NOTE: Here, I begin my infamous month-setting in the beginning. For those who have read a bunch of my other stories, I tend to post the month/day at the beginning of each chapter, not only to help you, but to help me as well in my organization. :-D Enjoy! I love this story so much….

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX.

Chapter 4:

Lesson 3:

How to Talk to a Girl…Suggestively

November (beginning)

Slowly, I peeked out of my door and glanced down both ends of the hall. No one. Good. I guess eight o' clock really is too early for everyone. Go figure.

Still quiet though, I slipped out of my room and tiptoed down the hallway, out of the Ra Yellow Dorms. The blast of cold hit me as I ran outside, and I all but raced over to the teachers' dorms.

Gratefully, I pushed myself into the heated building and took off for Atticus' room.

"Jaden, my man, just in time!" He opened the door widely for me and I stepped inside. I looked around, noting the clothes scattered all over the floor.

"Atticus? …What exactly went on in here?"

"Haha, I'm glad you asked!" He walked over to his closet door and stood in front of it. "Alright, Jay: today's lesson is: How to Talk to Someone of the Opposite Sex."

I furrowed my brows. "Atticus…I already talk to Alexis. …On a daily basis, in fact. I don't need help talking to her."

Atticus sighed, walked over, and placed his hands on my shoulders none too lightly. I almost broke under the weight. "Jay, Jay, Jay…. You talk with Alexis as…" he waved his hand around in the air, "…as a…friend. Yes, yes, that's it. You have to talk to her as a guy talking to a girl. Capice?"

Okay, now I was really confused. What was he implying? Did one of us suddenly get a sex-change? I didn't feel any different….

He must have seen the utter confusion in my eyes, because next thing I knew, I had a really sore spot on my head. "Jaden! You have to talk to her like you want to ask her out! Talk to her…suggestively, dang it! Geez, subtly is not something you understand, is it?"

Apparently not, genius. …Anyone on campus could have told you that much. Even I knew that my head was thick!

"Okay," I answered. "…Why?"

Atticus stared at me as if I had just said, "What is the point of dueling?"

Heaven forbid.

"Jaden. Guy meets Girl. Guy is interested in Girl" Oh great, now he's started moving his hands around in weird, oddly human-figured gestures. "Guy talks to Girl –compliments her, flirts with her, everything!- trying to make Girl like Guy! Girl ends up liking Guy!!!!" he shouted at me, shaking his hands dramatically in front of my face.

Watch those fingers there, boy. Potentially dangerous weapons. I, for one, value my eyesight.

"So…you want me to practice flirting with Alexis?"

His smile couldn't have been bigger. I think I was finally starting to get it!

Wait…. Flirt?

Oh my God, I was gonna hurl.

"Jaden," Atticus put his hand on the doorknob to his closet. "I present to you, Alexis Rhodes." He opened the door.

Nope, wait, hold on. Now I was gonna hurl.

"Hey there, big boy," "Alexis" winked at me from the closet. She had a hand on her hip and another on the back of her head in that cliché position that taunting girls are usually in.

Taunting should never be used to describe this situation. It would be sick and wrong.

She slowly started walking over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, batting her eyes up at me.

I stared at the person before me, blandly.

"Syrus, how much did he pay you to humiliate yourself?" A tight red dress, wig, and losing the glasses didn't keep me from knowing who he was in the least.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Atticus stomped over and pointed a finger at me. "It's a test! Start talking! She is not Syrus! Don't insult her like that!" He stood back and crossed his arms. "Besides…that boy didn't come cheap. I had to pay extra to have him wake up so early."

"But-"

"No buts! Talk!" he demanded.

Fine. If that's the way he wanted to play.

And mind you, I only did this because Sy was my best friend. I couldn't have lived with the embarrassment if it had been anyone else.

Thought I have to admit…I would have paid money to see Bastion wear this dress.

But I digress.

"Oh Alexis, you couldn't possibly know what kind of effect this is having upon my person!"

Yeah for trashy romance novels, from which I steal corny lines.

…Er…romance in trashy mystery novels…. Er.

…That I don't read….

That I just happened to find-

Oh forget it. I'm screwed.

I wrapped my arms around Syrus, almost suffocating him, but making sure my hands were placed firmly on his lower back.

Not to say that they would stay there.

Okay, I wasn't actually going to rub his gluteus maximus, but hey, I'm just trying to make a point.

I only made it look and kinda-sorta feel like I was.

That got their attention.

Syrus shoved away from me, putting his hands behind his back. In the best falsetto I've ever heard (has he been practicing that girl's voice? …He's used it before, if I remember correctly…) he spoke hurriedly. "Uh…uhm, Jaden…I just don't think I'm quite ready for such…commitment yet…."

Atticus was up in my face the next instant, with a huge, x-shaped stamp. …Where did that come from?

