Disclaimer: Again, don't own. Rowling does, etc...
A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. Here things become more complicated. I would love to know what you think of this chapter!
Chapter 4- Professor Lupin
Sarah's third year started rocky, but soon settled down into the daily grind of classes, friends, and homework. Unlike Harry, Ron, and Hermione who took divination, Severus had prescribed Sarah's class schedule, and he had insisted that she not take such a "ridiculous class." Hermione seemed to be taking every class offered at Hogwarts. When Sarah questioned her uncle about how she could do it he said coolly, "You would do better to be more concerned about your studies, not Hermione's" and Sarah wisely dropped the topic.
Sarah's favorite class remained Defense against the Dark Arts and like her friend, Harry Potter, she excelled in it. Charms class was another strength of hers, and potions was still the subject she struggled the most in. Severus's standards for Sarah were still high and Sarah found it difficult to meet them, though she tried. Care of Magical Creatures was an interesting class with Hagrid teaching it. The first class was a disaster to say the least. Malfoy taunted Buckbeak causing the hippogriff to turn on him.
"Owww. I'm dying. I'm dying" Draco whined. "It hurts so much"
"Maybe someone should take him to the hospital ward" Hermione suggested and Hagrid bent down to whisper in the young witch's ear. "Do ye really think it is necessary?"
Hermione nodded vigorously and Hagrid looked worried. "Sarah, would ye mind taking him?" Sarah's eyes widened in shock. She was disgusted by Draco's behavior and annoyed by his whining.
"Please Sarah" Hagrid begged her and Sarah couldn't say no. She led Draco back to the castle who was whimpering.
As they approached the hospital wing, Draco began to whine again. "The damn hippogriff attacked me. Did you see that? My father is going to have him executed"
Sarah whirled around on him. "Quit your whining, you big prat. Buckbeak would not have attacked you if you weren't playing around. This is all your fault! I can't believe you! Wait until I tell Snape on you!"
"Tell me what?" Snape had come up behind Sarah. "Lower your voice, Black. You are not outside. Why aren't the two of you in class?"
"How do you do that?" Sarah turned to her uncle in astonishment.
"I have my ways" Severus said sternly. "Now answer my question, what is going on?"
Draco began to whimper again, holding his arm, causing Severus to gently move Sarah out of the way to look at his godson. "Draco, what happened?"
"The hippogriff bit me!" Draco pouted and Sarah rolled her eyes. "Only because he provoked it, Uncle Sev. Tell him to quit whining"
Severus turned to his niece and responded severely. "Hush. No matter how this happened, Hippogriff bites are very serious, Sarah, and I imagine Draco is in quite a bit of pain."
In her anger at Draco, Sarah had not taken a good look at his face, which was flushed from the pain as his arm was turning an ugly shade of red. Her heart lurched in sympathy and she shifted awkwardly. "Can I do anything to help, Draco?"
"Maybe you could stay with me, Black?"
Sarah nodded, swallowing. She remembered all the times that she and Draco had together at Snape's house and even though she was angry with him, her friend was hurt. "Sure"
She watched as Severus and Madam Pomfrey got Draco settled in a hospital bed. Madam Pomfrey clucked that magical creatures were too dangerous for students as she healed and bandaged Draco's arm and gave him a potion to help him sleep. When she was done, Sarah hopped up on Draco's bed.
Draco's eyes were growing heavy, but through the haze, he said, "are you still mad at me Black?"
Sarah rolled her eyes. "I still think you are a prat, Draco Malfoy, but that is not new" She responded matter of factly.
Draco chuckled before saying sleepily. "It did hurt Sarah, you know"
"I'm sorry it did"
"You think I deserve it, don't you? I can't stand it when you are mad at me, Sarah" Draco said drowsily.
Sarah sighed. "I'm not mad anymore. Go to sleep, Malfoy" She tucked the covers around him in a motherly fashion, before turning to face her uncle.
"He will be ok, right?"
Severus nodded and Sarah continued. "And Buckbeak?"
"Lucius Malfoy will not let this go. I fear it does not bode well for Buckbeak, Sarah"
Sarah sighed. "First Dad and now this! This year is going to be the worst ever!"
