I own nothing, except these mash-ups I force the characters into! Nor do I own any references I throw in there.

Sprawled on the floor of the front room of the Cullen's house, Jace, Izzy, Alec and I were talking with Edward and Alice on theories of the disappearances.

"It's not demons," I said, scratching out the word on a list that we had created. "That's for sure, because otherwise, we would have sensed it."

"It's not werewolves," Edward said from his seat on the couch, hunkering forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "They never leave their land."

"At least, not the ones you know. And they're not even real werewolves," Jace corrected him. "So that leaves real werewolves, fae, humans and vampires."

"It doesn't seem human to me," Alice said slowly. "I would have probably seen it, had it been a human. They're much easier to predict."

"What we need," Alec said thoughtfully, "Is Simon. He could smell out a Downworlder at any of the scenes."

Jace sat bolt upright. "Of course!" he exclaimed. "And Simon and Clary are arriving tomorrow! Simon could help!"

"And you and Clary would sneak off to find a corner or some alleyway," I said dryly. "Fabulous. Then we could use you two as bait, and when you're killed, we'll summon your ghosts with the help of a medium so you can describe the killer to us." Jace scowled and threw his pen at me, but I caught it and twirled it around my fingers. "I think that would go over well, wouldn't it? Telling the authorities that my friend's ghost told me everything."

"Don't blame my ghost for what the voices in your head tell you to do," Jace said irritably, and I grinned wickedly at him.

"You're right. In fact, they're telling me right now to punch you. Sure thing!" I said, and threw a punch that nailed him on the arm.

Sulking, Jace punched me back on the arm. "Stop it," Alec said wearily, rolling onto his back and rubbing at his eyes. "You two are so childish sometimes."

Edward glared at us. "Yes, you are," he said, scowling.

"He's just mad we didn't invite him to the orgy," Jace said in a stage whisper, and I giggled.

Edward glared at us, and we both rolled upright, laughing. "You two are so... infuriating at times," he said with a huff.

"We are," Jace said, tossing back his curls.

"But you love us for it," I said, flipping my hair over my shoulder and flashing a beatific smile at Edward. He looked a little stunned at my smile, and I smirked to Jace.

"You're terrible," Alec commented.

"Me? Or Jace?" I asked, surprised.

"Both of you," Alec said, his eyes closed and face composed. "You're both so cruel."

"Cruel but sexy," I said impishly.

Sitting up, Jace turned and looked to Emmett, who came crashing into the room. "I'm. Too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt," they both half-sang, half-rapped. Jace sprang up, and they began to dance and chant the chorus, while I shook my head, and Alec stared blankly at them.

"You know, I think you are too sexy for your shirts," Alec said, a slow smile spreading on his face.

Jace and Emmett froze, staring at each other with horrified expressions. "Run?" Jace whispered.

"Last one to the woods is stuck with him," Emmett said. They shook hands, and Emmett said, "May the fastest man survive."

With that, Jace and Emmett went charging out of the house. They shot through the back door and took off across the yard. Everyone ran to the windows, where we saw them running desperately for the woods. Jace outstripped Emmett as he leapt over the small stream and sprinted headlong into the brush, leaving Emmett skidding to a halt at the banks and yelling for Jace to come back, that he wanted a rematch. It seemed that silence met Emmett's pleas, so he trudged back into the house.

He stood in the doorway, casting nervous glances at Alec, who was resettling back on the floor.

"So, um, Alec..." Emmett began, looking nervous.

"I'm not interested in you," Alec said, not even looking up. "Jace was just giving me a headache."

Emmett stared at Alec, dumbfounded, while Edward let out a loud laugh.

. . .

Jace was bouncing up and down, impatient as he stared across my backyard. "When are they coming?" he complained.

"They'll get here when they get here," I said sourly.

Edward was seated on the porch. His family had offered to host Simon, seeing that he was a vampire as well. "Calm down, Jace," he said, looking annoyed himself.

"I'm not calming down until they get here!" Jace exclaimed loudly.

"I didn't know you liked Simon that much," I said. "He'll be delighted to know that his feelings are not unrequited."

