I do not own Grey's Anatomy… but how can I make that happen?
Baby, I'm Yours
Chapter 4: Love Can Move Mountains
April went to her bedroom as Jackson made his way out of the apartment. When she heard the front door shut, she sat on the edge of the bed and buried her face in her hands. She was trying her hardest, but couldn't even begin to fathom what happened only moments ago.
Jackson. Kissed. Her.
It had been a peculiar morning to say the least, but this evening had been a bombshell of events and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to deal with it all.
When she met up with Jackson at Thresholds, she admits she was apprehensive about spending those next few hours with him. It wasn't the same as when they were together at Grey + Sloan Memorial. She learned enough to know how to compartmentalize her feelings while she was at work and managed to stay focused on the patient, their cases and never let her personal opinions of who Jackson was or what he'd done to cloud her judgement. She knew they were at a stressful point in their lives. Divorced, not quite friends anymore, but having a child together. It made for some very confusing thoughts and awkward situations. That was until today.
She still wasn't sure what brought on his actions from this morning. She'd had more time to think about it while she was driving to the center and she reminded herself of his words. That this was him only trying to be more involved, that he wanted to be there from the beginning. He wanted to be a father to their child, she understood that. Regardless if they were a couple or not, she would never deny him the ability to be a parent to the baby. She knew what it was like to grow up with a good father and there was no doubt in her mind that even while Jackson had not experienced what it was like to have a father in his life and his blatant hatred of the man, he would be exemplary at it. Yet, all of that still didn't explain how he behaved this evening.
When it was time for them to meet, she spotted him before he spotted her. She slowed her vehicle to a crawl and watched him as he sat reclined in his vehicle. For a split second, she had the urge to gun it and take off, calling him when she got home and giving him some lame excuse as to why she hadn't shown up. But, that was ridiculous, and she knew it. If Jackson was willing to put the ugliness of their tumultuous relationship behind them so that they could move forward for the sake of their child, then so could she.
So, she took a deep breath, threw her shoulders back and stepped out of her car, confident that she could get through the evening and remain emotionally distance from him. Little did she know, he was going to make that promise as difficult as possible to keep.
The first thing that threw her was how chivalrous he was. Helping her out the car, taking her bag, opening the center's door for her. Totally out of the norm of their recent interactions. That's not to say that Jackson wasn't a gentleman. He was an Avery for God's sake and how many times did she hear him say, "I'm an Avery, we know these things."
For as long as she'd known Jackson, he'd been a noble sort of man. He never spoke derogatorily about women, or looked down on other people no matter their circumstances. He believed in a person's right to live how they chose and though he may not agree with some people's ideology, he always listened to their argument and stated his own opinion. He was taught how to be respectful and that's one of the things she loved most about him. Heck, he'd even defended her honor once and beat up Alex when she'd almost given him her virginity. When she came in crying at Owen and Cristina's party, he consoled her. She'd told him what Alex had done and that while in the middle of disrobing, she'd felt unsure, and Alex proceeded to admonish her, leaving her alone and exposed. Literally and figuratively. What could she say, his mother had raised him right.
Even when they'd started having sex without benefit of defining what they were, he was kind to her. And when they broke up, sure there were some tense moments and they'd each taken pot shots at one another, but the underlying basis of their connection was that they were friends. He'd still comfort her when she was down, and she'd still prop him up when he needed encouragement.
The actual time spent together during their marriage was a whirlwind. When times were good, they were very good, but when they were bad, well, thankfully there weren't many. From the moment they'd eloped, they'd been tested, not only inside the marriage; trust funds, decisions on child rearing, religion. But outside as well; Catherine, Stephanie, Matthew. And worst of all finding out that their child had Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type 2, which lead to Samuels eventual death. They'd managed to compromise on many of their issues and come to mend their relationships with Stephanie and his mother. Matthew was the only wound left open and he'd quit his job before she'd had the chance to make amends.
After the loss of Samuel, there were a culmination of events that led to their eventual divorce. During the period between her return from Jordan and up until a few months ago, she was forced to deal with a Jackson she didn't recognize. He was mean, and spiteful, taking aim at her vulnerabilities which almost brought her to the brink.