--
The atmosphere at Hogwarts was bleak. It was as if with the Dementers guarding Hogwarts, a dark oppressive cloud had come and fallen over the school. In spite of it, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Sarah still found certain things at Hogwarts painfully normal, especially the attending class part of school. Sarah especially enjoyed Professor Lupin, perhaps this was because he and her mum were so close. And Lupin made class so much fun, unlike Uncle Sev, who made class droll and anxiety ridden.
One day, Sarah decided to stay after and talk to Lupin about her mum. She was missing her especially given the strain of her father still being on the loose. The talk had quieted down somewhat, though Sarah still got stares. Rumor had it that Dumbledore and McGonagall finally put their feet down and threatened kids with detentions if they didn't stop the talk. Of course, this made kids even more resentful of Sarah, and likewise, Sarah felt the hurt even more.
While Sarah was thankful for the support that Severus gave her, she knew that Lupin perhaps knew her mother and father the best of all and he could perhaps give her the answers she needed. Sarah reached to grab her books, before making her way up to Professor Lupin. "Professor Lupin, may I ask you a question?"
Lupin eyed her, a tired expression on his drawn face. Yet, he could never deny the daughter of Grace anything, so in spite of his weariness due to his approaching transformation, he complied.
"Of course, Sarah. Let's go back to my office." Remus led her to his small office, and gestured for her to sit down.
"Would you like some tea? I was going to make some. I am feeling slightly under the weather."
Sarah nodded. "I would like that, sir."
Lupin busied himself making the tea. Once it was done, he poured it into a cup and handed it to Sarah. Taking a sip of his own tea, he cleared his throat.
"What would you like to talk to me about?" Lupin said with a small smile.
"I was wondering…I just…" Sarah sighed and lowered her eyes, placing her teacup on her lap, and fidgeting with her hands, a flush creeping up on her face.
Lupin fought to hide a smile. It was not a smile out of humor, but at that moment, a reflection of how certain mannerisms passed from Grace to Sarah. It was almost as if thirteen year old Gracie Snape was sitting here with him, all except the blue eyes which gave away Sarah's identity. The familiar ache bubbled up in his chest, even these two years later. He knew it was no good to dwell on what ifs, but he sometimes wondered if Grace was still alive and somehow fought her disease, if they would all have been a family. And that Sarah would be coming to him now as a daughter might come to her father instead of just a student wanting to talk with her professor.
"I usually find that sometimes it is best just to spit it out, Sarah." Lupin said kindly, his eyes dancing.
Sarah nodded, talking a deep breath and sipped her tea, before sitting it down on the edge of Lupin's desk. She clenched her fists slightly. "Did my mum truly believe my dad was innocent?"
Truth be told, Lupin was not shocked at this question, but nevertheless he was silent, studying her and running a hand absently through his sandy blonde hair.
"I'm not sure how to answer that question without your adopted father hunting me down and having my head" Lupin told her honestly, lacing his fingers together.
"Snape hates my dad" Sarah told him honestly.
"Yes, I'm aware of that" Lupin gave her a small smile, before continuing.
"Sarah, I knew your mother since she was 11 years old. The characteristic that made your mother your mother is that when she loved, she loved whole heartedly. She loved to see the best in people- whether that was Severus, Sirius, or myself. And she loved your father- and she drew out the best in him" Remus paused, walking over to lay a hand on her shoulder. "However, sometimes loving that passionately can blind us to the other person's faults."
Sarah's eyes grew wide. "So, you believe that my father did what they said he did?"
Remus squeezed her shoulder. "Trust me, Sarah, if there was any evidence otherwise, I would be the first to admit my mistake. But there is none. Perhaps it would be better not to dwell on those questions. They can lead no where good."
Sarah sighed. "It's hard not to sir."
Remus gazed at her gently. "I'm sure it is. Why do you think it is so necessary for you to do so?"
"Uncle Sev says that he thinks my dad loved us. Do you think so?"
"Oh, child" Remus stared at her intently. "Is that what you are doubting? Listen to me now. I don't know what caused Sirius to betr…do what he did, but he doted on you, Sarah. I was there- around your mum and dad and James and Lily. Your dad called you his little princess. He rocked you to sleep, changed you, fed you, talked to you even when you couldn't understand what he was saying. When you were sick, he would stay up with you so Gracie could get some sleep. He loved you, please don't doubt that"
"If he did, then why would he kill all those people? I just don't…"
They were interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Come in" Remus said cheerfully, turning away from Sarah and towards the door.
