Affliction
By Miss Kagura
Chapter Four – Spider
Kagome glanced to her side as she waited with a predictably stoic taiyoukai for a man named Dr. Yamaguchi, a pediatric hematological oncologist – someone who specialized with cancers of the blood in children. Sesshoumaru found the fact that such a position existed to be somewhat of a relief, knowing all too well that someone who only does one thing in life usually does it with excellence, if not perfection.
Dr. Yamaguchi entered his office and found the odd-looking man and young female waiting for the bad news that he had to deliver. He saw all sorts of families, from the average to the asymmetrical, like the two people staring at him as he sat.
After introductions, he opened the folder. "We found two different forms of malignant cells growing in Rin's body. Thankfully, most of the symptoms you observed in her were due to extreme anemia, as opposed to more advanced stages of cancer."
Kagome heard Sesshoumaru let out a sigh of relief, and then found she couldn't take her eyes off his expression.
"The most immediate and life-endangering problem is Osteosarcoma, which is a bone cancer. Rin has a very rare form that has formed a tumor on her spine and metastasized into the flesh of her back. The location makes it highly dangerous to her well being, and it could spread to her brain through her spinal fluid or cause damage to her spinal cord if it isn't dealt with soon." Yamaguchi said. "The other cancerous cells we found in Rin were due to Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, or AML, which is a highly aggressive type of leukemia."
Sesshoumaru understood enough of what he was saying to know Rin was very, very sick. "Is she going to live?" He asked, a slightly threatening tone making it past his cold demeanor.
Yamaguchi gave Sesshoumaru a sympathetic look, which only seemed to infuriate him. "In healthy children with no complications, the five-year survival rate for AML is about fifty percent. AML is by far the most deadly type of leukemia."
Kagome could see Sesshoumaru's jaw swelling out as he grinded his teeth together. "What happens now?" She asked.
"I'm recommending chemotherapy induction, which will last about a week, followed by removal of the tumor on her back. She'll also be placed on a bone marrow transplant list." He said.
The next few minutes were spent explaining chemotherapy and the possible side-effects. "In other words, you intend to poison my Rin as a means of helping her?" Sesshoumaru asked, totally unaware of the fact he had called her 'his Rin.'
Yamaguchi frowned. "The purpose is to poison the cancer cells. The tumor will kill her if left to grow."
Sesshoumaru filtered out the words he found relevant. "Hair loss, severe weight loss, anemia, headaches, nausea, vomiting, joint and bone pain, nose bleeds..." He closed his eyes and rubbed the side of his head, wondering why Rin's survival required what was quite literally worse than a trip to Hell itself.
"Once remission is achieved, Rin will need maintenance chemotherapy and frequent testing to keep the leukemia from returning." Yamaguchi said, totally unaware of the burden he was putting on Sesshoumaru, who realized that in order for Rin to continue to live if she beat this disease, she needed to stay in Kagome's time.
Without him.
Sesshoumaru had never really thought about parting with Rin by any other means than death, and for some reason, the idea of leaving her to live in another era made him feel a strange sting deep in his chest.
Without him!
An unfamiliar sense of sadness crawled through Sesshoumaru's body. If Rin survived, there would still be no more flowers, no more shy kisses on the hand, and no more smiles for him. He lived a cold life, constantly on a path of destruction and battle, one brightened by the sunny girl hiding under the skin of the sick child down the hall. She was the sun, and he was the moon. And, like the moon, the only light Sesshoumaru had he took from the Rin.
Without him?
As Sesshoumaru sat, listening to all the terrible things that awaited his Rin, he considered what he knew about the future and realized something important. He never achieved his goal of establishing an empire, and apparently also failed in doing anything that made his existence notable enough that humans would remember him.
No one noticed the moon without the sun's light. Was it wrong to stay in the sun? His lips twisted into a cruel scowl as he remembered that the sun also caused cancer, and could kill those who didn't protect themselves from it. She was his sun, and someday, he might die because of her.
Sesshoumaru tore himself from a web of metaphors and irony as the doctor called his name.
A bunch of papers were shoved in his direction, as well as a writing tool Sesshoumaru didn't recognize. The metal tip almost sang as he dragged it over the paper's surface, silky black ink sentencing Rin as he granted his consent. Once, twice, three times he signed his name, wondering if Rin was so wrong to feel betrayed. There was an unspoken promise between them that he would always protect her, and yet there he was, giving his permission to a doctor that intended to inflict intense pain and suffering on her.
After the meeting, Kagome nudged him. "I need to get back to Inuyasha. Any minute now he's going to come looking for me." She held out a wad of cash. "I borrowed this from my mom. Try not to get into trouble, okay?"