She'd never spoken with anyone about how she'd been dealing with the separation, divorce and pregnancy. Sure, she talked to her parents, a few friends like Nathan and Arizona; her most trusted confidant at the time, but she'd never been able to fully express how she felt. It was embarrassing and heartbreaking all at once.
He wanted the divorce, she was reason it happened. She knew that then and she knows it now. Samuel's death destroyed them, her especially, and she needed time away from Seattle, from her friends, family, her job and specifically, Jackson. It wasn't that she didn't love him, she loved him with her heart and soul, but there was something she could never tell him because she knew it would kill him.
April wasn't lying when she said she went to Jordan to find herself again. To help release the pain of the memory of Samuel and by helping others she felt she could do that. So, every day for a year, she worked tirelessly to save lives and every night she would pray to God to protect her loved ones and ask God to take care of Samuel until they met again. Her last supplication was for Jackson. Even though he didn't believe, she wanted God to fill him with the light, to let him know somehow that she was thinking of him, that she loved him and that she wanted to be there with him, but it wasn't time for her to come home.
She'd tried to express this to him on the instances when they spoke, which by the end had become few and far between. The real problem was that she couldn't look at him without seeing Samuel and it crushed her every time. And so, though there were many causes which propelled her into making her decision, the main one was that her husband was an unfortunate stimulus.
April refused to make him aware of this truth. Her truth. No matter how many times he told her she was selfish. He'd already been a mess, trying to hold it together for her sake, but she could see through the cracks and he was not doing well. She would not make him feel worse so that she could make herself feel better.
After she'd arrived back home the first time from Jordon, she felt she'd put all her demons behind her. She tried to acclimate to daily life as she knew it. Getting up, going to work, coming home to have dinner and spend quality time with Jackson, but if felt… off. Then it happened. Meredith, Amelia, Maggie and she were called to a scene where a tunnel collapsed. They were presented with a victim who was trapped in his vehicle and it was deemed impossible for them to treat him at the scene. They couldn't extract him, or death was inevitable, so left on sight to manage the situation, April devised a plan to save the man and that was what she did.
She'd felt invigorated after the experience and she knew that there was something she still needed to accomplish. So, she told Jackson she wanted to go back to Jordon. She told him she wasn't finished. That she'd only be gone a few months this time. She didn't know why the urge to return was so strong, but it was a calling. It had to be done. Initially, she thought he was on board as he suggested that maybe she should return. But when he told her he wouldn't be waiting for her when she got back, she couldn't believe her ears. Of course, he would wait for her. He didn't really mean it. He was her husband. They were in this together. For better or worse. So, against her better judgement and the tenacity of his words, she left again only to return to her fate already sealed.
She knew she was culpable, at least enough to take most of the blame with their situation, but the fact that he never really wanted to fight for them, devastated her. Because of her actions, in the end, the marriage was doomed, and she bore the pain that they would never be what they were. So, they would raise the baby together, and that was that. But, tonight… tonight threw her for a loop. April was witness to a side of Jackson that many failed to see and that was the Jackson that she would always love.
When they'd entered the classroom, he'd taken her hand again to help ease her down to the floor when suddenly, she felt those old familiar sparks shoot throughout her system. Unlike when he'd taken her hand at the car, this time, he'd rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand in a soothing motion. She'd brushed it off as a subconscious action, besides he didn't appear to have been aware he'd done it. Then he'd asked her if she was excited about taking the class in which she replied she was and quite possibly, she involuntarily signaled to him that she was nervous. He told her she had nothing to worry about and that she'd do great. To say she was baffled was an understatement and the reaction must have shown on her face. He then went on to tell her that he believed in her and her ability to carry this baby safely. If she wasn't mistaken, he'd even told her that she was remarkable. She couldn't really remember, she was in too much shock from his sentiments. She must confess, she was overwhelmed by his praise, because Jackson didn't talk to her like that. He didn't complement her out of the blue. At least not anymore.
She chose to focus on learning everything she could about the class and not worry about his motives. She wanted to get through this evening as quickly as possible. Maybe if they got this first one over with, the anxiety and awkwardness would dissipate, and the remainder of the sessions would be a breeze.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Barbara, the Lamaze instructor started the class and began giving them lots of pertinent information, but April could barely concentrate. Her thoughts kept wondering to the man sitting behind her.
Though she wasn't lying in his arms yet, the position they would need to maintain for most of class caused her to panic as she could already feel the waves of energy coming off him.