Much to Sarah's shock, Severus walked in with a steaming goblet full of potion. He stopped at the sight of his niece and his eyes darted from Sarah to Lupin and back to Sarah.
"First, Potter yesterday and now Black today, Lupin?" Severus sneered.
Remus looked at him wearingly, but chose to ignore him. "Thank you again Severus." He said as he took the potion from him and gulped it. Sarah watched the exchange curiously.
"I trust Sarah is not in trouble" Severus prompted, eyes glaring.
Remus smiled. "Not at all. She just had a question for me, which I answered. Your niece has quite the knack for defense, Severus" Sarah's face turned red, but she beamed under the praise.
Severus nodded, reaching for the empty goblet and backed out of the room. "See me tonight Sarah. We need to go over your grades" He said curtly as he closed the door.
Sarah gave Lupin and quizzical look, and he reached to put a hand on her head. "You know, Miss Sarah, you look remarkably like your mother. Except your eyes, of course. I almost feel like she is here with me."
"Kind of like Harry, but opposite" Sarah observed with a grin and then became quiet. "You miss her, don't you, Professor Lupin?"
"There is not a day that goes by when I do not think of her mother. She was remarkable. Flawed in many ways, but there was no one quite like her" Tears formed in Lupin's eyes, which Sarah saw and she stood up and hugged her professor.
"I miss her too" She whispered.
Lupin smiled at Grace's daughter as he hugged her tightly. "I know you do, more than any of us." He couldn't believe it had almost been two years since Grace's death. It seemed like only yesterday that they were together. Holding her daughter, Lupin let his mind wander to two years ago…
"How are you feeling, Grace?" Remus reached to brush the hair off her forehead to feel for fever.
"Better" Grace said, reaching to pull his hand down and tug it. "Will you join me?" She rolled over on her side, as he crawled into bed- something that he had not done since Halloween night.
"You had us worried. Your brother felt like it might be…" Remus looked away.
A small smile danced across Grace's face. "It's going to be soon, Moony. You must know that"
"Don't say that Gracie, I can't bear it" Remus's voice was raw with emotion. "I can't bear to lose you again"
Grace squeezed his hand tightly, pulling it to her chest. "I don't want to leave you or Sarah"
"Then fight, Grace. Fight with everything in you. You mustn't give up" His voice grew hoarse. "Please"
"What would I have done without you these past months?" Grace looked at him tenderly. "I didn't think after Sirius that I would…I told Sev that it was platonic, because I was unsure of how I felt…unsure of how I reconcile the fact…but no matter"
"It does matter" he reached over and fingered her hair. "It does matter. We have tried so hard not to cross that line, but your marriage ended when Sirius betrayed us. I know you will always love him, but you must know…I can't let you go, without telling you…"
Tears fell down Grace's face and Remus reached to wipe them away. "I have never loved anyone before, Grace, until now…"
"Oh, Remus…" Grace slid over so she was closer to him. "We have been so careful, but…I would love nothing better than to fight to be with you, but I don't think we will have that second chance." She reached over and tenderly grasped his face, pulling it closer to hers. "I love you too. I wasn't looking for it, but here it is. I was unsure of what it was because in is so different than the love I have for Sirius, but it is just as strong. I realize that now. I don't want to leave you, Remus. I want us to raise Sarah and Harry together"
Remus kissed her gently, threading his fingers through her hair, before pulling back. "How can I let you go? How can I accept that this is what is going to happen? That you'll…"
"Die?" Grace asked. "It's a part of life. We all thought that we were invincible when we were younger and then James and Lily were killed. You think you can't accept it, but you have been my rock, my strength…you will get through this. Promise me that you will find someone to love. I want you to get married. I want you to have children- they are the greatest joy"
Remus laughed. "I will never have children- not being who I am. Nobody would ever be willing to risk it"
"You underestimate yourself. You will find love one day when you least expect it. And I will be so happy for you"
Drawing himself back to the present, he looked down at the little girl who was such a beautiful mixture of her parents, just as Harry was a perfect mixture of James and Lily. And somewhere, somehow, the knowledge that Grace was with Lily and James comforted him in some small way. Unlike him, who was very much alone.
