Chapter Four
The air out here is nice. Cool an' breezy, whippin' away the scent of blood and death all over me. I lean over the railing on the deck and hurl in to the dark watered bay below. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! I know deep down that I did what I hadda do. Couldn't leave a witness but more importantly I had ta make a point.
I can't keep Buffy in a cage the rest of her unlife. We have shit ta do and I'll need her out there. I can't run the risk of her bailin' on me once she's out. I have to...make her want me. Not just want me, she has to think there's a good reason to stick around without wanting to turn me.
Not that I think she won't try it. It's Buffy as a vampire. She's gonna try it. She won't be able to resist it. I just hope there's enough of me left in here ta resist her. I hurl again from deep in my gut hopin' that eventually I won't remember the taste of flesh in my mouth. Or the fact that a part of me liked it. Craved it.
This time when I puke it's like my whole body is tryin' to pull itself inside out. My head tips back and I howl out in pain and maybe a lil bit of fear. Fucking wolf. Never used ta howl before. I fight back against the brush of lava hot power, pushin' it down and away.
Ama never said it'd be like this. But then I guess I didn't really ask. My body slides down an' I rest my back against the cold steel of the ship. It feels good, an' it's helpin' keep my overheated body from startin' ta shake. My thoughts stray to Buffy an' how disappointed she'd be if she saw me now.
After my little performance she's all set ta trust me. Well. As much as she trusts anyone right now. I swipe at my mouth with the back of my sleeve but it was a mistake to do. There's blood soakin' right through the cloth and when I bring it across my face the scent nearly makes me chuck again. I rip the button up off my shoulders an' chuck it over the side. I need to get cleaned up before I go back down there.
Before I have to face her. Buffy was so goddamned thrilled at what I did. I could see it in her face when she finally got off. Now I'll be honest. I've thought about B givin' me a show like that for a long time but when I got it...
It was too damn much. Too fuckin' painful knowin' that it was never for me. That it'll never really be mine. Buffy an' me will never happen. The real Buffy not this...animal wearin' her body. Animal. I snort at myself because now I gotta wonder who the real animal is. Me or her.
My legs feel like lead as I climb down the stairs and along the catwalk to the captain's quarters. I push the door in an' lean over the small metal sink so that I can clean up. The water runs pink for awhile but by the time it runs clear again I'm just about back to normal. Almost. I check my teeth out in the mirror an' sigh.
Damn. Oh well. All part of the cause right? There's a bucket I keep in here so I can refill it easily. Even Vamp Buffy likes ta keep tidy. The weight of it doesn't even slow me down as I head back down in to the cargo area.
Probably I should have cleaned up my mess. My eyes go cold as I step over the body and unlock the cage. Buffy looks up at me with a questioning look when I leave the door open an' slump in my chair.
"You're not afraid I'll make a run for it are you?" My shoulders roll in an awkward shrug while I light a cigarette. The scent of the smoke settles my stomach down even more an' I remember that I was born to be this way. Born to handle this shit. So I need to get my ass over it and deal.
"You wanna leave? Then go. I'm tired of takin' care of your ass." That's serious bullshit right there. But I gotta make this work. For her. Because I owe her at least this one thing. I need ta be better for her 'cause she can't be right now. So even if I have to walk that dark line...I'll fuckin' do it. For Buffy.
She dips her hands in to the water of the bucket and starts cleanin' off the sweat and grime that's built up since yesterday. She's takin' her time. Tryin' ta figure me out.
"A few days ago you were pretty set on keeping me here and now not so much. This wouldn't have anything to do with your little friend over there would it?" She doesn't have to jerk her head in his direction for my eyes to go to him. I shrug.
"Let's just say our boy there helped me see some things I was tryin' not ta see." That's a true enough statement right there. For a second, starin' at B across his body everything was so fuckin' clear. I'm the last fuckin' person to be sharin' a soul with anyone. But it's my soul, fucked or not I'm keepin' it as long as I can.
"And that means what exactly?" She already knows what it means but she wants ta hear me say. Because when I say it, it makes it real.
"It's not doin' any good ta keep ya locked up. We have better things to do." Buffy stops what she's doin' and stalks to the door of her cell, leanin' against it casually. But we both know she's tight as a wire right now. I can feel the energy around her practically sparking.
"We?" She moves out of the cell entirely for the first time and doesn't even give it a second glance.