When he arrived at her vehicle, she took note of how he was dressed. Well, she always did. That man could wear a pair of jeans. His ass was perfection.
He was in the usual attire he wore outside of work; denim, a pullover, and tonight, his matte satin bomber jacket. Jackson didn't wear anything cheap and she figured his outfit must have cost him at least $800 and that wasn't including his beloved Nikes that he wore with damn near everything.
Arching her back a tad, April closed her eyes and took a whiff. Oh God, he was wearing her favorite cologne; Tom Ford Noir Anthracite. It was a little woody, a little spicy and it always did something to her carnal nature. It wasn't his only fragrance, but he knew it was the one she preferred. Which begs to ask why he chose to wear it. Did he do it on purpose? If so, what was he up to?
April forced herself to concentrate on Barbara's words and fortunately, she did. The time had come to introduce themselves and she dreaded it. She told them her name, her expected due date and that this was her second child. She had a feeling they would ask if they'd been pregnant before; it wasn't uncommon. She could have easily said no and that would have saved her from having to answer any uncomfortable questions that may come later, but she couldn't do that. Not to Samuel. Not to his memory.
April knew that it was also time for Jackson to introduce himself and she feared what may come out of his mouth. She didn't want him to introduce her as his ex-wife, she felt like enough of a failure to have to bare that title out loud. She didn't want a room full of strangers judging her, creating some intricate story about the handsome man and the pretty woman and what could have possibly gone wrong with their marriage. So, she answered for him and said that they were friends.
She couldn't see Jackson's reaction, but she was sure it wasn't a pleasant one. Really, what did he expect her to say anyway? It was the truth, wasn't it? At least he said he wanted them to be friends. Besides, it was easier this way.
When it was time practice the actual Lamaze technique, April leaned against the pillow and consequently him and got comfortable. She breathed deeply in and out of her nose, trying to maintain a cool outer exterior, but inside, she was a bundle of nerves. Then Jackson placed his hands on her belly and the baby kicked. It was the catalyst that alleviated the tension between them. She even shared some information with Jackson that he was unaware of. It seemed as if baby was already a huge fan of its daddy. She shouldn't have been surprised, who wasn't one once they got to know him.
They managed to remain pleasant to each other throughout the rest of the class. Entertaining themselves by making cracks about some of the other clientele. Nothing mean, just things they'd observed. She was really having fun and for the first time that night, she was sure of her decision to choose Jackson to be her coach. Being with him in this capacity, felt like old times. Those nine years they spent as friends and the few they spent in their happy marriage bubble.
When it was time to leave, Jackson invited her out for coffee, but she declined. She didn't mean any offense and she would have loved to spend more time with him, but hanging out with him wasn't good for her. She couldn't allow herself to fall under his spell. He didn't have romantic feelings for her and she couldn't afford to become attached and get hurt again. Not now. She had to place all her energy into caring for and loving this baby. But when he suggested he follow her home, a red flag went up. She demanded to know what was going on. Why was he being so nice to her after months of treating her as if she'd never mattered to him. She even accused him of trying to take the baby again. He assured her that wasn't the case and held her as she cried.
Relived that her assumptions where incorrect and frankly feeling a little foolish for thinking he would try to trick her, she didn't object when once again he said he was going to follow her home to make sure she got there safely. It wasn't a big deal and she was touched that he even cared.
Once they reached the building, he asked if he could use the bathroom. Weird she thought. It wasn't as if he lived that far away, he certainly could have made it home. Besides, Jackson had a bladder like a water tank. On their thirteen-hour trip to Lake Tahoe, he'd only needed to use the restroom once, and that was because she'd asked him to stop. One of the three times she did. But, she brushed any suspicions aside and allowed him up.
Directing him to the hall bath, he came back and questioned her as to why the baby's room was not completed. She confessed she was afraid for the baby's health, something she'd never told anyone, and he reassured her. He was being so supportive tonight. Easing her fears about the pregnancy. Making her tea. It was getting a little creepy.
Then he'd made her angry. They had gotten to talking about her Saturday plans and the bathroom tile that needed repairing, his offer to fix it himself and then he'd had the audacity to propose he help her pay the fees on the apartment after the lease was up. Frankly, she'd had enough of this crazy day. Standing to let him know it was time to leave, he leaned in and kissed her.
