Act 1 Part 4

James: Go to living room.

You head back into your living room. The TV hanging over the… Alchemeter? Totem lathe? The Big Square Thing With The Tube On Top. The TV hanging over the BSTWTTOT is about to fall on the TOT! The TV falls, and the tube pops open. Something comes out...

James: Examine thing.

You examine the thing. It's a big ball of… light? It makes a weird noise. Something tells you that you probably shouldn't touch it.

James: Examine BSTWTTOT.

You examine the BSTWTTOT. A big cylinder of teal crystal has fallen on the ground next to it. Man, you should have listened to Connor when he told you about this game. Imagine how much you could get for this…

James: Examine the other machines.

You walk over to the thin rectangle machine and take a look. It has a ton of buttons, a hole for a capcha card, and a little carver doo-dad. The other machine outside has totally destroyed your patio. Your parents are going to kill you.

James: Examine the captcha card on the table.

On closer inspection, it appears to not be a captcha card but a PRE-PUNCHED CARD. It's hard to make out what's on the card, but it appears to be the symbol on your shirt, an 8-bit Mario. It's different colors though… does it have any significance?

James: Consult what seems like Rose's walkthrough but the author throws in a bait-and-switch so it turns out to be another thing.

Suddenly, the author pulls ANOTHER bait-and-switch and the walkthrough is now Rose's!

Consulting what is now apparently Rose's walkthrough, it says that you are facing certain death from a rain of meteors hurtling from the sky. You'd think you'd be a little more shocked, but with the giant machines landing in your house and Connor being able to see you through some hidden camera, you've kind of been worn out.

Just give it a second.

Aaaaaaand…

OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

James: Run around screaming at the certainty of meteorological death.

And the author had time to fit in the gag after all.

James: Contact Connor.

Textlog

4/13

3:20

JB to CM

JB: I AM ABOUT TO BE KILLED BY A GIANT METEOR HEADING TOWARDS MY HOUSE!

CM: Huh

JB: Yeah it took me a minute too

CM: OH MY GOD YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE

JB: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CM:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

JB: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

JB: Ok calm down

JB: My left pinkie hurts

CM: What does it say to do next

JB: I have to "prototype my kernelsprite"

CM: You have to build a small model of that glowing blue ball

JB: It says to "put something next to the kernelsprite you have a strong attachment to and don't mind being your guide"

CM: No J

CM: I see that look on your face

CM: I can see it on my screen

CM: I know what you're thinking

CM: Don't do it

CM: DONT DO IT J

Your kernelsprite is now JACKAMOSPRITE!

CM: Seriously J

Sprite log

James: Sooooo

James: Hi

Jackamosprite: chirp

James: I guess talking to my pet gecko in spirit form isn't the weirdest thing that's happened today

Jackamosprite: trill

James: I guess you don't really talk much

Jackamosprite: *gecko noises*

James: Ok seriously

James: You literally just said "gecko noises"

Jackamosprite: *more gecko noises*

James: Forget this.

James: Do the only logical thing and put the blue crystal log on top of the pedestal thingy!

You decide to drop the silly made up names and spend a good five minutes reading up on the lingo of this game, while totally forgetting that death by meteor is only 10 minutes away. While running down to the "alchemeter" you drop the "cruxite dowel", cracking a chunk off on top. Well, no time to make another one. You decide to use the dowel as is.

James: Scan dowel.

It's horrifying! It's terrifying! Indescribable! You made… you made….

ONE (1) PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECT (RED)

This thing is useless. It doesn't do anything. Despite that, it seems to have wasted your entire store of grist! It's not even worthless. It's less than worthless!

[S]James: Quick, put the card thingy into the machine thingy and carve the thingy!

(/E8VdqW8lOwU)

For the last time, it's the "pre-punched card", "totem lathe", and "cruxite dowel". {1:59, 1:58} Now that that's cleaned up, you grab the pre punched card, insert it into the lathe, grab another cruxite dowel from the cruxtruder, and carve it. {1:20, 1:19} You run back out to the patio (this game is doing wonders for your leg muscles) and put it onto the pedestal of the Alchemeter. {1:00, 0:59} The arm comes down, scans the dowel and produces a teal… arcade machine? {0:55, 0:54} You run up and look at the screen. It's Donkey Kong! {0:49, 0:48} You start the game, running up the pipes and dodging barrels (you've played your fair share of donkey kong with your modus) {0:48,0:47} You try to jump and grab a hammer for invincibility, but a barrel lands on you and you lose a life. You can't afford to lose your real one. {0:38, 0:37} You start over, jumping and climbing. You're about to jump to the top rung, but DK throws an unavoidable barrel and you lose another life. {0:24, 0:23} You're put back at the beginning, more determined than ever. {0:15, 0:14} You jump and dodge, climb and swing. {0:10, 0:09} You almost die three times, and narrowly avoid virtual and actual death. {0:08, 0:07} You've made it to the second to last rung. {0:06, 0:05} You've only got one life left. {0:04, 0:03} You dodge the barrel that killed you last time, climb up the latter, and get to the princess just in time. {0:02, 0:01, 0:00} Just as you see the meteor crash around you, the house, you, your parents, everything is enveloped in a teal light, as you enter.

END OF ACT 1