"Juan? Hey man, come on."

Epstein sniffed and wiped tears away before looking up towards the people in front of him. Two of his brothers, one older and one younger, stood before him looking concerned. Epstein glanced away and let a few remaining tears fall as he stared at the road.

"Juan," his younger brother said "We came to bring you home."

"How did you know I was here? And shouldn't you be in school?" His voice was hoarse from crying.

"I'm the last thing you need to worry about. I am here to take care of my brother when he needs his family."

Epstein ignored this statement. "Doesn't answer my other question."

"Juan." His older brother said with a stern tone. "We got a phone call from Mr. Jennings." He motioned to the bakery behind them. "He said you were out here having some kind of breakdown. He recognized you when he came out to try an' help you. Called and spoke to Pop."

"Seems that you come here so much, Mr. Jennings knew how to reach you at home." His younger brother snorted.

"That better not be a crack about my weight." Epstein warned.

"Come on, Juan. Get up." His older brother said before he and the younger brother each grabbed one of Epstein's arms. They helped him stand.

Epstein looked at his brothers, apologetically. "Hey I'm sorry for all this. You guys didn't have to come out here to get me. I woulda been fine."

"Clearly you're not fine. Breaking down in front of a bakery. Normally you would be in there stuffin' your face on everything you can."

"Stop it." Epstein warned. "I don't want to hear about my weight or about how much I've been eating. I've had a rough day at school because of all that. I just want to go home."

"What were you doing here anyway?" His younger brother asked innocently. He ignored the warning look from their older brother. "You normally avoid this street this time of day."

Epstein looked at him bewildered. "What?"

"Don't remind him." The older brother whispered in warning. "It's probably why he broke down in the first place."

"Yeah sorry." The younger whispered back.

Epstein looked at both of them, confused. "What? What's going on? What are you two whisperin' about?" His confusion started becoming agitation. "Are you two talking about me?"

"Juan, calm down. We don't need you getting upset right now." The older brother said. "Let's just get home. It's cold out here. And I think, the sooner you're home, the better. You need to relax and clear your head."

Epstein sighed and then rubbed his eyes. "Sorry. Yeah, yeah let's go home. I-I need something to eat to help me relax."

"Yeah, whatever." The older brother said, rolling his eyes a little. "Of course that'd be the first thing you'd do. But whatever you need to help yourself." He patted his back. "Let's go."

Epstein only hesitated for a second before walking with his brothers. He took a deep breath and gazed back at the crosswalk signal, wondering what possibly could have been in those memories that made him break down. This, he quickly shook off, as he and his brothers walked home.

...

Epstein patted his stomach and then looked into the mirror. He let out a heavy sigh and then shook his head sadly. Already knowing he had gained more weight, he didn't bother weighing himself. He started to leave the room, feeling dejected. Instead of leaving, he turned and leaned against the door. He placed his hands over his face and then slid down to the floor.

His depression felt worse than ever before. He was still eating but hated himself more and more with each bite. He was trapped. Every once in a while, flashes of painful memories would haunt him. But he could never make sense of them, or piece them together. All he knew was, something had happened to cause his depression, and he wasn't letting himself know what it was. He knew that if he let himself remember what happened, then he would be able to begin healing himself. However, he was far too scared to face whatever it was, because he knew it was something really bad.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself off the floor. He took one last glance at himself in the mirror and instantly regretted this decision. Mad at himself, he left the bathroom in a huff. He knew he needed to calm down and clear his head. He didn't want to automatically turn to food because he didn't want to hate himself. He knew exactly what he needed to do.

Heading down the hall, he walked to his parent's bedroom. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and then knocked on the door.

"Come in!" She called

Epstein opened the door. "Hey, ma, are you busy?" He stepped into the room.

"Juan I'm," she sighed slightly and folded one of his father's shirts.

"Oh sorry I didn't know you were busy."

"No it's ok, Juan. What do you need?"

"Well, um, I need to talk."

"Ok well come on. I can take care of these clothes later."

She walked around to the other side of the bed and motioned for him to come join her. He walked over to the bed and sat down. Keeping his head down, he was quiet. He felt her gently rub his back, which helped him to relax.

"So what's this all about?" She asked in a soothing tone. "Juan you've been going through so much for a while now, and this is the first time I've noticed you actually wanting to talk to someone on your own."

"Yeah, well, I know I should open up… everyone keeps telling me that." He mumbled the last part.

"Then why don't you?"

He sighed and then shrugged his shoulders. "I ain't' got a good reason. I've never been one for opening up and expressing my feelings. It's… it's too hard."

She wrapped an arm around him, encouraging him to rest his head on her shoulder. "Well I will listen to you any time you need to talk."

"I know." He said quietly. "Thank you." He was quiet as he rested his head on her shoulder. "I don't know what I need to say. I just know I need to get something out, y'know? Everything just feels trapped. I'm trapped. Always stuck in my own head."

"Well, Juan, I know it's hard for you. But you should try to get out of your head. Come see me whenever you need to talk. You're having a hard time. Let other people, like me help you when you know you need it. If you do then maybe you won't feel the need to eat so much."

He sighed, rolling his eyes. "Please don't talk to me about my eating. I know I need to stop. Look at me with all this weight." He grabbed some of his stomach in both hands. "I hate that I've done this to myself. But I can't seem to stop." He trembled a little, feeling tears form. "If I eat then I'm not crying."

"Juan you need to let yourself cry. Avoiding your emotions with food has made things so much worse."

"I know." He whispered. "I know. I just… I hate crying. I hate getting so emotional. Eating helps me stay calm."

"Until you see yourself in the mirror or step on the scale that is."

He cringed and sat up. "I've gained so much weight. I used to be able to control my eating before it got out of hand. I don't know why I can't now."

"Maybe it's because you don't want to control it this time." She suggested.

"Maybe." He shook his head. "I dunno. I feel like…. I'm going to stay trapped until I can figure things out. I don't even know what made me so depressed in the first place. I just know it was something big, y'know?"

"Juan…" she said sadly

He looked at her. "What do I do?"

"Well Juan…. You just need to take one day at a time. Try a little bit here and there to help yourself throughout the day, without eating. At least start by cutting back a little bit at a time. Each day make yourself eat a little less than the day before."

"How? How do I make myself eat less?"

"You have to try, Juan. Try to find something to be positive about each day. Hold on to the positive things. If you keep thinking about the positive things, you'll start to feel better. And if you feel better, you won't need to eat for comfort anymore."

He sighed and thought about what she said. "Ok. I guess… I guess it will be worth trying." He looked at her and then wrapped his arms around her for a hug. "Thank you. I guess I didn't realize how much I needed to talk."

"Like I said, come find me whenever you need someone. I'll listen."

"Thanks Ma." He pulled out of the hug and stood up."

"Juan…" she sighed

He looked at her "What?"

"Never mind. I hope this helped you."

"I think it did." He leaned in and kissed her on the temple. "Thank you."

He left the room, feeling a little better. Though, he wasn't sure how much it helped. He had a strange feeling while talking to his mother, but he couldn't explain what it was. He ignored the feeling and moved on. He decided that it was best for him to think about everything she said to him. He didn't want to keep being in his depression. And he certainly didn't want to keep eating and gaining weight. But at the same time, he was scared and knew that he still had a long ways to go before he could bring himself out of his depression.