April couldn't control her reaction. She reached out to her cheek and touched the spot that he'd pressed his lips against. Her fingers slowly curling in as she pulled it away. All she could do was stare and she wanted to say something, anything, but she could feel her skin begin to flush and so, she quickly bid him goodnight.
She thought profoundly about that kiss. It wasn't hesitant, he wanted to do. And it wasn't a quick, goodbye kiss. She felt him linger a bit. That kiss, was a kiss of a man who was sure.
At this point, she was just frustrated and needed to lie down. She pulled back the covers and crawled to the middle of the bed. Since she'd been sleeping alone, she found that she gravitated toward the center more often than not as she would find herself in that position when she woke in the mornings. She knew the reason why. She missed having Jackson in bed with her. He always slept on the right side, and would pull her body to his, his arm wrapped tightly around her torso. Sure, they'd spent a considerable amount of time apart at this point, but the time they did spend together did not dull her memory as to what it felt like to be held in his loving embrace. Hugging her pillow tight, she prayed for guidance and fell asleep dreaming of days long past.
April woke up at nine the next morning feeling refreshed. She had a busy day ahead of her, and wanted to get an early start, so she jumped in the shower, shampooed and conditioned her hair, dried off and tried to find something decent to wear.
She noticed that during this stage in her pregnancy, she was much larger than she was when she carried Samuel. It wasn't all that unusual for women to show a month earlier during subsequent pregnancies. It all had to do with the uterus not shrinking down to its previous size and a whole bunch of other technical jargon. All she knew was that she had to break out bigger maternity clothes.
Making her way to the kitchen, she poured out the unfinished tea that was still on the table and placed the cookies in a lower cabinet. She grabbed a yogurt and banana for breakfast and stuck a chocolate coconut date bar in her bag for a mid-morning snack.
After the events of last night, she planned to put Jackson Avery out of her head for the next forty-eight hours, give or take and enjoy her day. She had already made her list of errands and added a few more to her itinerary. She decided to do something just for herself this today, so she called her manicurist and made an appointment at the Gene Juarez Salon downtown.
Making the salon her first stop, she prepared for a morning of relaxation. She had scheduled a pedicure, eyebrow wax and maternity massage. Normally, she wouldn't frequent a business so upscale, the local nail tech in the strip mall was good enough for her, but when a few of the nurses had chipped in and gave her a gift card, she had fallen in love with the establishment.
April got along great with the nurses and since her pregnancy, she'd noticed that they'd taken it upon themselves to do a lot of the leg work she would normally take care of in the ER. Restocking supplies, updating patient files, and anything else mundane so that their favorite attending; as told by them, wouldn't put too much strain on her body. So, she spent two hours in the spa, being pampered before she reluctantly left for the next place on her checklist, making a mental note to thank them once again for such a thoughtful gift. She knew that they didn't pity her, but with all the drama she'd been through over the years, she believed it was more of an acknowledgement of her complimentary treatment of them.
Her second stop was to Stitches to pick up fabric for a dress she was making for her niece. Libby's daughter Maya was turning three years old and since April wasn't going to be able to make the party, she'd offered to make something special for her to wear. She found a cotton cloth with ladybugs that she thought would look adorable on her and smiled to herself thinking of her own baby. She couldn't wait to make cute little outfits, whether it was for a boy or a girl. She was so thankful at that moment for her grandmother for teaching her how to sew. It was a hobby that destress her and this weekend she needed all the peace she could get.
Her next destination was the hardware store. She could have easily gone to Lowes or Home Depot, but she believed in supporting local businesses, so she popped into Pacific Supply and purchased all the equipment she needed to repair the bathroom tile; Thinset, grout and adhesive remover. She already had a small tool kit at home with safety glasses, trowel, rubber mallet and level. She'd learned a lot on the farm, and making minor repairs was one of them.
By the time she entered Whole Foods, she could feel her energy wane. She only had a few items to pick up. Some chicken breast, beans, Lära Bars and whole grain pasta. Items packed with vitamins and nutrients needed to keep her and baby healthy and enough to get her through the week. But, for whatever reason, she was becoming lethargic. She'd intended on going by A Pea in the Pod to pick up some leggings, Growing Washington for her farm to table fruits and vegetables and finally Left Banks Book Collective to pick up a used copy of Little Women but her body was not cooperating.