Jace scowled, but a flare of light cut off his retort. The light of the Portal seared through the air, making my eyes sting. There was a brighter flash, and Clary and Simon stepped out of the Portal and stumbled forward. The Portal sealed behind them, and they stood around, blinking. Jace leapt forward and swept Clary into a huge hug, making her yelp with surprise and then laugh.

I stepped forward and shook Simon's hand. "Nice to see you again," I said with a slight smile. "This is Edward. He and his family will be hosting you."

Edward stepped forward and shook Simon's hand, smiling slightly at him. "Hello Simon," he said, his eyes a pleasant gold.

"Hi," Simon said, and shot me a slight, nervous look.

Interpreting his look, I lowered my voice and said, "Edward and his family are 'vegetarian' vampires. They only drink animal blood."

Relief showed plainly on Simon's face, and Edward looked thrilled. "You only drink animal blood as well?" he asked, smiling broadly.

Simon nodded. "And I only do that sparingly. I can't stand to drink human blood."

Edward looked amazed. "How long can you go without blood?" he asked.

Simon shrugged. "A couple of weeks. I don't push it if I'm around a lot of people, though. You never know what things people carry," Simon said with a scowl.

"I'm perfectly clean!" Jace shouted, obviously having overheard Simon.

"Bull!" Simon yelled back. "Your blood completely altered me!"

"Jace gave Simon some blood when Simon was on the verge of death," I said in a whisper to Edward, leaning closer. "It had... unexpected side effects."

Edward eyed Simon curiously. "What kind of side effects?"

"Ones that earn me the title 'Daylighter,'" Simon said, turning back to us. "My kind of vampires will burn in sunlight."

Edward gaped at him. "So you're similar to Dracula?" he asked, his voice hushed and slightly awed.

Simon gave Edward a mischievous smile that showed his fangs. "I'm the Jewish Dracula."

I chuckled, and waved for Jace to bring Clary over. "Edward, this is Clary, Jace's girlfriend. She's Nephilim as well."

Clary shook Edward's hand, shivering a little at the coldness of his hand. He smiled apologetically, and Clary let out a nervous little laugh. "Sorry," she said, "you'd think I'd be used to it, with Simon being a vampire and all."

Edward shrugged off her apology. "It's not a problem. It's something that people should always remember, at any rate. For safety."

Jace snorted and looked at me wryly, asking, "Is he always so self-loathing?"

I nodded. "Every minute." Turning to Simon, I took his arm through mine. "Come on, Simon, let's go introduce you to the rest of the Cullen's."

. . .

Surprisingly, Simon got along famously with the rest of the Cullen clan. He listened to Alice's chatter, joked with Jasper and Emmett, and was perfectly respectful around Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie. Later, Rosalie whispered to me that Simon was so sweet that she didn't have the heart to be mean to him. Jace, overhearing us, promptly offered to do the honors for her.

The following weekend, we took Simon with us to scout around. Clary tagged along, due to Jace's insistence that she learn how to track and hunt. I shrugged this off, but privately warned him to treat her as a beginner, not like she was me. Jace looked insulted, until the glare I gave him forced him to back down.

Clary hung back most of the time, unsure of what to do and afraid to botch any clues. Jace tried to bring her out of her discomfort, but she politely refused. "I'm no good at crime scenes," she told me later. "I'd rather sketch a profile of the criminal."

Simon, however, took to it like a duck to water. His sensitive nose was leading him all over the place. One sniff at the site told him that it wasn't just humans involved. A few more minutes of searching ruled out the Fae. After about a half an hour, Simon stood up and dusted off his hands, announcing quietly, "It was a vampire, but it doesn't have my kind of scent."

"Was it like the Cullen's scent?" Jace asked quietly, and Simon nodded.

"It was much too sweet to be a traditional vampire, but it definitely had an undead scent to it. The cloying smell is faint, but I found it. It's definitely a hybrid," he said, looking around the crime scene. "Over here in the bushes, near the wall, is where the vampire waited for their victim. The scent is the strongest there. There were probably more, too, but it's hard to tell."

