Thunder grumbled like this: THUNDERRRRRRR!

The gang made a mad sprint into the woods, eager for the canopy of trees to shield their precious heads from the sudden torrent of ferociously ferocious rains. Sonic was the fastest, so he broke ahead of Dumbledore and the rest. The trees were clustered thickly together, and with the heavy rains leaving him half-blind, Sonic didn't know none where he was going none! He ran like that for some time, swatting pesky branches and leaves aside as he stumbled right into-

-A LITTLE CABIN IN THE WOODS!?

"A little cabin in the woods!?" Sonic sonic-shouted.

"A little cabin in the woods?" Dumbledore's wizardly voice sounded as the old man and the rest of the gang trotted up behind Sonic.

The little cabin in the woods looked like this: it was a cabin.

Hermione sauntered forth, her eyes wide with awe beneath her bushy mane of hair, and Sonic saw—with a RAGE burning in his blue heart—that Knuckles the Echidna was quick to fall in beside her and take her hand in his deformed claw thing.

"Pretty scary, huh, Hermione?"

"Yeah, Knuckles, it sort of is."

"Don't worry. I'll protect you."

"Well, thank you, I guess."

Sonic's fury climbed to mach speeds, broke the sound barrier, and entered a new dimension of rage. Why couldn't Hermione understand: Sonic thought she was CRAZY cute, and that Knuckles the Enchilada was just a hooligan who was up to no good!? Awwwwwww here it goes!

Dumbledore led the gang up the porch stairs, beneath the awning, and into the thin doorway. It opened into an expansive room furnished with the following: one (1) carpet; one (1) hearth; four (4) pillows; one (1) bottle labeled 'crunk juice'; one (1) piece of paper warning against consumption of said 'crunk juice'; two (2) trailer park girls go 'round the outside for a total of three (3) times; if a train leaves New York for Los Angeles at an average of sixty-five (65) miles per hour (mph) and a second (2nd) train leaves Los Angeles for New York at seventy-seven (77) mile per hours (miles prowers) how long before a stylish, vintage, car with fold-up doors (DeLorean) hits eighty-eight (88) miles per hour (?)?

"Sonic, you're saying crazy things again," Hermione said, taking his hand in hers and rubbing it. "Are you alright?"

"He's fine, babe," Knuckles answered for him and was quick to pry the young witch away.

Sonic hated that guy so bad.

Dumbledore went to the hearth and used some wizardry to get that John a-cracklin'. When it twas, he jovially invited the rest to join him seated cross-legged upon the cushions that arched around the warmth of the flames. They did.

"I do hope this storm will pass soon," Hermione said as she sat herself very lady-like atop one. "Are we very close to Hogwarts yet, Professor Dumbledore?"

Dumbledore shrugged.

This response seemed to perturb Hermione a bit, but she resolved to let it lie and faced Sonic with a forced smile instead. "So, Sonic, have you ever been this far away from home?"

"Well, I-"

"Hey," Knuckles rudely interjected, "did I ever tell you guys about the time I benchpressed so much weight, they banned me from a gym?"

"Whoa!" Hermione gasped. "Really!?"

"Yup. Then I got banned from a children's hospital from donating too much and making the sick kids laugh too much."

"Whoa!"

"Yup. Then I won three 'Mr. Universe' pageants in a row and, well, ever since then, life has been kind of boring and empty without… a girl in my life."

Hermione's cheeks flushed like this: FLUSSSSSSH.

Knuckles, who was the color of a jalapeno pepper naturally, smirked. "I've been waiting… for a girl like you… to come into my life."

"He's lying and reciting 'Foreigner' lyrics, Hermione!" Sonic whined.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Knuckles: "Duck season!"

Sonic: "Rabbit season!"

"Duck season!"

"Rabbit season!"

"Rabbit season!"

"Duck season!"

"HA!" Knuckles shouted, leaping to his feet and dancing the infamous 'Echidna Shuffle!'. It went like this: left foot forward; right hip sways; right foot forward; left hip sways; hands to sides of head; big hip sway; left foot up; right foot back?; repeat.

They all were mildly impressed with the dance, and even Sonic joined in a 'golf clap' for the weird red bat thing's moves. He was readying to start arguing again when Hermione shouted: "PROFESSOR!"

The three looked to see Dumbledore swiping purple liquid from his lips and beard. He raised his brow above his half-moon spectacles and met each of their curious looks. In his hands: the bottle labeled 'crunk juice'.

"You're drinking that terrible drink the paper warned against!" Hermione admonished. "Why!?"

"Dumbledawg was thirsty, baby!" The old man answered, waving the 'crunk juice' in one hand and his glock pistol in the other.

Hermione grimaced, took Sonic by the elbow, and led him off to the corner of the room.

Sonic's heart and desires were praying for some 'smooching' time, but received only a hushed question instead. "Sonic, are you one-hundred (100) percent sure that is the REAL Professor Dumbledore?"

Sonic scratched his head. "Well… I… I think. Right?"

They both looked back to the hearth.

Dumbledore was swigging at the crunk juice again, looking down the barrel of his loaded pistol with a curious, stupid, grin on his face.

"It just can't be!" Hermione hissed. "The famous Professor Dumbledore is supposed to be kind and wise and… OMG he's trying to bite his own ear now!"

Dumbledore was, in fact, chomping his teeth in rapid succession, craning his head around as hard as he could on his neck to try and get the lobe of his ear.

Knuckles did the Knuckles-shuffle towards them and raised a brow. "Uh.. that old man is a creep. As you were walking away, he pointed to your hiney, Hermione, and winked at me! Maybe he didn't get that: You're my girl, now! I can't be lettin' some old fool scope on your tasty booty!"

"Children!" Dumbledore shouted across the cabin. "Have any of you ever played 'Russian Roulette'?"

"We have to get out of here!" Hermione whispered urgently. "The man is NOT Professor Dumbledore! He's some insane, old, creep!"

"Look!" Knuckles said, holding his cell phone between the three of them. "This road doesn't even LEAD to Hogwarts!"

Sonics sonic-gulped. "Well… where does it lead?"

Knuckles scratched his head. "It says… a dead end?"

"OH CHIIIIILDREN!" Dumbledore's manic voice wailed. They turned to see him stumbling forth with his crunk juice and his pistol dancing about in his hands like the baton of an orchestral conductor. He was smiling an insane smile and trying to do a drunken, poor, version of the 'Echidna Shuffle'.

"LET'S GET THE F(expletive)K OUT OF HERE!" Hermione screamed/

They ran.

Dumbledore gave chase.