"Yeah. We. You an' me B. Just like we agreed on." I hate ta admit it but I'm kinda in love with the way she smiles at me now. So fuckin' predatory. "Or did ya already forget that we gotta save the world again."
This gets her to laugh. "I'm not in the business of saving the world anymore Faith. Sorry." No she's not. She's not sorry at all.
"Liar." Her grin widens an' she picks up the bottle of tequila to take a long swig of it.
"Mmm. Benefits of being a vamp. No more guilt. At least not all the time now." Hrm. Vampires don't feel guilt at all unless they have a soul. So I guess that's proof positive that she's not entirely outta the game. "So lying is really not an issue anymore."
I watch her move in close to me, straddlin' my legs slowly. "You're still gonna do it."
Buffy's skin is so cool an' smooth against mine where her hands flutter down my arms. "Or what? You're going to stake me?" There's an edge to her voice that I've never heard before. An edge that makes me look to her eyes quickly. Quick enough that she can't hide the almost hopeful look on her face.
"Nah B. I'm not gonna threaten ya. I'm gonna make you an offer." Can't threaten someone as scary as you. It never works out right. Besides she knows I don't really wanna hurt her. I mean. I will. If I hafta. But I don't wanna. I take the bottle from the table an' tip my head back to take a sip.
She's watchin' me do it too. Buffy could strike right now and I wouldn't be able to stop her. But she doesn't. "You don't have anything I want. Makes your offer a little weak doesn't it?"
A drip of Cuervo slides from the corner of my mouth and down my chin. Buffy licks it clean with the tip of her tongue, makin' sure she grinds down on me as she does it.
"I think I got somethin' ya want B. I think I'm all ya want." Because lets face it here, she wants me as bad as I want her. She always has.
"Are you going to let me turn you or just fuck you?" She's actin' like she's more in to brushin' her body against mine than the conversation but I know better. I can see the bright-eyed glances from beneath her heavy lashes. Watchin' me for signs of lyin' or attack.
My arms come up around her, hands slidin' up her back. Buffy practically fuckin' purrs at the contact, arching her back out to press back in to my touch. The bottle of booze balancing between us presses hard in to my gut when she leans in close for a kiss.
This isn't her game. It's mine. I growl and lunge up, topplin' the bottle to crash against the floor. In one fast move I have her pinned under me, hands trapped over her head on the tabletop. "You manage ta actually fuck me an' well talk about the turning thing later."
Her eyes go from green to gold at the shock of my weight on hers, but they fade back to that pale shade of jade almost instantly.
"Next time maybe."
And then she head butts me. Motherfucker!
Not that the idea wasn't incredibly tempting but I just couldn't let her distract me so easily. Oh and it was easy too. All she had to do was sit there with her arm slung over the back of the chair and her cigarette dangling from her lips.
Such kissable, bitable lips. And the heat off of her. God it's amazing. I want to put her skin on like a coat and walk around with her scent and heat surrounding me like that. But if I did.
If I let that happen I'd be lost. She doesn't know that and I'm not planning on telling her. It's bad enough that she knew exactly what buttons to push to get me to forget what a dangerous little wild thing she is. I watch Faith stagger away from me but she recovers much more quickly than I would have guessed.
Too quick. She's changing much faster than I thought she was. "Tricky girl. You're hiding things from me again aren't you?" Faith just smiles past the bleeding, busted lip and shrugs. It's more eloquent than an answer.
"C'mon B, don't be like that. I bet you're keepin' all kinds of things from me." She's right but she doesn't need to know that she's right. I shrug slightly and keep a wary distance between us. She's riding right on the edges of my personal bubble, making me feel just as trapped as I did in that stupid cage.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
I really hate how much I love the perfection of her smile. Hate that she can still get under my skin even when I'm the one clearly in charge here. And not to be too Brokeback Mountain here but, I just don't know how to quit her.
"You never stopped ta wonder why your BFF's aren't huntin' you down?" Hrm. No. I really hadn't. Mostly because I just didn't remember them. Not clearly. Not faces even. Just this general feeling of...love. Disgusting, putrid love. Ugh. Just the thought almost makes me hurl. Especially when I think about Dawn.
Poor little Dawnie crying her eyes out over her dead again sister. Fuck her. Fuck them all. I hiss at Faith in defiance. "You killed them..." That has to be it. "Without me? Bitch."
She snorts loudly and spits a glob of blood on the floor between us. I follow it with my eyes but when I glance back up Faith has closed the distance between us. And here I was thinking I had the upper hand all this time. She's playing me.