Sesshoumaru pocketed the money and said nothing whatsoever in reply. "Rin's going to be okay. She's got to be strong, or she couldn't put up with you." Kagome teased, trying to erase the grim expression plastered to his face. "I have a friend who got leukemia when she was a little bit younger than Rin." She said.
"Did she live?" Sesshoumaru asked.
Kagome nodded. "Her name is Eri, and she's turning eighteen in a few weeks. I could ask her to talk to Rin if you want."
Oblivious to the mechanics of encouragement, Sesshoumaru stared at her for a moment before he responded. "Why would I want that?" He asked, curious as to what Kagome's friend would do to help Rin.
"It'll help Rin believe she can get better." Kagome explained.
"That is acceptable." Sesshoumaru said, ignoring a few other things Kagome told him before leaving him alone in the hospital. His carefully opened the door to Room 452, knowing well from the sounds he could hear from outside that Rin was sleeping.
The doll Kagome had given her had fallen off the bed, and lay on the floor with a box of spilled crayons and a crude half-colored drawing of a yellow flower. Sesshoumaru picked up the piece of white paper, noting how flat and fake the wax flower looked. Several of the petals weren't colored in yet, and from the yellow crayon Rin clutched in her sleeping hands, it was apparent that she didn't have the energy to finish it.
Sesshoumaru didn't want her to wake up and feel frustrated, faced with the fact she couldn't even finish something as simple as coloring in the drawing. Long fingers gently pried the crayon out of her hand, and then brought it down on the piece of paper he had placed on the table beside her bed.
Armed with a crayon in a Tokyo hospital, Sesshoumaru understood just a little more of the mystery of his father. His hand was for killing, destruction, and inflicting pain upon others. He had acknowledged this for as long as he could remember; he chose to live up to his name and had never given it second thought.
Sesshoumaru did not regret what he was, but as he watched the bright yellow wax spread over the page, he felt tired and unsatisfied with what he used to take pride in. If he became the absolute best, he'd just be the best fighter and little else. As powerful as Sesshoumaru was, he could not and did not want to change the fact that killing was more or less the reason he lived.
"Tenseiga…" Sesshoumaru whispered to himself, realizing that his father must have gone through a similar phase. He finally understood that his father didn't leave him Tenseiga due to some lack of favor; his father simply knew Sesshoumaru would come to the moment that killing wasn't enough. With Tenseiga, the hand that dealt so much pain and death could be used to heal and save.
Sesshoumaru, just slightly wiser, finished the drawing and left it on the table, and then picked up the crayons and the doll. Rin seemed so out of place there, sleeping in a bland gown in room that reeked of sterile instruments and chemicals. She should have been running barefoot after him through a field, annoying Jaken and petting Ah-Un. Some part of him felt a little angry with himself for bringing her to such a horrid place.
The door opened and closed loudly, and Sesshoumaru barked at the nurse who entered. "Quiet!"
"We wanted to let you know that Rin will be getting her first administration of chemo at eight in the morning." The woman said. "You might want to stick around for the whole day if you can, since she may have some severe side effects."
Sesshoumaru closed his fist and then clenched it until it was bleeding. "How severe?"
"Vomiting blood, severe nausea, rashes, head and muscle ache." The nurse replied as she left again.
He unclenched his hand and realized that while talking to the nurse, he dug his claws into Rin's doll, destroying it in what appeared to be a cruel manner. Sesshoumaru frowned, knowing that Rin would be looking for it as soon as she woke up, and would be extremely upset if she knew anything happened to the fake girl child.
Realizing he couldn't fix it, Sesshoumaru remembered the cash Kagome and left him and decided that he could always just replace it, and hope to find one that looked similar enough that Rin wouldn't notice. He listened to Rin's breathing for a minute, confirming she was in a deep enough sleep that she wouldn't awaken when he was gone, and then left the hospital, getting into the first 'taxi' he saw parked outside.
According to Kagome, taxi drivers could take him anywhere…which hopefully included some place to replace the beloved fake baby human. "I need to replace this." Sesshoumaru said, holding the broken doll up for the cab driver.
"My kid has one just like that! Bought it at Toys 'R Us." He said.
"Then that is where I wish to go." Sesshoumaru replied.
During the ten minute ride, Sesshoumaru amused himself by picking apart the disgusting smells in the cab. There were eight different types of booze that he knew of, over a dozen different vomit contributors, hundreds of human scents, food, urine, and a scent that suggested someone had given birth in the backseat of the strange yellow contraption.
When they arrived, the driver turned and took the bill Sesshoumaru offered. "Should I wait?"
"That won't be necessary." Sesshoumaru said. The hospital smelled like death, rubbing alcohol, and despair. It was like a massive homing beacon to his senses.
The sliding glass doors opened and a gust of cool air hit Sesshoumaru as he entered the large store. He looked to the left, and then the right, craning his neck to the strangest looking creature he had ever laid eyes upon. It had the body similar to a horse, only with very long legs and a comically lengthy neck.