Cutting her afternoon short, she left for home to soak her swollen feet only to find her residence already occupied.
When she entered the apartment, she thought she could hear light tapping coming from across the room. Seeing that the half-bath door was partially open, she crept over to the kitchen cabinet and took out a cast iron skillet. It was the quickest thing she could think to use as a weapon because she certainly didn't think she could stab anybody.
Tiptoeing towards the noise, pan raised over her head, she let out a bellowing screech before she kicked the door open with her foot.
"Oh my God!" the unidentified man yelled as he held a hand to his heart.
April immediately relaxed when she realized it was only a maintenance worker.
"What are you doing?" she questioned, the hairs on her arm still raised.
Putting down his tools, he stood to address her, "I'm sorry. I thought I'd be finished by the time you returned."
"But why are you here? I didn't put in a request for repair." she insisted.
"Oh, a work order was put in by your husband, Mrs. Avery."
April's face scrunched up involuntarily and answered through gritted teeth. "My name is Dr. Kepner."
"Uh, sorry, Dr. Kepner. I'm Oscar, by the way." he offered his hand, an uneasy look on his face. He probably thought she was nuts.
"I'm almost done here, if you'd like me to finish."
April rubbed a hand across her brow. "Yes, of course. Please do, and I'm sorry for almost scaring you to death. I didn't expect…" she waved her hand in his general direction, "this."
"No worries. I'll be out of your hair in a minute." he stated as he turned to finish the job.
"Take your time. Besides, I have a phone call to make."
April went to place the pan on the counter, then hastily put her perishables away. Stomping her way back towards the bedroom, she shut the door behind her, pulled her cell phone out of her purse and dialed a number she knew all too well.
Seven rings in, she was about to leave the worlds angriest voicemail when Jackson finally picked up.
"Hello." he answered, sounding winded.
Jackson was lucky he couldn't see her face she thought. Lips pursed, eyes cold, left hand clinched into a tiny fist, she was beyond livid and she was going to make sure he knew it.
"It's me." she stated.
"Yes, I know," he chuckled, "sorry for taking so long to pick up. I was working out."
"Great." she said tersely. Frankly, she could really care less at this point.
"Well guess what I walked in on when I got home?" she asked, knowing he'd already knew the answer, but she didn't give him the chance to respond.
She was furious, and she wasn't going to let him try and sweet talk his way out of this one.
"Just who do you think you are? Where do you get off having someone come into my home and fix a problem I explicitly told you I was going to take care of?" she screamed.
"April," he started, but she wasn't going to let him interrupt.
"I told you I didn't want your help and you went behind my back and did it anyway? What, you didn't think I'd notice? You didn't think I could do it? You thought I'd be so charmed by your actions, I would let your unwanted interference slide?" her tone beyond upset, she was incensed.
"But, I..." he started.
"Quiet, I'm not finished." she yelled.
"I don't know what's going on with you, but you had no right. You can't make decisions for me anymore Jackson," she was starting to become overheated, so she took a calming breath, "you lost that privilege when you asked for the divorce."
"April, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep. Will you please let me explain?" he begged.
"Jackson, I just don't want to hear it right now. I'm tired and… I-I'll see you Monday." she hung up without waiting for his reply.
April leaned back against the closed door, tears streaming down her face. This was not what she wanted. She had planned on a nice, quiet, relaxing weekend. No thoughts of work, responsibilities and especially no Jackson Avery.
After wiping away her tears, she composed herself before stepping out to put the rest of her packages away. Oscar completed the repair thirty minutes later, she thanked him, then headed to the bathroom to take a long invigorating soak.
Eyes closed, she reclined in the tub as the scent of amber and juniper berry surrounded her and tried to rationalize what prompted Jackson to do what he did. Yesterday, he had expressed concern for her wellbeing. Maybe this was just an extension of that. Besides, she shouldn't have gone off on him without hearing him out. It was just that he was, ugh, so infuriating sometimes. She'd always been independent and prided herself of that fact. He knew that. She didn't need some man to tell her what to do and how to get it done. Sure, she and Jackson had been married, but that had been a partnership. He'd never blatantly tried to dominate her. Well, maybe in the bedroom, but she was okay with that.