--
"I think Professor Lupin was in love with my mum" Sarah said at the evening meal that night. "Pass the rolls"
Harry nearly spit out his pumpkin juice as Hermione rolled her eyes and gave Sarah the basket of rolls.
"That's…" Ron began. "Wicked. Wasn't Professor Lupin friends with your dad?"
"Yep" Sarah said with a nod, as she buttered her bread. "But who took care of my mum when she was sick? Professor Lupin."
Ginny giggled across from Sarah. "That's really romantic."
"And kind of creepy" Ron added.
"Boys" Hermione said with an exasperated wave of her hand. "Honestly Ronald."
"Speaking of Professor Lupin, where is he?" Harry craned his neck towards the head table.
Professor Lupin's spot was strangely empty.
"He said that he was under the weather" Sarah reflected. "And Uncle Sev came and gave him some potion."
"He did that yesterday as well" Harry said. "He said that he was fortunate that Snape could make the potion- it's supposedly pretty complicated."
Hermione banged her hand against the table. "I got to go" She said suddenly.
"You ok, Mione?" Sarah asked, taking a bite of her roll.
"Fine" Mione grabbed her bag. "I'm going to the library."
"And she thinks boys are mental" Ron muttered to Harry and Sarah tossed her roll at him.
--
The next day, Sarah, Ron, Hermione had just settled down in defense class when much to their chagrin, instead of kind Professor Lupin walking in with a gentle smile, Severus Snape sauntered into the classroom a smirk upon his face. What made matters worse is that Harry was late for class.
Sarah groaned and put her head in her hands. This could not end well, she knew.
"What is he doing here?" Ron exclaimed.
"That is what I would like to know" Sarah said.
Snape clapped his hand hard on his desk, and the room fell silent.
"Your professor did not leave any records of the topics studied thus far" Severus droned, before he was interrupted by the door shutting and Harry Potter running in the room, out of breath. Sarah leaned on the table, head down, trying not to make eye contact.
"Sorry, I'm late Professor Lupin…" he said before stopping to see Snape there.
"Ten points from Gryffindor for your tardiness." Snape snapped. "Sit down Potter."
But Harry remained glued to the floor. "Where is Professor Lupin?" he asked confused. "Is he ill?"
"Professor Lupin is a bit under the weather. He asked me to cover his class" Snape answered. "Now move. If I have to ask you again, it will be fifty points from Gryffindor."
Harry finally walked across the room to slide into a seat next to Sarah. She gave him an anxious look, before staring back down at the tabletop.
"Now as I was saying, Professor Lupin did not leave a list of topics covered, thus…"
"Please sir" Hermione interrupted, hand shot in the air. "We have covered boggarts, red caps, kappas, and we are just about to start…Ow" Hermione stopped as Sarah kicked her underneath the table.
"Quiet" Snape said coldly. "I wasn't asking a question, I was merely commenting on Professor Lupin's lack of organization. I seriously doubt he has taught you anything worthwhile" Severus eyes scanned the crowd and rested on his niece who had her head down. "None the less, we are going to cover werewolves."
Hermione gasped and snapped her fingers, but Sarah was too preoccupied to notice.
Sarah groaned. "Why does he have to be so horrible all the time?" she thought, but then snapped her eyes up to look at him. After two years of Severus as her guardian, she still didn't understand the contrast between Severus her uncle, and Severus, potions master. It was like the difference between night and day.
While she loved her uncle, she still felt compelled to defend Lupin, the kind man who took care of her mother when she was dying and who loved her mum. "Professor Lupin is the best Defense Against the Arts teacher we have had" Sarah said quietly, but the defiant edge to her voice caused Severus to raise his eyebrows at her. Draco turned to give her an incredulous look, not believing that those words just came out of her mouth.
"Detention Black" Snape snarled.
Sarah's eyes flashed, and she gritted her teeth. "But why? I'm only stating the truth" She protested, rising slightly in her anger as Harry put a restraining hand on her arm, pulling her back down.
"That's enough of your rudeness. Clearly, Miss Black, you have yet to learn the difference between fact and opinion" Severus glared at her, tapping his fingers together. "Perhaps, in our detention, a simple English lesson is warranted, though eight year olds would know the distinction."
The Slytherins snickered and Draco gave her a "you asked for it" look. Sarah groaned, before returning the glare and putting her face in her hands. "If Uncle Sev wants to play this way, then so be it" She thought sulkily.