"Did you know the giraffe is the tallest mammal in the world?" The statue played a recorded fact when the motion sensor picked up on Sesshoumaru. Sensing that the 'giraffe' was neither real nor a threat, Sesshoumaru shrugged and ventured farther into the store, wondering how tall a real giraffe was and if it was taller than his true form.
More importantly, how tall would it be a giraffe be if he bit its head off? And, how did they taste?
Sesshoumaru suddenly found himself staring at two dozen rows of toys. He believed humanity had quite obviously gone mad. He walked down aisle after aisle, past action figures, Silly putty, soccer balls, board games, and dress up clothes. Finally, he spotted a section will dolls like Rin's fake baby human, which he realized he had left in the cab.
He picked up one box, and then realized the doll had the wrong hair color. Rin's fake human had brown hair. Or was it black? Even if he could remember that, there were several eye colors to choose from. Sesshoumaru sighed and started to walk around, trying to remember exactly what Rin's doll looked like.
Along the way, Sesshoumaru walked past a plush frog. "Jaken." He picked the toy up and drop kicked it, smirking just slightly. "How you have been missed." He marveled at how fluffy and soft it was – perfect for someone who bruised easily, like Rin.
He arched his brows when he came upon some pink roller skates. Did humans actually think it was smart to tie wheels to their feet? He sighed and continued until he saw some smaller dolls called 'Bratz,' which, as far as he could tell, were like miniature, plastic prostitutes. Rin's fake human allowed her to act out maternal instincts, but these simply seemed to exist to teach girls how to walk around half-naked and take multiple partners.
Next, he found books, and the first that caught his eye was something about some 'Disney' Princesses, which baffled him, because Sesshoumaru had no idea where 'Disney' was or why their princesses all seemed to be of very different ethnic origins and customs. Some even seemed to be time-jumpers, like Kagome. It was about beautiful princesses though and was illustrated, perfect for a little girl who was stuck in bed, like Rin.
Ten minutes later, after a sweep down the games aisle, Sesshoumaru adopted an abandoned shopping cart and dumped his choices in. Toys 'R Us seemed to have a great deal of things that seemed like they would please Rin. "Brown hair and brown eyes." Sesshoumaru remembered of Rin's doll.
He went back to the aisle with the dolls and found there were none of the right ones left, although there had been only minutes before. Sesshoumaru looked up and saw a little girl walking away with a box in her hands, and his sharp eyes told him that she had taken Rin's doll. "You. I want that doll."
The little girl turned and stuck her tongue out at him. "Too bad!"
Sesshoumaru didn't want to make a scene, so he swallowed his pride. "Please."
"I already said no!" She replied.
The girl made it to the end of the aisle when Sesshoumaru's youki whips wrapped around each of her ankles and yanked her legs out from under her, causing the girl to crash into the floor, face first. While she was crying for her mother, Sesshoumaru took the doll, checked out, and left.
He returned to the hospital and found Inuyasha sitting in Rin's room. Sesshoumaru put the bags down and held his hand out, and Inuyasha put a huge diamond in it. "Jaken brought that for you."
Inuyasha looked at the bags and said nothing, much to Sesshoumaru's surprise. "You had a fight with your bitch." Sesshoumaru said, narrowing his eyes.
"Keh." Inuyasha said, crossing his arms. "How would you know?"
"There is only dirt on one side of your clothing, indicative of subjugation." Sesshoumaru said.
They were both quiet for a moment and Sesshoumaru wondered why Inuyasha simply didn't leave. "Look, I don't want Kagome hanging around here. Being around dying kids changes people." Inuyasha could already see the effects Rin was having on Kagome, who went ballistic when he lightly bopped Shippou on the head.
Sesshoumaru knew his brother had a point. It was inevitable that such circumstances would lead to personal change, especially in someone so young. "Whether or not Kagome undergoes these changes you speak of is her decision." He replied. "The stress of her decision would probably be lessened if the one she cared for wasn't an idiot."
Inuyasha shrugged. "Who knows who that is? Wolfshit and his crappy telling her he loves her, or maybe Hobo and his stupid gifts and being nice. They're both idiots."
"There is another idiot in Kagome's life that she cares for more than the others combined." Sesshoumaru said. "It's really rather obvious."
Inuyasha growled and leapt to his feet. "Someone else?! Have you met him?!"
"Unfortunately." Sesshoumaru replied as he started to free Rin's doll from its plastic prison. "He is stupid, rude, vulgar, impatient, and violent."
"I'll kill him!" Inuyasha yelled, stomping out of the room.