Lowering her body further into the tub, April blew bubbles in the water like a motorboat. She was spending too much time thinking about Jackson when she specifically meant for the opposite to happen this weekend. Taking her loofah, she poured a generous amount of body wash onto the sponge and began cleansing herself. The waters warmth, the aroma of the bubble bath and silkiness of the soaps moisturizers helped lull her into a serene state. So, the hell with it she thought. She was going to force herself to unwind. She was just going to let all the issues she was having with Jackson go for now. And that's exactly what she did.
By the time Monday morning rolled around, her annoyance with Jackson had faded. She strolled into the Attending's locker room to change into her scrubs when Nathan came in.
"Hey, Keps. How was your weekend?" he asked, with his distinctive accent. It always amused her for some reason.
"Morning, Nathan. It was good, thanks. Yours?" she replied.
"You know. Nothing special." he paused before continuing, and April didn't have to guess what he wanted to know.
"So, how did class go with Avery?" he pried.
April closed her locker and turned so he could see her expression. Nathan was one of those people she couldn't lie to. Well, not that she couldn't, she just chose not to make a habit of lying if possible.
"It was… interesting." she honestly could not think of a better word to describe it.
Nathan took a seat along one of the benches, "How so? I mean, if I may inquire that is?" he grinned at her and she smiled in return at his good-natured temperament.
"Surprisingly well actually. It was just everything else that was a bust." she admitted.
"What happened?" he asked, genuinely concerned.
"He was… he was nice to me." she said, still unable to believe it.
Nathan looked at her with a blank expression, "And he wasn't supposed to be nice to you?"
"No, it's not that. It's… it's hard to explain."
April took a seat next to him and sat sideways, "It wasn't so much that he was being nice, it was that he was acting like he cared. Once we decided to act civil for the baby's sake, he's been polite, but he's kept his distance. Friday night, he joked around with me, showed concern for me. Nathan, he followed me home to make sure I got there in one piece. It was good. Then some other stuff happened that I'd rather not get into, that I'm trying to figure out, but I'm okay."
"You're sure?" he insisted, brow raised high.
April intentionally left some stuff out during her chat with Nathan. She didn't mind talking with him, but some things she needed to keep to herself. At least until she figured them out.
"Yes, thank you." she assured him.
Nathan took her hand and squeezed it. "I'm here if you need me. Remember that."
April sat for a minute after he left, ignoring the other attending's who came and went.
After she scolded Jackson, thankfully he hadn't tried to call her back the rest of the weekend and she appreciated his respecting her need for solitude. She knew though she couldn't hide from him until their next class on Friday. Their paths would inevitably cross at some point during the week and she wanted to be emotionally prepared to deal with him.
She just needed a little time. She should have known she wasn't going to get it.
As she made her way across the catwalk toward the lab to check on her patients' blood work, she heard someone calling her name.
"April!"
"Crap." she said under her breath and reluctantly spun on her heels to greet her pursuer.
Jackson came sprinting up to her, two to-go cups in hand.
Beaming, he greeted her, "Good morning."
Obviously, he was going to pretend that she hadn't been mad at him for what he did this weekend she thought.
"Morning." she answered shortly and continued to her destination when he stuck his hand out so that the drink and his arm blocked her route.
"I told you, I'm off caffeine." she said curtly as she edged her way around him.
He walked quickly to catch up with her and offered the container again. "It's not coffee, it's tea."
April huffed impatiently, but took the cup anyway. "Thanks, Jackson."
Jackson stood in front of her and she was sure he had something he wanted to say but he didn't seem to be able to speak.
April looked at him with hooded eyes and though she wasn't sure why, she chose to ease his discomfort.
"Look Jackson, I'm really not in the mood to talk about what happened this Saturday. Not now anyway."
She hoped that he would take the hint and walk away. She didn't want to get into a shouting match in the middle of the hospital. They'd been there. Done that.
He swallowed hard as he looked at her sheepishly. "April, I understand you're still pissed at me and I don't want to make the situation worse. I just need to tell you that I am sorry. I never meant to disregard what you wanted or go against your wishes. Sincerely, I only wanted to help."
April searched his eyes for some hint that he was being insincere, but what she found astonished her.