"FAIL!"

"What is it with this school and new fashion statements?"

"It's not a new fashion statement, Bastion."

"Well, whatever it is, I actually think I liked the bleached outfits better."

"Bastion…shut up."

"Very well. But I'm not the one wearing a huge red X on my lips."

"Shut. Up."

"Tsk, tsk! Someone's grumpy today," Bastion smirked, amused.

Syrus dusted imaginary dust off his hands. "Well, it serves him right for getting fresh with me."

I didn't know human eyes could get that big. …I smell this year's science fair project.

Maybe I could do a double science fair project. One on human eye expansion due to excess surprise, and the other as an autopsy on Syrus, to figure out just how I had killed him in my blind rage.

"He what?" Bastion gasped out.

Luckily, I took him off track when he heard the repeated poundings of my head on my desk. "Jaden…are you alright? You're going to give yourself a concussion."

"It'd…be…ow…welcome…ow."

Just how many people are going to know about my special little sessions on the weekend?

"He's doing what now?" Bastion inquired at the lunch table.

"Atticus is giving Jaden Guy lessons," Syrus nodded. "So he won't screw up when he asks Alexis out."

"I never said I was going to ask her out!" I hissed at him.

"Then why did you go to see Atticus at first?" Bastion asked.

"I-! …I…." Hmm…why did I?

Oh yeah! To sort out my feelings! Which does not necessarily mean that I feel anything for Alexis and that I want to ask her out.

Yes…yes, that makes sense.

Sort of.

"I'd be willing to help! They've been playing hard to get for two years now: it's revolting," Bastion rolled his eyes.

HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE GOING TO END UP KNOWING ABOUT MY LOVE-LIFE?

Or lack, thereof.

"Okay Jaden. First of all, you do NOT start feeling up a girl until the fifth date!"

I cocked my head to the side, "Why the fifth?"

"You know! Hold hands the first, cuddle the second, hug the third, kiss the fourth, feel-up the fifth, make-out the sixth, and so on!"

"Who made up that bull?"

"It's not bull! It's totally appropriate! It sets lines that must be obeyed! Granted, I probably mixed them up a little…or added some in there and whatnot…but that's how I date!"

"And look how successful that's been."

"Hey, I am plenty popular with the ladies."

"Popular, not dating," I observed.

"I hate you."

"Enough to quit this exercise because you know it will help me?"

Atticus smiled that wicked, conniving…crazy smile of his. "No, enough to make you do it, because I know you'll hate it."

Touché.

"Hey, it took a lot to get these photos. I want them used well!"

"Atticus, talking to a photo isn't the same as-"

"Talk! I made my sister as attractive as I could possibly stand to see –it's not easy dressing your sister up in something that's supposed to make her look "sexy," because that's just wrong- so you will talk to these photos!"

"I feel like an idiot."

"You should! You can't talk to girls! Only nerds and idiots can't talk to girls."

"I am mortally offended."

"Good."

I sighed. It was no use getting out of this.

"Alright. …What do I do first?"

Atticus clapped his hands together. "Great! Now hold on. Remember, words only." He took one of the photos of Alexis and held it up to his face.

Going from Syrus' girly voice to Atticus' was like hearing a slightly annoying tune, which suddenly turned into an absolute cacophony.

Cacophony…didn't know I knew that word.

"Hi, Jaden." I shivered. That was a sickly sweet and disturbing voice.

But I decided to play along. This would be just a regular discussion. "Hey Alexis. How are you today?"

"I'm just fine, thank you!" she giggled. My eye twitched. …This discussion was never to be repeated ever again. "How about you?"

"I'm fine. So, have you built up your deck any?"

Alexis laughed. "Oh Jaden, let's not talk about Duel Monsters for once! Let's see…oh! I know. I just didn't know if this looked good or not. Jaden, could you help me decide?"

"Decide on…what?"

Atticus suddenly switched out the picture for one behind his back. "How does this outfit look on me?"

Oh my Lord in Heaven, did the blood rise up in my cheeks. Even I couldn't stop the forces of the almighty hormones.

Holy crap, where did he get that picture? I would trade my deck for th-

Whooooa there, Jaden. Not so fast. Remember? This is just a stupid exercise. Prove that you have no feelings for Alexis, other than friendship.

"I think it's hot."

I suddenly covered my mouth. Angels above, why did I say that?! He'll never let me hear the end of it….

"Excuse me?" Oh yeah. You could tell his interest was piqued. That was a bad screw-up.

"Nothing…nothing. It looks…really nice on you, Lex."

"…I thought I heard you say it looked hot."

Curse him. "I…I…you probably misheard."

"Oh…." He sounded disappointed. …Creepy. "Well, just hang on! I want to show you something else!"

"What?"