"Can you trace it?" Jace asked, staring hard at Simon.

Shrugging, Simon gave us an apologetic look. "I don't think I can. I can separate the scents, but that's as much as I can do. I could probably give you a general direction, but the scents are pretty weak after all this time." Wincing, Simon added, "I think I'll be sneezing dirt for weeks."

"You should've held your breath better when you were reborn," Jace quipped, and both Simon and Clary glared at him.

"I'll remember that," I said, grinning broadly at Jace.

Eyes sparking, Jace scoffed at my comment. "You'd never get turned."

I waved my wrist, saying coolly, "I was nearly turned once before. You never know what will happen."

"I do," Jace said pompously, and everyone snorted. Except Simon, who simply sneezed.

"How do vampires sneeze?" I asked. "They don't need to breathe."

"We still can breathe, though," Simon said, throwing me a sardonic look. "The dirt really tickles my nose."

"Like I said," Jace started, but I elbowed him in the side to shut him up. Simon sneezed again.

. . .

After Seattle, I decided to run down to La Push and spend a day with Jacob. It had been a while since I had last seen him, and I was really missing my friend. He had called the other night, telling me that he had the day off from patrols, and he was hoping I was free. I said my farewells to Jace, dropped Simon off at the Cullens (along with Jace, whom was told to stay put and be babysat) and grabbed my swimsuit from my house.

When I arrived at Jacob's house, he was in the garage, tinkering away on another car. I slipped inside quietly and snuck up behind him. Careful not to cast any shadows, I edged closer and closer behind him. When I was barely an inch from him, I blew across the back of his neck.

Jolting upright, Jacob rubbed at his neck and shivered. Turning, he shot me an exasperated glance. "Geez, Bells, you scared me!"

I grinned, unrepentant. "That was my goal."

Smiling back, Jacob pulled me into a hug. "How've you been, hunter girl? Take down any good demons lately?"

Hugging him back, I replied, my voice half muffled by his shirt: "I've been good. I've been playing detective recently, though."

Jacob's arms rested around me, his skin burning and warm against mine. "One of the many hats you wear, I guess."

I frowned, puzzled by his words. "I don't wear hats," I told him.

Laughing, Jacob squeezed me tightly before releasing me. "It's a figure of speech, Bells."

Making a face at him, I said lightly, "Well, maybe it's a stupid figure of speech."

Jacob laughed again, and leaned against his car. "Well, how about we leave the stupid figures of speech here and go down to the beach?"

I nodded enthusiastically, and he ducked out of his shop to let me change into my swimwear. Throwing my extra clothes in my truck, I pranced outside in my swimsuit. It was black one, with boy-shorts and a square top. "Ready?" I asked Jacob, who was unsuccessfully trying not to goggle at me in a swimsuit. He choked out a few squeaks before simply nodding. I laughed and began to jog.

We ran the whole way to the beach, where Jacob outran me and didn't glance backwards once. I found this a little strange, since he was normally the one to tease me about running slow. When he neared the ocean, he finally gave in and glanced over his shoulder and slowed. Then, he surprised me by running in slow, dramatic leaps, tossing his head heroically as he did so.

"What are you doing?" I called, laughing.

"The Baywatch Run!" Jacob exclaimed.

I slowed down to a walk. "A what?"

Skidding to a halt, Jacob turned and gaped at me. "You mean you've never seen Baywatch?" I shook my head. "Do you even know what it is?" Again, I shook my head. "You are deprived!" Jacob exclaimed, but I merely laughed and gently pushed him so he stumbled backwards into the water.

"You're so dramatic," I told him with a smile.

"I'm not dramatic," he said, making a face. "This is dramatic!" Throwing himself into the shallow water, Jacob began to thrash as if he were drowning. "I'm melting!" he yowled "I'm melting!"

I laughed, and pushed him farther so that he was flat on his back. He caught my wrist, and dragged me down until I was sprawled across his body, half in the water. I tried to get up, but he had a firm grip on my arm. I twisted over him, flopping my back against the water and wet sand, and dragged him so that he fell next to me in the water. A grin on his face, Jacob tried to wrestle me, but I continually managed to twist out of every hold he put on me. Finally, I pinned him and sat on his chest, panting and laughing. "I finally got you," I said, just to gloat.