He was looking at her. No, that wasn't quite right. He saw her. His body language, his facial expression, most importantly, his eyes. They were open and dare she say vulnerable. The last time she'd seen that exact look, he'd stood up at her wedding to Matthew and asked her if she loved him too.
Something in her softened. She didn't want to be angry with him. He was trying, so she needed to try too.
"Jackson, you don't have to apologize anymore. It's okay. I know your intentions were honorable."
He placed his hand on her forearm and stroked it gently. "I appreciate that, April."
April thought it quite brazen of him as her eyes wondered briefly to the spot where his hand lay before she leisurely backed away.
"Well, I really need to get going. I have some results I need to pick before rounds start."
"Of course, I won't hold you up, but I was wondering," he started, pausing dramatically, "would you like to meet me for lunch today?"
"Why?" she asked a little too hastily. She didn't mean to sound so suspicious.
"Why? Uh, because I'd like to spend some time with you. Because you need to eat. Because… just because." he tried explaining, but in her opinion, he wasn't doing a very good job.
Her mouth parted, she waited for words to come out as if she were a separate entity. If she said no, what would that mean for them. He was making an effort, why couldn't she. If she said yes, she didn't want to get her hopes as to what that could imply.
Squinting at him, she calculated the pros and cons quickly in her head and despite what common sense was telling her, she accepted. "Okay."
"Great, I'll text you around… twelve?" he walked backward as he continued making plans, "If you get there before I do, grab us a table, huh? I'll catch you later."
April scratched at her forehead and watched as he waved goodbye, then trotted off toward the main lobby.
She could own up to it. She was honestly confused.
He wanted to spend time, with her. Not in Lamaze. Not work related. One on one. Together.
With her plans set for later, she set her mind back on the task at hand. After she'd received and gone over the blood results of a patient who she was afraid might have sepsis, and followed up on a lung transplant recipient, the remainder of her morning was spent in the ER.
By the time lunch rolled around, she was starving, and little baby Kepner-Avery gave her several sharp kicks letting her know that they were hungry too.
Jackson shot her a text five minutes to twelve letting her know he'd already secured a table and to meet him by the beverage and condiment station.
Upon entering the room, she immediately located him in a semi-secluded area. It wasn't that there weren't other tables around, it was that it was nearer to the back of the eatery than the front where their group would normally sit.
April said hello to a few co-workers on her way over and was pleased to see that he'd already gotten her the Citrus Salmon with Couscous and Green Beans from the Mindful Meals menu.
"Oh, bless you. Baby and I are so hungry." she said in gratitude as she took the seat opposite him and sunk her teeth in, without delay.
"You're welcome." he replied, his own food a quarter of the way finished.
"So, how is our baby today. Giving you any trouble?" he asked, motioning his head in her direction of her stomach.
She rubbed her belly affectionally but didn't acknowledge the fact that he called it our baby, it was. "This one, never."
"So, when's your next doctor's appointment?" he inquired.
"I have one in two weeks. I'll be sure to let you know the outcome," she stated then looked up shyly, "or, you could come along if you like."
She watched as his eyes lit up at her offer.
"Yeah. I'd really like that. Just let me know when and where. I'd be happy to be there… with you." he said, mouthing the word 'thank you' almost to himself.
They observed one another intently as they continued to eat their food and April noticed a definite shift in the atmosphere.
She would look at him then avert her eyes. He would look at her then smile sweetly. She had an overall sense of calm while in his presence and that hadn't occurred in a long time. She used to always be on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop. Now, she noticed, all she felt was at ease. There were, no awkwardness. This… this was nice.
"Working on anything thing interesting today?" she asked breaking the stillness that surrounded them.
"Yes, actually." he began.
April listened as he told her about a new patient who he was getting prepared to perform a penile prosthesis procedure on and how he was thinking about calling his mother for a consult. Catherine was one of the best Urologists in the country, and he said even though his mother drove him nuts most of the time, he couldn't deny her talent and experience were hard to match.
As he spoke, April noted how animated he was. Waving his hands to emphasis certain points. How his tongue would dart out of him mouth and wet his lips because he was talking so excitedly about a topic he loved. And his eyes. Those eyes that were indeed the window to his soul.