"They're not dead." Is she out of her fucking mind? As soon as they realize she's gone rogue and let me live they'll be after us. After me. Unless. Unless I get to them first. "An' you're not gonna kill 'em either."
I give her a pout for that. "Why not? It's not like they ever treated you so great." She doesn't even flinch. "And hello? You let me live. They'll kill you for that you know. I say we just deal with it now and get back to torturing each other."
She's thinking about it. Faith doesn't want me to know that she's thinking about it but I can read the tiny twitches across her face better than she thinks I can. "No. They're chasin' their tails right now. I say we leave 'em to it. They think we're werewolves, not ya know...you an' me."
Huh. Well that kind of explains some things. "And what are we supposed to be doing while they're chasing your tail?" Because they won't be chasing mine. I refuse to become the hunted. She can do whatever she wants. You know. As long as I get to watch her do it. The truth is, Faith is a hell of a lot more fun to be around than anyone else I know.
And being able to appreciate that quality is worth the loss of a heartbeat. "We're gonna be takin' out the Bowery Boys." Oh them. I sigh and roll my eyes at that. I don't think I'll ever get the hang of not trying to breathe.
"Who cares? So they have a thing for Slayers. Who doesn't?" She shakes her head sending her long dark hair tumbling over her shoulder.
"Dunno about you B, but I don't like competition. Pretty soon you're not gonna be the only Slayer turned Fangface. And then what? Turf war? Fuck that. I want it done now, I want it clean an' quick."
No. Not clean and definitely not quick. But I will have to agree on something with her. I don't like the idea of more fanged Slayers. They aren't a threat really. I just hate having to share the special. I always have to share and I'm not going to do that anymore.
I'm not sharing this new life with anyone but Faith. "Does that mean we can get sweaty and bloody together?"
Her throat convulses and I watch it. The pulse point in her neck jumps wildly at the thought of us. Oooh. I like that. I wonder what else it can do if I say something else. "You gonna play my game?"
I'll play any game she wants me to. My body moves back to take her former place in the chair. "Not yet. I'm still waiting to find out what's wrong with you."
Faith's jaw clenches and that pretty little bump bump bump at her neck picks up the pace impressively. "I had ta make a choice B. Dust ya or..." She shrugs slightly and gestures to the man she murdered. "I wasn't ready for you to be gone Buffy. If that's the price I gotta pay then it's paid."
How...oddly honorable. And lame. I shake my head at her. "Do you think I'd do the same for you Faith?" Because I wouldn't. If I were the person I used to be, I would have cut her head from her body and not even blinked. Until I was alone in my room. Then I would have cried like the miserable little bitch I was.
I'm no longer miserable but I am still a bitch. Faith doesn't flinch she just shrugs again. "Doesn't matter what I think you'd do. Wasn't your call." True. Asshole. I'm sure the old me would be furious with her for letting me live. But the old me is...dead. Huh. That's so weird to think about. I don't feel dead. I feel more alive than I did any other time in my life. "Your turn, why'd ya let it happen? You knew those girls would go if you went. Why'd ya do it?"
Oh. That. That's what she wants to know? I give her a mild look. "I knew you'd be along to clean up the mess." I love the way she gets that puzzled little frown. "Oh Faith. So...innocent. You don't think that Giles called you on his own did you?"
I watch her lips tighten and thin in annoyance and laugh at it. "You wanted me to be the one to find you? You knew you'd give in like that?"
Yup. Pretty smart huh? I wish I had thought about her crazy obsesh with me. It might have changed things. "I had to make sure someone could stop me if I rose again." And who better to kill me than the only person who could ever really hurt me? My smile must be less than comforting because she backs up a step with a deep whoosh of air. "I didn't think you'd actually take me with you."
Are we even now? Done with this little share and share alike conversation? Faith grunts at me and shakes her head again like she can't believe it. I don't know why this is so hard for her to get. "Told ya. I wasn't ready for you to be gone yet." That says a lot more than I think she's really willing to admit.
"And when you are?" Is this going to be a fight to the death? Again?
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it yeah?" That's probably a good idea. A better idea is food. I look at my stomach then her and raise my brows.
"In the meantime? Am I allowed to hunt?" Her sour look turns in to a grin. Why do I think I'm going to like this?
"Only the bad guys. But I'll make it worth your while." A shiver slinks down my spine in anticipation.
"Wouldn't have it any other way." We stare at each other for a beat over that. I don't know why that came out but it's true enough at the moment either way.