He smiled up at me, his brown eyes warm and hazy. "Yeah, you got me," he said, reaching up to brush some sand out of my hair.

With one of his hands in my hair, his warm, hazy smile and bright eyes, something happened. I couldn't specify, but it was like something clicked inside both of us. His eyes were still soft and warm, half-creased against the Washington sun, still clinging to the dregs of summer. As I leaned down, the sunlight flashed into my eyes, and the ends of my hair brushed the sea water and got wet. The sand on my skin was rough, but beneath me Jacob was a steady warmth that warmed me to the core, and his kiss seemed to warm the marrow of my bones until my head began to swim. And the water around us cooled us, toying with us even after the kiss had ended. The warmth remained, in the ways that Jacob would catch my hand in his, or the way he would wrap his arms around me as we left the water and as we walked back to his house. We didn't run; there was no need for hurry, nor for speed. I was content with walking with him, and talking of anything that came to mind. When I got to his house, I changed back into my normal clothes, and he gave me a small, tender kiss as I clambered back into my truck, before I mumbled a promise to come back soon against his lips, and he agreed, and then I was driving away.

I drove home in a daze, and when I came home, Charlie gave me a curious look before he told me that Jace was in the backyard with the other Nephilim, and Simon was at the Cullen's still. I went to the backyard, where Jace was sitting with his arm around Clary, and Izzy took one look at my face, then at Jace and Clary and then to me before she exclaimed, "Oh god, another one." and I could only smile.

I am so sorry that it took me this long to update! There's hardly any excuses for making you all wait so horrifically long, so I can only offer my humble apologies! I hope this chapter was enough for you all, and I hope you all enjoyed it. I've always wanted to write sappy love scenes, and I think I might've gotten it out of my system now. Just maybe. Now, to reply to the lovely reviewers!

2007: I don't think I'll kill him off, but he'll definitely be fun to laugh at (or with, if people feel kindly towards him).

Sol Swan Cullen: Alice is usually pretty handy, unless she's stuck with Jacob. Then she's not so all-seeing. Yes, Bella a little crazy. I wonder who rubbed off on whom? I think a heart attack wouldn't kill him, it would just make him more cranky towards Bella and Jace's pranks.

Olivia The Bookworm: I'm glad you liked the ending!

chelsealovesya1995: I couldn't resist taking a shot at Eddie: he's just so much fun to toy with!

Rachel-wa: I think this chapter answers some questions people will have about Isabella and her mystery man. Or will it? ;)

To Nyx Nui and cutie-pie150t: I'm glad my humorous attempt with the orgy joke was successful. :)

Shadowhuntress on Fire: Luckily Edward isn't allowed in La Push... Otherwise there'd be some serious problems.

singaluva: I'm glad you like my stories! I'll try to update more often.

Vampiregirl595: I'm glad you like this story, so please, keep reading. :)

momo: I'll keep writing, don't you fret. I'll probably be slow at it, unfortunately.

cottonwool: Hopefully this update wasn't too late ^^;

Antopedian Opaleye: I'm glad you like it so much! And, as this chapter will attest, Isabella won't be with Edward.

Ms Fantasy Freak Lolololololol: I'm glad you liked it, and even more glad that it did turn out as funny as I hoped it would.

Logical Fallacy: Thanks for the bothers :) And I'm glad I can keep your focus! I try to keep it interesting enough for me as a writer to follow too. Because if I lose interest, how will anyone else keep theirs? Haha. P.s. darling, I love your username. It makes me so happy!

Rockwolf: As of now, it is Jacob/Isabella.

DisneyRBD: I'll try to update more frequently in the future.

I'm going to try to update more frequently, my dears, but I'm terribly busy and forgetful (a horrendous combination), so please, bear with me and don't give up on my story. Thanks to all who reviewed, and please continue! I love hearing feedback from all of you!

~Meneme-chan