"Ta-da!"

WOW. Okay, the pretty-skimpy outfit was pretty hot…but the prom dress was just plain sexy. The one before showed some skin, but man, do prom dresses show curves.

And it was strapless too.

"That is absolutely stunning."

"Like what you see?"

"You bet." Oh dang. …That came out too soon. Dang-oh-dang-oh-dang.

"She" laughed again. "Then you'll love the bikini."

I think I felt a nosebleed coming on.

"So, how did your lesson go?" Syrus asked me at lunch that afternoon.

I groaned and lowered my head, almost meeting my soup face-to-face. "Horrible. Atticus wouldn't quit with the "talking to a girl" junk. I had to talk to pictures of her! Where the heck did he get those?!" I sprang back up, fuming.

Syrus bit his lip, "You liked them that bad, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" I snapped.

"It's written all over your face, Jay. You liked those pictures."

Despite my completely-red face, I denied it.

"Riiiiiight," Syrus gave a Cheshire smile. "And you also hate dueling, is that it? Come on, Jaden, it's a part of life! Live with it and move on. Now then, here's my next question. Did you succeed in what Atticus wanted you to do?"

I looked away from my friend. "Unfortunately…because of my mouth speeding ahead of my brain…yes, I did. I said every stinkin' word that he wanted to hear. …And I wanted to kill myself for it."

"Killing yourself doesn't sound like you, Jaden." I froze. Not…her…now.

"Hey Alexis!" Syrus beamed. I wanted to slap that grin off his face. He elbowed me really hard. The kid makes up for muscle with those dagger-like bones of his, gosh!

And then I made the mistake of looking at her as she sat down. Usually, you know, I'm cool with this. She's my friend after all – I can watch her sit! But, of course, Atticus' new lessons have ultimately affected my brain, and I am no longer sane.

But seriously though…how have I known her this long and never really seen how huge her bust is? I mean, come on! There's something wrong with that picture.

"Jaden, is something wrong? Did I spill something on my shirt?"

"Hubbduhhh…n-no, of course not! I-I was just…ah…admiring…how…clean-pressed your che-shirt looks today!" I felt the odd way my mouth was stretching. …And I think my eye twitched.

"Jay, are you sure you're okay?" She put a hand to my forehead. Why? Why did she do that? She's touching me now! Is she trying to make me crack?

"You k-know…I don't really feel that hungry anymore. I'm going to go lie down for a sec," I muttered, practically shoving myself away from her and grabbing my tray. I tripped over the chair, sending it flying down, but didn't bother to pick it up.

I could hear Alexis' last words before I dumped the rest of my lunch and ran out of the cafeteria. "Jaden? Not hungry? Now I'm positive something's wrong."

But I didn't go lie down. I went directly to the source of the problem.

And gave him a red nose in the process.

"Jaden, don't you know how to knock?" Atticus frowned, rubbing his throbbing nose. "And what do you need now? Lessons are next week."

"You," I said, jamming a finger into his chest. "You had the stupid idea of making me learn "how to talk to girls." Well, guess what? It backfired! Now I can't talk to her at all without getting all…all-"

"Stuttery? Afraid you'll say what's actually on your mind rather than what you should be saying?"

I blinked. …Why was he smiling? Why did he look like I just told him Crowler had jumped off a cliff?

"You pass!" he cried out, enveloping me in a really tight hug. "You're on your way to becoming a true man, Jaden!" I pushed myself out of his grasp and took in a huge gulp of air.

"But-" I wheezed, "I thought girls…didn't like "true men." Don't they complain about that all the time?"

Atticus shook his head. "Sure they do! But that's just it! We have to keep them on their toes. It's all part of being the opposite gender…."

I think these lessons are confusing me more than helping me.

"So!" he clapped his hands together. "That was rather unexpected! But good! I already have your next lesson plan ready to go!"

"Oh no…" I winced.

"Oh yes! You'll absolutely love it, Jaden! But not now. I'll tell you next week, okay?"

I consented. "Just so long as it doesn't involve Syrus dressing up again. I don't think Bastion could take another shock as big as that one was."

Atticus stopped. "…Bastion knows about our little…lessons?"

I nodded rather uncertainly.

Atticus grinned and rubbed his hands together. "This is getting too easy…."

Yeah, I've learned my lesson. And no, it's not how to talk to girls. It's how to not talk. To Atticus. For fear of giving him any more "bright" ideas.

But…gah, I have to wait a week to know my doom? The anxiety might kill me before the lesson does.

Alright, not as good an ending as I wanted…but hey, the beginning was good, so that's all that really matters. AND it only matters that I got this out to you! So, I hope you all enjoyed it! Again, sorry for the late update. Anywho, PLEASE REVIEW! I love how you reviewers say you like the fic! It really makes my day!