Looking up, she glared at him again. "I know a difference between a fact and an opinion. Here is an opinion: Professor Lupin is not only the best defense teacher we have ever had, but at least he listens to us and tries to teach us, unlike some people we know"
There was a collective gasp and Snape shot her a look of disbelief. "Twenty points from Gryffindor. Any other opinions you would like to share? Please enlighten us. It only serves to make Slytherin cement our lead in the house points, Black."
--
Sarah came to her detention without bothering to knock and heftily throwing her bag on the ground, to cross her arms and scowl at her uncle who was seated at his desk.
Severus raised and eyebrow at her, placing both palms on his desk and standing up. "Tread carefully, Sarah"
"Just what do I have to do? I don't want to talk to you right now, just tell me what to do and I will do it"
Severus shook his head in disbelief. "Temper, Sarah" But Sarah shot him another dirty look so disrespectful that it took everything in him not to lose his temper with her.
His eyes turned hard and he pointed to the seat next to him. "Sit and do not move. You need to take time to assess your attitude. If you do not adjust it in a way that shows me respect not only as your professor, but as your adopted father, then you will sorely dislike the consequences."
Sarah's eyes flashed stubbornly, but she forced her legs to move to sit beside Snape, trying not to grumble as she did so. But the look she gave him again could have frozen the room.
As she sat, she reflected upon why she was here. If only Snape would just stop acting so superior and stop giving her such a hard time, then she wouldn't be here. Then, she paused, a frown forming on her face. "Oh crap" she thought.
"Do you truly not like Professor Lupin?" Sarah turned her head, frowning.
"In a way, yes. Lupin ran in the same crowd as your father and James Potter. He was constantly defending their poor behavior. I truly don't like him because of our past. I probably never will" Snape asserted, "But if you asking if I truly feel that he is incompetent, then no."
Sarah's eyes grew wide. "Oh, um…sorry?"
Severus inclined his head. "Is that a question or are you truly sorry?"
Sarah gulped. "I should have known. I should be used to it. I just…"
"Yes, Black, you just lost your temper once again. What am I going to do with my naughty little girl?"
"I'm not naughty" Sarah scowled. "I just…implied that you were a bad professor in front of my classmates…because you were acting so Snape-ish. That wasn't naughty, I was just playing the game too. I can play it too. You don't have to be the only one to fake it" she was desperately trying to get out of the situation.
Snape swatted her leg. "Don't lie to me. You weren't faking it- which is why you will be serving a real detention with me tonight and the house points stand. And if you have an opinion to share about my teaching, in the future, you will do so in private"
"I really think you are a good teacher when it is just me and you, Uncle Sev…but when it is you and everyone else, you are mental- no offense or anything."
Severus chuckled. "And when it is you and everyone else, you are such a little brat- no offense or anything"
Sarah huffed. "Fine. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Uncle Sev. I love you"
Severus pulled her over and sat her on his lap. "I'm too big to sit on your lap, Uncle Sev"
"Hush" Severus put his arms around her. "I expect that you will hurt my feelings every once and a while. But I want to know- why were you so compelled to defend Lupin?"
Sarah gulped. "The truth?"
"Of course" Severus answered firmly.
"I think he loved my mum"
"He told you that?" Severus asked softly.
"No, but I could tell by the way he talked about her the other day. He loved her, Uncle Sev. And he took care of her when she needed him. Mum would want me to defend him"
Snape nodded, pulling her off his lap. "Go wash those cauldrons over there. And next time, try to give me the benefit of the doubt, before jumping to conclusions"
Sarah reached over and kissed him. "Sorry, Uncle Sev"
"You're forgiven- now get to work"
As Sarah worked, Snape pondered what she just said. He had suspected an attachment between Lupin and his sister though Grace had said it was platonic. Knowing his sister, she wouldn't want to admit her feelings and he had no doubt that what she said was true, that she loved Sirius still. But if Sirius Black ever found out that his wife and his best friend had fallen in love, he would be devastated. And then Snape would finally get back at him, not only for the years of torture he faced at the hands of Black, but for breaking Gracie's heart. And in spite knowing that those feelings were quite childish, Snape could care less, lost in the satisfaction he felt at that moment.