Sesshoumaru sighed and unpacked Rin's gifts, wondering how his brother could be so blind about Kagome. She was just as blind as he was though, incapable of realizing he loved her as well. He protected her, stayed by her side, and made sure nothing and no one got near her. No one would do such things unless they truly cared for someone else.
Rin opened her eyes and sat up, and picked up the flower drawing next to the bed. "Lord Sesshoumaru!" Her eyes were filled with glee and excitement as she saw the stuffed frog, the games, and the book he brought her. "All this…for Rin?" She slid out from in between the sheets and hugged Sesshoumaru's legs, but then pointed at the doll. "That's not Rin's doll. Rin's doll was a girl, and she was wearing pink!"
Sesshoumaru looked down at the doll and frowned. The box clearly read 'My First Son' and the doll was clothed in blue. He attacked a human child to steal the wrong doll. "Rin, your other doll…was stolen."
"By who?" Rin asked. "Why can't you just go get it back for me?"
"Inuyasha stole it." Sesshoumaru answered. "I could take it back no easier than I could take Tessaiga."
Rin looked sad for a moment, then shrugged and hugged the stuffed frog. "Thank you for taking care of Rin."
He patted her on the head. "Rin, starting tomorrow, the doctors are going to be giving you a lot of medicines to help you get better. For a little while though, they are going to make you very ill."
She stepped back from him and clutched the frog impossibly tight. "Will Rin have to be hurt with more needles?"
"Yes." Sesshoumaru said. "The doctors also found a growth on your back. In about a week, you'll be put to sleep while they cut it out of you."
He could feel her panic as fresh tears started to roll over Rin's cheeks. "Rin would rather die!" She screamed.
"You do not know what you are saying." Sesshoumaru said, cringing from her words.
Rin lowered her voice and sat on the floor. "Have you ever died before?" She asked, staring at the bland pattern of the linoleum.
"No." Sesshoumaru said, sitting next to her.
"It isn't bad." Rin said. "But I'm not ready."
It was something they had never spoken of, even in the comforts of their pack with Jaken. He didn't know much about the way she was before her first death, but nothing really changed after her second death in Hell. The fact she had come to terms with her own mortality shocked him in a way. If anything, Sesshoumaru thought Rin might be angry with him in the afterlife when she inevitably died of old age or otherwise. "Not ready?"
Rin nodded. "Rin wants to marry Kohaku and have babies."
A wide-eyed taiyoukai gasped and stared at the ceiling, mentally berating himself for letting Kohaku travel with them at times. But as far as the problem at hand was concerned, Sesshoumaru realized Rin's encounters with death left her with a rather mature and peaceful view of mortality. She would die someday, but there were things in life that she wanted to do first.
Still, only moments before, Rin had screamed that she'd rather die than undergo chemotherapy. "Rin, if you want to do those things, you have no choice but to fight." Sesshoumaru said, offering her his hand, knowing it would probably have the same calming effect it had the day before.
Rin took it and squeezed. "You know what the worst part of death is?"
"What?" Sesshoumaru asked.
Rin's voice was barely a whisper as she looked right into his eyes. "Rin would never stop missing you."
"Rin…" Sesshoumaru felt a lump in his throat as Rin's words repeated themselves in his head. "Stop speaking such pointless nonsense."
With a knock on the door, Dr. Yamaguchi entered. He made small talk while he read Rin's chart. "How are you feeling today, Rin?"
"Much better." Rin replied, not feeling particularly interested in conversing with the doctor after the emotional talk with Sesshoumaru. "Dr. Yamaguchi, what's growing on my back?" She asked after a few more minutes of his talking, remembering Sesshoumaru mention a growth.
"Well, it's simply a mass of flesh that isn't good for you." He replied. "Oddly enough, yours seems to look like a spider growing just under the skin of your back. Well, I've got to run. I'll see you in the morning."
The door closed and the room immediately started to rumble. "Lord Sesshoumaru? Does that mean Naraku did this to me?"
"It means…Naraku is a dead man." Sesshoumaru growled.
Next Chapter: The Comforter
Rin gets her first dose of chemotherapy while Sesshoumaru is faced with the decision to stay by her side or go after Naraku. Sesshoumaru and Kagome talk about Inuyasha. Inuyasha and Rin talk about Sesshoumaru. Stay tuned for the next installment!
Special thanks to: supersilee06, Kagome Lady of Darkness, Ru-Doragon, Kyuu-kun, Elvin BlueEyes, Azumi Kiribashi, shikonpriness15, Yideunbyung Kim, fluffyinu94, Black-Dragon1003, helikestheymikey, Solaira, Spitfire21, BlueSil Eyes, Shiori the Lady Kazekage, mangadreams, sorata-chan, crazyhorsegirl3, Demoness-MarlstonWells69ner, shae, livingdeadgirl, llebreknit, crazypoet, InuJoey, and lindajrjt!