamsters shoved up his rectum. Every one of them clawed and bit the other, tearing his anal sphincter wide open.
Any weaker man would give up with life, but Nigel had a plan. He took a giant dump on his bed and watched a giant glob of hamster-filled shit cover his sheets. He then proceeded to dig through the sheets, grabbing hamsters one by one and devouring them.
Meanwhile, there was a pregnant hamster hiding in the corner. She was terrified at the horrific site she was witnessing. Suddenly she felt a sharp pain. 'Oh no,' she thought to herself. 'No, no, no, not now, please not now.' Her water had broken and she could feel her baby making its way out of her birth canal. She wanted to protect her child but knew that nothing could stop the birth.
The baby hamster's innocent little head slowly began popping out and it began opening its eyes. The sun was shining in on through the tree house window and the newly born animal knew its life would be a happy and peaceful one. He formed a large smile as he stared up at his mother. 'She must really love me if she's going through all this pain to have me,' the little creature thought to itself. He finally popped out and embraced his mother's tender body. "I love you mommy," the child said to his creator lovingly. She had a terrified look on her face. "What's wrong mommy?"
"Nothing," she replied. "Just cover your eyes and be quiet, sweety." She said teary-eyed.
"Of course mommy, I would do anything for you, and I know you're gonna take great care of me and protect me from danger. I love being alive with you mommy." He began drinking her breast milk and closed his eyes, looking forward to what he was sure would be a long, happy life. He wondered what it would be like to father his own child, and if he would be as great a parent as his mother. It was like he has his whole long life planned out already. He held her even tighter and he blissfully fell asleep in her arms.
Suddenly, the baby hamster was tossed into the air, woken up in a confused state. He rubbed the crust from his eyes and looked up to see a giant boy clutching his mother. "MOMMY!" he yelled. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?" But it was too late, his mother's head had already been bitten off. A spray of blood covered his new born body. Her detached head then smashed like a comet in front of the infant hamster, her tortured face frozen, staring right at her newborn. "NOOO!" the child yelped hysterically. This drew attention to him, and Nigel spotted him. Nigel swiftly snatched the baby hamster off the ground. The little hamster panicked, desperately crying out for his dead mother, as his eyes filled with tears. Nigel showed the hamster his mother's decapitated corpse, which caused it to shake rapidly in anguish and anxiety. Nigel knew the baby hamster was thinking 'No, mommy, why did you have to die, I'm just a baby! Please, please don't kill me Mister! I've only been alive a few minutes! I haven't done anything wrong! Honest!' But Nigel took a small string and made a noose out of it. He proceeded to wrap the noose around the little hamster's leg, and viciously tore it off. The baby hamster was in extreme pain and now wishing it was never born into such a horrible nightmare of a world.
Nigel picked up the hamster's mother, and stuffed her into the hole where it's leg used to be, The baby hamster formed a fur coat for his mother and shook around violently, as his dick stuck in and out of her vagina. This baby hamster died slowly and painfully, as he raped his mother's deceased body. His painful departure from his incredibly short life lasted over an hour, more than half as long as his whole visit until finally he left it.
Content with his triumph, Nigel hit the big red button on the control pad, which threw all the other hamsters down to the ground level, smashing 298 hamster skulls on the sidewalk. This created a brilliant display of red fireworks that disrupted the traffic and caused many people to crash and die in an unusually hilarious fashion.
All of his friends were gone, and he was the only one left. "Why am I alive?" he asked himself aloud. He slowly but surely made his way to the main room and collapsed on the couch, miserable and terrified. But then he remembered something very important...