April was mesmerized by his eyes. She always had been. During those years when they were only friends, she tried at several points to determine what color they were. Sometimes they were blue and sometimes they were green. It would all depend on the mood he was in or the clothes he wore or if they were standing in shadow or light. At times they would be as calm as the sea or as torrential as a thunder storm. She spent many years trying to determine their exact hue. Trying finally to resolve the mystery the first time they made love.
Okay, maybe make love wasn't the exact term, but in hindsight, that's exactly what it was. That night she remembered gazing into his eyes as he lay on top of her, the moonlight brightening the room slightly, they appeared to be a piercing icy-blue. When they'd rolled and tossed and turned and she'd ended up on top of him, she noticed they were brilliant emerald-green.
Whatever they were, they burned her with an intensity she could barely handle. She could never come up with a definitive answer. Over their next few years she'd stare into those blue-green orbs too many times to count, and she realized then, it didn't matter the color, because all she saw was love reflected at her.
April tuned back in as they wound up the remainder of their lunch hour when he suddenly stopped short.
Following the path of his eyes, she saw Alex in her peripheral and he was making a beeline for their table. She turned to face Jackson again and almost choked on her food at his actions that weren't hard to interpret.
She didn't know if she was amused by his audacity, appalled at how rude it seemed or just in shock as Jackson shook his head imperceptibly and discreetly used his foot to pull the third chair closer to the table in a sign that Alex was not welcome and should interrupt.
It seemed Jackson didn't want to share her with anyone right now and she'd be lying if she didn't say she melted a bit at the gesture. Secretly, she was glad that he'd prevented Alex from joining them. She was enjoying the ease of their conversation and dare she say, the hour spent alone with him as well.
Alex apparently got the hint as he made a sharp right turn towards another table and April began to blush furiously. She tried to play it off by putting her elbows on the table and clasping her cheeks in her hands.
"Don't do that." he said as he reached out and held her wrist.
"I like it when you blush. It's cute." he confessed to her as he moved his hand and stroked her cheek with one finger.
Well, you could have knocked her over with a feather. Her mouth parted, she took her bottom lip between her teeth and chewed furiously for lack of anything to say.
"Um, A-April?" he started.
She cleared her now dry throat, "Yeah?"
"I-I was uh," he stuttered, "I was, wondering if you'd like to come over to the house for dinner tomorrow."
A bit of her drink dribbled out of her mouth. "What?"
"I, uh thought you'd like to see the house. Take a look at where I'd planned on putting the nursery. I could cook something or maybe we could order in?"
April swore she could see a bead of sweat fall from his brow as he waited for her answer.
Eyes wide, she considered. "Um."
"I know we have class on Friday, but I thought we could get together before then. Maybe talk more in depth about a few things."
"Things?" she repeated as if she'd never heard the word before.
Without warning he reached out and clasped her hand. "Please? I really need to say some things to you and I'd prefer we have some privacy."
Dumbfounded, she answered without further thought. "Sure. I mean, yes, I'll be there."
He let out a breath he was holding. "Great."
He looked down at his watch. "Hey, I gotta go. I'll see you later though and we can make arraignments for tomorrow. Okay?"
"Okay." she answered and watched him as he walked away.
Slouching against the table as best she could with her protruding belly in the way, she wondered if she was making the right choice.
It appeared that this wasn't all about the baby anymore. But, she thought to herself, why now? Was it because she was pregnant? Did he think she needed to be taken care of? Did he feel guilty for his past treatment of her and was now obligated to make her happy at least until the baby was born? Exactly what in the hell was going with him? What was going on between them?
April couldn't sit there and ponder this situation any longer. She had work to do.
Getting up she disposed her trash and deposited her tray on top of the trash receptacle.
She didn't know what type of evening Jackson had in mind, but she wasn't going to go unprepared.
She would find out all the answers to her questions tomorrow night.
A/N: Song title – Love Can Move Mountains by Celine Dion
I made the choice for April to have hidden talents never mentioned on the show: sewing & home repair. I also cultivated many ideals that she would believe in: shopping locally for organic farm to table ingredients, frequenting small businesses & buying used books. That's just the way I see her.
I am also including a list of the real businesses I included in my story. I am not from Seattle nor have I ever visited. This is not an endorsement of any of these businesses. I just thought they seemed cool.
Gene Juarez Salons & Spas
Thresholds
Whole Foods
Growing Washington
Pacific Supply
A Pea in the Pod
Left Banks Book Collective