"Cas?" Dean's voice was little more than a surprised whisper, as if his eyes did not believe what he was seeing.
The angel stood, not in his usual trench coat and blue tie, but in a baggy hoodie and jeans. He smirked sheepishly, the skin pulling taught around his swollen and bruised cheek, causing him to grimace and stop smiling. Dean rushed to his side as the shorter man swayed on his feet. His good eye looked almost raccoon-ish with dark circles under it. "I don't think I was cut out to be human, Dean. There are too many things you have to remember to do. Eat, sleep, shower, and breathe, all so complicated." Castiel's words slurred as if he were drunk.
"Whoa, okay, easy there. Lets get you inside, huh? Get you sobered up a little maybe a shower, some food and some sleep?" Dean threw a limp arm around his shoulder and hoisted the man up by his waist. For being an angel of the lord, he was surprisingly light as Dean carried him into the bunker. Dean was attempting to get the poor man's shoes off when suddenly Cas' hands where on the sides of his face.
"I am very drunk. There was a nice gentleman who shared his homemade alcohol with me. He called it moonshine. What a silly name. His name was Dennis. We ate food out of a can. I missed you. I only had one glass of moonshine. It tasted awful but Dennis said to would make the cold go away. I was very cold. It was a far walk. I missed you." Cas' hot breaths reeked of booze, but as much as Dean struggled to get away the hands were surprisingly firm on the sides of his face. All he could do was stare helplessly as Cas drunkenly eyed him. "it is strange to be feeling anything. But Dennis said that it is only human to be confused and lost, and cold and tired and hungry. Only human." Cas giggled as if he had said something incredibly funny.
He distractedly loosened the grip on Dean's face and the hunter pulled away and went back to taking the shoes off the very inebriated Castiel. Castiel grew very quiet for a moment and Dean looked up at him, half expecting the man to be asleep sitting there. Cas' eyes brimmed with tears. "Its my fault, all of the angels falling, loosing my grace, my wings, they are just -psh- gone." Castiel's hands raised and made small explosion gestures at his sides. "and now all my brothers and sisters are locked out of their homes and they know I did it and they want to hurt me." There was a child-like edge to his voice now. "I didn't mean to, Dean. I was tricked. I just wanted to help." The man was loudly sobbing now.
Dean stood up and sat beside the blubbering angel. "Shh, shh, shh. Its okay Cas, you couldn't have known. It'll be okay. But right now what you need to do is sleep off this and we can talk more in the morning." Dean attempted to soothe the poor quivering man. He stroked his back, feeling the man heave stutteringly with every sob. He pulled the man into his chest and rested the crying mess onto his chest. Dean rested his chin on the top of Castiel's head as the drunken fool kept sobbing incoherently. Instinctively Dean stroked through the tangle of black curls at the base of Cas' neck, like he used to do when Sam had night terrors when they were kids. Without thinking Dean wrapped his other hand around the still shivering man and rocked them gently back and forth. "we'll figure this out. We always do. I will always be here for you. You are going to be okay." Dean continued to sooth the angel until he had stopped shuddering. Castiel began breathing slow and steady. Dean went to pull away but suddenly Cas gripped him tightly.
"I can hear your heartbeat. I remember when I set its rhythm. Its so beautiful." Cas tapped out the beat on Dean's spine and instant butterflies fluttered in the pit of Dean's stomach. He swallowed quickly hoping the sudden pulse quickening wasn't too noticeable. Cas sighed peacefully into Dean's chest. "I remember everything I made, you were by far the most beautiful." Castiel's hands began to wander over Dean's back tracing the well-toned muscles and drawing lines along his shoulder blades, causing Dean to sharply intake his breath. The angel lazily picked his head up off of the hunter's chest and drunkenly looked Dean in the eyes, the steely blue barely visible amongst the blown out pupils. Dean had never seen the angel like this, so raw and open, nothing hidden behind the usual controlled expression. Dean bit his lower lip and swallowed quickly again. Castiel raised an eyebrow and blinked slowly. Dean shook his head and pushed the plastered angel away from him. His pulse was racing. What the hell had just happened?
"Okay, you can sleep here. I will show you the shower in the morning. Come on, crawl up there. It'll be more comfortable if you take the jeans off, trust me." Dean half carried, half dragged the sudden dead weighted man up the bed. Cas mumbled sleepily but made no attempt on taking the jeans off. Dean sighed heavily and reached to unbutton the angel's pants but hesitated when he noticed the bulge forming in them. He swallowed hard and shook his head. He took a deep breath and unbuttoned the jeans attempting to ignore the way Cas' hips moved up to meet his hand. Dean pulled back in shock. Castiel's eyes were closed as if he was almost asleep already. Dean silently cursed and shimmied the other man's jeans off leaving him in his t-shirt and boxers. He tossed the blanket over the shivering man and attempted to make his quiet escape hoping Cas was too far gone to notice him leaving.
The angel's eyes fluttered open suddenly in a panic. "Dean." His voice was raggedly panicked. "Please don't leave me alone." Dean closed his eyes and cursed silently again sighing loudly.
"Of course I won't leave you Cas. I'm here; you're okay." Dean returned to the bed and leaned against it next to the balled up angel. Castiel stretched out and put his head on Dean's stomach. Dean froze and attempted to even his breathing to a normal pace. What the fuck had come over him?
It wasn't long before Cas was snoring lightly and Dean had maneuvered his way out of the room. He closed the door gently and let go of the breath he had been holding for almost an hour. The lump in his throat was still there and his heart refused to slow down. He shook his head and made his way into the living room. He pulled a blanket and pillow from the linen closet and lay down on the couch. His mind raced with what the hell had just happened. It was like his brain had finally caught up with his soul. But no, it couldn't be telling him what it was currently telling him could it? He shook his head vigorously and decided it was just worry for Cas, the poor guy looked like he had been through a blender. "Yeah," he reassured himself, "that's exactly it, worry and concern for my friend." His mind was satisfied, but his heart still pounded in his chest, the rhythm Cas had designed, uncomfortably loud in the empty room.
A/n: I will be using quite a few flashbacks/flashforwards throughout this story, I apologize in advance for getting confusing. This is kind of like 3-4 stories happening all at once but eventually they all lead to one grandiose, over-dramatic, feely-feeling ending. I hope you all stick around for that. :) Thanks for reading.